I don’t want a dog but DH wants it for the kids

[Anonymous]

Definitely don’t get a dog for anyone but you. My parents and in-laws all thought I should get a big sturdy dog for my boys. Ugh no way. I’m also very allergic. I got a small, cute 8lb dog that doesn’t shed. Love taking care of her and my kids like her too. I just wasn’t into a lab and I knew I’d be the dog’s caretaker 95% of the time. Mostly think about how much time you have for walks. Little dogs don’t need as much exercise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely don’t get a dog for anyone but you. My parents and in-laws all thought I should get a big sturdy dog for my boys. Ugh no way. I’m also very allergic. I got a small, cute 8lb dog that doesn’t shed. Love taking care of her and my kids like her too. I just wasn’t into a lab and I knew I’d be the dog’s caretaker 95% of the time. Mostly think about how much time you have for walks. Little dogs don’t need as much exercise

This is generally true but some little dogs do need lots of exercise like Jack Russels and other terriers such as Westies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely don’t get a dog for anyone but you. My parents and in-laws all thought I should get a big sturdy dog for my boys. Ugh no way. I’m also very allergic. I got a small, cute 8lb dog that doesn’t shed. Love taking care of her and my kids like her too. I just wasn’t into a lab and I knew I’d be the dog’s caretaker 95% of the time. Mostly think about how much time you have for walks. Little dogs don’t need as much exercise

This is generally true but some little dogs do need lots of exercise like Jack Russels and other terriers such as Westies.

Agree with the second poster. I have an 11 pound poodle and he gets 3 to 4 mile walks every day and loves it. We laughed because when we come home from the walk he gets the zoomy‘s and I marvel that he still has energy to run around like that after a 4 mile walk

To the original poster. I agree with others he say do not get to talk unless you want one. The work will fall on you. If you are not willing to do the work, do not count on your family picking up the slack. My recommendation is do not get a dog. let your kids or husband volunteer at animal shelters or with a rescue group. I think sometimes the rescue groups like to have people walk the dogs around Petsmart and everything when they are showcasing dogs for adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, my husband is incredibly responsible and loves being around dogs, so I think that theoretically I could say “no I refuse to do anything with this dog” and my husband would do it all: walking, cleaning, grooming, etc.

But if the kids and DH had a really busy day, I can’t imagine DH not being resentful about spending his limited spare time caring for the dog when it would be much easier for me to do it. So I think that I would either have to accept way more work than I want or I create a lot of tension in my marriage. Unless I magically wind up loving having a dog.

I would try to foster a dog, or if that is too difficult because they want experienced dog owners, offer to keep dogs for other people while they travel. A couple weeks of letting them have sole responsibility might be enough for everyone to know how feasible the idea is.

Great suggestion.

[Anonymous]

We love our dog to bits and it almost seems hard to remember what life was like when we didn’t have her.

Not saying you should get a dog or that it’ll work for your situation, just throwing out a different perspective.

[Anonymous]

There were a million reasons not to get a dog but there was one reason compelled me to get one - to mitigate the stress and anxiety caused by the pandemic to my kid. It is the biggest sacrifice I’ve ever made for the kid. I hope it’s worth it.

[Anonymous]

I was in your shoes - we caved and got a dog. First, your kids will get bored quickly and won’t do anything - you need to assume this will happen. It turns out that we all love the dog and she is a pretty easy puppy- we also confine her to certain rooms of the house where she can’t damage much. But yes if you are the SAHP, this will definitely become your project.

[Anonymous]

Do not get a dog.

[Anonymous]

If everybody else in your family wants a dog then you would be selfish if they all had to go without a dog just because of you.

[Anonymous]

He is already expressing frustration in what you are able to accomplish in the day. Adding at dog just adds more responsibility and work to your day. Before long the kids get bored with the new addition and busy doing tween/teen stuff. You will resent the dog you never really wanted and you husband will resent the extra mess.

[Anonymous]

We got a "pandemic puppy" (actually he was a full grown adult from the shelter), and he is very well behaved but DH takes care of him, not me. I took him to the vet last year and occasionally feed him and that's the extent of my involvement.

DH takes care of him but DH is also very organized, disciplined, and is doing the majority of the housework anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If everybody else in your family wants a dog then you would be selfish if they all had to go without a dog just because of you.

OP here and I suppose you’re right, but the more I think about this, the more I’m okay with that. I have been unselfish enough. I put my career on hold for DH, I spend hours and hours a day homeschooling because my kid was having a hard time in regular school, I make dinners that I don’t want and clean way more than I would like to because I’m a SAHM and that’s my job, I try to do every little thing my favorite parenting books tell me to do, I budget carefully (and drive a lot) so the kids can do the extracurriculars they love, I help my other kid a lot with school because of her massive executive function issues, etc. I rarely do anything for myself because the life I signed up for makes that hard. And I am so happy to do all of this, I really love it, but I am okay with denying them something they want when I’m pretty sure it would bring a good amount of misery into my life.

[Anonymous]

Coming from a very different perspective, we got a dog when her kids were younger, first dog for me and my husband. Our dog really help to cement our family, and helps to relieve so much anxiety and stress for kids and parents alike. It was unexpected to me, but our dog, and now our second dog, have really helped to improve our family dynamic, and they have been extraordinarily calming influence on us. we had cats growing up, and it was completely different. A dog is simply a different kind of loving creature. To me, I have found such a value in having our dogs, that I would recommend that families get a dog if it all possible. And if there is a stay at home parent, of course that person would need to do most of the work. Transfer it to kids as soon as possible, but isn’t providing things for your family’s health and well-being the reason that you are not going to work? Or if you have the funds, hire a dog walker if you don’t want to do it. I may take this you because I realized that taken care of a dog really isn’t much effort at all after the first few months. He simply get into a routine with the kids walking and feeding. Do you identify the one place store to places that the dog stays if you go on vacation and you make advance plans. It is simply not that hard. And in my experience in our family and hearing from friends and colleagues, it is really a great benefit for kids and parents alike.

[Anonymous]

OP, I love dogs, but I only love other people's dogs aka the kind I can pet or walk or play with and then give back. If you worked and your husband was will to take on all the dog responsibilities, I would say yes, but since you're SAH definitely don't get the dog! As you so astutely point out, you will feel guilty and your husband will resent it if he has to care for the dog when you're home all day and the cleaning (and consistent training and listening to the barking and letting the dog out regularly and the vet visits) will fall to you even if he is feeding and walking the dog.

Speaking as someone who grew up desperately wanting pets and was not allowed because of allergies in extended family members, your kids will be fine without a dog. If they're really excited about it, they'll get dogs when they're living on their own -- I have two cats now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Coming from a very different perspective, we got a dog when her kids were younger, first dog for me and my husband. Our dog really help to cement our family, and helps to relieve so much anxiety and stress for kids and parents alike. It was unexpected to me, but our dog, and now our second dog, have really helped to improve our family dynamic, and they have been extraordinarily calming influence on us. we had cats growing up, and it was completely different. A dog is simply a different kind of loving creature. To me, I have found such a value in having our dogs, that I would recommend that families get a dog if it all possible. And if there is a stay at home parent, of course that person would need to do most of the work. Transfer it to kids as soon as possible, but isn’t providing things for your family’s health and well-being the reason that you are not going to work? Or if you have the funds, hire a dog walker if you don’t want to do it. I may take this you because I realized that taken care of a dog really isn’t much effort at all after the first few months. He simply get into a routine with the kids walking and feeding. Do you identify the one place store to places that the dog stays if you go on vacation and you make advance plans. It is simply not that hard. And in my experience in our family and hearing from friends and colleagues, it is really a great benefit for kids and parents alike.

Ha, well, the problem is that to me, I don’t find dogs “loving.” I know that the bond between a dog and its person/people is so sweet and people love dogs because they’re just there for you no matter what. But that isn’t how I feel about dogs. When I see a dog I never want to get near it. I don’t loathe them or anything, I just don’t like them (and yeah this does mind if make me think my heart is a little bit made of stone, good thing I know I have a soul because I adore kids and I’m affectionate with them. Maybe my feelings about dogs are just a result of being bitten).

Yes I do want to do things for my family’s health and well-being, but how far should I be expected to take that? Moms can and do self-sacrifice a lot, and when they do it too much and then implode, people say “she shouldn’t have been such a martyr.”

And wouldn’t it be selfish of my husband to insist that we get a dog that I’m going to have to take care of and that I’ll be around more than anybody else, when I really don’t like dogs?

My tone here has kind of changed because I did talk with DH and I said no to the dog but I will compromise with getting a cat. I don’t want to deal with all the cat stuff either, but I do like cats and it’s a lot less work, so I’m willing to deal with all that for my family. Thinking about it, even if I got stuck with all the work for the cat, that’s not ideal, but I’d be okay with it.