Does your spouse owe your parents financial assistance?
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Anonymous
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I don’t understand how that $600 isn’t his money too. As you said, his money is yours and yours is his. That’s money that isn’t going to your retirement or your own children’s education fund. And I also don’t understand why that $600 isn’t enough especially when you have another sibling contributing as well.
Assuming your husband is already on board with the $600, any additional contribution has to be a joint decision. |
Anonymous
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Youi are the person with the family stuck in the middle east and they have massive debt and cannot legally work, right? What has happened since you last posted? Why is the $600 a month no longer enough?
It seems like you are throwing good money after bad with this $600 a month. What is the actual plan to solve this problem? It does seem like you want your husband and your sister's husband to pay this off. But it also seems like your parents have not made the best choices. What is the plan? |
Anonymous
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Is this your family?
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/778324.page |
Anonymous
| Your parents are your responsibility but their responsibilities aren't your responsibility. If you do anything for your siblings, its a gift not a due. If your siblings are over age of 18, they aren't your parents responsibility either. |
Anonymous
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I absolutely wouldn't be sending any money for a sibling's education. why can't they get loans like everyone else?
But no, I wouldn't be sending money to my parents. If my parents had financial issues, I would let them live with me and I would pay their expenses, but would need more control over their finances. |
Anonymous
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Your family (not you) is sending $7200 per year to your family; your sister's family is sending a similar amount. That's a decent sum, and it's not surprising that your husband is resisting increasing it. You seem to try to justify the $7200 by saying it's out of your paycheck, but that's a false construct.
One other thing that struck me is that you want to subsidize (and want your husband to subsidize) your younger sibling's education. That's a big ask, and it isn't surprising that he's resisting. You also seem to be implying that your sister's family should pay more than you, because her husband makes more than yours. You need to focus on how to spend your own family's money, not other people's. |
Anonymous
All of this. If your father works (if you are the OP I think you are), why is his pay plus $15000 a year from you and your sister not enough? |
Anonymous
| Honestly, I think it just depends. I'm a sahm with parents who have always struggled financially. My parents as well as dh's are from the same country and we all reside locally, but his are much, much better off, UMC. Years ago I approached him about helping my parents out and he was on board from the get-go, and sends $500 a month. Honestly, when it comes to our HHI, not a big drop, but does a lot for parents' finances. My siblings contribute as well. |
Anonymous
| My parents spent all of their income on their children, if they invested all that money, they'll be multimillionaires. They didn't so I feel we are their good investments because we became affluent thanks to the opportunities they provided us. I didn't have to work a day until i finished my medical school. If I do anything for them, its not a favor or charity or gift, i'm only repaying what i took. |
Anonymous
If this is you, why did your father retire when he still had two kids to provide for? Seems like he was expecting you and your other adult siblings to provide for them, and him. Did you agree to that beforehand? |
Anonymous
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Our philosophy is anytime we can help someone in need we do it. And don't expect to be paid back. It's a gift.
That being said we pay our grandson's vehicle insurance. Because he is in college and would struggle to pay it. We bought him a truck for graduation and regularly send him gift cards for gas and money for whatever. We make sure my sister has groceries and gas. We send my BIL cat food monthly. We regularly send money and gift cards to our son and DIL. And whatever they may need. No we are not wealthy. We just saved and invested. Our needs are few our wants are taken care of. So we share. We do it for many reasons but the most important one is LOVE. Our selfish side, it makes us feel so good. We don't even expect a thank you. I know they are grateful and that's thanks enough. |
Anonymous
| Keeping your money separate doesn’t make sense if you plan to stay together. You saving less because you support your parents means he might have to work more years and retire later than he wants because you as a family don’t have enough money to retire. So he will pay the price for your parents one way or another. Better to have an honest reckoning about this and let him help you decide what to do as a family (you and him first, then with your sister as well). |
Anonymous
It sounds to me like OP is a naturalized American and her family still lives in her country of origin. In many other countries, student loans for college are not easy to get. Additionally, OP's parents and sibling may not have collateral for a traditional (non-student) type loan. From the sounds of OP and her sister both being in America, having been college-educated here and sending money home, it sounds like OP's parents sacrificed a lot to be able to send their two older daughters to America for college and to get a better life. Now they are struggling to do the same with their youngest child. OP and her sister are both sending money back, but that money has to help with family support and college for the youngest and it is being stretched thin.
So, the fact that her parents sacrificed much of their life and any chance of retirement to send OP to to college and give her a better life than they had, is not worth paying the parents back? That's a pretty cold and callous way to behave. OP is trying to pay her parents back for the sacrifices that they made for her. |
Anonymous
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My brother really really wanted to attend NYU, wasn't eligible for aid, loans or scholarships. My parents paid for school and high cost of living in NYC even though they could've made him attend community college or much cheaper state school while living at home. They also paid for his MBA from a T20. He is a corporate consultant now. It would be so cruel if he didn't try to make life easier for my parents in their old age.
I attended a state school in full merit scholarship and started an engineering job at 21 so they didn't have to spend as much on me but they would've done the same if i wanted or needed it. I find ways to make retirement comfortable for them, not because they ask or I owe them but because I love them. They wont need help with bills but will be on limited income and not able to live they way they could be if a lot of their savings weren't gone into helping their 18+ children build good lives for themselves. |
Anonymous
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Is this you, OP? The one with the parents from Zambia and the sister with the expensive wedding?
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/958334.page Overall it seems like if there is no plan to improve your parents' situation, then it's a waste of money to give them more. Realistically what is the path out of this situation? If I were your husband I certainly would not support any increase without a serious plan and progress being made. |