Reply to Is this petty to tell costs to a date?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you have the money and you are going to enjoy the show, why wouldn’t you pay? Why does he need to pay all the time?

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OP here: my approach is that the asker pays during dating. Same with my friends and family. I find it a huge turn off each paying own way, Venmo costs etc. particular since both of us can easily afford the costs.

If in a committed relationship I don’t mind splitting all costs pro-rata incomes.

[b]He might be dating younger women and paying for them, I won’t be the one who splits the check that early on. We’ve only seeing each other 3 weeks; had sex already so  not playing him. But he’s on OLD obviously chatting with other women. I’m not going out with other guys after we slept but I didn’t tell him. Just don’t want to.[/b]

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Don't want to because he meets your needs or what? Why be, effectively, exclusive with him on your side, when you know he's likely screwing other women at the same time?This isn't just about who pays for what. You seem to want the sex and [i]also[/i] the traditional dating setup, but now that he's had the former, he shows zero interest in the latter. The fact you posted about the lack of romantic interest yet also think he should be paying for dates seems a bit contradictory. He's not truly dating you, so he's not even thinking of paying for dates; he knows he can have sex with you again, or thinks he can, so he's got no interest in dating or wooing you, OP. But you seem to want both things. Not sure why you went to bed so fast or why you're sticking around now. 
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It did seem to me that we had a deep connection and I was feeling romantic at time sex happened. Until a few days ago when the text about drinks costs came in. He says he wants to be exclusive and is falling into me. I don’t trust him I guess, due to a combination of all these. [/quote]

I'm the PP to whom you're responding and thanks for these details. OP, if he says he wants to be exclusive, but you (as you posted earlier) know he's still on OLD and you suspect he's dating younger women--then you and he need to have a serious talk. Just saying he wants to be exclusive is not the same as actually looking you in the face and saying, "I have deleted all my profiles on all dating apps and am not seeing anyone else. I am asking you to be exclusive and for us to be a couple." That is what you need from him. And he needs to hear that you are suspicious about other women at this point. If he's serious about being exclusive, that is something you and he articulate clearly, and both of you drop all dating apps and show each other you've done so. Tell him too how you felt about his texting you re: costs. Say that it threw you off and made you feel as if he isn't dating you. See if maybe he's just bad at dating. Talk about it frankly and bluntly. If you can't talk to him and say, "Hey, when you texted X, that was offputting to me and here's why," then you have zero hope as a couple.

Also, re: above -- you said you were feeling romantic when you had sex "UNTIL a few days  ago when the text" about money came. So are you saying that that one text killed off your romantic feelings about him? Not clear to me. If that was the case -- one text shouldn't have that kind of power over you. If the text really did end any romantic feelings, to be honest, your feelings were never really there to begin with. Might have been the happy fog of having sex that made you deceive yourself into thinking you felt romantically toward him. OP, sit with your own feelings for a while, be tough on yourself, and then you need to decide if you're going to drop him and move on to find a better match for both romance and sex and commitment, or if you do have enough feelings for him to ask for the exclusivity he claims he wants. [/quote]

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