Did You Wish For Certain Gender With Second Child?

[Anonymous]

DH had a slight preference for a boy when we started talking about getting pregnant. We didn't find out the sex before birth and by the time you could feel movement he didn't care anymore. I think picturing the reality of having a boy or girl separately made him realize he didn't care. I did not have a preference but during the last month I was convinced it was a boy. We had a girl.

If we get pregnant again my preference would be for a boy to get to experience one of each, but I suspect a second of the same gender might be a slightly easier dynamic.

[Anonymous]

OP, just FYI, in case it’s a girl, my son and daughter have always been the best of friends and still are at 11.5 (boy) and almost 10 (girl). They have such a lovely relationship and are much less competitive with one another than my sister and I were. I love having one of each.

[Anonymous]

I think people can tell you they don't have a preference, but deep in down, people always have some type of preference, but everyone knows it doesn't matter, you'll love the baby no matter what (hopefully! in this culture).

I got pregnant with my first very unexpectedly while on birth control, so I wanted a girl. I felt like I know how to raise strong girls. When I found out it was a girl, I was so excited! I think I'd have been happy with a boy but I'd need time adjusting.

Second time I got pregnant, I was hoping for a boy (I guess I was ready to take on a challenge lol!), but it ended up being a girl. I was sad. then 3 weeks later, I had a miscarriage. I felt so guilty. I felt like it was my fault for being disappointed. I made peace with it.


I'm pregnant again, and when I found out I was pregnant with a boy, I was in shock. I secretly wanted to have a boy but I just assumed it would be once again another girl. Ultimately, I wanted to have an uneventful pregnancy, and so far it's working!

[Anonymous]

With my second, I wanted a girl, because I had a boy already and I thought it would be nice to have one of each. It was a boy. However, now that he is a little bigger I see how much fun he and his brother have together (a little less than 3yrs apart) and it makes me so happy. Maybe they would play together just as well if he was a girl, who knows, but they are best little buddies and it's really cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t care. Can I ask why you prefer a boy?

A lot of time,s women who prefer sons are the same kind of women who say it’s so much easier to be friends with men.

I’ve heard that women who want boys do so because they have a bad relationship with their mother. True for my SIL (who btw has close female friends). She ended up getting one of each and unfortunately does not have a great relationship with her DD

[Anonymous]

I had 1 boy and hoped for (and had) a 2nd boy. I think my husband wanted a girl, but I find parenting 2 same gender kids to be less mental load. Like I already know how baseball sign-ups work and where to buy clothes. I’ll never have to learn to braid hair or navigate ballet lessons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t care. Can I ask why you prefer a boy?

A lot of time,s women who prefer sons are the same kind of women who say it’s so much easier to be friends with men.

I’ve heard that women who want boys do so because they have a bad relationship with their mother. True for my SIL (who btw has close female friends). She ended up getting one of each and unfortunately does not have a great relationship with her DD

Or women like me who had an eating disorder growing up and are not genetically likely to have conventionally attractive daughters. Glad I have sons. I will have different parenting challenges, but dealing with female self esteem and body size issues won’t be one of them.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It’s another boy!

[Anonymous]

I had a preference with all 3 of my kids. Only got my preference the first time. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

I do not share that kind of personal info since people will judge you. Since we have 2 girls already (did not find out the sex ahead of the birth) we only want a boy this time. We are finding out the sex this time as soon as possible so if it is a girl we can have an early, safe termination. We do not want to have a 4th child in our attempt to have a boy. Our friends did this and ended up with 5 girls.

[Anonymous]

With my first, I had a mild preference for a boy (not sure why) and I had a girl. But I was delighted! I couldn't imagine having anything other than a lovely baby girl.

With my second pregnancy, I wanted another girl. Again not sure why - perhaps because I could only imagine loving a baby girl. But it was boy. And I was delighted again! Now he's here, I can't imagine having anything other than a wonderful toddler daughter and an adorable baby boy. I feel like the luckiest parent in the world.

I do sometimes wonder whether parents who have gender/sex disappointment will have many more disappointments over how their children turn out. In other ways, i.e. their interest in sport or academia, their sexual orientation, religious beliefs etc. I'm more of a "gardener" type of parent than a carpenter. So while I may have hopes for what my children might be, I'm delighted with whatever I get.

[Anonymous]

We wanted a boy since we had a girl first. Ended up needing IVF for secondary infertility so we got him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not share that kind of personal info since people will judge you. Since we have 2 girls already (did not find out the sex ahead of the birth) we only want a boy this time. We are finding out the sex this time as soon as possible so if it is a girl we can have an early, safe termination. We do not want to have a 4th child in our attempt to have a boy. Our friends did this and ended up with 5 girls.

People aren't judging you for your preference. Lots of people have preferences. They're judging you because your preference is so strong you think that you would literally terminate the life of your fetus if it's not your preferred gender. That's not preference, it's femicide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not share that kind of personal info since people will judge you. Since we have 2 girls already (did not find out the sex ahead of the birth) we only want a boy this time. We are finding out the sex this time as soon as possible so if it is a girl we can have an early, safe termination. We do not want to have a 4th child in our attempt to have a boy. Our friends did this and ended up with 5 girls.

You have serious issues. I feel sorry for your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With my first, I had a mild preference for a boy (not sure why) and I had a girl. But I was delighted! I couldn't imagine having anything other than a lovely baby girl.

With my second pregnancy, I wanted another girl. Again not sure why - perhaps because I could only imagine loving a baby girl. But it was boy. And I was delighted again! Now he's here, I can't imagine having anything other than a wonderful toddler daughter and an adorable baby boy. I feel like the luckiest parent in the world.

I do sometimes wonder whether parents who have gender/sex disappointment will have many more disappointments over how their children turn out. In other ways, i.e. their interest in sport or academia, their sexual orientation, religious beliefs etc. I'm more of a "gardener" type of parent than a carpenter. So while I may have hopes for what my children might be, I'm delighted with whatever I get.

This is our second and probably last child because I can't go through the stress of fertility treatments again. I'll be a little sad if I never get to have a little boy but I've loved having a girl and I'm just overjoyed to get to have a second child at all.