Do you make plans with your MIL or does your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband. There have been times he hasn't cleared plans with me, which has meant either me re-arranging my unimportant plans at the last minute, or me forcing him to call his mother back because we did actually have prior commitments. So generally, he loops me in during the planning stage, so I can check my calendar.

But he doesn't have to clear plans with you. He is in charge of scheduling with his family and he scheduled it. You have to defer to his plans. If you don't defer to his plans that means you ARE in charge of scheduling events which include his family. So what is the point of him being involved at all? There is no point it is counter productive. You read something in a college feminist book or Ms. Magazine and just swallowed it with non critical thinking because actually thinking about things is not allowed.

Are you stupid? When I make plans with my parents, I double-check with my husband too, in case he wanted to do something at that time. It goes both ways. This has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with household operations.

Go to bed. Maybe your IQ will increase into the double digits for a short while.

If it has to do with household operations and not bankrupt feminist politics, one person alone would be in charge of scheduling. Then you won't have conflicts. Your abusive insults prove the point. You're a nasty piece.of.work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How could you force him to call his mother back to reschedule? That means he is NOT in charge of scheduling events with his family--you are.

He should have divorced you when you insisted he schedule events with his family and then when he did, you forced him to change the schedule. You don't sound well.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

I'm contact person for my family. DH is contact person for his. If there are holidays, birthdays coming up we peek at the calendars and agree what works. Then we respond to respective families. Easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just stop making plans. I told DH I'm responsible for plans with my side, he is responsible for his. Simple. His family blames me for him not making plans and ai look at him (in front of them) and say if Bob wanted to do that he would have arranged it - clearly he didn't want to.

This is dumb because logistically it is much better for one person to be the point person for all inter and intra family logistical planning. This avoids the two of you accidentally scheduling conflicting events. If you want him to be in charge of his family then what happens when he schedules thanksgiving and Christmas at his parents house and you scheduled one or both at your parents? Will you defer to his planning? Of course not you will over rule it and say he is a misogynist relic of the patriarchy.

The fact that it's not 50/50 as you were told it should be in feminism 101 just means that the people who come up with that stuff aren't actually responsible for making anything important happen.

This is moronic. Surely you don’t actually think anyone has advocated for just agreeing to plans with relatives without checking calendars and partners schedules. You have to be pretending to be this dense.

Why can’t they act like adults and *gasp* communicate with their own sides of the family while, also, checking in with each other regarding interest and availability when scheduling visits and holidays?? Do you also coordinate with your husband’s friends to plan get togethers with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband. There have been times he hasn't cleared plans with me, which has meant either me re-arranging my unimportant plans at the last minute, or me forcing him to call his mother back because we did actually have prior commitments. So generally, he loops me in during the planning stage, so I can check my calendar.

But he doesn't have to clear plans with you. He is in charge of scheduling with his family and he scheduled it. You have to defer to his plans. If you don't defer to his plans that means you ARE in charge of scheduling events which include his family. So what is the point of him being involved at all? There is no point it is counter productive. You read something in a college feminist book or Ms. Magazine and just swallowed it with non critical thinking because actually thinking about things is not allowed.

Are you stupid? When I make plans with my parents, I double-check with my husband too, in case he wanted to do something at that time. It goes both ways. This has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with household operations.

Go to bed. Maybe your IQ will increase into the double digits for a short while.

Lmao ++++++1

[Anonymous]

I leave it entirely up to DH.

So before you came in the picture, he literally never saw his mother? They didn’t visit or speak? Wow, good thing you came along to save the day. Oh wait…THEY DID. Maybe not as often as you think they “should,” but they are two grown adults who can manage their own relationship, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband. There have been times he hasn't cleared plans with me, which has meant either me re-arranging my unimportant plans at the last minute, or me forcing him to call his mother back because we did actually have prior commitments. So generally, he loops me in during the planning stage, so I can check my calendar.

But he doesn't have to clear plans with you. He is in charge of scheduling with his family and he scheduled it. You have to defer to his plans. If you don't defer to his plans that means you ARE in charge of scheduling events which include his family. So what is the point of him being involved at all? There is no point it is counter productive. You read something in a college feminist book or Ms. Magazine and just swallowed it with non critical thinking because actually thinking about things is not allowed.

Are you stupid? When I make plans with my parents, I double-check with my husband too, in case he wanted to do something at that time. It goes both ways. This has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with household operations.

Go to bed. Maybe your IQ will increase into the double digits for a short while.

If it has to do with household operations and not bankrupt feminist politics, one person alone would be in charge of scheduling. Then you won't have conflicts. Your abusive insults prove the point. You're a nasty piece.of.work.

This is bananas. I’m really sad for you that this is your viewpoint. My husband checks with me before he agrees to a couples night out or attending an event. I check with him before agreeing to the same. We also check with each other when our relatives invite us to events. I actually checked with my husband before confirming our attendance to a school activity that involved our child! Omg and he checked with me before confirming our attendance to his brothers gender reveal! Can you believe the level of difficulty and massive extra effort and energy it took us to check in all those times?! I’m so exhausted just thinking about all the checking in I have to do in the future!!!

[Anonymous]

Alright, I posted 3 comments because that troll really trolled and deserved some appreciation. Goodnight sweet Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I leave it entirely up to DH.

So before you came in the picture, he literally never saw his mother? They didn’t visit or speak? Wow, good thing you came along to save the day. Oh wait…THEY DID. Maybe not as often as you think they “should,” but they are two grown adults who can manage their own relationship, OP.

Precisely. This kind of op is not about scheduling because that is simple. It is all about very controlling neurotic women who don't like their in laws very much and don't like their husbands very much. They want to force their husbands to schedule things with the in laws but it has to be according to the imaginary set of rules that the wives unilaterally decide on. This neurotic approach creates more work and more potential for scheduling conflicts than just doing all the scheduling themselves. Look at the nutty posts from these belligerent harpies.

[Anonymous]

DH should be handling this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been married for 11 years and I’m the one to make all the plans with my MIL: when she wants to come visit, when we go there, etc. She’s 2 hours away and we see her every few months.

But I’m ready to pass the torch to my husband…but I worry we’ll never see her again. She won’t suggest an idea to meet…it’s usually me making the plans. Husband literally along for the ride.

I’m just ready to pass with on…get it out of my headspace. But then will my headspace be filled with “why isn’t he arranging a meet up?”

My husband is “in charge of it” but he doesn’t communicate much to me or his parents. So he’ll say come for thanksgiving, they’ll arrange to come for a week, no one talks or plans anything, they show up and it’s awkward. I used to try to lead a few conversations at dinner but that got exhausting so now we all sit in silence. Even the kids find it odd, but it seems to be their normal so for one week I’ll do it.

The first couple times I planned day trips and events but no one said Thanks or seemed to care or debrief the day in Annapolis or the Moroccan restaurant. So I stopped doing that too.

If they get the same amount of happiness and utility out of state Ng bin and making lentil stew, as going around wash dC, fine with me. For that one week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I leave it entirely up to DH.

So before you came in the picture, he literally never saw his mother? They didn’t visit or speak? Wow, good thing you came along to save the day. Oh wait…THEY DID. Maybe not as often as you think they “should,” but they are two grown adults who can manage their own relationship, OP.

Precisely. This kind of op is not about scheduling because that is simple. It is all about very controlling neurotic women who don't like their in laws very much and don't like their husbands very much. They want to force their husbands to schedule things with the in laws but it has to be according to the imaginary set of rules that the wives unilaterally decide on. This neurotic approach creates more work and more potential for scheduling conflicts than just doing all the scheduling themselves. Look at the nutty posts from these belligerent harpies.

Dude, you’re talking about yourself again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been married for 11 years and I’m the one to make all the plans with my MIL: when she wants to come visit, when we go there, etc. She’s 2 hours away and we see her every few months.

But I’m ready to pass the torch to my husband…but I worry we’ll never see her again. She won’t suggest an idea to meet…it’s usually me making the plans. Husband literally along for the ride.

I’m just ready to pass with on…get it out of my headspace. But then will my headspace be filled with “why isn’t he arranging a meet up?”

So what you are saying is you want to designate your husband as your appointments secretary for the couple of times a year you contact his mom to schedule visits which probably consumes 30 seconds of your time. Visits which apparently no one but you care too much about.

Sounds like you are doing a fine job the way things are. If you don't want to do it anymore, stop.

But what you can't do is stop doing it and order your husband to start.doing it. If he wants to, that's up to him. If he doesn't want to, also up to him.

That’s not the question whatsoever.
Start your own thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just stop making plans. I told DH I'm responsible for plans with my side, he is responsible for his. Simple. His family blames me for him not making plans and ai look at him (in front of them) and say if Bob wanted to do that he would have arranged it - clearly he didn't want to.

This is dumb because logistically it is much better for one person to be the point person for all inter and intra family logistical planning. This avoids the two of you accidentally scheduling conflicting events. If you want him to be in charge of his family then what happens when he schedules thanksgiving and Christmas at his parents house and you scheduled one or both at your parents? Will you defer to his planning? Of course not you will over rule it and say he is a misogynist relic of the patriarchy.

The fact that it's not 50/50 as you were told it should be in feminism 101 just means that the people who come up with that stuff aren't actually responsible for making anything important happen.

Wrong thread again.

It’s called communication.
You do it at work, with your friends, you can certainly do it at home with your loved ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How could you force him to call his mother back to reschedule? That means he is NOT in charge of scheduling events with his family--you are.

He should have divorced you when you insisted he schedule events with his family and then when he did, you forced him to change the schedule. You don't sound well.

Lol. Someone skipped their meds this weekend!