My friends got old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a handful of friends that I have been friends with for years. We are all over 50. I workout 6 days a week. I really got in the habit during the beginning of the pandemic. The thing I am struggling with is my friends have not made this decision and it has become a constant annoyance because they cannot keep up with me. I have a friend staying with me who has complained nonstop about the stairs in my house. They have been constantly out of breath walking around, like gasping for air. My other friend constantly complains that I walk too fast when we go anywhere. In my defense, I’m not really even walking, it’s a very slow pace. They’re all always complaining about aches and pains, which is mind blowing to me because I have RA (which has dramatically improved with working out!) If you workout and are older, do you have this issue? I feel like all my friends have suddenly gotten very old. It’s like hanging out with grandparents. Help me work through this. What happened to my fun friends?!

Suggestion #1: Gain some empathy and focus on something else. Reflect on what you really value about that friendship if you really don't think they are "Fun" anymore because they walk a little slower than you. IS that what makes you fun?

No it’s because they’re gasping (I’m not talking slightly winded) for air and unable to do basic activities without significant physical effort. They struggled to climb the stairs to a rooftop bar. They struggled to walk down U St to a restaurant. Granted they live out West where no one walks.

What happened after you got to the bar or to the restaurant? Did their need to exert "significant physical effort" to get there in any way impact the time you had there?
Literally, how is this even about you?

[Anonymous]

The study involved 353,742 people from the UK Biobank and showed that those with a high genetic risk of a shorter life have a 21% increased risk of early death compared with those with a low genetic risk, regardless of their lifestyle.

Meanwhile, people with unhealthy lifestyles have a 78% increased chance of early death, regardless of their genetic risk, researchers from Zhejiang University School of Medicine in China and the University of Edinburgh found.

The study added that having an unhealthy lifestyle and shorter lifespan genes more than doubled the risk of early death compared with people with luckier genes and healthy lifestyles.

However, researchers found that people did appear to have a degree of control over what happened. The genetic risk of a shorter lifespan or premature death may be offset by a favourable lifestyle by about 62%, they found.

They wrote: “Participants with high genetic risk could prolong approximately 5.22 years of life expectancy at age 40 with a favourable lifestyle.”

The “optimal lifestyle combination” for a longer life was found to be “never smoking, regular physical activity, adequate sleep duration and healthy diet”.

[Anonymous]

At least they're alive. I'm 50 and my HS BF died from cancer. Another friend committed suicide at 40. All my newest friends are from the gym, but damn do I miss the ones who didn't make it to 50 with me.

[Anonymous]

Lifestyle trumps genetics and so many people are duped into thinking otherwise. OP, you have prioritized your health and it’s sad when your aging friends and family have not. Just remember it’s never too late and stay positive; perhaps one or more of them will begin caring about their health and join you in an active old age.
If not, you need to find people in your area that do exist. My husband and I are I. Our early 50’s and recently spent a week with several college friends and were shocked at their physical health. It’s sad but a part of society at the current moment. Nobody wants to be accountable for their own health. We don’t judge as it’s a widespread phenomenon but are sympathetic and encouraging to those who want to improve themselves.

[Anonymous]

Have your friend that is gasping for air see a cardiologist. That symptom can be a sign of cardiac issues. A lot of people dismiss it and let it go on for too long.

[Anonymous]

Sorry can’t help that you’re a massive ahole. No amount of exercise can fix that personality flaw.

[Anonymous]

Take advantage of early bird specials.

[Anonymous]

Any psycho that gets up at 4:30 a.m. to exercise isn't with being friends with.

[Anonymous]

Your friends need to read the room and complain to you less. You need to expand your repertoire of activities. Be more inclusive. Your desires and wants don't get to rule - work on being a better friend.

[Anonymous]

If you want to be friends with them, accept them as they are. If you only want to be friends with people who prioritize exercise, that's your prerogative. Just know that you too will at some point have a temporary or permanent disability. The only way around that is to die suddenly in your prime, which doesn't sound too great either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over 50 is when differences in genetics and lifestyles really begin to show. Also, not everyone has time to work out 6 days/week. Maybe you could put more time and effort into being a kinder, more generous person.

There's 168 hours in the week. Everyone has time to be active 6 days a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any psycho that gets up at 4:30 a.m. to exercise isn't with being friends with.

Unless you're going to bed at 8 pm, it's also incredibly unhealthy. Sleep is vital, especially as you get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over 50 is when differences in genetics and lifestyles really begin to show. Also, not everyone has time to work out 6 days/week. Maybe you could put more time and effort into being a kinder, more generous person.

OP here. I work a full time job, which means I get up at 4:30 to work out M-F. I’m sad that my friends DGAF about their health. I don’t understand why people don’t prioritize their health. I don’t want to be in a nursing home and decrepit. They’re on that path. If you cannot handle stairs in a house in your mid50s, you are looking at a sad life in your 60s and 70s! Why aren’t there alarms going off for them??

You need to find new friends to do active things with. I'm your age and I hike with women in their 60's and 70's who move like 40yos. I have friends who aren't as fit or into physical stuff as I am and we do different activities together. I have other friends I play tennis with and I have friends in book club. Diversify but find ways to nurture your existing friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over 50 is when differences in genetics and lifestyles really begin to show. Also, not everyone has time to work out 6 days/week. Maybe you could put more time and effort into being a kinder, more generous person.

There's 168 hours in the week. Everyone has time to be active 6 days a week.

I think it's sort of bogus when people say this: the person working a full day having to add exercise is not the same as the person not working or barely working and exercising. The discrepancy in effort required is immense. I am in absolute awe of people who work full time, have no help with anything AND work out every day.

[Anonymous]

Wow, that's pretty damn ableist of you.

-Someone who has chronic pain despite walking 2 to 4 miles a day year round and swimming 25 minutes a day during the summer.