Did You Wish For Certain Gender With Second Child?

[Anonymous]

I had no preference either time, had a boy and a girl and planning on a third. I guess it's nice that we have one of each just because if we'd had a second boy, I'm sure we would have gotten lots of "oh, are you hoping for a girl?" when I'm pregnant with the third, and who needs that.

My husband wanted a girl both times, but was (and would have been) thrilled with either.

I will say I find preferences for this off-putting (though I appreciated my husband's honesty). Your kid is going to be your kid. Even outside of cases like trans kids (which happens, obviously) whatever you're hoping that having a "boy" or having a "girl" will mean for your life is no guarantee. Cute girly outfits? Lots of girls hate that. Close with mom? My mom is closer to my brother than me, though we're close, too. Lots of sports? Some boys hate sports, some girls love it. "It's nice to get one of each" - each what? There is no guaranteed girl or boy personality, all kids are different.

I do feel like if you dig deeper under the desire for a specific sex of child, you hit some sexism (or at least sex-based assumptions), no matter which one you prefer. Might be slight and benign, might be a bigger deal, but I do think it's there.

That being said, it's common, and usually not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t care. Can I ask why you prefer a boy?

OP here. We bought everything in neutral colors with the exception of clothes because we knew we wanted a second and wanted to be prepared if second baby was different gender than first baby. Not having to buy new clothes is a perk. The main driving factor for me is I already have a boy and feel like it may be easier to navigate this experience as a parent with two boys. They will close in age and I want them to be best friends or at least have similar interests which may make things easier as they get older. I was close with my sister and my brothers were close so I would like for my kids to have that same sibling bond that I feel is best same sex kids. Not saying that opposite sex siblings can’t have a close bond, but my brothers and I were never as close as I was with my sister and they were together as brothers. My husband has one brother and they are super close and I know he really wants that for our kids. I would want two girls if first child ended up being a girl. We will be just as happy if it’s a girl and ultimately just want a healthy and happy baby.

NP- look my dd wears dresses and lots of pink and unicorn stuff, but come on...will the world end if you have to dress you newborn in a pink or blue onesie when they're the "opposite" gender? My husband is a former football player, a huge pretty masculine guy and he was tickled to put our son in his older sisters pink baby clothes. This is a really dumb reason to want a certain gender.

OP listed other reasons than clothes and even listed the main reasons for her preference, which were not the clothes. Why cherry pick that small detail as if it’s a big factor?

[Anonymous]

My first I didn’t care much but I had a boy. The second I had hoped for a girl but had a boy. With my third, I had hoped for a boy since I already had two boys and I loved the bond they had. I had a 3rd boy, and I have loved having three boys. That being said, I really think I would have been fine with three girls or a mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No but I had an awful first trimester where I was repeatedly told I was going to have a miscarriage or that the baby had serious genetic issues.

He is now a healthy three year old.

OP here. I’m so glad to hear your son is healthy and thriving!

[Anonymous]

I had a boy first and did have a preference for my second to be another boy. My reasons were more rooted in deeper childhood trauma for wanting boys, but I won’t get into that here. I ended up having a girl for the second, and I’m posting that bc once I figured out that my reason for wanting only boys was directly related to the trauma, I was able to embrace the idea of having a girl and having the opportunity to “rewrite” the narrative. I adore my daughter and love having both, so it was truly a blessing to have things work out the way they did.

[Anonymous]

I never told anyone this IRL (and I won’t) but I hoped for a girl both times. We didn’t find out til birth either time which I wanted bc I knew that once the baby was here I would just be happy w them, boy or girl, but I worried that if we found out the sex before birth I might be a bit disappointed if I found out I was having a boy. My oldest wound up being a boy and if course I love him immensely and wouldn’t change anything, never felt an ounce of gender disappointment after he was born at all. But I still hoped my 2nd would be a girl (which she was). I know I wouldn’t love them any differently no matter what but having daughters was a really ingrained preference I had from a young age and I just couldn’t shake it.

[Anonymous]

My first was a boy and I wanted and got a boy for my second. I wanted a boy because I grew up with a sister and omg the dramazzzzzz and the hormones and the attitude and the dramazzz lol. I also feel like I would stress less about boys at college and out in the world when they grow up.

[Anonymous]

I have a major preference for a girl. I have long put off having a second and this isn't the primary reason, but it is definitely a secondary reason.

[Anonymous]

I thought I was having a boy with my first. Just didn’t even consider the possibility of having a girl until my anatomy scan told me otherwise…

With my second, I really, really wanted a girl. I already had all the stuff.

[Anonymous]

Two mom household here — I wanted a girl both times because I feel more qualified to help my kids navigate a world gendering them female. Got one girl, one boy and I adore them both and look forward to finding out who they choose as male role models.

[Anonymous]

I had a really strong preference for my first and got it. I really, truly didn’t care the second time. I figured either they’d have a same sex sibling and that would have benefits or we’d have one of each and that would be great too!

[Anonymous]

I had no preference for the first kid (turned out to be a boy) but was hoping for a girl with my second because I wanted the experience of raising one of each. I lucked out.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I got it and miscarried. Devastating. We are now trying again and I don't know how I'll feel knowing that we may have lost our one and only

[Anonymous]

Yes. With my first, I was hoping for a girl and she's a girl. I never really wanted a boy because I just don't click with little boys for whatever reason. But now I'm pregnant again after years of trying. Definitely our last child unless it magically just happens without help (I've had 3 surgeries and have to supplement in progesterone). Suddenly I really, really want a boy. I'm trying to ignore my feeling that the baby is a girl because I cry when I think about never ever having a son.

[Anonymous]

Yes, wanted a girl at first. Got a boy. Loved it so much that I only wanted a second boy, and it’s what I got.