Do nothing parents and horribly misbehaved kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't doubt such people exist, but I've never seen it in real life. Usually there are always consequences - some may not be what I would choose to do, but they exist.

Oh I have seen it. Kid threw a tiny rock at other kid's head. Mom was comforting other kid and said nothing to hers because he claimed he never meant to do it.

I have so many examples of this particular kid.

His mom is the sweetest woman. I don't know if this is some approach they advise her in therapy or what. He is a seemingly normal kid but you never know if he is going through something.

I walked away very quickly before I said something. Other kid's parent was just standing there shocked. And we all know he meant to throw the rock at his friends head.

NP here. Same! I have seen this type of thing, and it was so bizarre. The mom swooped up the offender, as if THEY were they one with their eye almost taken out by the object thrown at their face, point blank. Kid was absolutely old enough to know better, I just think they get away with it very often. I think some parents who ignore everything have mental issues, OP. Agree with other PP that a good number of these offenders keep pushing the limits, for the worse.

[Anonymous]

I've seen this, too. I saw a three year old bite her little sister, hard, and get nothing more than a casual "we don't bite." I was shocked.

This new "time outs are cruel" school of thought is a nightmare. Yes, sometimes there are natural consequences that can work, and that's great, but Jesus, if you take a chunk out of your sisters arm, you can go sit by yourself for a hot minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think they aren't punishing in front of others because they think it will cause a more disruptive meltdown and that would make others uncomfortable.

This is true for us for certain behaviors. Thankfully hitting isn’t happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think they aren't punishing in front of others because they think it will cause a more disruptive meltdown and that would make others uncomfortable.

Yeah, my normally well-behaved kid had a meltdown the other day at a coffee shop patio. I had warned him not to do something, he did it, and the (previously communicated) consequence was that we had to leave. I had to strap him into the stroller and walk out while he was kicking and screaming. I got some dirty looks from people and it was frustrating.

Don’t worry about them. At all. Do what you need to. Stroller aged kids are still living entirely outside n their feelings. Regulation happens gradually.

[Anonymous]

Age matters so very much with these interactions. Some things you let kids work out.

[Anonymous]

I've seen it and agree with the first response. It makes it so much harder in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've seen this, too. I saw a three year old bite her little sister, hard, and get nothing more than a casual "we don't bite." I was shocked.

This new "time outs are cruel" school of thought is a nightmare. Yes, sometimes there are natural consequences that can work, and that's great, but Jesus, if you take a chunk out of your sisters arm, you can go sit by yourself for a hot minute.

Kids gonna het his arse whooped in school, and his mom’s going to go crying to the principal. In high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Worry about your own damned kids. Stop worrying about mine

If your child threw a rock at one of my childrens' head, and you stood there saying nothing to yours, not even instructing an apology, you would have nightmares of the things I would say to you. Your child would remember the insults I would throw at their parent too.

[Anonymous]

I had a kid actually eat a lot of the food at a birthday party before we sat down for lunch. Their parent did nothing.

We were outside watching the magician perform. DH was running to get the pizza and I was helping the magician plus seating the kids etc. This kid went inside and started just diving into the food bar. Ate nearly all the fruit, ate several specially decorated cookies that were wrapped in plastic as party favors, and several other sides too. I only figured it out when they came outside and told me my punch wasn't sweet enough. I couldn't even believe it. There was a mess everywhere too. This wasn't a drop off party and the mom was right there. Didn't even say anything when they complained about my punch not being sweet enough. Their pockets were stuffed with my decorated cookies too. I hate that when I think about my kids' birthday party that this is what I remember most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think they aren't punishing in front of others because they think it will cause a more disruptive meltdown and that would make others uncomfortable.

Yeah, my normally well-behaved kid had a meltdown the other day at a coffee shop patio. I had warned him not to do something, he did it, and the (previously communicated) consequence was that we had to leave. I had to strap him into the stroller and walk out while he was kicking and screaming. I got some dirty looks from people and it was frustrating.

I'm sorry you got dirty looks. My 3 year old started screaming in the pizza restaurant and I immediately took him out. People told me what a great mom I was. That's what they should have said to you. Discipline is hard on parents too, but immediately removing kids is always the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know some families who have young kids and they never, EVER punish them, no matter how badly behaved. They don’t even verbally scold their children, let alone put them in a timeout or take away their toys. At one of our family gatherings I’ve seen a kid physically hit his younger brother and the parents do nothing. How can you live like this?

Those parents - the do-nothings - may well regret they ever had a child in the first place.

[Anonymous]

My mom (a boomer) thinks that it's because so many of the parents are medicated. She says she thinks they're all on Prozac the way they stand there and just watch their kids fight, destroy property and scream. I have wondered how parents can stand it.

Authoritative discipline is HARD. It is the absolute hardest. You have to be consistent and positive. It's much easier to do absolutely nothing or to just beat their asses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worry about your own damned kids. Stop worrying about mine

If your child threw a rock at one of my childrens' head, and you stood there saying nothing to yours, not even instructing an apology, you would have nightmares of the things I would say to you. Your child would remember the insults I would throw at their parent too.

Nice. They’re 2. Your example is wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Siblings' relationships are unique. Those kids won't grow up to hit their friends, their spouses, their kids, anyone.

Absolutely untrue! My brother spent over a decade beating on me and verbally abusing me while our parents did nothing, and he went on to be a serial abuser of girlfriends, wives and then his own kids.

I know lots of people who were abused in childhood by siblings who became adult abusers of their partners, kids, and even parents.

Physical abuse is unacceptable, it’s not ‘sibling rivalry’ or ‘boys being boys,’ and parents who do nothing to address it are potentially incubating the future abuse of their grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

For those who thing siblings will work it out, they don't. I barely talk to my sibling or parents as they all had a weird triangle and my sibling could do no wrong. The still don't get the issue and how they treat me. If you want a relationship with your kids later on, think about how you treat them and what you allow to happen now.