Attending bachelorette parties as a new mom
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Anonymous
Girlfriends, how do they work? |
Anonymous
Hmm must be a rich thing then. Gotcha. |
Anonymous
| I would do whatever you feel you really want to do, and not worry so much about the baby. This may involve going or staying. Baby or not, you don’t have to go on these trips if you prefer not too. |
Anonymous
| You can definitely do it. But I'm like you. Both would feel like too much to me. I'd skip the international trip. |
Anonymous
It wasn’t something that stopped you. For OP and others, an infant is a legitimate reason not to want to go on a trip. |
Anonymous
| Wow I’m surprised so many women felt comfortable being away from their babies. I think women should feel free to take trips and leave their kids and not stay home as martyrs. But I just didn’t actually want to leave my baby even for one night when she was so little. |
Anonymous
I'm guessing Op is defining "international" as in a beach resort in Mexico (like Cabo for example) . It's probably easier and faster to get to than her domestic bachelor party. |
Anonymous
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I did a west coast bachelorette from the east coast when my first was 8 months old and another, closer bachelorette a month later. I highly recommend you do this so that you continue to feel like yourself, give your partner a chance to develop and maintain independent parenting skills, and so you maintain strong friendships for yourself. I was apprehensive but it ended up being great for all of us.
I brought the elvie pump and used it while we were out and about and on the plane, and nobody was any the wiser. I also brought the spectra so I could efficiently pump while we weren’t out. If you have the resources, I think you won’t regret it. |
Anonymous
| Bachelor and bachelorette parties are off the rails! Too much time and money. Jump over to Reddit, weddings forum to see the bridezillas who believe they are entitled to everything. (Shower + bachelorette parties + bridesmaids who need to help with many wedding preparations). I would opt out of both because of the baby. Do you have to travel to the wedding also? |
Anonymous
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Agree with those who say the baby will be fine but it's totally understandable if you just don't want to go. I'd also give some serious thought to breastfeeding logistics:
1) Are you staying somewhere with a fridge? 2) Will the trips involve all-day excursions where it will be hard to lug around a pump, fresh milk, and/or find a time to pump? 3) For the 4 hour flight, will you be able to time it so that you can pump before and after the flight? I went on a cross-country work trip when my first was 8 months old. Baby was totally fine with DH and I made it work, but it involved a lot of pumping in uncomfortable places, including in my seat on the plane next to a stranger (7 hr flight...it was that or tie up the bathroom for 15 mins..) and in the bathroom of a bar. Would not recommend if you can avoid it. |
Anonymous
| Why can't your husband handle his child for 2 weekends alone? Is he a moron? |
Anonymous
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I would put off deciding as long as possible and see how you feel closer to the events. There’s clearly no universal right or wrong answer, just whatever feels right to you. Totally fine to attend the closer one and skip international, or vice versa. It sounds like you have great friends who I am sure would understand either way. By 8 months you may be more than ready for a break, so don’t preemptively bow out now!
Don’t worry so much about your husband! It will be great for him to bond with the babies, and maybe he could fly in his mom or another family member to help if it’s really stressful. I am a SAHM and never had a huge milk supply, so I didn’t do much pumping or bottle feeding. So none of my kids ever really took a bottle very well, and it was stressful for whoever stayed home and stressful for me because I spent time away worried about my babies! But that was definitely an issue specific to me, plenty of my friends left their babies for long weekends much earlier than 8 months with zero issues. I once looked into getting a hotel for DH and my first so that I could run back and feed him once or twice a day, but that would have really brought down my enjoyment and was needlessly complicated, so I just skipped it. |
Anonymous
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OP my best friend was getting married the year I had my first. I went to her bachelorette at six months postpartum (two hour flight away, two nights away) and then her wedding at 8-9 months postpartum (two nights away, it was driving distance but just not really tenable to bring the baby to, I knew my friend wanted me fully present). Ugh I can't say I loved it if I'm being honest with you. But for this particular friend it honestly didn't seem like a decision I could make, really. So I did it and had as much fun as I could. Baby was fine, (of course!) and is a happy 6 year old now, but definitely wasn't as fun as trips pre-baby. Bachelorette was better because baby was with my husband, wedding he was with my parents so away from both of us and again, did I have fun? yes. But I missed my baby a lot. Many find it to be a little easier though and find it just fine and that is really normal too.
I think it would be really reasonable not to go to the international one as that is a big ask. Be prepared that your friends may not understand fully even if they try to be understanding. I was the first of my friends to have kids and definitely no one understood what it was like for me to leave my baby during that time. I didn't understand it fully before having kids either. But one day if they do have kids, they'll get it. And sometimes you still have to just do what is right for you and know that your friends will love you either way as long as you do make genuine efforts to show up for them in other ways. |
Anonymous
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Your husband can solo parent for a few days, yes, even twice just a few weeks apart.
I'd hesitate to go on an international bachelorette because of the expense. |
Anonymous
I'm one of the pps and I've found this has varied so much between my friends! I think it also depends on so many things - personality and how the transition to motherhood is (for example, are you anxious postpartum or are you someone who really struggles with the new lack of independence) - moms that tend toward a little more anxiety (me!) have a harder time enjoying being away I think. My friends who really struggled with the changes in their schedules and independence and genuinely really missed that time and need it to feel rejuvenated, found those weekends away great which is what I think you're hearing. Also time period and family circumstance. For example, my friends who were with their babies nonstop because of covid and didn't have to do daycare at 3 months (but had other very very difficult postpartum hiccups with covid woof) actually had an easier time because they REALLY needed a break, whereas for my precovid baby who had to go to daycare early I was just a struggle bus postpartum feeling like I didn't have enough time with him so going away for my best friends bachelorette was done out of frankly obligation because my friendship with her is incredibly important and I knew this was important to her and that my baby would be ok, but I didn't want to  But some of my friends have genuinely enjoyed little breaks away and I think that's wonderful because the babies really are ok especially if they are with Dad.
There is such a wide variety of so much in motherhood! That's why I find these threads hard. Because I had a hard time with these times away but I have friends who it was so great for. It's impossible to know which one the poster is! If it's a friend then you can maybe predict based on personality but in this case, we can just share our experience and maybe op can pick up on how it will feel for her. |