I don’t want a dog but DH wants it for the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I love dogs, but I only love other people's dogs aka the kind I can pet or walk or play with and then give back. If you worked and your husband was will to take on all the dog responsibilities, I would say yes, but since you're SAH definitely don't get the dog! As you so astutely point out, you will feel guilty and your husband will resent it if he has to care for the dog when you're home all day and the cleaning (and consistent training and listening to the barking and letting the dog out regularly and the vet visits) will fall to you even if he is feeding and walking the dog.

Speaking as someone who grew up desperately wanting pets and was not allowed because of allergies in extended family members, your kids will be fine without a dog. If they're really excited about it, they'll get dogs when they're living on their own -- I have two cats now.

Oh I love this comment! I do feel bad that my 9yo who would love a dog isn’t going to grow up with one, but he can still have his happy ending!

[Anonymous]

My kids wanted a dog. And not just any dog — “a really big one, like a German shepherd.”

Conveniently, our neighbors went away on vacation and asked us to dogsit their lab-sized dog while they were out of town.

Did I mention it rained almost the whole week? There’s nothing like walking a dog, in the rain, until he poops, then picking up fresh, large-dog poop *and having to carry it home* to cure a kid of any “let’s get a puppy” fantasies.

Now they love our cats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Coming from a very different perspective, we got a dog when her kids were younger, first dog for me and my husband. Our dog really help to cement our family, and helps to relieve so much anxiety and stress for kids and parents alike. It was unexpected to me, but our dog, and now our second dog, have really helped to improve our family dynamic, and they have been extraordinarily calming influence on us. we had cats growing up, and it was completely different. A dog is simply a different kind of loving creature. To me, I have found such a value in having our dogs, that I would recommend that families get a dog if it all possible. And if there is a stay at home parent, of course that person would need to do most of the work. Transfer it to kids as soon as possible, but isn’t providing things for your family’s health and well-being the reason that you are not going to work? Or if you have the funds, hire a dog walker if you don’t want to do it. I may take this you because I realized that taken care of a dog really isn’t much effort at all after the first few months. He simply get into a routine with the kids walking and feeding. Do you identify the one place store to places that the dog stays if you go on vacation and you make advance plans. It is simply not that hard. And in my experience in our family and hearing from friends and colleagues, it is really a great benefit for kids and parents alike.

Ha, well, the problem is that to me, I don’t find dogs “loving.” I know that the bond between a dog and its person/people is so sweet and people love dogs because they’re just there for you no matter what. But that isn’t how I feel about dogs. When I see a dog I never want to get near it. I don’t loathe them or anything, I just don’t like them (and yeah this does mind if make me think my heart is a little bit made of stone, good thing I know I have a soul because I adore kids and I’m affectionate with them. Maybe my feelings about dogs are just a result of being bitten).

Yes I do want to do things for my family’s health and well-being, but how far should I be expected to take that? Moms can and do self-sacrifice a lot, and when they do it too much and then implode, people say “she shouldn’t have been such a martyr.”

And wouldn’t it be selfish of my husband to insist that we get a dog that I’m going to have to take care of and that I’ll be around more than anybody else, when I really don’t like dogs?

My tone here has kind of changed because I did talk with DH and I said no to the dog but I will compromise with getting a cat. I don’t want to deal with all the cat stuff either, but I do like cats and it’s a lot less work, so I’m willing to deal with all that for my family. Thinking about it, even if I got stuck with all the work for the cat, that’s not ideal, but I’d be okay with it.

Really, there are some things that those of us who have jobs to do that we don’t like to do. I don’t like the administrative part of my job. I don’t like needing to review my team. I don’t like some of the unexpected late nights. I do it not because I’m a martyr but simply because I am an adult. Everyone else in your family wants a dog, and if you do research there are many proven benefits of children and family having dogs specifically. You don’t want that and you are financially taken care of by your spouse, and you need to guard youroh so special hours during the day when you simply can’t be bothered. All good, but, really, you’re not a sahp fir your family’s benefit. It’s for you, and turns our solely out really.

[Anonymous]

Outside of being a SAHP, do the mothers who wind up being the dog caretakers also see the same things with kids?
Serious question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Coming from a very different perspective, we got a dog when her kids were younger, first dog for me and my husband. Our dog really help to cement our family, and helps to relieve so much anxiety and stress for kids and parents alike. It was unexpected to me, but our dog, and now our second dog, have really helped to improve our family dynamic, and they have been extraordinarily calming influence on us. we had cats growing up, and it was completely different. A dog is simply a different kind of loving creature. To me, I have found such a value in having our dogs, that I would recommend that families get a dog if it all possible. And if there is a stay at home parent, of course that person would need to do most of the work. Transfer it to kids as soon as possible, but isn’t providing things for your family’s health and well-being the reason that you are not going to work? Or if you have the funds, hire a dog walker if you don’t want to do it. I may take this you because I realized that taken care of a dog really isn’t much effort at all after the first few months. He simply get into a routine with the kids walking and feeding. Do you identify the one place store to places that the dog stays if you go on vacation and you make advance plans. It is simply not that hard. And in my experience in our family and hearing from friends and colleagues, it is really a great benefit for kids and parents alike.

Ha, well, the problem is that to me, I don’t find dogs “loving.” I know that the bond between a dog and its person/people is so sweet and people love dogs because they’re just there for you no matter what. But that isn’t how I feel about dogs. When I see a dog I never want to get near it. I don’t loathe them or anything, I just don’t like them (and yeah this does mind if make me think my heart is a little bit made of stone, good thing I know I have a soul because I adore kids and I’m affectionate with them. Maybe my feelings about dogs are just a result of being bitten).

Yes I do want to do things for my family’s health and well-being, but how far should I be expected to take that? Moms can and do self-sacrifice a lot, and when they do it too much and then implode, people say “she shouldn’t have been such a martyr.”

And wouldn’t it be selfish of my husband to insist that we get a dog that I’m going to have to take care of and that I’ll be around more than anybody else, when I really don’t like dogs?

My tone here has kind of changed because I did talk with DH and I said no to the dog but I will compromise with getting a cat. I don’t want to deal with all the cat stuff either, but I do like cats and it’s a lot less work, so I’m willing to deal with all that for my family. Thinking about it, even if I got stuck with all the work for the cat, that’s not ideal, but I’d be okay with it.

Really, there are some things that those of us who have jobs to do that we don’t like to do. I don’t like the administrative part of my job. I don’t like needing to review my team. I don’t like some of the unexpected late nights. I do it not because I’m a martyr but simply because I am an adult. Everyone else in your family wants a dog, and if you do research there are many proven benefits of children and family having dogs specifically. You don’t want that and you are financially taken care of by your spouse, and you need to guard youroh so special hours during the day when you simply can’t be bothered. All good, but, really, you’re not a sahp fir your family’s benefit. It’s for you, and turns our solely out really.

I have done all that research, and it does give me pause. However, we are going to miss out on many of the benefits because the kids are 9 and 12. Our family is doing really well as is; our kids are so loving with each other and with us. I feel like we are doing a good job with providing them with a happy, loving home. Yes I could always do more (and in fact I am going to do more with the cat compromise), but I think there needs to be a balance between what is good for the kids and what is good for an individual. I mean, what if a parent got a great job opportunity in a great area, but it required a move and the kids don’t want to move? Would taking the job necessarily be the wrong choice because it is nominally worse for the kid?

I do a ton of things I don’t want to do because research says that it is good for the kids. I make them do a few chores even though it would be so much easier to do those things myself, I take them to therapy, I spend so. Much. Time. making sure they get good educations, I talk with them endlessly about things they are interested in but that I am not, I make them food that I can’t eat because the only foods I can eat are boring and I want them to enjoy family dinners, I drive them all over the place for school and extracurriculars, etc. I am familiar with the concept of doing things I don’t want to do for the sake of my kids.

The kids will be okay without a dog, I might not be okay with a dog, who knows if our marriage will be okay with a dog.

Anyways, the decision is made, and DH is now totally happy with getting a cat. Go figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids?

Keep in mind that dogs easily live 15 years. If you have a 10 year old, much of the dog’s lifespan will be after your kid leaves the house. Do you still want the dog?

It’s obvious you are going to take care of the dog. That’s not even a question. Your husband is already copping out by saying “the kids will do it” He’s going to be out of the house for work, the kids will be running late for school and you’ll be the one picking up dog poop in the rain. If you’re not okay with that, put your foot down. And don’t believe ANY promises. I guarantee your kids will get sick if helping within a week.

x10000

Maybe consider dog fostering, but it can be semi long term. FIRST start with dog walking, dog sitting, and shelter volunteer if you have not already done that.

Dog fostering is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Outside of being a SAHP, do the mothers who wind up being the dog caretakers also see the same things with kids?
Serious question.

What do you mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Really, there are some things that those of us who have jobs to do that we don’t like to do. I don’t like the administrative part of my job. I don’t like needing to review my team. I don’t like some of the unexpected late nights. I do it not because I’m a martyr but simply because I am an adult. Everyone else in your family wants a dog, and if you do research there are many proven benefits of children and family having dogs specifically. You don’t want that and you are financially taken care of by your spouse, and you need to guard youroh so special hours during the day when you simply can’t be bothered. All good, but, really, you’re not a sahp fir your family’s benefit. It’s for you, and turns our solely out really.

OP, another reason NOT to get a dog is that you could become a dog-loving a$$hole like the previous poster.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If everybody else in your family wants a dog then you would be selfish if they all had to go without a dog just because of you.

This might be true if her husband was going to take care of the dog. Instead she’s the one who’s going to be picking up dog poop every single day for the next decade. She’s the one who has to train the dog. She’s the one who has to clean up after the dog. And she doesn’t even like the animal? Hell no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Coming from a very different perspective, we got a dog when her kids were younger, first dog for me and my husband. Our dog really help to cement our family, and helps to relieve so much anxiety and stress for kids and parents alike. It was unexpected to me, but our dog, and now our second dog, have really helped to improve our family dynamic, and they have been extraordinarily calming influence on us. we had cats growing up, and it was completely different. A dog is simply a different kind of loving creature. To me, I have found such a value in having our dogs, that I would recommend that families get a dog if it all possible. And if there is a stay at home parent, of course that person would need to do most of the work. Transfer it to kids as soon as possible, but isn’t providing things for your family’s health and well-being the reason that you are not going to work? Or if you have the funds, hire a dog walker if you don’t want to do it. I may take this you because I realized that taken care of a dog really isn’t much effort at all after the first few months. He simply get into a routine with the kids walking and feeding. Do you identify the one place store to places that the dog stays if you go on vacation and you make advance plans. It is simply not that hard. And in my experience in our family and hearing from friends and colleagues, it is really a great benefit for kids and parents alike.

Ha, well, the problem is that to me, I don’t find dogs “loving.” I know that the bond between a dog and its person/people is so sweet and people love dogs because they’re just there for you no matter what. But that isn’t how I feel about dogs. When I see a dog I never want to get near it. I don’t loathe them or anything, I just don’t like them (and yeah this does mind if make me think my heart is a little bit made of stone, good thing I know I have a soul because I adore kids and I’m affectionate with them. Maybe my feelings about dogs are just a result of being bitten).

Yes I do want to do things for my family’s health and well-being, but how far should I be expected to take that? Moms can and do self-sacrifice a lot, and when they do it too much and then implode, people say “she shouldn’t have been such a martyr.”

And wouldn’t it be selfish of my husband to insist that we get a dog that I’m going to have to take care of and that I’ll be around more than anybody else, when I really don’t like dogs?

My tone here has kind of changed because I did talk with DH and I said no to the dog but I will compromise with getting a cat. I don’t want to deal with all the cat stuff either, but I do like cats and it’s a lot less work, so I’m willing to deal with all that for my family. Thinking about it, even if I got stuck with all the work for the cat, that’s not ideal, but I’d be okay with it.

Really, there are some things that those of us who have jobs to do that we don’t like to do. I don’t like the administrative part of my job. I don’t like needing to review my team. I don’t like some of the unexpected late nights. I do it not because I’m a martyr but simply because I am an adult. Everyone else in your family wants a dog, and if you do research there are many proven benefits of children and family having dogs specifically. You don’t want that and you are financially taken care of by your spouse, and you need to guard youroh so special hours during the day when you simply can’t be bothered. All good, but, really, you’re not a sahp fir your family’s benefit. It’s for you, and turns our solely out really.

You're a pill PP. I personally am not a fan of women staying home but I'm team OP. Why should OP increase her workload at home when she doesn't even enjoy dog ownership? Just because her husband bankrolls their family doesn't obligate her to be their dog walker, dog sitter, dog feeder, dog vet-visiter, ok? A dog can be a burden if you don't think it's worth it. Yes, you have to work for your job. Saying that OP has to get a dog for the sake of her family even when she doesn't like it and making parallels with your job is RIDICULOUS. Them being dog-less doesn't make her any less of a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

SOOO many families get a dog because they think the kids somehow need it. And ALWAYS a large dog because the husband doesn't want to be seen with a little one. It is insane to me that people living in a beautiful new-build house on a postage-stamp lot want to bring in a 100 pound mammal to live indoors. Unless you LOVE dogs, don't bother. And if you do get one, do some breed research. Don't just pick up whatever needs a home at the shelter -- a recipe for resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SOOO many families get a dog because they think the kids somehow need it. And ALWAYS a large dog because the husband doesn't want to be seen with a little one. It is insane to me that people living in a beautiful new-build house on a postage-stamp lot want to bring in a 100 pound mammal to live indoors. Unless you LOVE dogs, don't bother. And if you do get one, do some breed research. Don't just pick up whatever needs a home at the shelter -- a recipe for resentment.

I know right! I know people like the ones you described and they generally lack critical thinking in other aspects of their lives. Maybe I’m just too logical to have pets. I enjoy activities such as learning foreign languages and strength training because I am big on self-improvement, but pets don’t enter that calculus for me.

[Anonymous]

Yay for the cat OP! I think it is the right decision for your family. I am a total dog person and DH is not. He finally agreed that we could get one but the more I thought about it the more I realized it just wouldn’t be right for our family. I was more than happy to do all the work myself but there are times I travel for work. Or get sick. And DH would be unhappy doing all the dog chores at those times. We discussed and decided on a cat.

We got the cat a couple months ago and she is wonderful. The kids LOVE her and play with her and help feed her. But she can be independent and ok on her own if we all are busy. It’s different than a dog but still a wonderful experience and less work than a dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did bit expect the votes to be so in favor of not getting a dog and I am so glad that the answer is pretty cut and dry.

I think we will go for a cat. I think I can reasonably say “no I’m not doing a lot of extra work.” Knowing DH, I think he will clean the hair and get the kids to do most of the rest of the work. Plus I actually like cats. I still don’t love the idea of the extra responsibility but I feel okay with it.

I did *not* expect the votes to be unanimously one way, is what I mean.

So thank you for making the decision easy.

Cats are so much easier! I am an unhinged pp that ended up with a dog in 2011. We already had a cat by then. She is so easy, so nice, sleeps with me, and I have no issues with the cat.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, cats are a crapshoot. My sister's cat is obsessed with human food. She can't leave anything on her counters or he will try to eat it. She forgot to put some flour away once and he tore open the bag, tried to eat it, and then tracked it around the whole apartment. We watched him for her once and he chewed open a cardboard Chewy box to get at our dogs food. Cat hair also gets everywhere because cats go everywhere, plus cleaning out a litter box is disgusting. I'm not saying you should get a dog, but cats can be difficult too.