I don’t want a dog but DH wants it for the kids

[Anonymous]

Think about it as having another kid, OP. Yes, a dog is slightly less work than a kid, but not actually that much less. I think people are quick to jump on the idea of getting a dog - they are cute! They are so fun! The kids will take care of the dog! But in reality, getting a dog is a HUGE commitment - to really be a responsible dog owner takes a tremendous amount of time, energy, and money. We have a beloved dog and I do not regret it at all, but every member of the family went in knowing what we were getting into: a major, long-term commitment. And, yes, 90% of the care falls to me, even though that is not what DH or DCs promised (luckily I knew exactly what the reality would be before going in).

[Anonymous]

Just a couple things: many breeds never go to a groomer. We’ve never sent a dog of ours to a groomer. And the vet is only once or twice a year. The major thing is walks. If you have the time and energy then it’s a great way to build in more exercise. And dogs really need it, not just to pee but for exercise and stimulation. Feeding a dog only takes a minute so that’s hardly a chore. And the extra cleaning usually just means vacuuming.

If you get a dog that is affectionate and bonded to you, then you get love in return. It’s not all work. Our kids love our dog more than they love each other most days.

[Anonymous]

You will be the one who does most of the work. No matter how many promises everyone makes. And if you’re a SAHM everyone will say that you have the most free time and you should be doing the dog work. Has your family pet sit another dog at your home? Can you arrange for your kids to walk some neighbor dogs every day for a month, to show they can be responsible? I think if you wind up giving in, then you should be the one who gets the final say on which dog to get. Research the breeds and see who generally has the personality traits you prefer. And make sure everyone is prepared to do the work of training a puppy, because a badly-trained dog will be very tedious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was me in 2011. Guess who got a dog in the end? Well, me. I did not want it, made it clear I wanted nothing to do with the dog, and then 2 months after the pup was growing up I ended p with the dog. Not DH, not the kids. They played with him for 2 months. Then, they didn't walk him, didn't groom him, DH created terrible habits with the dog, and I ended up training and retraining and taking care of the dog. DH ends up going overseas for 5 years and kids in HS and I was working, doing all the kids' activities, and walking the dog at 8 pm.
Vet, baths, sick, walks, all on me.
And DH? Guess what he would say when he came home for R&R? How come the house is filthy with fur! Bcs of you effing dog and me working full time, studying too, taking care of kids, traveling to stupid kid tournaments and competitions, and being overworked to death.
So, year, get the dog. You will end up loving him and hating your DH and kids on occasion.

Yes that is what I’m worried about too! DH already gets frustrated with me for how messy the house gets (I do try a lot but his tolerance for mess is very low and he loves cleaning so has a hard time understand why I’m not doing it more than I am), so it seems like that’s going to be even worse with a dog. And he is very grateful for everything I do as a SAHM and probably values a lot of what I do even more than I do myself, but he doesn’t know half the things I do! Like, he was surprised when he found out I had spent ten hours searching for a specialist for my kid, and had created a binder of ADHD research in preparation of the accommodations meeting with the school, and I was just thinking “this is just a teeny fraction of the kid if things I do for the kids and you didn’t even know about it?” I absolutely don’t expect a reward or anything but he probably assumes I have way more free time than I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will be the one who does most of the work. No matter how many promises everyone makes. And if you’re a SAHM everyone will say that you have the most free time and you should be doing the dog work. Has your family pet sit another dog at your home? Can you arrange for your kids to walk some neighbor dogs every day for a month, to show they can be responsible? I think if you wind up giving in, then you should be the one who gets the final say on which dog to get. Research the breeds and see who generally has the personality traits you prefer. And make sure everyone is prepared to do the work of training a puppy, because a badly-trained dog will be very tedious.

I have already vetoed the idea of getting a puppy. No effing way.

The kids have done some pet-sitting but just for a day or so with a dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, my husband is incredibly responsible and loves being around dogs, so I think that theoretically I could say “no I refuse to do anything with this dog” and my husband would do it all: walking, cleaning, grooming, etc.

But if the kids and DH had a really busy day, I can’t imagine DH not being resentful about spending his limited spare time caring for the dog when it would be much easier for me to do it. So I think that I would either have to accept way more work than I want or I create a lot of tension in my marriage. Unless I magically wind up loving having a dog.

I would try to foster a dog, or if that is too difficult because they want experienced dog owners, offer to keep dogs for other people while they travel. A couple weeks of letting them have sole responsibility might be enough for everyone to know how feasible the idea is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to want a dog for the sake of family unity, but I am not there yet. I don’t like the barking, the poop, the shedding, the licking, the scratching up floors and furniture. I don’t want to take a dog into get groomed regularly, pay for vet expenses, figure out what to do with the dog when we go out of town, and walk the dog every day. I also don’t like them sniffing my crotch, and I will admit that about ten years ago I was bitten by a dog and it definitely impacted my feelings about dogs. DH says that it won’t be a lot of work for me because the idea is to make kids walk the dog and clean up after it, but I cannot imagine that the kids will always be doing those things, and they can’t take the kid to the vet and get groomed and buy dog food. I’m a stay at home mom and so there will be lots of times when I’m the only one who can take care of the dog. I am terrible at being consistent with cleaning, and even dogs that don’t shed much are still going to create more mess, necessitating more cleaning.

But everybody else in the family wants a dog. And I have heard that people who didn’t want dogs but were overruled actually wound up loving them. Plus, when I was a kid (and had lots of time and no responsibilities) I loved dogs. So can I get to the point where I want a dog? You guys love having dogs, right? Will I learn to love a dog if we get one?

Your husband is not realistic. This is wishful thinking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a couple things: many breeds never go to a groomer. We’ve never sent a dog of ours to a groomer. And the vet is only once or twice a year. The major thing is walks. If you have the time and energy then it’s a great way to build in more exercise. And dogs really need it, not just to pee but for exercise and stimulation. Feeding a dog only takes a minute so that’s hardly a chore. And the extra cleaning usually just means vacuuming.

If you get a dog that is affectionate and bonded to you, then you get love in return. It’s not all work. Our kids love our dog more than they love each other most days.

I love exercise, but I don’t love walking. I try sometimes because I have read that it kind of helps your mind relax and being outside is good for your soul, but I am one of those weirdos who heads to the gym every day even when it’s fantastic weather outside. The benefit of the walks would be for the kids, who don’t get as much outside time as they should (they get exercise but their activities are indoors).

[Anonymous]

OP here. I did bit expect the votes to be so in favor of not getting a dog and I am so glad that the answer is pretty cut and dry.

I think we will go for a cat. I think I can reasonably say “no I’m not doing a lot of extra work.” Knowing DH, I think he will clean the hair and get the kids to do most of the rest of the work. Plus I actually like cats. I still don’t love the idea of the extra responsibility but I feel okay with it.

[Anonymous]

If you’re not okay with that, put your foot down. And don’t believe ANY promises. I guarantee your kids will get sick if helping within a week.

PP who got a puppy. I put the crate in my daughter's room and I gave everyone a schedule - it changes sometimes depending on peoples' work schedules and after school activities. We also have a rule that someone needs to be watching the puppy all the time so if you get tired and need a break, you have to pass the puppy on to someone else. It's working fine for us. It's been a couple of months and everyone is doing their part and everyone is completely smitten with this puppy - it's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did bit expect the votes to be so in favor of not getting a dog and I am so glad that the answer is pretty cut and dry.

I think we will go for a cat. I think I can reasonably say “no I’m not doing a lot of extra work.” Knowing DH, I think he will clean the hair and get the kids to do most of the rest of the work. Plus I actually like cats. I still don’t love the idea of the extra responsibility but I feel okay with it.

I did *not* expect the votes to be unanimously one way, is what I mean.

So thank you for making the decision easy.

[Anonymous]

Many of those issues are easily resolved. Crate training, not allowed in certain rooms, auto ship dog food. Get a mature dog, already potty trained. Dog door and fenced in area. Dog walker if desired.

But imho you have absolutely the right to veto this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was me in 2011. Guess who got a dog in the end? Well, me. I did not want it, made it clear I wanted nothing to do with the dog, and then 2 months after the pup was growing up I ended p with the dog. Not DH, not the kids. They played with him for 2 months. Then, they didn't walk him, didn't groom him, DH created terrible habits with the dog, and I ended up training and retraining and taking care of the dog. DH ends up going overseas for 5 years and kids in HS and I was working, doing all the kids' activities, and walking the dog at 8 pm.
Vet, baths, sick, walks, all on me.
And DH? Guess what he would say when he came home for R&R? How come the house is filthy with fur! Bcs of you effing dog and me working full time, studying too, taking care of kids, traveling to stupid kid tournaments and competitions, and being overworked to death.
So, year, get the dog. You will end up loving him and hating your DH and kids on occasion.

Yes that is what I’m worried about too! DH already gets frustrated with me for how messy the house gets (I do try a lot but his tolerance for mess is very low and he loves cleaning so has a hard time understand why I’m not doing it more than I am), so it seems like that’s going to be even worse with a dog. And he is very grateful for everything I do as a SAHM and probably values a lot of what I do even more than I do myself, but he doesn’t know half the things I do! Like, he was surprised when he found out I had spent ten hours searching for a specialist for my kid, and had created a binder of ADHD research in preparation of the accommodations meeting with the school, and I was just thinking “this is just a teeny fraction of the kid if things I do for the kids and you didn’t even know about it?” I absolutely don’t expect a reward or anything but he probably assumes I have way more free time than I have.

This is a big problem. A dog will automatically result in A LOT more cleaning work. Even if the kids do all the obvious dog chores (and even that is a big IF) there will be hours of extra dusting, vacuuming and mopping to get to slightly messier than your pre-dog days. If he alreahas a low tolerance for messes this going to lead to resentment. He’s going to feel like he’s doing “ALL”the work for the dog and you’re doing LESS around the house when you’re actually doing more.

Though realistically, you’re going to be doing all the daily dog care AND cleaning a lot more and still have a messy house. Your DH complaining about dog hair when hours of your day is consumed by dog care is going to lead to a lot of resentment.

Don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of those issues are easily resolved. Crate training, not allowed in certain rooms, auto ship dog food. Get a mature dog, already potty trained. Dog door and fenced in area. Dog walker if desired.

But imho you have absolutely the right to veto this.

WTF?!

None of those things are easy! Dog training is not easy—it’s actually very time consuming. Building a fence is expensive and takes time to research. Everything you list is either expensive or time consuming.

[Anonymous]

You know how there's so many posts from people frustrated with irresponsible dogs/owners?

They're because many of those people got dogs that they should never have gotten, and get lazy, resentful, etc. Don't turn into one of those lazy, resentful, irresponsible owners OP - don't get a dog.