I hate parenting.

[Anonymous]

I have felt this way too. I think a youngest child (can’t remember if you said you have one younger than the 4yo) gets to be 5 and 6, it gets easier.

You don’t have to love it. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel about it. You’re overwhelmed. I SO relate to the feeling that even the two nights out aren’t enough.

1. Do 3-4 hours per week of *something only you care about* don’t stop at target to buy stuff that the household needs. Don’t count your driving time in the 4 hours. Husband can guarantee this for you, you can guarantee this for him if he needs it’s. That’s only 8 hours total on a Saturday.

2. Time. Again. A lot of things are fixed with time.

3. You’re not responsible for your kid rolling around or hopping etc etc. He’s a kid. No one is judging you, or nobody that matters. He’s going to do so much irritating stuff that has nothing to do with you. Let him. Get breaks. Don’t let anybody tell you that he’s being too much, he’s just a little kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's behind your desire to convert to Catholicism? Given your emotional state, that sounds like a terrible idea.

We want to send him to a Catschool. My husband is Catholic although not confirmed. I wanted to join a community of faith in searching for more meaning in life. Although i've found some meaning in spirituality, the weekly classes have become a chore. They end around 8:30 and I need to get home quickly and get up for work the next morning at 5AM for work, all to be woken up at 1 or 3AM by my kid wanting to come in my bed.

You don’t have to be catholic to send your kid to catholic school. When schools were closed it helped get in but no one is exactly beating down the doors to be admitted. They’ll get in.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. First off, welcome to the church!

I feel the same way many days now. I have been musing to myself about how much of a grind parenting is and how much it has cost me across many areas of my life. I think what could help you keep a basic level of sanity if some set alone time every weekend. A Saturday morning or afternoon where your husband can do whatever he wants with your son and you can do whatever you want. Even a couple of hours will make a huge difference.

Second, I echo what others have said about not being so child-centric. At 4, anything is fun to him if you say it in an exciting way. Take him to do errands, clean, organize laundry, meal prep. It will make all those things take longer and be messier but you are getting stuff done while babysitting your child. And you teach him to find joy and fun in everyday things so you don't have to keep upping the ante on entertaining him. What stresses me out is a whole weekend of kid centric stuff and then I am exhausted, Monday is around the corner, and I still have chores and shopping to do. If that's you too, then get him involved. Have your son fit into your life instead of trying to fit your life around him.

Lastly, I get the chore of taking kids to mass. Hang in there. I hear it gets better... I wouldn't know. It is always a sh*tshow for us, and it really affects my spirituality because I loved going to mass before having kids.

[Anonymous]

I got a dog to help play with my 4 yo and it helped a lot.

[Anonymous]

OP,

At my church the parents take their kids outside when they start wiggling or running around in the sanctuary. It is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean this as a criticism but I too think it was a mistake that you indulged that birthday thing, and a red flag that you’re indulging kid-centrism too much.

I’d try to find more things that center what *you* want and where kid is tagging along more.

And if you don’t go to a gym with childcare yet, I’d loop that into your routine.

This for sure! Pretend play isn’t something parents have to be involved in often or even at all! Kids can pretend by themselves or with other kids and that’s just fine! What parts of parenting do you genuinely enjoy? Me, I enjoy showing my kids new things and having them enjoy them. We’re travelling at the moment and it’s hard work making it fun for my 2yo and 4yo but I’m still having a blast — I love exploring new places and spending half of every day exploring new playgrounds is fine with me. I also love fostering independence. They are forced to help with chores more than I play pretend with them but they’re so proud of doing chores it motivates me to start the process.

I don’t go to a gym with childcare but I’m honestly thinking of looking into it based on how many people on DCUM recommend it; I need to get more exercise.

All of this aside: I don’t think anyone enjoys parenting 24/7! It’s hard work and exhausting and relentless. Especially if you’re feeling unsupported by your partner. I hope you can figure out a parenting mindset/approach that works for you soon, OP. It’s a tough job, but I think it does get physically easier as they grow although I’m sure the mental load will skyrocket for me in a decade or so.

[Anonymous]

I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

It isn't. Just another sanctimonious person taking joy in proving how "wonderful" she is. Such a great mom!!!

[Anonymous]

These are problems of your own making.

Sleep train. He needs to be in his own bed.

Stop throwing birthday parties for characters from Paw Patrol.

Make your husband do drop off of pick up.


Seriously lady, you need to draw boundaries with the men in your life. Model self respect for your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

It isn't. Just another sanctimonious person taking joy in proving how "wonderful" she is. Such a great mom!!!

Haha right?

But OP, absolutely tell your son to eff off with his request for a fake birthday party. Someone above said make kids do REAL chores.

I’m clear to my 3.5 year old that if she’s not actually helping, and I’m busy, her job is to keep herself entertained and stay out of her way.

I definitely don’t make bothering me while I’m doing a million things a pleasant activity for her.

Try yelling at him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

It isn't. Just another sanctimonious person taking joy in proving how "wonderful" she is. Such a great mom!!!

Haha right?

But OP, absolutely tell your son to eff off with his request for a fake birthday party. Someone above said make kids do REAL chores.

I’m clear to my 3.5 year old that if she’s not actually helping, and I’m busy, her job is to keep herself entertained and stay out of her way.

I definitely don’t make bothering me while I’m doing a million things a pleasant activity for her.

Try yelling at him.

pp. and DEFINITELY start yelling at your husband. All the time. He’s the worst and does literally nothing.

[Anonymous]

Can you get a mothers helper here and there, a kid from the neighborhood who might actually enjoy playing with your four year old? My daughters are 9 and 11 and love little kids. When school is closed, my oldest helps out with a neighbor’s 4 yo while she works from home, and she finds it fun and the 4 yo loves her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

Helpful? Well, maybe the OP needs to consider that it's not the kids that are the problem or parenting them, it's the lack of time to enjoy it and devote herself to it, with some time also to spend on herself, without the grueling life of balancing work and kids. I know not everyone can make that happen but many people here on DCUM could easily make it happen but choose not to. Then they wonder why parenting is so hard and often not enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

I hardly ever do pretend play with my kids. I hate it. Sometimes I play doctor or hotel where I take a nap on the couch while they play around me.

But I’m a good mom- I’m great at organizing crafts and playing outside. I read to my kids constantly. But I just don’t do pretend play. They need to play on their own.

And RCIA is hard! But can be worth it for sure.