Attending bachelorette parties as a new mom

[Anonymous]

You are not a bachelorette and so you should not be attending it anyways.

[Anonymous]

No. I would not leave my baby to go for this event. Why do you need to go for this anyways?

[Anonymous]

Speaking as someone who skipped a lot of really fun events when my oldest daughter was a baby (the U.S. wedding of a friend who lived abroad, a Vegas bachelorette party, an epic work holiday party, etc...), I would urge you to consider weaning before 8 months (formula is fine, I weaned one at 7 months so I could take some medication without harming her, and she's the smarter of my two kids, LOL!) and going on both trips. These are once in a lifetime events and it's honestly harder to leave when the kids are older and have a million activities going on. Go and enjoy yourself, please!! Do it for me and my regrets!

[Anonymous]

Destination bachelorette parties are either great or terrible. Whatever is right or wrong about your friendship will be very obvious by the end.

I miss hanging out with my travel friends, so if you are going to come back from a beach weekend feeling energized, go for it!

OTOH, free time is at a premium when kids are little, so if this trip is a random assortment of people you barely know and/or you have different ideas of what a fun weekend looks like, send your regrets along with some champagne to the hotel. If you really feel guilty, plan an afternoon at a spa with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An international bachelorette party? Oh hell no. What is wrong with people?

You are well within your bounds to bow out of one or both of these events.

+1. To say nothing of the cost!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to both if you want to. Baby will be fine and DH should have no problem - in fact, could be a great experience for them to bond. My baby is six months and I’ve been away on four trips already. All have been great!

If you don’t want to go, that’s fine too but by 8 months, baby is not a great excuse.

It wasn’t something that stopped you. For OP and others, an infant is a legitimate reason not to want to go on a trip.

+1

Eight months old? I wouldn't want to leave the baby.

Yeah, this. I wasn’t comfortable leaving my DD overnight until I weaned and she was older and not so attached to me. That ended up being when she was 3. But I also breastfed for a few years, she preferred me to the bottle, was used to night nursing, and was often sick. I also could not empty as effectively with a pump and had several bouts of mastitis. I would have been a wreck to leave her at 8 months and my husband would not have been keen to watch her so for me, neither of those trips would have worked. And I could not have done it when I was nursing for the aforementioned issues. If you formula feed it will be much easier, but the emotional piece is still there, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m envious of all the moms on this thread who have babies who would be ok being left. Mine is 14 months and can’t even be put to bed by anyone else and cries for me if she sees me in the house and I don’t hold her. She would not have been ok if I’d left her at 8 months.

But if I felt she would be, I absolutely would go on a trip!!! Enjoy a break if you can!

Then OP shouldn’t follow your advice. That’s ridiculous.

No, it’s called normal healthy attachment.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I wouldn’t go to either.

Being a bridesmaid is an honor, but it’s also a burden. It’s a burden you assume willingly for your friend as a favor to them on their wedding day. Being a bridesmaid at a destination wedding is a big favor.

Ideally, the point of a party (bachelorette or otherwise) would be for everyone to enjoy themselves together, not to place an additional burden on those who are already doing you a big favor.

If you want to go, think you’d enjoy yourself, and would see it as an opportunity rather than a burden, them by all means go and have fun. If you don’t want to mess with one or both, then wish the bride(s) well, let them enjoy their evening, and you enjoy yours.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think anyone should feel obligated to go on bachelorette parties due to COVID.

Erasing the COVID element, if you had a destination bachelors party and the bride of this one attended, I think you should try to go to the domestic one. The international one, no way unless you made everyone fly internationally for yours.

I once couldn’t afford to attend a bachelorette party, but I was willing to put it on my credit card if the attendance was low. I emailed the maid of honor and asked how many people were going and when she said a dozen, I decided I could safely opt out. I sent a bottle of champagne to the hotel room.

[Anonymous]

You could also go with your husband - he could take care of baby during the bachelorette things and then you'd all be together the rest of the time in a hotel. I'd do that for the US one, but not for an international one - I can't imagine spending all that money for a 3 day weekend! But if you could make that your vacation and stay there for 7 days, that would be worthwhile and your husband and baby could go with you.

[Anonymous]

If I wanted to go to the bachelorette parties and could afford all of it (2x bridesmaid expenses plus the bachelorette stuff) I totally would. I breastfed two kids for a full year and in retrospect I wish I had weaned at 6 months. It would have totally freed me up to do other stuff with the time spent pumping at work, washing parts, etc.
When kids are older and there are multiple kids, their weekend activities etc it is so much harder to get away.

[Anonymous]

What? Why would you do that?

[Anonymous]

I would have been fine leaving my baby for a long weekend at that age. (I was formula feeding by that point, if it makes a difference.) However I tend to use my limited political capital for grandparent babysitting toward trips with my DH, not girls' trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have been fine leaving my baby for a long weekend at that age. (I was formula feeding by that point, if it makes a difference.) However I tend to use my limited political capital for grandparent babysitting toward trips with my DH, not girls' trips.

DH could also solo parent for the weekend so that you could go, why get the grandparents involved?

[Anonymous]

I was nursing my baby for 3 years. I never left her alone. DH, baby, grandparents and I travelled a lot though. Just no leaving behind baby. DH has always been super capable of taking care of baby but it was really hard for both of us to be far away from our kids.