Weight/fitness level and attraction

[Anonymous]

DH lost a lot of weight and is now the same weight as when we met. He looks good. But he’s super annoying and I can’t stand him.

[Anonymous]

She is in better shape now than when we married. He works out 4x/week minimum and went from 185 ish to 160 ish (5’10”). I’m
About 8 lbs up from pre baby (117 to 125 ) but a lot softer all around.

As for attraction, it’s diminished but that’s bec I’m bored in bed (do super vanilla, routine, small d). He’s nice to look at but I miss that time in my life when sex pretty much dominated my thoughts and I was able to act on my desires. Still, it’s not a bad trade off, I have love and stability, just no sexual passion.

[Anonymous]

Pp here- dh autocorrected to “she”
In above post. Sorry for confusion.

[Anonymous]

Weight gain is terribly unattractive on my wife.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really know because he had pretty much the same body since we got married 14 years ago.

For him, I know my weight impacts his physical attraction to me. He has never said anything but he is clearly more into my body when I’m thinner. But the thing is that going from 120 to maybe 143 (and I’m 5’2 the changes were significant) hasn’t impacted how he really *feels* about me or how frequently we have sex. His actions have never made me feel insecure about my body. Maybe it helps that I don’t generally feel insecure about my body, even when I was at my heaviest.

As we age, I think fewer and fewer of us are partnered with people who embody our ideal body type. It is what it is and for most people that’s fine. We have to let go of expecting to be the others’ ideal or expecting the other to be your ideal. It’s the respect for another that matters.

Maybe this is just my idealism talking though.

[Anonymous]

My wife was 120lb when we met. After she had one baby she went up to 180lb, Then she never worked our or even tried to get the weight off FOR SEVEN YEARS. Last year she was down to 135lb for a few weeks because she was sick. Now, she's back up to 150lb.

I don't find her attractive at all. I run four times a week and run 5k and 10k races to keep myself in shape. She has zero interest or motivation. She's not even remotely attractive anymore.

[Anonymous]

My wife has gained 40+ pounds since we met 20 years ago (and 50+ since her lowest weight in our relationship). I'm about the same weight I was when we met. At one point, I lost 20 pounds, but gained it back. I'm now about 10 pounds over my optimal weight. I don't think it's my place to determine her optimal weight, but she's definitely over it.

I'm definitely less physically attracted to her at this weight (which is close to 200, she's 5'9"). I'm happy and grateful that she still wants to have sex with me once or twice a week, as I see that as a necessity. But I would enjoy looking at her more if she lost at least some of the weight she has gained.

When I got super fit from running and lost 20 pounds, she was always nagging me that I was too skinny and needed to lift weights. I started lifting, cut the running, and am back to my original weight.

[Anonymous]

I’d guess we’d all like our spouses to be fit. For most people thought, attraction is linked to more than just weight. We love and are attracted to the whole person. And most people are not going to leave their spouse because they are not as fit as when they were younger. We accept people change over time.

The theme on this thread is women gaining weight. It takes such dedicated and time consuming measures to stay fit as we age, it’s just not worth it for most women. While staying healthy should be a priority, diet and exercise to please your spouse isn't as important as other life endeavors.

[Anonymous]

I'm fit and in great shape and I expect my DH to be too. He isn't quite as fit as I am, but he still looks very good. I don't expect him to look like a triathlon athlete, but I do expect a healthy weight and taking care of himself. If he let himself go and put on tons of weight, it would be a huge problem for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has his COVID 5 and it doesn’t really matter to me. His BMI is normal. He looks fine, but not super in shape or anything.

Where are you that people gained a covid-5 lol. Where I am it's more like a covid-50

Seriously. I could gain/lose 5 lbs over a weekend. If people are noticing 5lb swings that's psycho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are both 50 and fit as f@@@ck.

Same. We both work from home and have a whole exercise schedule/routine together, take classes together, etc.

Both of us have always been athletes/work out. We always had a lot of muscle mass. Eat relatively healthy during the week and then anything goes on weekend (with in reason).

We really haven't changed much at all, even after kids. I can still pull out clothes from 20 years ago and they fit and look good.

[Anonymous]

My DH has always been fit, though he is bigger now than he was - bulkier, bigger arms/chest, whereas he used to be more cut. I like him a little bigger - makes me feel smaller in bed haha. So for me it is a plus, up to a point. If he was really pudgy/soft I wouldn't feel that way, but I kind of doubt that will happen - he is naturally pretty lean and loves working out.

I don't know how he feels about my weight gain. I gained a lot both pregnancies, and the second time it took about a year to get back to pre-pregnancy weight. I'm still maybe 7lbs over where I would like to be. He never comments on it and is always pretty into sex so I don't think it's super important to him, but maybe he just spares my feelings. He has commented that I look good when I've been working out and gotten more muscular, although sadly that is not the case right now with Covid and two kids under 4.

[Anonymous]

After 2 kids in 3 years I am the same weight I was when we got married (5’3 and btw 100-103). My husband lost weight during COVID, but has gained some back. He’s still about 175/180 and 6’1. We both workout everyday and even though we are not super healthy eaters we eat pretty healthy and maintain our weight through portion control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After 2 kids in 3 years I am the same weight I was when we got married (5’3 and btw 100-103). My husband lost weight during COVID, but has gained some back. He’s still about 175/180 and 6’1. We both workout everyday and even though we are not super healthy eaters we eat pretty healthy and maintain our weight through portion control.

Pp. still attracted to my husband and he’s still attracted to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d guess we’d all like our spouses to be fit. For most people thought, attraction is linked to more than just weight. We love and are attracted to the whole person. And most people are not going to leave their spouse because they are not as fit as when they were younger. We accept people change over time.

The theme on this thread is women gaining weight. It takes such dedicated and time consuming measures to stay fit as we age, it’s just not worth it for most women. While staying healthy should be a priority, diet and exercise to please your spouse isn't as important as other life endeavors.

100% dead wrong: calorie control is all it takes to prevent unattractive weight gain. Calorie control is not a "time consuming measure".
I agree that most women do not feel their husbands are "worth it" to control their calorie intake. Quite sad, really.