Explaining to parents it’s too hard to travel with them now?

[Anonymous]

What if you delay. Tell them about this trip but not the decision never to travel with them again.

[Anonymous]

Hot take, but I don’t think anyone is required to deal with retired parents who make travel with their working adult children difficult, and especially when they cause fights and dissension. Learn to behave or get left behind. This has to do with anyone of any age, family or not. People should know their limitations and accept them, or expect to be excluded.

[Anonymous]

I would say it's been a very busy year and your family (you, DH and kids) need time together to reconnect. You didn't mention how old your kids are, but as the get further into high school, it becomes difficult to schedule a vacation.

[Anonymous]

OP, is it really their "behavior"? Or is it partly behavior (voluntary) but also their actual limitations, your failure to accept and plan around those limitations, and maybe some cognitive decline? Really think about this before pointing the blamey-finger.

[Anonymous]

I would say it's been a very busy year and your family (you, DH and kids) need time together to reconnect. You didn't mention how old your kids are, but as the get further into high school, it becomes difficult to schedule a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is it really their "behavior"? Or is it partly behavior (voluntary) but also their actual limitations, your failure to accept and plan around those limitations, and maybe some cognitive decline? Really think about this before pointing the blamey-finger.

Why does OP have to plan her annual nuclear family vacations around the limitations of her parents? That’s completely insane. The parents were lucky to have been invited and should have known their own limitations and fallen adjusted themselves accordingly; not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a pp that you can’t have it both ways. If you don’t want to travel with them because you find them annoying and frustrating, you’ll have to tell them and their feelings will be hurt. There is no way around that so…suck it up and rip off the band-aid? You al set a precedent for 20 years and now you find them annoying so it’s over. Thats going to sting no matter how much you try to wordsmith.

The others who are saying to plan a different kind of vacation are right, in my mind. We will all age and not be able to do certain things. Doesn’t mean we can’t find ways to be together on a trip. Maybe those folks know something that I know too. Once they are gone, no more time with them…ever again.

[Anonymous]

I think the first sentence out of your mouth needs to be something like, “We are taking a vacation alone just the four of us this year. We are going to leave x date and return on y date.” If she asks why she and your dad can’t come say something like, “We have decided we want to travel just the four of us.“ Do not offer any other explanation. Every time she asks just repeat that sentence.

[Anonymous]

I disagree that you have to do a long weekend with them. Just be honest while being as kind as possible, yet also being completely firm. "Mom, throwing a party for Dad sounds great. Unfortunately we won't be able to attend since we'll be on a trip then. You'd love to come? Sorry, we've agreed as a family we want this one to just be the four of us. We've realized we're not great traveling companions anymore - we want to be much more physical than you and Dad are able, be very last minute and casual about meals, and go to hot climates which doctors say is dangerous for people your age. We really did have a great time traveling together for so many years though, didn't we? I'm sad that's come to an end. Can we take you and Dad out for dinner after we get back?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree that you have to do a long weekend with them. Just be honest while being as kind as possible, yet also being completely firm. "Mom, throwing a party for Dad sounds great. Unfortunately we won't be able to attend since we'll be on a trip then. You'd love to come? Sorry, we've agreed as a family we want this one to just be the four of us. We've realized we're not great traveling companions anymore - we want to be much more physical than you and Dad are able, be very last minute and casual about meals, and go to hot climates which doctors say is dangerous for people your age. We really did have a great time traveling together for so many years though, didn't we? I'm sad that's come to an end. Can we take you and Dad out for dinner after we get back?"

This is kind.

To others saying OP should change her vacation to accommodate the parents. Would you all do the same if your parents were bed bound? Would you skip certain things if your parents had conditions that limited them to more adventurous activities? You’d sacrifice your children and their experience for your parents? Its OK when good things come to an end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hot take, but I don’t think anyone is required to deal with retired parents who make travel with their working adult children difficult, and especially when they cause fights and dissension. Learn to behave or get left behind. This has to do with anyone of any age, family or not. People should know their limitations and accept them, or expect to be excluded.

So your advice is to just ignore the parents and sneak out of town? Not sure how that helps OP who has a relationship with her parents that she chooses to deal with on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hot take, but I don’t think anyone is required to deal with retired parents who make travel with their working adult children difficult, and especially when they cause fights and dissension. Learn to behave or get left behind. This has to do with anyone of any age, family or not. People should know their limitations and accept them, or expect to be excluded.

So your advice is to just ignore the parents and sneak out of town? Not sure how that helps OP who has a relationship with her parents that she chooses to deal with on a regular basis.

Nope. But she should be able to give it to them straight and their feelings are theirs to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree that you have to do a long weekend with them. Just be honest while being as kind as possible, yet also being completely firm. "Mom, throwing a party for Dad sounds great. Unfortunately we won't be able to attend since we'll be on a trip then. You'd love to come? Sorry, we've agreed as a family we want this one to just be the four of us. We've realized we're not great traveling companions anymore - we want to be much more physical than you and Dad are able, be very last minute and casual about meals, and go to hot climates which doctors say is dangerous for people your age. We really did have a great time traveling together for so many years though, didn't we? I'm sad that's come to an end. Can we take you and Dad out for dinner after we get back?"

This is kind.

To others saying OP should change her vacation to accommodate the parents. Would you all do the same if your parents were bed bound? Would you skip certain things if your parents had conditions that limited them to more adventurous activities? You’d sacrifice your children and their experience for your parents? Its OK when good things come to an end.

OP has already made the decision but she wants to skip the part about telling her parents and that's not really an option. So what now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree that you have to do a long weekend with them. Just be honest while being as kind as possible, yet also being completely firm. "Mom, throwing a party for Dad sounds great. Unfortunately we won't be able to attend since we'll be on a trip then. You'd love to come? Sorry, we've agreed as a family we want this one to just be the four of us. We've realized we're not great traveling companions anymore - we want to be much more physical than you and Dad are able, be very last minute and casual about meals, and go to hot climates which doctors say is dangerous for people your age. We really did have a great time traveling together for so many years though, didn't we? I'm sad that's come to an end. Can we take you and Dad out for dinner after we get back?"

This is kind.

To others saying OP should change her vacation to accommodate the parents. Would you all do the same if your parents were bed bound? Would you skip certain things if your parents had conditions that limited them to more adventurous activities? You’d sacrifice your children and their experience for your parents? Its OK when good things come to an end.

Is anybody saying that? I didn't catch it. All posters seem unanimous that OP should feel free to take this vacation with no guilt and no regrets.

To answer the rest- One my the kids' grandparents is and has been fully blind for decades. Another grandparent cannot walk at all. We still travel with them. Went on a Disney cruise with the one with mobility issues and have been to the beach multiple times with the one with no vision. Is it the same as our other vacations? Certainly not. Is it a different type of fun quality family time that my kids remember fondly? Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

The consolation trip assumes op can spend on a vacation away and the consolation trip. That may not be possible. Or parents can pay up