Friends taking a long time before replying to invitation to meet up - reasonable or not?

[Anonymous]

I'm curious about this though - is it rude to ask WFH friends to meet up for lunch or coffee? I do that all the time during the week but twice friends have said a horrifying 'No' like I suggested they be eaten by alligators.

^^
I'm not sure that it's rude, but it's highly unlikely that someone will say yes. I mean, no, I have never left the office to have coffee with someone. There are probably a couple of occasions where I would have done a lunch, but it would be rushed and certainly not a time to sit and chat for long, and it would have to be within 5 mins of my office. People are really busy.

[Anonymous]

It’s not reasonable, but I’m a person who always replies to text messages within 24 hours. I’m not up for being friends with people who aren’t considerate, which l consider to be probably 48 hours.

Once in a while if they just miss it or were traveling that’s fine, but if it’s the norm then no we’re not friend material.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it's always more efficient to ~ extend a firm invitation suggesting one or two dates. Assume that if the person says, "no" (or doesn't respond at all) they will counter with another date if they are interested.

You did this kind of but I would completely skip ever asking if they'd like to get together "sometime". You don't need that step and the aggravation re: what's next when there is silence.

A little different: I'm very aggravated when I initiated, we got together and thought we had a good time. Then silence, except if we bump into each other they say, "Oh it was so much fun. We should get together again, please call me."

Ah, no ... it's your turn to initiate. Your turn or nothing happens.
I can handle someone not wanting to advance the relationship but, by saying this, they have made it much worse.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's their age and they are more into phone calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's their age and they are more into phone calls.

Not sure. One woman I texted is very active on social media (mainly Facebook) so she is used to virtual interaction with others.

I'm not on Facebook, Twitter, etc.

[Anonymous]

It is rude. It took me years to understand "let's get dinner sometime" is not always a genuine invitation, sometimes it's just a BS response to kick making arrangements in to the long grass. Sorry.

I'd make an effort with other folks, not these ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There doesn't seem to be a 'Friends' forum so I'm posting here.

I texted a friend 9 days ago and I asked if she would like to meet up for coffee with me sometime, and to let me know when she is available in the next couple weeks. No reply. I texted her again on Sunday. Still no reply. I've known this person for more than 15 years, she lives 10 minutes away, but we're not super close.

I also texted another friend recently and I invited her to meet up for coffee sometime. I saw her in the street a couple days later. She said that she had read my text and she suggested we all meet up together for dinner in town (the friend, her partner, me and DH).
No date was set.
I texted her last Friday and I asked if they're this free this coming weekend or the next.
No reply so far.

DH and I are early 50s and early 60s. Friends are late 50s, early 60s, so childcare is not an obstacle.
I get it if they're busy or if their weekends are full, but I'd prefer them to tell us so that we can make alternative plans.

I would stop texting friend who has not responded and go out with second friend who did. You can tell second friend that first friend didn't reply so you thought they were busy.

[Anonymous]

I would let them initiate the next contact. Check in with a few other people to see if they are interested in getting together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would let them initiate the next contact. Check in with a few other people to see if they are interested in getting together.

This is OP again.
They never initiate the next contact. I'm always the initiator.

To be fair, the second friend did actually call me last summer and invited me to meet her for coffee the same day, but DH and I were away and not in the area that day.
She also spontaneously helped DH and me and did our grocery shopping when we both had Covid and we were isolating at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever call these friends, OP? Why the reliance on text?

This is OP here.
I prefer to text because I know they're working on weekdays and I don't want to disturb them when they're at work. I know they're quite busy at weekends so I text and they can reply when they are able to.

You say this but here you are complaining about when they are actually able to reply.

[Anonymous]

Personally I’d just let it go. The ball is in their court. They know they haven’t replied or they will know when they scroll back through their texts. Move on and connect with other friends and let these folks make the next move.

[Anonymous]

OP, this shouldn't be about making *this* friendship work. It's causing aggravation, not joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Retire the word "sometime" from your vocabulary. You're using to try to be flexible, but they see it as "no specific date? Great, I don't have to answer this RIGHT NOW."

You're right. This is why I suggested this coming weekend or the following weekend to the friend I saw in the street.

Yes, I try to be flexible because these ladies work full time in an office Monday to Friday, so their timetable is rigid and I know their weekends are busy and precious. My work is very different to theirs and my timetable is not as rigid.

I obviously do NOT expect them to be free during the week.

I'm curious about this though - is it rude to ask WFH friends to meet up for lunch or coffee? I do that all the time during the week but twice friends have said a horrifying 'No' like I suggested they be eaten by alligators.

I cannot do that during the week. Too busy.

[Anonymous]

Even without a specific date/time, if I received a "sometime" invitation from someone I truly wanted to catch up with, I'd respond with a proposed date time--"Sure! I'd love to meet up, I'm free Wednesday after 3, Thursday before 11 or anytime on Saturday or Sunday." I'd ignore or put off someone I wasn't excited to meet up with in hopes they'd drop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever call these friends, OP? Why the reliance on text?

This is OP here.
I prefer to text because I know they're working on weekdays and I don't want to disturb them when they're at work. I know they're quite busy at weekends so I text and they can reply when they are able to.

You say this but here you are complaining about when they are actually able to reply.

I know, but I didn't think it would take them that long to reply. How long does it take to send a short message back saying 'I'm a bit busy right now, I'll get back to you later in the week', or something.
It takes 30 seconds to type.