I hate parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your husband isn’t doing enough. You say you’re doing the bulk of it.

My husband works out of state of occasion and was basically gone for the first 2.5 years of our sons life. I co slept with him because I was exhausted. At 4 years old, my son sleeps in his bed half the time and half the night in ours. There's always a 1-3AM wakeup. My husband is the one who gets up with him most nights and will help with the bulk of sick day care.

I still do the weekly housecleaning, majority of cooking and cleanup. My husband regularly does laundry but doesn't put it away. I am responsible for school pick up/drop off because of his work hours. He works 7-3 and I work 9-5. He does do a good share, but it's usually 70/30 or 60/40.

Why can't he pick up from school and do more if you have equal hours? Talk to him and say you are tired and need more help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your husband isn’t doing enough. You say you’re doing the bulk of it.

My husband works out of state of occasion and was basically gone for the first 2.5 years of our sons life. I co slept with him because I was exhausted. At 4 years old, my son sleeps in his bed half the time and half the night in ours. There's always a 1-3AM wakeup. My husband is the one who gets up with him most nights and will help with the bulk of sick day care.

I still do the weekly housecleaning, majority of cooking and cleanup. My husband regularly does laundry but doesn't put it away. I am responsible for school pick up/drop off because of his work hours. He works 7-3 and I work 9-5. He does do a good share, but it's usually 70/30 or 60/40.

You need to up his share of work. He could be doing so much after 3pm. You need to shift it to 50/50. Write every single daily and weekly chore and divide them. Tell him you think you otherwise are going to have a nervous breakdown and have to be checked in to the hospital. Make him really worried about being 100% responsible.

[Anonymous]

Your husband needs to step up. And you know you can have boundaries for your kid, right? You don’t have to cater to him 24/7. The Chase bday party sounds insane. Don’t let the whims of a four year old run your life and routine.

[Anonymous]

I don’t mean this as a criticism but I too think it was a mistake that you indulged that birthday thing, and a red flag that you’re indulging kid-centrism too much.

I’d try to find more things that center what *you* want and where kid is tagging along more.

And if you don’t go to a gym with childcare yet, I’d loop that into your routine.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe you bought cupcakes and a ballon for a pretend birthday! This is a situation where you pretend-bake something and use a ball instead of a balloon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean this as a criticism but I too think it was a mistake that you indulged that birthday thing, and a red flag that you’re indulging kid-centrism too much.

I’d try to find more things that center what *you* want and where kid is tagging along more.

And if you don’t go to a gym with childcare yet, I’d loop that into your routine.

Agree on all accounts. Also, you really need to split things more evenly with your husband. Look at some parenting books for handling toddler tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your husband isn’t doing enough. You say you’re doing the bulk of it.

My husband works out of state of occasion and was basically gone for the first 2.5 years of our sons life. I co slept with him because I was exhausted. At 4 years old, my son sleeps in his bed half the time and half the night in ours. There's always a 1-3AM wakeup. My husband is the one who gets up with him most nights and will help with the bulk of sick day care.

I still do the weekly housecleaning, majority of cooking and cleanup. My husband regularly does laundry but doesn't put it away. I am responsible for school pick up/drop off because of his work hours. He works 7-3 and I work 9-5. He does do a good share, but it's usually 70/30 or 60/40.

By 4 your son should be able to be independent at night. Invest the time (with DH) in training him to put himself back to sleep, and sleeping in his own bed. That 1-3am thing is total bullshit. You keep saying your husband does a lot, does a good part but it's nowhere even. If your husband works until 3pm why isn't he picking DS up from school and then parenting while making dinner? Why are you doing the bulk of everything in the kitchen and all the cleaning? You keep defending your husband's pathetic involvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you bought cupcakes and a ballon for a pretend birthday! This is a situation where you pretend-bake something and use a ball instead of a balloon.

I was thinking of coloring a birthday cake and card.

[Anonymous]

It will get better. Not much advice, just commiseration. But in a few years, it will be so different - when they learn to read, have full school days & friends & all the things. Now it is tough because you are Everything to him. That’s exhausting.

Ok, I guess I do have advice - get a babysitter one day a wk for a couple of hours, like in the afternoon one day a wk, or Sun afternoon. And you go do f-all. Like honestly, get a teen to come watch him from 5-7 on Tues or 3-5 on sun and DH can go to the gym & go grocery shopping, and you can go to Barnes & noble and look at your phone or a magazine. It wi t be expensive & will just give you a little more breathing room right now when things are so demanding.

[Anonymous]

It gets better OP. He’s an only child like mine was. It meant I was the playmate for the first 6-7 years. Once he’s old enough in a year or two and making friends at school, swapping play dates will give you small breaks in the week. In the meantime, a couple of things to lighten your load - Hire a weekly cleaning person. It doesn’t matter if it stretches your budget. Do it and budget it for the next 2 years. Also, Your DH needs to do half the school pickups, and arrange for half the family dinners. It doesn’t matter if its rotisserie chicken and bag o salad from the grocery store. Lastly on a weekly basis, you need to arrange a 2-3 hour break each week OP, whether that’s your DH taking the kid, or arranging the babysitter to cover… go to the gym, the park, yoga, go for a walk, the library, a coffee shop, whatever and let that be your weekly respite. Carving out solo time is how you recharge and get through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean this as a criticism but I too think it was a mistake that you indulged that birthday thing, and a red flag that you’re indulging kid-centrism too much.

I’d try to find more things that center what *you* want and where kid is tagging along more.

And if you don’t go to a gym with childcare yet, I’d loop that into your routine.

+1

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time and hope you are able to get to a better emotional place.

[Anonymous]

Send your kid to an Episcopal school. It'll be less work for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your husband isn’t doing enough. You say you’re doing the bulk of it.

My husband works out of state of occasion and was basically gone for the first 2.5 years of our sons life. I co slept with him because I was exhausted. At 4 years old, my son sleeps in his bed half the time and half the night in ours. There's always a 1-3AM wakeup. My husband is the one who gets up with him most nights and will help with the bulk of sick day care.

I still do the weekly housecleaning, majority of cooking and cleanup. My husband regularly does laundry but doesn't put it away. I am responsible for school pick up/drop off because of his work hours. He works 7-3 and I work 9-5. He does do a good share, but it's usually 70/30 or 60/40.

By 4 your son should be able to be independent at night. Invest the time (with DH) in training him to put himself back to sleep, and sleeping in his own bed. That 1-3am thing is total bullshit. You keep saying your husband does a lot, does a good part but it's nowhere even. If your husband works until 3pm why isn't he picking DS up from school and then parenting while making dinner? Why are you doing the bulk of everything in the kitchen and all the cleaning? You keep defending your husband's pathetic involvement.

Totally agree. Also why are you giving in to demands for “physical attention” when you’re just exhausted, and not even into it!? If he wants a well-rested, spunky you, well he knows what he can do to make that happen….

[Anonymous]

And also, hang in there and make more time for you and your happines. You’ll get through this!

[Anonymous]

I imagine you are just in a particularly hard phase and the exhaustion is making the days so much harder than they would be if you were more rested. Agree with a lot of other advice here, get out of the house more, have DH on duty more on weekends so you can leave, and find some hobbies/experiences you enjoy that are 100% for you. Also, I really really like the “best of both worlds” podcast about maximizing happiness in life as a working mom. They interview people and ask about their childcare/division of labor, etc and stress that we really can find time for our own lives and hobbies. I think something there might give you some ideas.