DH disappears in the house leaving me alone with kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the toilet? Well, if he's there I assume he needs to be.

At any rate, you need to be a stronger communicator.

"I need you to take the kids out to the backyard to play on the swing while I make this casserole."

"The girls are throwing things at each other and screaming and I need you to make that stop and sit in front of Bluey with them while I make this stir fry."

"I need you to make dinner once a week -- it can be anything, and as easy as you want -- let's choose a day now."

Why is it OP’s responsibility to notice and narrate what needs to be done in the house? If she just disappeared and left her DH with 2 young kids and household tasks while she goes to lay down she would be a pretty crappy spouse/parent.

If I were OP I would just stop making dinner. Make sandwiches or something easy for the kids because you have to feed them. But I would not be cooking for this man nor doing his laundry or anything. I’d take care of myself and the kids. If he asks where is dinner I’d play dumb and be like oh I wasn’t sure where you were so I went ahead and ate some leftovers. You’re welcome to heat some up for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yes my DH is like this and it drives me insane. My DH has ADD and the noise of the kids and the racket sometimes is overstimulating for him but I keep telling him to TELL me if he needs a break. Its an uphill battle and I have no clue how to fix. I feel you OP.

Today i disappeared while he was making lunch and he said "where did you go?" I need your help? maybe this will help it click? who knows

Op here. Yes! I am not even saying he needs to ask permission or something. But just say something! Because it’s so sudden and I don’t realize he’s left until the kids are melting down or in peril. It truly boggles the mind.

[Anonymous]

Honestly OP, every time he disappears, stop what you’re doing and pick up the kids and bring them where he is every time. Say “it’s Daddy’s turn to watch you.” Every time.

Whether or not it’s ADD it’s still dickish behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I almost wrote an identical post. Dh comes home from work and sits on the toilet for an hour. Or he cooks dinner and then when it’s time for everyone to eat, he disappears pooping. He is an incredibly helpful man but the amount of time he spends pooping is mind blowing. He’s very thin and active and there isn’t a health issue. I can’t understand it. I even asked if he can poop during work instead. I’m so sick of the kids crying at me while I’m trying to cook and he poops.

Women aren’t like this because kids (mine are toddlers) would break down the door if I spent more than 2 min pooping. They all try to get in and sit with me while I go or they cry outside the door. Men don’t get this treatment.

😂 So funny (even though it’s not really).

[Anonymous]

You ladies dealing with this kind of crap from husbands need to do yourselves a favor and start reading this feminist substack called Liberating Motherhood.

This entry is on the disappearing into the bathroom trick used by millions of men to avoid fair play: https://zawn.substack.com/p/feminist-advice-friday-my-husband-2bb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the toilet? Well, if he's there I assume he needs to be.

At any rate, you need to be a stronger communicator.

"I need you to take the kids out to the backyard to play on the swing while I make this casserole."

"The girls are throwing things at each other and screaming and I need you to make that stop and sit in front of Bluey with them while I make this stir fry."

"I need you to make dinner once a week -- it can be anything, and as easy as you want -- let's choose a day now."

Hahaha, no, this is not a communication issue. This is a case of “go ahead, make me”. The husband knows exactly what’s going on and how to get away with what he is doing.

[Anonymous]

Tell your husband he needs to cook dinner. If he’s incapable of that, tell him explicitly that he needs to inform you if he’s leaving the children.

If he’s incapable of that too, I would probably be so disappointed in his incompetence that I’d get divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the toilet? Well, if he's there I assume he needs to be.

At any rate, you need to be a stronger communicator.

"I need you to take the kids out to the backyard to play on the swing while I make this casserole."

"The girls are throwing things at each other and screaming and I need you to make that stop and sit in front of Bluey with them while I make this stir fry."

"I need you to make dinner once a week -- it can be anything, and as easy as you want -- let's choose a day now."

Why is it OP’s responsibility to notice and narrate what needs to be done in the house? If she just disappeared and left her DH with 2 young kids and household tasks while she goes to lay down she would be a pretty crappy spouse/parent.

If I were OP I would just stop making dinner. Make sandwiches or something easy for the kids because you have to feed them. But I would not be cooking for this man nor doing his laundry or anything. I’d take care of myself and the kids. If he asks where is dinner I’d play dumb and be like oh I wasn’t sure where you were so I went ahead and ate some leftovers. You’re welcome to heat some up for yourself.

[b]

Because 1) what she is doing clearly isn't working, and 2) this is how marriage works -- communication. I was assuming OP still wants a marriage. Your suggestion is passive aggressive manipulation; I'd rather be divorced than act in the childish manner you suggest.

[Anonymous]

OMG, DH did this when our kids were little (they’re 21 and 17 now). Walked in and immediately went to the bathroom FOREVER. I had to firmly tell him just because I WFH (kids had childcare) didn’t mean I wouldn’t also like 30 minutes hiding in the bathroom at the end of the day. I encouraged the boys to knock loudly. And yes DH and I are still married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, DH did this when our kids were little (they’re 21 and 17 now). Walked in and immediately went to the bathroom FOREVER. I had to firmly tell him just because I WFH (kids had childcare) didn’t mean I wouldn’t also like 30 minutes hiding in the bathroom at the end of the day. I encouraged the boys to knock loudly. And yes DH and I are still married.

Op here. How did you manage to stay married? I am finding the anger to be overwhelming at times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the toilet? Well, if he's there I assume he needs to be.

At any rate, you need to be a stronger communicator.

"I need you to take the kids out to the backyard to play on the swing while I make this casserole."

"The girls are throwing things at each other and screaming and I need you to make that stop and sit in front of Bluey with them while I make this stir fry."

"I need you to make dinner once a week -- it can be anything, and as easy as you want -- let's choose a day now."

Why is it OP’s responsibility to notice and narrate what needs to be done in the house? If she just disappeared and left her DH with 2 young kids and household tasks while she goes to lay down she would be a pretty crappy spouse/parent.

If I were OP I would just stop making dinner. Make sandwiches or something easy for the kids because you have to feed them. But I would not be cooking for this man nor doing his laundry or anything. I’d take care of myself and the kids. If he asks where is dinner I’d play dumb and be like oh I wasn’t sure where you were so I went ahead and ate some leftovers. You’re welcome to heat some up for yourself.

This, and why did you have more than one kid with such a selfish man.

[Anonymous]

OP
Have you literally stood face to face with DH and said
The dinner needs to on the table in 30min and the kids watched in the meantime. Which one do you want to be in charge of tonight?

Every. Single. Night.

[Anonymous]

Yes this is so common. Men are masters of magically disappearing.

[Anonymous]

“Do you want to make dinner or watch the kids downstairs?”

Done.

[Anonymous]

Looking back when this happened to me over and over, I should have just left the house and gone to Starbucks or a restaurant or something. Talking did not help. We are divorced now.