Buy Nothing Groups Vent

[Anonymous]

Why don't people say please or thank you? I just gave away many very nice, high interest items in this group and I didn't get a single please or thank you. People said "interested" (then they were not in the pms), "I'll take it!"or, "next" but not a single please or even request as to why they should receive the item. After people picked up the items they didn't say thank you either. I'm relatively new to these groups so is that normal?

[Anonymous]

I hate when people tell me why they want it. Not my business. I don’t expect a please when I am literally offering it. They are doing me a favor by taking it, after all.

They have all said thank you when they pick it up if we cross paths, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate when people tell me why they want it. Not my business. I don’t expect a please when I am literally offering it. They are doing me a favor by taking it, after all.

They have all said thank you when they pick it up if we cross paths, though.

Agree, they are doing you a favor too.

The thank you comes later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate when people tell me why they want it. Not my business. I don’t expect a please when I am literally offering it. They are doing me a favor by taking it, after all.

They have all said thank you when they pick it up if we cross paths, though.

So then do you say thank you to them for taking it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate when people tell me why they want it. Not my business. I don’t expect a please when I am literally offering it. They are doing me a favor by taking it, after all.

They have all said thank you when they pick it up if we cross paths, though.

Um....that is part of the buy nothing model. If you don't want that, let people know in the original post that you are going to pick randomly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people say please or thank you? I just gave away many very nice, high interest items in this group and I didn't get a single please or thank you. People said "interested" (then they were not in the pms), "I'll take it!"or, "next" but not a single please or even request as to why they should receive the item. After people picked up the items they didn't say thank you either. I'm relatively new to these groups so is that normal?

There's no enforcement and the gifter can choose based on other criteria, but proper etiquette in my BNG is to select the recipient by random drawing of interested recipients after letting the post simmer for a while, not by level of detail in the response to the offer. Begging or listing out why you deserve it more than others is somewhere between unnecessary and bad form. What you're asking for (explanation as to why they should receive the item) disadvantages people who don't speak English as a first language, for example.

As to thank you after - about 75% of my recipients will respond to me privately on a DM saying "got it, thanks!" after they get whatever it is off my porch. Not necessary, and more of a "transaction concluded" than heartfelt gratitude. Which is fine. I have gotten things home and then realized that the kids floor puzzle is missing two pieces or something, so I'm not gushing thank you at pickup either. Maybe 1% of all posts will get a separate "gratitude post" where the recipient shows the item in use at their house and explains why it's awesome. Extreme outlier.

[Anonymous]

I definitely thank a person who gifts me an item. If it was a high interest item I usually give a line about how I will use it.

When I comment on the post though, I just say "interested' usually.

[Anonymous]

That's the culture of your specific group. Maybe check in with your mods about the actual guidelines.

In my group it's specifically stated that there's not "first" or "next" or whatever. People post like they're talking to their friends - "that would be great for my garage!" There's no "ISO" - it's "hey does anyone have a xxx to give away?" Always thank yous. Occasional gratitude posts. Almost always "got it" in a pm to close the deal after pick up. My group is very friendly.

[Anonymous]

I have seen that too. I have solved for it by only choosing someone who says something like “thanks for considering” or something else that shows they have some basic manners. I only give to the “interested!” People if I’m desperate to get rid of something and don’t care. Amazing how many people don’t have common courtesy though.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care what people post if they’re interested, but I get annoyed with the people who don’t thank you or have 9 million excuses why they were 4 days late to pick up something. The few times I’ve picked up an item I made sure to thank the person after I picked it up, both to be nice and to make sure the person knows that I got it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's the culture of your specific group. Maybe check in with your mods about the actual guidelines.

In my group it's specifically stated that there's not "first" or "next" or whatever. People post like they're talking to their friends - "that would be great for my garage!" There's no "ISO" - it's "hey does anyone have a xxx to give away?" Always thank yous. Occasional gratitude posts. Almost always "got it" in a pm to close the deal after pick up. My group is very friendly.

+1. Same in Old Town.

[Anonymous]

I drop a quick handwritten thank you card in their mailbox/ Slot if I’m doing a porch pickup. Takes less than 3 minutes to do.

[Anonymous]

I seek for cheap rather than buy nothing, I feel people are more serious that way. And I always give priority to who can pick up very soon (and if multiple can, I just go in order of response) and state that in my post.

[Anonymous]

I love my group, have given and gotten many treasures.

My vent is that the last few months have been a series of people who are interested but never pick up. By the time I reach back out, the post is cold and nobody else is interested.

I've started blocking people who claim items and don't pick them up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people say please or thank you? I just gave away many very nice, high interest items in this group and I didn't get a single please or thank you. People said "interested" (then they were not in the pms), "I'll take it!"or, "next" but not a single please or even request as to why they should receive the item. After people picked up the items they didn't say thank you either. I'm relatively new to these groups so is that normal?

There's no enforcement and the gifter can choose based on other criteria, but proper etiquette in my BNG is to select the recipient by random drawing of interested recipients after letting the post simmer for a while, not by level of detail in the response to the offer. Begging or listing out why you deserve it more than others is somewhere between unnecessary and bad form. What you're asking for (explanation as to why they should receive the item) disadvantages people who don't speak English as a first language, for example.

While I appreciate that may be the etiquette in your group, it really does go against the national model. You are supposed to talk to each other like friends and that often comes with an explanation about why the item is needed/useful. So people moving into the area from other groups don't see it as begging, they see it as following the model as set out by the founders (and probably enforced in their former group).

I've given away some pretty nice/sentimental things on buy nothing and I wanted to know they were really needed/wanted. It also helps avoid the people who intend to resell the item.