Buy Nothing Groups Vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people say please or thank you? I just gave away many very nice, high interest items in this group and I didn't get a single please or thank you. People said "interested" (then they were not in the pms), "I'll take it!"or, "next" but not a single please or even request as to why they should receive the item. After people picked up the items they didn't say thank you either. I'm relatively new to these groups so is that normal?

There's no enforcement and the gifter can choose based on other criteria, but proper etiquette in my BNG is to select the recipient by random drawing of interested recipients after letting the post simmer for a while, not by level of detail in the response to the offer. Begging or listing out why you deserve it more than others is somewhere between unnecessary and bad form. What you're asking for (explanation as to why they should receive the item) disadvantages people who don't speak English as a first language, for example.

While I appreciate that may be the etiquette in your group, it really does go against the national model. You are supposed to talk to each other like friends and that often comes with an explanation about why the item is needed/useful. So people moving into the area from other groups don't see it as begging, they see it as following the model as set out by the founders (and probably enforced in their former group).

I've given away some pretty nice/sentimental things on buy nothing and I wanted to know they were really needed/wanted. It also helps avoid the people who intend to resell the item.

I think there's just a broader diversity of languages spoken in my tri-neighborhood BNG, and perhaps less presumption of English fluency. I don't care about resellers, I care about not excluding people who cannot write persuasively in English. If someone in my neighborhood has a side hustle reselling backyard furniture they get for free and clean up, then good for them and good for the economy.

This reminds me of a post in Expectant Mothers about the lady who wanted to give away bunch of "upscale" baby items but only to someone who would come over and ooh and ahh appreciatively over each item in front of the giver, in her driveway, during the pandemic. Buy Nothing is about making neighborhood connections and keeping things out of landfills, not about proving you're the one who deserves the spatula.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's the culture of your specific group. Maybe check in with your mods about the actual guidelines.

In my group it's specifically stated that there's not "first" or "next" or whatever. People post like they're talking to their friends - "that would be great for my garage!" There's no "ISO" - it's "hey does anyone have a xxx to give away?" Always thank yous. Occasional gratitude posts. Almost always "got it" in a pm to close the deal after pick up. My group is very friendly.

Same with mine and the others I've belonged to. It's a out community, sharing, and providing outside of the marketplace.

OP - Perhaps try Nextdoor or a Freecycling group instead?

My pet peeves with BN groups: when I give things away I try to include all relevant details to ensure the person who gets it really wants to commit to picking it up. So I include neighborhood, how I'm going to choose, condition of item, timeframe for pickup etc. It works. I've never had someone flake on me. It is annoying when someone posts something with one word, like "clothes." WHAT SIZE?? Post details folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people say please or thank you? I just gave away many very nice, high interest items in this group and I didn't get a single please or thank you. People said "interested" (then they were not in the pms), "I'll take it!"or, "next" but not a single please or even request as to why they should receive the item. After people picked up the items they didn't say thank you either. I'm relatively new to these groups so is that normal?

There's no enforcement and the gifter can choose based on other criteria, but proper etiquette in my BNG is to select the recipient by random drawing of interested recipients after letting the post simmer for a while, not by level of detail in the response to the offer. Begging or listing out why you deserve it more than others is somewhere between unnecessary and bad form. What you're asking for (explanation as to why they should receive the item) disadvantages people who don't speak English as a first language, for example.

While I appreciate that may be the etiquette in your group, it really does go against the national model. You are supposed to talk to each other like friends and that often comes with an explanation about why the item is needed/useful. So people moving into the area from other groups don't see it as begging, they see it as following the model as set out by the founders (and probably enforced in their former group).

I've given away some pretty nice/sentimental things on buy nothing and I wanted to know they were really needed/wanted. It also helps avoid the people who intend to resell the item.

I think there's just a broader diversity of languages spoken in my tri-neighborhood BNG, and perhaps less presumption of English fluency. I don't care about resellers, I care about not excluding people who cannot write persuasively in English. If someone in my neighborhood has a side hustle reselling backyard furniture they get for free and clean up, then good for them and good for the economy.

This reminds me of a post in Expectant Mothers about the lady who wanted to give away bunch of "upscale" baby items but only to someone who would come over and ooh and ahh appreciatively over each item in front of the giver, in her driveway, during the pandemic. Buy Nothing is about making neighborhood connections and keeping things out of landfills, not about proving you're the one who deserves the spatula.

I find that non-english speakers are the most polite and have manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people say please or thank you? I just gave away many very nice, high interest items in this group and I didn't get a single please or thank you. People said "interested" (then they were not in the pms), "I'll take it!"or, "next" but not a single please or even request as to why they should receive the item. After people picked up the items they didn't say thank you either. I'm relatively new to these groups so is that normal?

There's no enforcement and the gifter can choose based on other criteria, but proper etiquette in my BNG is to select the recipient by random drawing of interested recipients after letting the post simmer for a while, not by level of detail in the response to the offer. Begging or listing out why you deserve it more than others is somewhere between unnecessary and bad form. What you're asking for (explanation as to why they should receive the item) disadvantages people who don't speak English as a first language, for example.

While I appreciate that may be the etiquette in your group, it really does go against the national model. You are supposed to talk to each other like friends and that often comes with an explanation about why the item is needed/useful. So people moving into the area from other groups don't see it as begging, they see it as following the model as set out by the founders (and probably enforced in their former group).

I've given away some pretty nice/sentimental things on buy nothing and I wanted to know they were really needed/wanted. It also helps avoid the people who intend to resell the item.

I think there's just a broader diversity of languages spoken in my tri-neighborhood BNG, and perhaps less presumption of English fluency. I don't care about resellers, I care about not excluding people who cannot write persuasively in English. If someone in my neighborhood has a side hustle reselling backyard furniture they get for free and clean up, then good for them and good for the economy.

This reminds me of a post in Expectant Mothers about the lady who wanted to give away bunch of "upscale" baby items but only to someone who would come over and ooh and ahh appreciatively over each item in front of the giver, in her driveway, during the pandemic. Buy Nothing is about making neighborhood connections and keeping things out of landfills, not about proving you're the one who deserves the spatula.

I find that non-english speakers are the most polite and have manners.

And there's nothing impolite about responding "Interested" to a post in a Buy Nothing Group. Expecting someone to convince you to pick them is not about politeness, that is the whole point I'm making. OP doesn't just want please and thank you. She wants them to type out a "request as to why they should receive the item". I'm pointing out that she may not realize that she's judging people as rude for not doing something that they may not be able to do.

It's like an OP saying recipients should have to climb 17 steps to get a donation off their porch, and then a bunch of posters getting mad at someone for pointing out wheelchairs exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people say please or thank you? I just gave away many very nice, high interest items in this group and I didn't get a single please or thank you. People said "interested" (then they were not in the pms), "I'll take it!"or, "next" but not a single please or even request as to why they should receive the item. After people picked up the items they didn't say thank you either. I'm relatively new to these groups so is that normal?

There's no enforcement and the gifter can choose based on other criteria, but proper etiquette in my BNG is to select the recipient by random drawing of interested recipients after letting the post simmer for a while, not by level of detail in the response to the offer. Begging or listing out why you deserve it more than others is somewhere between unnecessary and bad form. What you're asking for (explanation as to why they should receive the item) disadvantages people who don't speak English as a first language, for example.

While I appreciate that may be the etiquette in your group, it really does go against the national model. You are supposed to talk to each other like friends and that often comes with an explanation about why the item is needed/useful. So people moving into the area from other groups don't see it as begging, they see it as following the model as set out by the founders (and probably enforced in their former group).

I've given away some pretty nice/sentimental things on buy nothing and I wanted to know they were really needed/wanted. It also helps avoid the people who intend to resell the item.

I think there's just a broader diversity of languages spoken in my tri-neighborhood BNG, and perhaps less presumption of English fluency. I don't care about resellers, I care about not excluding people who cannot write persuasively in English. If someone in my neighborhood has a side hustle reselling backyard furniture they get for free and clean up, then good for them and good for the economy.

This reminds me of a post in Expectant Mothers about the lady who wanted to give away bunch of "upscale" baby items but only to someone who would come over and ooh and ahh appreciatively over each item in front of the giver, in her driveway, during the pandemic. Buy Nothing is about making neighborhood connections and keeping things out of landfills, not about proving you're the one who deserves the spatula.

OP and that's not what I mean by showing basic manners. A simple, "interested, please" or "I picked it up, thanks!". I like the PPs group when they give a simple one liner, but I guess that's just me and how I approach the group. To me I give items of value that I think are too nice for the thrift shop so my from my POV basic manners would be welcome. As I said, I'm newish to the group so I suppose I am surprised at how it works. I'll just go with the flow as it was just a vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people say please or thank you? I just gave away many very nice, high interest items in this group and I didn't get a single please or thank you. People said "interested" (then they were not in the pms), "I'll take it!"or, "next" but not a single please or even request as to why they should receive the item. After people picked up the items they didn't say thank you either. I'm relatively new to these groups so is that normal?

There's no enforcement and the gifter can choose based on other criteria, but proper etiquette in my BNG is to select the recipient by random drawing of interested recipients after letting the post simmer for a while, not by level of detail in the response to the offer. Begging or listing out why you deserve it more than others is somewhere between unnecessary and bad form. What you're asking for (explanation as to why they should receive the item) disadvantages people who don't speak English as a first language, for example.

As to thank you after - about 75% of my recipients will respond to me privately on a DM saying "got it, thanks!" after they get whatever it is off my porch. Not necessary, and more of a "transaction concluded" than heartfelt gratitude. Which is fine. I have gotten things home and then realized that the kids floor puzzle is missing two pieces or something, so I'm not gushing thank you at pickup either. Maybe 1% of all posts will get a separate "gratitude post" where the recipient shows the item in use at their house and explains why it's awesome. Extreme outlier.

Yes I was giving away cat food once and a woman scolded me on my post for not taking it to a shelter. Are you willing to drive it for me? I don't care who eats it as long as it gets ate. Well, she was kicked out of the group for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I seek for cheap rather than buy nothing, I feel people are more serious that way. And I always give priority to who can pick up very soon (and if multiple can, I just go in order of response) and state that in my post.

I do this too. I find that people are more serious about picking up an item when they feel like they are getting a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people say please or thank you? I just gave away many very nice, high interest items in this group and I didn't get a single please or thank you. People said "interested" (then they were not in the pms), "I'll take it!"or, "next" but not a single please or even request as to why they should receive the item. After people picked up the items they didn't say thank you either. I'm relatively new to these groups so is that normal?

There's no enforcement and the gifter can choose based on other criteria, but proper etiquette in my BNG is to select the recipient by random drawing of interested recipients after letting the post simmer for a while, not by level of detail in the response to the offer. Begging or listing out why you deserve it more than others is somewhere between unnecessary and bad form. What you're asking for (explanation as to why they should receive the item) disadvantages people who don't speak English as a first language, for example.

While I appreciate that may be the etiquette in your group, it really does go against the national model. You are supposed to talk to each other like friends and that often comes with an explanation about why the item is needed/useful. So people moving into the area from other groups don't see it as begging, they see it as following the model as set out by the founders (and probably enforced in their former group).

I've given away some pretty nice/sentimental things on buy nothing and I wanted to know they were really needed/wanted. It also helps avoid the people who intend to resell the item.

[b]I think there's just a broader diversity of languages spoken in my tri-neighborhood BNG, and perhaps less presumption of English fluency. I don't care about resellers, I care about not excluding people who cannot write persuasively in English. If someone in my neighborhood has a side hustle reselling backyard furniture they get for free and clean up, then good for them and good for the economy.

This reminds me of a post in Expectant Mothers about the lady who wanted to give away bunch of "upscale" baby items but only to someone who would come over and ooh and ahh appreciatively over each item in front of the giver, in her driveway, during the pandemic. Buy Nothing is about making neighborhood connections and keeping things out of landfills, not about proving you're the one who deserves the spatula.

I find that non-english speakers are the most polite and have manners.

And there's nothing impolite about responding "Interested" to a post in a Buy Nothing Group. Expecting someone to convince you to pick them is not about politeness, that is the whole point I'm making. OP doesn't just want please and thank you. She wants them to type out a "request as to why they should receive the item". I'm pointing out that she may not realize that she's judging people as rude for not doing something that they may not be able to do.

It's like an OP saying recipients should have to climb 17 steps to get a donation off their porch, and then a bunch of posters getting mad at someone for pointing out wheelchairs exist.

OP back and I can see how badly that came out. I don't expect to be convinced, I just thought there would be a short sentence like "I could use this for my dog." or "This would be great for my car." but if that is too much to ask then I understand.

[Anonymous]

I get it. I would definitely say ty, free or not.

Not in a BNG but the "next" and "interested" annoys the crap out of me on my local ND app. I've given away clothes, purses, books, toys, etc and will state to specifically let me know if someone wants one or all and when can they pick up, yet still, half the time people just respond with above two and no DMs 🙄

[Anonymous]

This post just goes to show how important it is for a group's moderators to set and enforce norms.

My group specifically bans PMing without permission. A poster/giver can decide how they want to give away their item (random selection, heart-string tugging, or first-come/first serve). I typically go with first-come/first-served and "interested" and "next" are all I need to know.

Sometimes someone will give away something sentimental and will want to know what people intend to do with the item. Or sometimes it will be a hot item (like an iPhone) and people will say they're letting the post simmer and will randomly select a recipient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people say please or thank you? I just gave away many very nice, high interest items in this group and I didn't get a single please or thank you. People said "interested" (then they were not in the pms), "I'll take it!"or, "next" but not a single please or even request as to why they should receive the item. After people picked up the items they didn't say thank you either. I'm relatively new to these groups so is that normal?

Unless I forget, I always send a thank you as a way of confirming that Ipicked up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people say please or thank you? I just gave away many very nice, high interest items in this group and I didn't get a single please or thank you. People said "interested" (then they were not in the pms), "I'll take it!"or, "next" but not a single please or even request as to why they should receive the item. After people picked up the items they didn't say thank you either. I'm relatively new to these groups so is that normal?

There's no enforcement and the gifter can choose based on other criteria, but proper etiquette in my BNG is to select the recipient by random drawing of interested recipients after letting the post simmer for a while, not by level of detail in the response to the offer. Begging or listing out why you deserve it more than others is somewhere between unnecessary and bad form. What you're asking for (explanation as to why they should receive the item) disadvantages people who don't speak English as a first language, for example.

While I appreciate that may be the etiquette in your group, it really does go against the national model. You are supposed to talk to each other like friends and that often comes with an explanation about why the item is needed/useful. So people moving into the area from other groups don't see it as begging, they see it as following the model as set out by the founders (and probably enforced in their former group).

I've given away some pretty nice/sentimental things on buy nothing and I wanted to know they were really needed/wanted. It also helps avoid the people who intend to resell the item.

I think there's just a broader diversity of languages spoken in my tri-neighborhood BNG, and perhaps less presumption of English fluency. I don't care about resellers, I care about not excluding people who cannot write persuasively in English. If someone in my neighborhood has a side hustle reselling backyard furniture they get for free and clean up, then good for them and good for the economy.

This reminds me of a post in Expectant Mothers about the lady who wanted to give away bunch of "upscale" baby items but only to someone who would come over and ooh and ahh appreciatively over each item in front of the giver, in her driveway, during the pandemic. Buy Nothing is about making neighborhood connections and keeping things out of landfills, not about proving you're the one who deserves the spatula.

There is a big difference between recognizing language barriers and calling those who follow the model beggers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seek for cheap rather than buy nothing, I feel people are more serious that way. And I always give priority to who can pick up very soon (and if multiple can, I just go in order of response) and state that in my post.

I do this too. I find that people are more serious about picking up an item when they feel like they are getting a deal.

People who flake on pick ups are the worst. Especially when you see them begging for things on several other posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post just goes to show how important it is for a group's moderators to set and enforce norms.

My group specifically bans PMing without permission. A poster/giver can decide how they want to give away their item (random selection, heart-string tugging, or first-come/first serve). I typically go with first-come/first-served and "interested" and "next" are all I need to know.

Sometimes someone will give away something sentimental and will want to know what people intend to do with the item. Or sometimes it will be a hot item (like an iPhone) and people will say they're letting the post simmer and will randomly select a recipient.

I give away a lot and never do first-come, first-serve. (Rare exception if something truly needs a home asap I frame it as a flash post.) A lot of people aren't glued to their phones or only check FB occasionally so I prefer to let it simmer. Also as a former moderator, the FCFS approach incentivizes people to try to rush to say they'll take it before they are really sure they can commit to picking up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate when people tell me why they want it. Not my business. I don’t expect a please when I am literally offering it. They are doing me a favor by taking it, after all.

They have all said thank you when they pick it up if we cross paths, though.

This is proper etiquette for Buy Nothing. Read up on the group. It’s just as much about about building community and expressing gratitude as it it is about getting rid of your sh!t.