Red Flags- Children’s SO

[Anonymous]

It’s not something to hold against anyone but children from broken families are very likely to divorce or have martial issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously abuse, drugs, criminal history are clear signs but what other issues do you consider a red flag in an adult child’s SO, worthy enough to voice your concern?

How do you do that? That's one time shot right?

[Anonymous]

"Children" don't have significant others. Adult sons and daughters and non-binary offspring do.

And it is case-by-case.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to draw line as every meddling parent thinks of himself/herself as totally justified. If you’ve done your job when they were children, you won’t need to make their personal decisions when they are adults. It’s not the era of arranged or forced marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Signs that the individual is a gold digger. Plans to quit working as soon as she is married, expensive hobbies and unrealistic expectations about life together and living standard.

I am now describing my brother's wife. Buyer beware.

It’s their private matter if they want to work or not, be frugal or not, have hobbies or not, it’s none of your business if they have means to support themselves and not asking you for help. Even if asking, you can decide to help or not but can’t micromanage their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard to draw line as every meddling parent thinks of himself/herself as totally justified. If you’ve done your job when they were children, you won’t need to make their personal decisions when they are adults. It’s not the era of arranged or forced marriages.

I posted about SO not enrolling in medical insurance. That can have a major financial impact on the adult DC household. Who pays for stuff when a person can't work and there are more bills because of lack of insurance? 50% of household income gone plus more expenses? My DC's partner, other adult DC's plus co-MIL agree that major meddling has a place on this type of issue given a real life scenario...

New check box on future DIL or SIL-medical insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously abuse, drugs, criminal history are clear signs but what other issues do you consider a red flag in an adult child’s SO, worthy enough to voice your concern?

Anti-social tendencies
Mental illness and disorders (Bipolar, NPD, DPD)
Parents Divorced
Financial habits - Overspending, in debt, student debt, no savings , does not contribute the maximum to meet employer match
Lack of adulting skills
Low EQ, low self-esteem, unpleasant personality
Poor physical health or medical history
Unattractive
Does not treat my adult child well.
Baggage and previous relationships
Education Level
No future plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously abuse, drugs, criminal history are clear signs but what other issues do you consider a red flag in an adult child’s SO, worthy enough to voice your concern?

Anti-social tendencies
Mental illness and disorders (Bipolar, NPD, DPD)
Parents Divorced
Financial habits - Overspending, in debt, student debt, no savings , does not contribute the maximum to meet employer match
Lack of adulting skills
Low EQ, low self-esteem, unpleasant personality
Poor physical health or medical history
Unattractive
Does not treat my adult child well.
Baggage and previous relationships
Education Level
No future plans

You are a shit person. that's all.

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen well-meaning parents ruin healthy relationships of their children with meddling so I wouldn’t label it as “voicing my concerns”. It’s hard to find love, really easy to loose it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously abuse, drugs, criminal history are clear signs but what other issues do you consider a red flag in an adult child’s SO, worthy enough to voice your concern?

Anti-social tendencies
Mental illness and disorders (Bipolar, NPD, DPD)
Parents Divorced
Financial habits - Overspending, in debt, student debt, no savings , does not contribute the maximum to meet employer match
Lack of adulting skills
Low EQ, low self-esteem, unpleasant personality
Poor physical health or medical history
Unattractive
Does not treat my adult child well.
Baggage and previous relationships
Education Level
No future plans

LOL! It’s funny. This mythical perfect mate who is a healthy, wealthy, beautiful, sexy, modest, intelligent, high achieving, confident, pleasant mannered, financially disciplined, virgin from a wealthy, educated, stable family … probably doesn’t even exists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously abuse, drugs, criminal history are clear signs but what other issues do you consider a red flag in an adult child’s SO, worthy enough to voice your concern?

Anti-social tendencies
Mental illness and disorders (Bipolar, NPD, DPD)
Parents Divorced
Financial habits - Overspending, in debt, student debt, no savings , does not contribute the maximum to meet employer match
Lack of adulting skills
Low EQ, low self-esteem, unpleasant personality
Poor physical health or medical history
Unattractive
Does not treat my adult child well.
Baggage and previous relationships
Education Level
No future plans

You are a shit person. that's all.

???..list seems reasonable to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously abuse, drugs, criminal history are clear signs but what other issues do you consider a red flag in an adult child’s SO, worthy enough to voice your concern?

Anti-social tendencies
Mental illness and disorders (Bipolar, NPD, DPD)
Parents Divorced
Financial habits - Overspending, in debt, student debt, no savings , does not contribute the maximum to meet employer match
Lack of adulting skills
Low EQ, low self-esteem, unpleasant personality
Poor physical health or medical history
Unattractive
Does not treat my adult child well.
Baggage and previous relationships
Education Level
No future plans

LOL! It’s funny. This mythical perfect mate who is a healthy, wealthy, beautiful, sexy, modest, intelligent, high achieving, confident, pleasant mannered, financially disciplined, virgin from a wealthy, educated, stable family … probably doesn’t even exists.

Sure it does. I married one.😁

[Anonymous]

If it exists, wouldn’t she have a list of its own?

[Anonymous]

Perfect people can make imperfect spouses and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

My husband has had a few talks with our dd's so about multiple things ranging from financial issues to household responsibilities. He wasn't taught these things as a teen/young adult so now we try to help him understand that as an adult these things matter. So both he and dd can be happier.

We have never attacked him and placed blame and for that he has listened and tried to change his views and things he does. We tell our daughter that if each time he takes in 1/4 of what is said that is better then none since she can't expect him to learn years of things that nobody told/taught him.