Sibling Wedding: WWYD

[Anonymous]

Skip the dinner, people will understand.

However, it is ridiculous to stress about it 6+ months in advance. Don't hold this voluntary stress against your brother or that wedding.

Your gift can be more or less generous, both are fine. But don't deduct hotel/ gas/ outfit costs from the gift amount.

If the drive is all day, consider flying.

[Anonymous]

I would drive and attend the dinner myself and then have DH drive the kids the next day or even Saturday morning. If the wedding hotel is a fancy one, look for a Hampton Inn or something nearby. Just because there’s an official “wedding hotel” doesn’t mean you have to stay there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would drive and attend the dinner myself and then have DH drive the kids the next day or even Saturday morning. If the wedding hotel is a fancy one, look for a Hampton Inn or something nearby. Just because there’s an official “wedding hotel” doesn’t mean you have to stay there.

Did you read the part where kids aren’t invited to the reception? If not, why would make them drive all day there and all day back just to go to a wedding ceremony? And who would watch them during the reception? And I’d never make my spouse do all that driving alone with the kids just for some wedding ceremony of an in-law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother is getting married next year. He is in his mid 30s. His fiancée is early 30s or late 20s (I haven’t met her yet). This is my brother’s second wedding. Their wedding is on a Saturday. It will take me a full long day to drive there. The bride’s parents have graciously invited my siblings (+spouses and children if we bring them) and parents to dinner at their house the Thursday ...1) Would you go two days earlier than planned to have dinner at the home of the bride’s parents? It is kind of them to host but lengthens the trip. 2) Would you bring your kids at all or just leave them home? The kids are welcome at the wedding ceremony but not at the reception afterwards. 3) Am I being cheap or petty to reduce the wedding gift amount due to the added cost of two nights at a hotel?

You are not being cheap, petty, or unreasonable. Full day drive is a hideous 8-11 hours? I'd fly with the DH and leave the kids with DH parents if they are local to OP. That Thursday dinner at the bride's parents house is a no. Do the bride+groom live near her parents or is this a big junket to her hometown for that wedding? If so the couple might arrive on Wednesday or Thursday. Is there a rehearsal or welcome party dinner Friday night?

Travel Friday and fly- arrival time TBD. Miss dinner-arrive for dessert or drinks after the dinner. You can adjust the gift for transportation costs and hotels but you can't flex days off from work. If it's an area with good flights you can even fly Saturday am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not difficult: Leave your spouse and children at home. Drive there alone on Thursday. Drive back on Sunday.
Give whatever gift you want.

Stop stressing about this wedding that is at least 6 months away.

Done.

+1. Luckily we don't give each other such expensive gifts. My brother and SIL got something off their registry for $100.

+2. I would not subject my kids to 2 full days of driving to attend a ceremony but no party?! Not sure how old your kids are but mine (8 and 11) would rebel. Just go yourself. Attend the dinner or not, your choice. Will your siblings attend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely skip the dinner, everyone will understand.

Since the reception is kid free, I’d have zero guilt leaving kids at home. If DHs parents or trusted person can’t watch them overnight, go without him.

+1. Nice of the bride’s parents to do dinner, but it’s for those who are already in town, I can’t imagine they would expect people to come early just for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely skip the dinner, everyone will understand.

Since the reception is kid free, I’d have zero guilt leaving kids at home. If DHs parents or trusted person can’t watch them overnight, go without him.

+1. Nice of the bride’s parents to do dinner, but it’s for those who are already in town, I can’t imagine they would expect people to come early just for it.

Yes this. I’d probably just go day of myself but my kids are small. Not sure what I would do with older kids(did not see ages of your kids). Lots of acceptable options as long as you personally go to the wedding imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would drive and attend the dinner myself and then have DH drive the kids the next day or even Saturday morning. If the wedding hotel is a fancy one, look for a Hampton Inn or something nearby. Just because there’s an official “wedding hotel” doesn’t mean you have to stay there.

Did you read the part where kids aren’t invited to the reception? If not, why would make them drive all day there and all day back just to go to a wedding ceremony? And who would watch them during the reception? And I’d never make my spouse do all that driving alone with the kids just for some wedding ceremony of an in-law.

Because it’s their uncle’s wedding. A wedding ceremony is important. A party is a party. My spouse and I take turns in hotel rooms when needed when our oldest wasn’t old enough to watch the youngest solo.

Anyway, asked and answered. OP asked literally “WWYD” and I answered with what I would do. If you would do something else, great, post it. But GTFO with your opinions and questions about what I would do, because you’re not changing my mind about what *I* would do.

[Anonymous]

Leave the kids at home. Drive in Thursday. Give whatever gift you feel comfortable with. Adding or subtracting based on hotel fees would not factor into my decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.

This. It’s not a summons. Drive Friday.

[Anonymous]

The Thursday dinner invitation is a courtesy for people who would otherwise be in town. I doubt the bride's parents expect people to alter their plans for it, and if they do, they're the unreasonable ones. I'd stick with your original plan, drive up Friday, enjoy the wedding, and drive home Saturday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely skip the dinner, everyone will understand.

Since the reception is kid free, I’d have zero guilt leaving kids at home. If DHs parents or trusted person can’t watch them overnight, go without him.

+1. Nice of the bride’s parents to do dinner, but it’s for those who are already in town, I can’t imagine they would expect people to come early just for it.

Another +1

[Anonymous]

I would go to the dinner and bring the family but give a smaller gift.

It is a family wedding! And not a random cousin either.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t bring the kids for just the ceremony. The only point of bringing the kids would be for them to connect and interact with their new family member, which they won’t get to do at a wedding ceremony.

[Anonymous]

I would not be going out of my way with extra travel and logistics when they couldn't be bothered to invite their nieces/nephews to the reception. I understand no kids, but this is extreme.