Giving more financial support to one kid and the others are angry

[Anonymous]

How do you know they don’t need the money? They probably do.

[Anonymous]

You’re rewarding the slacker. And holding it against the kids who have done well on their own. And unless they are Bezos, yes, they could prob use help to lighten their load. But you do t help them and they rightfully resent it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're enabling the failure to launch son. Buying a car and paying his rent for a first year is a glaring example, but there's no chance it's the first instance of you coddling him and punishing your other kids for their competence.

They're telling you how well they're doing because they're seeking your approval, but you are seeking a codependent relationship with the baby so you see it as bragging. Kids that don't need you as adults are a sign of your success but you're holding it against them. They're not passive aggressive, they're giving up on having a healthy relationship with you.

+1 this is everything you need to know OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re rewarding the slacker. And holding it against the kids who have done well on their own. And unless they are Bezos, yes, they could prob use help to lighten their load. But you do t help them and they rightfully resent it.

I assume if OP's kids are just mere $1 billionaires, they would do just fine.

There are plenty of jobs your kid could have where you know they are doing well financially...MD at Goldman Sachs, principal at Citadel, partner at Cravath, etc.

[Anonymous]

Instead of paying the rent for one child, could you have the child move in with you? Could the child use public transit or a cheaper car? This is what many families do. As it is you are enabling your child to have a lifestyle that the child is not working for. This will not motivate that child to work harder/study more/do better. That is what your other children are unhappy about. They see that their sibling is going nowhere and you are abetting the situation.

[Anonymous]

If one kid was in big law and the other a public school teacher, then it'd be fine to give the teacher more. But if one is a bum who chooses to work a part time job sometimes and smoke up the other times, while another child works their ass off, then it wouldn't be fine to give the bum more.

[Anonymous]

If one kid was in big law and the other a public school teacher, then it'd be fine to give the teacher more. But if one is a bum who chooses to work a part time job sometimes and smoke up the other times, while another child works their ass off, then it wouldn't be fine to give the bum more.

I highly doubt the other siblings would be upset if this was your "public school teacher" scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If one kid was in big law and the other a public school teacher, then it'd be fine to give the teacher more. But if one is a bum who chooses to work a part time job sometimes and smoke up the other times, while another child works their ass off, then it wouldn't be fine to give the bum more.

OP never said the kid smokes up…that is embellishment from others.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read all the responses. But if are helping because they are disabled or have a medical issue the the one thing. But to pay rent and buy a car? I’d be upset to.

This is how families break up. Why didn’t you buy all your kids cars? Was it a brand new car or some clunker?

We were in high school when my parents paid for my sister to go to a very expense camp because she wanted to go there. I wanted a flute - same price. They just valued camp more - or her - things weee never the same after that.

You have to be equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If one kid was in big law and the other a public school teacher, then it'd be fine to give the teacher more. But if one is a bum who chooses to work a part time job sometimes and smoke up the other times, while another child works their ass off, then it wouldn't be fine to give the bum more.

Public school teachers are not living large, but they can pay their rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If one kid was in big law and the other a public school teacher, then it'd be fine to give the teacher more. But if one is a bum who chooses to work a part time job sometimes and smoke up the other times, while another child works their ass off, then it wouldn't be fine to give the bum more.

No - still not fair.

[Anonymous]

OP you are robbing this son of not only a chance to develop some grit, a work ethic, and a sense of responsibility; but you are also poisoning the relationship they will have with their siblings now and after you're gone. Stop enabling and start parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a disparity in financial success between your children and you have one kid who struggles while the other is stable or even highly successful, is there anything wrong with giving more financial support to the less successful one?

I have a highly successful son and another moderately successful daughter, with another son with a bit of an unstable life. I helped him out by paying his rent for a year and purchasing a car and now my other two children are acting passive aggressive about it which I find unnecessary since they don’t need the money at all. I know how much they make and how much they have saved (I don’t ask, they tell me).

Your kid is never going to get it together financially if you keep bailing them out. You need to let the kid struggle.

[Anonymous]

Treating children that inequitably never works out well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a disparity in financial success between your children and you have one kid who struggles while the other is stable or even highly successful, is there anything wrong with giving more financial support to the less successful one?

I have a highly successful son and another moderately successful daughter, with another son with a bit of an unstable life. I helped him out by paying his rent for a year and purchasing a car and now my other two children are acting passive aggressive about it which I find unnecessary since they don’t need the money at all. I know how much they make and how much they have saved (I don’t ask, they tell me).

YES! You are punishing the kid who did everything that you and societies wants and yet is getting zero rewards!