Sibling Wedding: WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.

This and the answer to number 3 is: Yes, you’re being cheap about the gift.

[Anonymous]

Sheesh, it's really nice of the parents to invite you to dinner. But the couple are idiots if they think you'll bring the kids when they're not welcome at the reception.

I would go alone on Friday. But if you really enjoy family time, go alone Thursday.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.

This. It’s not a summons. Drive Friday.

This. I don't understand why people feel like an invitation is a demand. It's an invitation. It sounds like a lovely gesture and I'd let the bride's parents know that it was very nice of them to invite you and your family, but you aren't arriving until Friday night and you look forward to meeting them at the wedding.

True. But it's family. It's a nice gesture, and weddings are big events. What are OP's husband and kids doing that's so important that they can't take an extra day to attend a wedding of their BIL/Uncle? Not much, I imagine.

Who is this poster?? Stop. Just because “it’s family” doesn’t mean that you should drag 2 kids to spend 2 full days of driving for a 1 hour ceremony. That’s really nuts.

It’s a wedding. Some people value family. The ceremony is the important part -the kids can attend. Op doesn’t have to bring them for the future in law dinner if she’s worrying about missing an extra day of school. I had tweens/teens attend my wedding even though they missed school and I appreciated it. And 10 years later I attended their weddings with my kids even though I had kids in school. That’s what families do.

But in this case the kids aren't welcome at the reception. To many of us, that IS the most important part.

I didn’t grow up attending a lot of receptions but I did go to a good number of church and temple ceremonies. It was always a good time to connect with cousins/family friends etc. even when I did go to a reception as a kid we usually left around 9 cause we were kids…

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.

This. It’s not a summons. Drive Friday.

This. I don't understand why people feel like an invitation is a demand. It's an invitation. It sounds like a lovely gesture and I'd let the bride's parents know that it was very nice of them to invite you and your family, but you aren't arriving until Friday night and you look forward to meeting them at the wedding.

True. But it's family. It's a nice gesture, and weddings are big events. What are OP's husband and kids doing that's so important that they can't take an extra day to attend a wedding of their BIL/Uncle? Not much, I imagine.

Who is this poster?? Stop. Just because “it’s family” doesn’t mean that you should drag 2 kids to spend 2 full days of driving for a 1 hour ceremony. That’s really nuts.

It’s a wedding. Some people value family. The ceremony is the important part -the kids can attend. Op doesn’t have to bring them for the future in law dinner if she’s worrying about missing an extra day of school. I had tweens/teens attend my wedding even though they missed school and I appreciated it. And 10 years later I attended their weddings with my kids even though I had kids in school. That’s what families do.

But in this case the kids aren't welcome at the reception. To many of us, that IS the most important part.

I didn’t grow up attending a lot of receptions but I did go to a good number of church and temple ceremonies. It was always a good time to connect with cousins/family friends etc. even when I did go to a reception as a kid we usually left around 9 cause we were kids…

I’ve never found this to be the case. I’m Protestant for one thing and our ceremonies are quite short. You have to be quiet in the chapel, and people leave for the wedding reception fairly quickly following the service. The time for catching up with relatives is either the rehearsal dinner, or the reception, not the ceremony itself.

[Anonymous]

The dinner is a courtesy to those coming from out of town, not a requirement. Do only what you can handle and give only what you truly want to give without feeling resentment. It is rude not to allow the immediate family to bring kids.

[Anonymous]

It is so crappy to not invite his nieces and nephews to his wedding.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.

This. It’s not a summons. Drive Friday.

This. I don't understand why people feel like an invitation is a demand. It's an invitation. It sounds like a lovely gesture and I'd let the bride's parents know that it was very nice of them to invite you and your family, but you aren't arriving until Friday night and you look forward to meeting them at the wedding.

True. But it's family. It's a nice gesture, and weddings are big events. What are OP's husband and kids doing that's so important that they can't take an extra day to attend a wedding of their BIL/Uncle? Not much, I imagine.

Who is this poster?? Stop. Just because “it’s family” doesn’t mean that you should drag 2 kids to spend 2 full days of driving for a 1 hour ceremony. That’s really nuts.

It’s a wedding. Some people value family. The ceremony is the important part -the kids can attend. Op doesn’t have to bring them for the future in law dinner if she’s worrying about missing an extra day of school. I had tweens/teens attend my wedding even though they missed school and I appreciated it. And 10 years later I attended their weddings with my kids even though I had kids in school. That’s what families do.

But in this case the kids aren't welcome at the reception. To many of us, that IS the most important part.

I didn’t grow up attending a lot of receptions but I did go to a good number of church and temple ceremonies. It was always a good time to connect with cousins/family friends etc. even when I did go to a reception as a kid we usually left around 9 cause we were kids…

I’ve never found this to be the case. I’m Protestant for one thing and our ceremonies are quite short. You have to be quiet in the chapel, and people leave for the wedding reception fairly quickly following the service. The time for catching up with relatives is either the rehearsal dinner, or the reception, not the ceremony itself.

I'm Catholic and went to all of the receptions. I agree with pp, the ceremony wasn't a time to catch up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is so crappy to not invite his nieces and nephews to his wedding.

This. You are not being cheap about the gift. it's not about gifts people. The gift is the person actually comes to celebrate. Your kids should have been invited to everything as the first degree relative.

[Anonymous]

I had almost this exact situation a couple years ago. I went alone and DH stayed home with the kids. Flew in Saturday morning, flew out Sunday. There was no way I was going to drag the kids halfway across the country so they could sit in a hotel room with a stranger. We don't have any local relatives they could stay with, so DH stayed home. It is what it is. I support people's right to have any kind of wedding they want, but as a guest I'm not going to twist myself in a pretzel to accommodate their choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is so crappy to not invite his nieces and nephews to his wedding.

This. You are not being cheap about the gift. it's not about gifts people. The gift is the person actually comes to celebrate. Your kids should have been invited to everything as the first degree relative.

Nope. People are entitled to have the wedding they want. And people who aren’t happy with that are free to decline.

[Anonymous]

A check for $500 to $800 is insanely high.

[Anonymous]

I find it strange that there is a dinner before the wedding, and the kids aren't invited to the wedding reception.

It's like they didn't take parents POV into consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is so crappy to not invite his nieces and nephews to his wedding.

This. You are not being cheap about the gift. it's not about gifts people. The gift is the person actually comes to celebrate. Your kids should have been invited to everything as the first degree relative.

I agree, but I know everyone doesn't. My inlaws refused to allow the nieces and nephews to attend since their other extended cousins were not invited.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.

This. It’s not a summons. Drive Friday.

This. I don't understand why people feel like an invitation is a demand. It's an invitation. It sounds like a lovely gesture and I'd let the bride's parents know that it was very nice of them to invite you and your family, but you aren't arriving until Friday night and you look forward to meeting them at the wedding.

True. But it's family. It's a nice gesture, and weddings are big events. What are OP's husband and kids doing that's so important that they can't take an extra day to attend a wedding of their BIL/Uncle? Not much, I imagine.

Who is this poster?? Stop. Just because “it’s family” doesn’t mean that you should drag 2 kids to spend 2 full days of driving for a 1 hour ceremony. That’s really nuts.

It’s a wedding. Some people value family. The ceremony is the important part -the kids can attend. Op doesn’t have to bring them for the future in law dinner if she’s worrying about missing an extra day of school. I had tweens/teens attend my wedding even though they missed school and I appreciated it. And 10 years later I attended their weddings with my kids even though I had kids in school. That’s what families do.

But in this case the kids aren't welcome at the reception. To many of us, that IS the most important part.

I didn’t grow up attending a lot of receptions but I did go to a good number of church and temple ceremonies. It was always a good time to connect with cousins/family friends etc. even when I did go to a reception as a kid we usually left around 9 cause we were kids…

I’ve never found this to be the case. I’m Protestant for one thing and our ceremonies are quite short. You have to be quiet in the chapel, and people leave for the wedding reception fairly quickly following the service. The time for catching up with relatives is either the rehearsal dinner, or the reception, not the ceremony itself.

I'm Catholic and went to all of the receptions. I agree with pp, the ceremony wasn't a time to catch up.

Your experiences aren’t universal. Of course people chat as they get seats, stand in the reception line and hang out around the church. And for Jewish and Hindu ceremonies which are much longer-there’s even more time to engage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave kids/husband at home. FLY to destination Thursday morning instead of doing a long drive. Fly home Sunday morning.

This. Just fly and leave the kids and dh at home. They can meet the bride later.