Sibling Wedding: WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

Why can't you stay with the children during the reception and your husband attend the reception? You really seem set on making this hard. The wedding is of a close family member. Try to act like you're a family even though you clearly don't like this one.

NP, but there is no reason to pay all the travel expenses just to have 3/4 members of OPs nuclear family sit in a hotel room for the family event. I have no problem with kid-free weddings, but people that have them also can’t expect that all family members with kids will attend. When my family has kid free events like weddings, I usually try to make it but DH and the kids stay home. You can’t on one hand trumpet family over all else, but then not include kids in family events. My nuclear family is paramount, and that family includes my kids. Sorry not sorry.

Your "nuclear family is paramount"? Yikes. Come back in 20 years and let us know how that's working out for you. You are modeling behavior to your kids that you're not going to like when they do the same thing to you. It is very sad that you are so misguided and short-sighted.

It’s misguided to place the importance of my nuclear family over extended family I see once a year at best? Not prioritizing family events that don’t include my entire family and would require my DH and kids to just sit in a hotel room for a family event is modeling behavior I won’t like in the future? This is part of growing up and creating a family of your own, I would certainly hope that when my kids are adults that the needs of their spouse and kids will come before the needs of extended family they don’t see very often. But whatever floats your boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go to the dinner and bring the family but give a smaller gift.

It is a family wedding! And not a random cousin either.

It’s not a “family” wedding if the kids aren’t invited. I hate that. I never go to weddings if kids aren’t invited.

Read the Op. the kids are invited to the wedding ceremony. Just not the reception. I had kids at my reception but I know some brides don’t like it/don’t want to blow 150$/head on an 8 year old…

Which is fair, but then it’s not necessary for the family to blow that kind of money to have kids travel to the ceremony. .

I guess it's culture. For my family, the ceremony was the big deal--it was the wedding. Not bopping around in a hall with a DJ and a 3 course meal for 4 hours. That's often not kid friendly. Get a sitter and go to the reception with the DH. It's not that hard-people can give you a reference, and DH can leave the reception halfway through and go back to the kids.

This x1000. We have some posters here who don't really understand what is most important.

I’m Catholic and the hour long wedding ceremony is not a place for catching up with family, nor is it fun or kid friendly. I don’t blame OP for not wanting to hire a stranger to sit with her kids in a hotel room. I don’t care what references you get, the person is still a stranger to OPs young kids, and I wouldn’t drag my kids to this event just so that they can sit in a hotel room with a stranger. If it was so important for OPs kids to be there they would have been invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

What bizarre phrasing. Why be deliberately obtuse. You obviously don't want to go. So don't and stop whining about it. We don't attend out of town kid-free weddings. But I'm not sure what I'd do if a sibling got married and didn't invite my kids - because it would never happen on either side.

I would go to the wedding and leave the kids with their dad...

Just do this. Don't overthink it or make it harder than it has to be. Several of my cousins have had kid-free weddings and I just go by myself. No one expects the kids to travel there for just the ceremony. If your sibling does, that's their problem!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

Why can't you stay with the children during the reception and your husband attend the reception? You really seem set on making this hard. The wedding is of a close family member. Try to act like you're a family even though you clearly don't like this one.

NP, but there is no reason to pay all the travel expenses just to have 3/4 members of OPs nuclear family sit in a hotel room for the family event. I have no problem with kid-free weddings, but people that have them also can’t expect that all family members with kids will attend. When my family has kid free events like weddings, I usually try to make it but DH and the kids stay home. You can’t on one hand trumpet family over all else, but then not include kids in family events. My nuclear family is paramount, and that family includes my kids. Sorry not sorry.

Your "nuclear family is paramount"? Yikes. Come back in 20 years and let us know how that's working out for you. You are modeling behavior to your kids that you're not going to like when they do the same thing to you. It is very sad that you are so misguided and short-sighted.

It’s misguided to place the importance of my nuclear family over extended family I see once a year at best? Not prioritizing family events that don’t include my entire family and would require my DH and kids to just sit in a hotel room for a family event is modeling behavior I won’t like in the future? This is part of growing up and creating a family of your own, I would certainly hope that when my kids are adults that the needs of their spouse and kids will come before the needs of extended family they don’t see very often. But whatever floats your boat.

In our family we show up and do things we don't want to do because we support our family, nuclear or extended, and we want our children that family does for family. Sounds like you're hellbent on showing your kids that you don't. Different strokes.

I agree with the person you're responding to. It would be interesting to hear back from you in 20/30 years. I think you would have a different response once the shoe is on the other foot ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

Why can't you stay with the children during the reception and your husband attend the reception? You really seem set on making this hard. The wedding is of a close family member. Try to act like you're a family even though you clearly don't like this one.

NP, but there is no reason to pay all the travel expenses just to have 3/4 members of OPs nuclear family sit in a hotel room for the family event. I have no problem with kid-free weddings, but people that have them also can’t expect that all family members with kids will attend. When my family has kid free events like weddings, I usually try to make it but DH and the kids stay home. You can’t on one hand trumpet family over all else, but then not include kids in family events. My nuclear family is paramount, and that family includes my kids. Sorry not sorry.

Your "nuclear family is paramount"? Yikes. Come back in 20 years and let us know how that's working out for you. You are modeling behavior to your kids that you're not going to like when they do the same thing to you. It is very sad that you are so misguided and short-sighted.

It’s misguided to place the importance of my nuclear family over extended family I see once a year at best? Not prioritizing family events that don’t include my entire family and would require my DH and kids to just sit in a hotel room for a family event is modeling behavior I won’t like in the future? This is part of growing up and creating a family of your own, I would certainly hope that when my kids are adults that the needs of their spouse and kids will come before the needs of extended family they don’t see very often. But whatever floats your boat.

In our family we show up and do things we don't want to do because we support our family, nuclear or extended, and we want our children that family does for family. Sounds like you're hellbent on showing your kids that you don't. Different strokes.

I agree with the person you're responding to. It would be interesting to hear back from you in 20/30 years. I think you would have a different response once the shoe is on the other foot ...

I don’t understand this argument though because you’re advocating that OP travel with her kids to an event that her kids weren’t invited to and scramble to find care for them. That’s not just showing up to something you don’t want to go to. I don’t need to demonstrate for my kids that they have to travel somewhere for an event that they aren’t invited to in order to put on a show of family solidarity, that is silly. If supporting family, extended and nuclear, is that important then you don’t have family events that exclude kids. It is definitely a person’s prerogative to have a kid-free event, but you don’t then get to sh!t on family members with kids who don’t travel to attend said event as being not supportive enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

Why can't you stay with the children during the reception and your husband attend the reception? You really seem set on making this hard. The wedding is of a close family member. Try to act like you're a family even though you clearly don't like this one.

NP, but there is no reason to pay all the travel expenses just to have 3/4 members of OPs nuclear family sit in a hotel room for the family event. I have no problem with kid-free weddings, but people that have them also can’t expect that all family members with kids will attend. When my family has kid free events like weddings, I usually try to make it but DH and the kids stay home. You can’t on one hand trumpet family over all else, but then not include kids in family events. My nuclear family is paramount, and that family includes my kids. Sorry not sorry.

Your "nuclear family is paramount"? Yikes. Come back in 20 years and let us know how that's working out for you. You are modeling behavior to your kids that you're not going to like when they do the same thing to you. It is very sad that you are so misguided and short-sighted.

It’s misguided to place the importance of my nuclear family over extended family I see once a year at best? Not prioritizing family events that don’t include my entire family and would require my DH and kids to just sit in a hotel room for a family event is modeling behavior I won’t like in the future? This is part of growing up and creating a family of your own, I would certainly hope that when my kids are adults that the needs of their spouse and kids will come before the needs of extended family they don’t see very often. But whatever floats your boat.

In our family we show up and do things we don't want to do because we support our family, nuclear or extended, and we want our children that family does for family. Sounds like you're hellbent on showing your kids that you don't. Different strokes.

I agree with the person you're responding to. It would be interesting to hear back from you in 20/30 years. I think you would have a different response once the shoe is on the other foot ...

I don’t understand this argument though because you’re advocating that OP travel with her kids to an event that her kids weren’t invited to and scramble to find care for them. That’s not just showing up to something you don’t want to go to. I don’t need to demonstrate for my kids that they have to travel somewhere for an event that they aren’t invited to in order to put on a show of family solidarity, that is silly. If supporting family, extended and nuclear, is that important then you don’t have family events that exclude kids. It is definitely a person’s prerogative to have a kid-free event, but you don’t then get to sh!t on family members with kids who don’t travel to attend said event as being not supportive enough.

??? The children are invited to the most important event. The ceremony. I don't understand people like you who don't "get" that the ceremony is more important than the reception. But then I read your final sentence and realized that you are a coarse and poorly bred person, so the reason you don't understand what is important becomes remarkably clear. Good luck in life. You're going to need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

Why can't you stay with the children during the reception and your husband attend the reception? You really seem set on making this hard. The wedding is of a close family member. Try to act like you're a family even though you clearly don't like this one.

NP, but there is no reason to pay all the travel expenses just to have 3/4 members of OPs nuclear family sit in a hotel room for the family event. I have no problem with kid-free weddings, but people that have them also can’t expect that all family members with kids will attend. When my family has kid free events like weddings, I usually try to make it but DH and the kids stay home. You can’t on one hand trumpet family over all else, but then not include kids in family events. My nuclear family is paramount, and that family includes my kids. Sorry not sorry.

Your "nuclear family is paramount"? Yikes. Come back in 20 years and let us know how that's working out for you. You are modeling behavior to your kids that you're not going to like when they do the same thing to you. It is very sad that you are so misguided and short-sighted.

It’s misguided to place the importance of my nuclear family over extended family I see once a year at best? Not prioritizing family events that don’t include my entire family and would require my DH and kids to just sit in a hotel room for a family event is modeling behavior I won’t like in the future? This is part of growing up and creating a family of your own, I would certainly hope that when my kids are adults that the needs of their spouse and kids will come before the needs of extended family they don’t see very often. But whatever floats your boat.

In our family we show up and do things we don't want to do because we support our family, nuclear or extended, and we want our children that family does for family. Sounds like you're hellbent on showing your kids that you don't. Different strokes.

I agree with the person you're responding to. It would be interesting to hear back from you in 20/30 years. I think you would have a different response once the shoe is on the other foot ...

I don’t understand this argument though because you’re advocating that OP travel with her kids to an event that her kids weren’t invited to and scramble to find care for them. That’s not just showing up to something you don’t want to go to. I don’t need to demonstrate for my kids that they have to travel somewhere for an event that they aren’t invited to in order to put on a show of family solidarity, that is silly. If supporting family, extended and nuclear, is that important then you don’t have family events that exclude kids. It is definitely a person’s prerogative to have a kid-free event, but you don’t then get to sh!t on family members with kids who don’t travel to attend said event as being not supportive enough.

??? The children are invited to the most important event. The ceremony. I don't understand people like you who don't "get" that the ceremony is more important than the reception. But then I read your final sentence and realized that you are a coarse and poorly bred person, so the reason you don't understand what is important becomes remarkably clear. Good luck in life. You're going to need it.

Because what is important in your family is necessarily what is most important to every family in every culture. In my family the ceremony is not the important event, some of the ceremonies have actually been performed in 10 minutes by an officiant immediately before the reception starts. Thanks for your well wishes though, I was wholly incomplete without them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

Why can't you stay with the children during the reception and your husband attend the reception? You really seem set on making this hard. The wedding is of a close family member. Try to act like you're a family even though you clearly don't like this one.

NP, but there is no reason to pay all the travel expenses just to have 3/4 members of OPs nuclear family sit in a hotel room for the family event. I have no problem with kid-free weddings, but people that have them also can’t expect that all family members with kids will attend. When my family has kid free events like weddings, I usually try to make it but DH and the kids stay home. You can’t on one hand trumpet family over all else, but then not include kids in family events. My nuclear family is paramount, and that family includes my kids. Sorry not sorry.

Your "nuclear family is paramount"? Yikes. Come back in 20 years and let us know how that's working out for you. You are modeling behavior to your kids that you're not going to like when they do the same thing to you. It is very sad that you are so misguided and short-sighted.

It’s misguided to place the importance of my nuclear family over extended family I see once a year at best? Not prioritizing family events that don’t include my entire family and would require my DH and kids to just sit in a hotel room for a family event is modeling behavior I won’t like in the future? This is part of growing up and creating a family of your own, I would certainly hope that when my kids are adults that the needs of their spouse and kids will come before the needs of extended family they don’t see very often. But whatever floats your boat.

In our family we show up and do things we don't want to do because we support our family, nuclear or extended, and we want our children that family does for family. Sounds like you're hellbent on showing your kids that you don't. Different strokes.

I agree with the person you're responding to. It would be interesting to hear back from you in 20/30 years. I think you would have a different response once the shoe is on the other foot ...

I don’t understand this argument though because you’re advocating that OP travel with her kids to an event that her kids weren’t invited to and scramble to find care for them. That’s not just showing up to something you don’t want to go to. I don’t need to demonstrate for my kids that they have to travel somewhere for an event that they aren’t invited to in order to put on a show of family solidarity, that is silly. If supporting family, extended and nuclear, is that important then you don’t have family events that exclude kids. It is definitely a person’s prerogative to have a kid-free event, but you don’t then get to sh!t on family members with kids who don’t travel to attend said event as being not supportive enough.

??? The children are invited to the most important event. The ceremony. I don't understand people like you who don't "get" that the ceremony is more important than the reception. But then I read your final sentence and realized that you are a coarse and poorly bred person, so the reason you don't understand what is important becomes remarkably clear. Good luck in life. You're going to need it.

Because what is important in your family is necessarily what is most important to every family in every culture. In my family the ceremony is not the important event, some of the ceremonies have actually been performed in 10 minutes by an officiant immediately before the reception starts. Thanks for your well wishes though, I was wholly incomplete without them.

DP. Huh? The act of commitment to one another is less important than the party? Wow. That's a really sad testament to your family's value system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

Why can't you stay with the children during the reception and your husband attend the reception? You really seem set on making this hard. The wedding is of a close family member. Try to act like you're a family even though you clearly don't like this one.

NP, but there is no reason to pay all the travel expenses just to have 3/4 members of OPs nuclear family sit in a hotel room for the family event. I have no problem with kid-free weddings, but people that have them also can’t expect that all family members with kids will attend. When my family has kid free events like weddings, I usually try to make it but DH and the kids stay home. You can’t on one hand trumpet family over all else, but then not include kids in family events. My nuclear family is paramount, and that family includes my kids. Sorry not sorry.

Your "nuclear family is paramount"? Yikes. Come back in 20 years and let us know how that's working out for you. You are modeling behavior to your kids that you're not going to like when they do the same thing to you. It is very sad that you are so misguided and short-sighted.

It’s misguided to place the importance of my nuclear family over extended family I see once a year at best? Not prioritizing family events that don’t include my entire family and would require my DH and kids to just sit in a hotel room for a family event is modeling behavior I won’t like in the future? This is part of growing up and creating a family of your own, I would certainly hope that when my kids are adults that the needs of their spouse and kids will come before the needs of extended family they don’t see very often. But whatever floats your boat.

In our family we show up and do things we don't want to do because we support our family, nuclear or extended, and we want our children that family does for family. Sounds like you're hellbent on showing your kids that you don't. Different strokes.

I agree with the person you're responding to. It would be interesting to hear back from you in 20/30 years. I think you would have a different response once the shoe is on the other foot ...

I don’t understand this argument though because you’re advocating that OP travel with her kids to an event that her kids weren’t invited to and scramble to find care for them. That’s not just showing up to something you don’t want to go to. I don’t need to demonstrate for my kids that they have to travel somewhere for an event that they aren’t invited to in order to put on a show of family solidarity, that is silly. If supporting family, extended and nuclear, is that important then you don’t have family events that exclude kids. It is definitely a person’s prerogative to have a kid-free event, but you don’t then get to sh!t on family members with kids who don’t travel to attend said event as being not supportive enough.

??? The children are invited to the most important event. The ceremony. I don't understand people like you who don't "get" that the ceremony is more important than the reception. But then I read your final sentence and realized that you are a coarse and poorly bred person, so the reason you don't understand what is important becomes remarkably clear. Good luck in life. You're going to need it.

Because what is important in your family is necessarily what is most important to every family in every culture. In my family the ceremony is not the important event, some of the ceremonies have actually been performed in 10 minutes by an officiant immediately before the reception starts. Thanks for your well wishes though, I was wholly incomplete without them.

DP. Huh? The act of commitment to one another is less important than the party? Wow. That's a really sad testament to your family's value system.

Spare me the pearl clutching. Do you know how many people elope, go to Vegas, got married in private because of Covid, but celebrated their commitment with a party after? News flash, the commitment is most important to the 2 people making it and the legally required witness. It is no one else’s business what is more important to a family, be it the commitment ceremony itself or the celebration of the commitment afterward. What a ridiculous amount of needless judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I only said the kids were not in HS. They are in ES and younger. We're definitely NOT ok with a stranger babysitting.

Why can't you stay with the children during the reception and your husband attend the reception? You really seem set on making this hard. The wedding is of a close family member. Try to act like you're a family even though you clearly don't like this one.

NP, but there is no reason to pay all the travel expenses just to have 3/4 members of OPs nuclear family sit in a hotel room for the family event. I have no problem with kid-free weddings, but people that have them also can’t expect that all family members with kids will attend. When my family has kid free events like weddings, I usually try to make it but DH and the kids stay home. You can’t on one hand trumpet family over all else, but then not include kids in family events. My nuclear family is paramount, and that family includes my kids. Sorry not sorry.

Your "nuclear family is paramount"? Yikes. Come back in 20 years and let us know how that's working out for you. You are modeling behavior to your kids that you're not going to like when they do the same thing to you. It is very sad that you are so misguided and short-sighted.

It’s misguided to place the importance of my nuclear family over extended family I see once a year at best? Not prioritizing family events that don’t include my entire family and would require my DH and kids to just sit in a hotel room for a family event is modeling behavior I won’t like in the future? This is part of growing up and creating a family of your own, I would certainly hope that when my kids are adults that the needs of their spouse and kids will come before the needs of extended family they don’t see very often. But whatever floats your boat.

In our family we show up and do things we don't want to do because we support our family, nuclear or extended, and we want our children that family does for family. Sounds like you're hellbent on showing your kids that you don't. Different strokes.

I agree with the person you're responding to. It would be interesting to hear back from you in 20/30 years. I think you would have a different response once the shoe is on the other foot ...

I don’t understand this argument though because you’re advocating that OP travel with her kids to an event that her kids weren’t invited to and scramble to find care for them. That’s not just showing up to something you don’t want to go to. I don’t need to demonstrate for my kids that they have to travel somewhere for an event that they aren’t invited to in order to put on a show of family solidarity, that is silly. If supporting family, extended and nuclear, is that important then you don’t have family events that exclude kids. It is definitely a person’s prerogative to have a kid-free event, but you don’t then get to sh!t on family members with kids who don’t travel to attend said event as being not supportive enough.

??? The children are invited to the most important event. The ceremony. I don't understand people like you who don't "get" that the ceremony is more important than the reception. But then I read your final sentence and realized that you are a coarse and poorly bred person, so the reason you don't understand what is important becomes remarkably clear. Good luck in life. You're going to need it.

Because what is important in your family is necessarily what is most important to every family in every culture. In my family the ceremony is not the important event, some of the ceremonies have actually been performed in 10 minutes by an officiant immediately before the reception starts. Thanks for your well wishes though, I was wholly incomplete without them.

DP. Huh? The act of commitment to one another is less important than the party? Wow. That's a really sad testament to your family's value system.

If the ceremony mattered so much to the family’s value system, they wouldn’t bother with an overpriced fancy party that excludes children and half the family and community. They’d have a ceremony and punch and cake social after that everyone is welcome to, because family values are more important that the status of a perfectly curated party.