Sibling Wedding: WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go with the whole family (the kids can miss 3 days of school for a family event). I would probably give a smaller wedding present because of the increased cost. Family is important and we show up for family events.

What are they supposed to do with the kids for 4 hrs when they are at the reception? Most people aren't okay with a random baby sitter.

They are in middle school. They can watch a movie in their hotel room, with a cell phone.

[Anonymous]

OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go to the dinner and bring the family but give a smaller gift.

It is a family wedding! And not a random cousin either.

It’s not a “family” wedding if the kids aren’t invited. I hate that. I never go to weddings if kids aren’t invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had almost this exact situation a couple years ago. I went alone and DH stayed home with the kids. Flew in Saturday morning, flew out Sunday. There was no way I was going to drag the kids halfway across the country so they could sit in a hotel room with a stranger. We don't have any local relatives they could stay with, so DH stayed home. It is what it is. I support people's right to have any kind of wedding they want, but as a guest I'm not going to twist myself in a pretzel to accommodate their choices.

Exactly this.

+1. You can do whatever you want for your wedding but don’t expect me to be there if my kids aren’t invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go to the dinner and bring the family but give a smaller gift.

It is a family wedding! And not a random cousin either.

It’s not a “family” wedding if the kids aren’t invited. I hate that. I never go to weddings if kids aren’t invited.

Read the Op. the kids are invited to the wedding ceremony. Just not the reception. I had kids at my reception but I know some brides don’t like it/don’t want to blow 150$/head on an 8 year old…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go to the dinner and bring the family but give a smaller gift.

It is a family wedding! And not a random cousin either.

It’s not a “family” wedding if the kids aren’t invited. I hate that. I never go to weddings if kids aren’t invited.

Read the Op. the kids are invited to the wedding ceremony. Just not the reception. I had kids at my reception but I know some brides don’t like it/don’t want to blow 150$/head on an 8 year old…

Which is fair, but then it’s not necessary for the family to blow that kind of money to have kids travel to the ceremony. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go to the dinner and bring the family but give a smaller gift.

It is a family wedding! And not a random cousin either.

It’s not a “family” wedding if the kids aren’t invited. I hate that. I never go to weddings if kids aren’t invited.

+1

Nothing about this is family friendly, including expecting travelling family to come in mid week for the dinner. A gracious bride and groom would host something the day after the wedding, even if they can’t attend, for travelling guests. This is the perfect time for a more casual gathering to allow the family to visit each other - they can host a brunch of luncheon that is kid friendly, even if the kids aren’t invited to the reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

Why can't you stay with the children during the reception and your husband attend the reception? You really seem set on making this hard. The wedding is of a close family member. Try to act like you're a family even though you clearly don't like this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

Why can't you stay with the children during the reception and your husband attend the reception? You really seem set on making this hard. The wedding is of a close family member. Try to act like you're a family even though you clearly don't like this one.

NP, but there is no reason to pay all the travel expenses just to have 3/4 members of OPs nuclear family sit in a hotel room for the family event. I have no problem with kid-free weddings, but people that have them also can’t expect that all family members with kids will attend. When my family has kid free events like weddings, I usually try to make it but DH and the kids stay home. You can’t on one hand trumpet family over all else, but then not include kids in family events. My nuclear family is paramount, and that family includes my kids. Sorry not sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

What bizarre phrasing. Why be deliberately obtuse. You obviously don't want to go. So don't and stop whining about it. We don't attend out of town kid-free weddings. But I'm not sure what I'd do if a sibling got married and didn't invite my kids - because it would never happen on either side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go to the dinner and bring the family but give a smaller gift.

It is a family wedding! And not a random cousin either.

It’s not a “family” wedding if the kids aren’t invited. I hate that. I never go to weddings if kids aren’t invited.

I'm sure you wouldn't be missed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

What bizarre phrasing. Why be deliberately obtuse. You obviously don't want to go. So don't and stop whining about it. We don't attend out of town kid-free weddings. But I'm not sure what I'd do if a sibling got married and didn't invite my kids - because it would never happen on either side.

I would go to the wedding and leave the kids with their dad...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go to the dinner and bring the family but give a smaller gift.

It is a family wedding! And not a random cousin either.

It’s not a “family” wedding if the kids aren’t invited. I hate that. I never go to weddings if kids aren’t invited.

Read the Op. the kids are invited to the wedding ceremony. Just not the reception. I had kids at my reception but I know some brides don’t like it/don’t want to blow 150$/head on an 8 year old…

Which is fair, but then it’s not necessary for the family to blow that kind of money to have kids travel to the ceremony. .

I guess it's culture. For my family, the ceremony was the big deal--it was the wedding. Not bopping around in a hall with a DJ and a 3 course meal for 4 hours. That's often not kid friendly. Get a sitter and go to the reception with the DH. It's not that hard-people can give you a reference, and DH can leave the reception halfway through and go back to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

Why can't you stay with the children during the reception and your husband attend the reception? You really seem set on making this hard. The wedding is of a close family member. Try to act like you're a family even though you clearly don't like this one.

NP, but there is no reason to pay all the travel expenses just to have 3/4 members of OPs nuclear family sit in a hotel room for the family event. I have no problem with kid-free weddings, but people that have them also can’t expect that all family members with kids will attend. When my family has kid free events like weddings, I usually try to make it but DH and the kids stay home. You can’t on one hand trumpet family over all else, but then not include kids in family events. My nuclear family is paramount, and that family includes my kids. Sorry not sorry.

Your "nuclear family is paramount"? Yikes. Come back in 20 years and let us know how that's working out for you. You are modeling behavior to your kids that you're not going to like when they do the same thing to you. It is very sad that you are so misguided and short-sighted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go to the dinner and bring the family but give a smaller gift.

It is a family wedding! And not a random cousin either.

It’s not a “family” wedding if the kids aren’t invited. I hate that. I never go to weddings if kids aren’t invited.

Read the Op. the kids are invited to the wedding ceremony. Just not the reception. I had kids at my reception but I know some brides don’t like it/don’t want to blow 150$/head on an 8 year old…

Which is fair, but then it’s not necessary for the family to blow that kind of money to have kids travel to the ceremony. .

I guess it's culture. For my family, the ceremony was the big deal--it was the wedding. Not bopping around in a hall with a DJ and a 3 course meal for 4 hours. That's often not kid friendly. Get a sitter and go to the reception with the DH. It's not that hard-people can give you a reference, and DH can leave the reception halfway through and go back to the kids.

This x1000. We have some posters here who don't really understand what is most important.