Husband considers two plates left in the kitchen "lack of respect" toward him

[Anonymous]

He sounds incredibly uptight. Did he grow up with household help by any chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be calling divorce lawyers and making copies of all of our bank records, taxes, important documents, etc. He sounds like an abusive ass.

+1. 100%

+2

OP here. I'm surprised that so many posters think that I should divorce. It is difficult when our lives are so entangled, and we have a young child. I'd much rather try to make it work

You can try, but your husband isn’t going to try.

[Anonymous]

What a jerk. What was he doing while you were out parenting your child all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of more concern than the story you told is your fear of his often escalating anger. Do you realize how concerning that is?

The petty argument about the dishes and who does what around the house is the same argument that millions of couples have all the time. Most of us aren’t scared to defend ourselves if we feel that’s the appropriate response.

+1 You are walking on eggshells due to his anger. That is why people are bringing up divorce. I could not live like that. Biting my tongue around the clock would not be an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And the word is inconsiderate not disrespectful which is true that it was but typically you just apologize and say yeah sorry Larla and I were rushing out of the house. Leave them to the side and I’ll clean them when I get back if you don’t want to or something like that.

Punctuation! Please.

[Anonymous]

This is such a classic textbook example of a certain personality structure. It almost makes me wonder if you have the textbook.

[Anonymous]

This is emotional abuse. What would you do if anyone else texted you a picture of your dirty plate? Most likely you'd tell them to put it away themselves. The fact that you aren't doing so, shows that fear of his anger is making you change how things should be done.

Your DH might be right to complain if you were lazy (when I first got married, DH would ALWAYS put dirty dishes in the sink instead of straight into the dishwasher. We had a polite conversation and he stopped doing a chore halfway and put the dishes where they belonged), but you were busy taking the kid to an all day activity. He should be grateful you were spending time with his child and should put the plate in the dishwasher himself.

So yes, you either need counseling/long discussions or divorce. I'm sure there are lots of other situations where you and your child do things differently for fear of getting him angry.

[Anonymous]

Did he grow up in the US?

[Anonymous]

How long did it take this twerp to take a photo of the offending plates and write a text versus putting two plates in the dishwasher?

Did he change any diapers when your kid was a baby?

For goodness sake, do not get a puppy which will disrespect him with puddles everyday.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a narcissist. I would get away from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And the word is inconsiderate not disrespectful which is true that it was but typically you just apologize and say yeah sorry Larla and I were rushing out of the house. Leave them to the side and I’ll clean them when I get back if you don’t want to or something like that.

Punctuation! Please.

Thanks for fixing

[Anonymous]

Living with someone that has not respect for you and is this controlling will be death by a thousand cuts. I get why you don’t think you should leave, but you will be a shell of yourself in 10 year.

You are scared to tell your husband that he is being unreasonable because he will get angry — that is a terrible way to live. And you are going to show your kid that one spouse should tiptoe around in fear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Living with someone that has not respect for you and is this controlling will be death by a thousand cuts. I get why you don’t think you should leave, but you will be a shell of yourself in 10 year.

You are scared to tell your husband that he is being unreasonable because he will get angry — that is a terrible way to live. And you are going to show your kid that one spouse should tiptoe around in fear.

Let me add — do NOT have another kid with this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be calling divorce lawyers and making copies of all of our bank records, taxes, important documents, etc. He sounds like an abusive ass.

Do this. You deserve better and so does your son.

[Anonymous]

Guy here...your husband is a dillhole.

My wife works from home, I don't...so most of the cleaning up after the kids falls to her since I'm not there. But just because she handles most of it doesn't mean she's contractually obligated to handle all of it. Even if him putting the plates in the dishwasher was too much to ask, he could have just ignored them...but instead he went out of his way to antagonize you.