Does your spouse owe your parents financial assistance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your father needs to come out of retirement. He should never have retired when he still had two children to put through school.

You made a mistake - you and your sibling (and your spouses) should all go to one (the same, at the same time) financial advisor and explain how much your family of origin needs (and make sure your parents are not exploiting by inflating costs) and how much you and your spouses make and what's reasonable.

So much this. He apparently assumes OP and her older siblings would subsidize him, and their younger siblings.

lots of asian families see their kids as a retirement plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our philosophy is anytime we can help someone in need we do it. And don't expect to be paid back. It's a gift.
That being said we pay our grandson's vehicle insurance. Because he is in college and would struggle to pay it. We bought him a truck for graduation and regularly send him gift cards for gas and money for whatever.
We make sure my sister has groceries and gas. We send my BIL cat food monthly.
We regularly send money and gift cards to our son and DIL. And whatever they may need.
No we are not wealthy. We just saved and invested. Our needs are few our wants are taken care of.
So we share. We do it for many reasons but the most important one is LOVE.
Our selfish side, it makes us feel so good. We don't even expect a thank you.
I know they are grateful and that's thanks enough.

What kind of idiots buy a teenager a truck? I hope you feel the same smug self-satisfaction when he kills someone on the road…

[Anonymous]

I am so happy I do not come from a culture that parents feel entitled to their children's money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our philosophy is anytime we can help someone in need we do it. And don't expect to be paid back. It's a gift.
That being said we pay our grandson's vehicle insurance. Because he is in college and would struggle to pay it. We bought him a truck for graduation and regularly send him gift cards for gas and money for whatever.
We make sure my sister has groceries and gas. We send my BIL cat food monthly.
We regularly send money and gift cards to our son and DIL. And whatever they may need.
No we are not wealthy. We just saved and invested. Our needs are few our wants are taken care of.
So we share. We do it for many reasons but the most important one is LOVE.
Our selfish side, it makes us feel so good. We don't even expect a thank you.
I know they are grateful and that's thanks enough.

That’s great for your family, and it would be nice if OP’s parents could do the same for their own children. But, OP is just starting out and doesn’t yet have the means to be able to be so generous with her family. She and her DH need to work on establishing themselves first, and that may take years. Right now, her family of origin’s debts and needs have the potential to drag everyone down with them. OP needs to set limits so they don’t ruin her marriage and her and her DH’s financial future. If she doesn’t, they’ll all be drowning but there won’t be anyone left to save them. OP should not allow it to get that far. Self-preservation is not being selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our philosophy is anytime we can help someone in need we do it. And don't expect to be paid back. It's a gift.
That being said we pay our grandson's vehicle insurance. Because he is in college and would struggle to pay it. We bought him a truck for graduation and regularly send him gift cards for gas and money for whatever.
We make sure my sister has groceries and gas. We send my BIL cat food monthly.
We regularly send money and gift cards to our son and DIL. And whatever they may need.
No we are not wealthy. We just saved and invested. Our needs are few our wants are taken care of.
So we share. We do it for many reasons but the most important one is LOVE.
Our selfish side, it makes us feel so good. We don't even expect a thank you.
I know they are grateful and that's thanks enough.

What kind of idiots buy a teenager a truck? I hope you feel the same smug self-satisfaction when he kills someone on the road…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so happy I do not come from a culture that parents feel entitled to their children's money.

So this! Thank god!

[Anonymous]

You have sent your family of origin $72,000 and now you want your husband to chip in?

Your sister has $72,000, likely more, and you’re stressed that they’re not sending enough?!

Im generally curious, how much until YOU have paid your debt that you owe your parents for birthing you? 18 years? Lifelong?

This is a great return, if you think about it. Pay in for 18 years, and retire soon after. Must be what the kids are calling ‘passive income.’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a tricky subject. I come from a poor family and my parents sacrificed everything to give me educational and immigration opportunities so that I now live a MC-UMC in NOVA. I married my American husband who isn't rich but now makes a solid income from his business. I have been sending money to my parents for various purposes since I was 25 years old, so for about 10 years now. As they have gotten older their expenses have only increased. They are in debt, need to pay for school for my younger sibling who lives with them and need money for utilities and sustenance. Its come to the point where the monthly $600 I send them is not enough. I think a part of them expects my DH to swoop in and contribute money as well. So far, I have been taking this expense on on my own, with my own paycheck as I do not want my DH to get involved.

I also have a sister who lives in the States and she too has been sending money home through her own paycheck as well. She makes a little more than me and is married to a rich guy. She also states that she doesn't want our parents to be a burden on her husband as they are our parents and not his.

I guess my question is, are we being fair by not including our husbands the financial support we provide our family? A part of me feels like my family is now my husband's family too and as such he needs to contribute to costs pertaining to their care. Again, my sister and her husband are richer than us and would probably have more means down the line to provide costs.

I am obviously confused and some guidance would be appreciated.

You do what you can and let them figure out the rest. Help extra if there is a health crisis but that's about it. Your siblings aren't your financial responsibility. That being said, every wealthy family gives a portion of income for charity, taking care of the family is also a form of charity, let it be your contribution to the goodness of the world.