I don’t want a dog but DH wants it for the kids

[Anonymous]

I want to want a dog for the sake of family unity, but I am not there yet. I don’t like the barking, the poop, the shedding, the licking, the scratching up floors and furniture. I don’t want to take a dog into get groomed regularly, pay for vet expenses, figure out what to do with the dog when we go out of town, and walk the dog every day. I also don’t like them sniffing my crotch, and I will admit that about ten years ago I was bitten by a dog and it definitely impacted my feelings about dogs. DH says that it won’t be a lot of work for me because the idea is to make kids walk the dog and clean up after it, but I cannot imagine that the kids will always be doing those things, and they can’t take the kid to the vet and get groomed and buy dog food. I’m a stay at home mom and so there will be lots of times when I’m the only one who can take care of the dog. I am terrible at being consistent with cleaning, and even dogs that don’t shed much are still going to create more mess, necessitating more cleaning.

But everybody else in the family wants a dog. And I have heard that people who didn’t want dogs but were overruled actually wound up loving them. Plus, when I was a kid (and had lots of time and no responsibilities) I loved dogs. So can I get to the point where I want a dog? You guys love having dogs, right? Will I learn to love a dog if we get one?

[Anonymous]

I didn't and I resent the dog chewing up my nicest furniture.

[Anonymous]

Put your foot down.

Getting a dog "for the kids" means that the responsibilities will almost certainly fall on you. A dog is a long term commitment and most are not ready for the responsibility and training.

If the kids are old enough, have the dog sit, walk neighbor dogs, volunteer with dogs, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put your foot down.

Getting a dog "for the kids" means that the responsibilities will almost certainly fall on you. A dog is a long term commitment and most are not ready for the responsibility and training.

If the kids are old enough, have the dog sit, walk neighbor dogs, volunteer with dogs, etc.

+1000000

Do not get a dog.

[Anonymous]

I have dogs, but my youngest, who is in HS, wanted a puppy - is too young to remember the others as puppies. I was kind of blah about it, as were most of the rest of us. But, I wanted her to have what she wanted so I got another puppy. That puppy is the love of the entire household and everyone shares in her care. I didn't see that coming.

I hope you figure it out. I do lots of things I don't like because I want it for my kids. But, a dog is big because it's a long term commitment.

[Anonymous]

That was me in 2011. Guess who got a dog in the end? Well, me. I did not want it, made it clear I wanted nothing to do with the dog, and then 2 months after the pup was growing up I ended p with the dog. Not DH, not the kids. They played with him for 2 months. Then, they didn't walk him, didn't groom him, DH created terrible habits with the dog, and I ended up training and retraining and taking care of the dog. DH ends up going overseas for 5 years and kids in HS and I was working, doing all the kids' activities, and walking the dog at 8 pm.
Vet, baths, sick, walks, all on me.
And DH? Guess what he would say when he came home for R&R? How come the house is filthy with fur! Bcs of you effing dog and me working full time, studying too, taking care of kids, traveling to stupid kid tournaments and competitions, and being overworked to death.
So, year, get the dog. You will end up loving him and hating your DH and kids on occasion.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids?

Keep in mind that dogs easily live 15 years. If you have a 10 year old, much of the dog’s lifespan will be after your kid leaves the house. Do you still want the dog?

It’s obvious you are going to take care of the dog. That’s not even a question. Your husband is already copping out by saying “the kids will do it” He’s going to be out of the house for work, the kids will be running late for school and you’ll be the one picking up dog poop in the rain. If you’re not okay with that, put your foot down. And don’t believe ANY promises. I guarantee your kids will get sick if helping within a week.

[Anonymous]

I didn't originally want a dog, but my husband really wanted to realize a childhood dream so I agreed. He was a great dog and I really loved him. Took care of him to his dying day. But I was constantly at odds with DH as to how attentive he was to "his" dog. I vowed never to own another animal with him, and have stuck with it even though he applied a lot of pressure during the pandemic (we have kids and he wanted them to experience a pet.)
Just because people want a dog doesn't make them a good dog owner. Usually the person who has reservations is the one stuck with caring for the dog as they are more introspective as to what a dog needs.

If you can't see your DH caring for the dog entirely by himself, then do your mental health a favor and say "no."
By the way I love dogs now. They are great animals; I just don't want to be responsible for one anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids?

Keep in mind that dogs easily live 15 years. If you have a 10 year old, much of the dog’s lifespan will be after your kid leaves the house. Do you still want the dog?

It’s obvious you are going to take care of the dog. That’s not even a question. Your husband is already copping out by saying “the kids will do it” He’s going to be out of the house for work, the kids will be running late for school and you’ll be the one picking up dog poop in the rain. If you’re not okay with that, put your foot down. And don’t believe ANY promises. I guarantee your kids will get sick if helping within a week.

x10000

Maybe consider dog fostering, but it can be semi long term. FIRST start with dog walking, dog sitting, and shelter volunteer if you have not already done that.

[Anonymous]

I caved to the 5 kids and DH all wanting a dog. We got a trained puppy eventually. She is super sweet, but I would give her away tomorrow if I could. The kids walked her a few times but now don't have much to do with her at all. So all of the responsibility of the dog falls on DH and myself. Dogs are expensive. The vet bills and walks/playdates, pet sitters, food, etc. We cannot go out of town without making expensive arrangements for a pet sitter or boarding. The house is much dirtier with her tracking stuff in and when she gets sick and vomits or poops in the house, it is awful because she is a large dog. She turns 4 next week and I miss the days when we didn't have her. So, say No and if the family really wants a pet, get a cat instead. They are much easier!

[Anonymous]

Also, my husband is incredibly responsible and loves being around dogs, so I think that theoretically I could say “no I refuse to do anything with this dog” and my husband would do it all: walking, cleaning, grooming, etc.

But if the kids and DH had a really busy day, I can’t imagine DH not being resentful about spending his limited spare time caring for the dog when it would be much easier for me to do it. So I think that I would either have to accept way more work than I want or I create a lot of tension in my marriage. Unless I magically wind up loving having a dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, my husband is incredibly responsible and loves being around dogs, so I think that theoretically I could say “no I refuse to do anything with this dog” and my husband would do it all: walking, cleaning, grooming, etc.

But if the kids and DH had a really busy day, I can’t imagine DH not being resentful about spending his limited spare time caring for the dog when it would be much easier for me to do it. So I think that I would either have to accept way more work than I want or I create a lot of tension in my marriage. Unless I magically wind up loving having a dog.

I’m OP by the way.

[Anonymous]

He books and takes the dog for grooming. He books and takes the dog to the vet. He books and takes the dog for boarding when you are going to be away.

The kids do the walking. If they don't then he does.

As you are home the pup it will bond most to you and so you are stuck with that & the extra cleaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids?

Keep in mind that dogs easily live 15 years. If you have a 10 year old, much of the dog’s lifespan will be after your kid leaves the house. Do you still want the dog?

It’s obvious you are going to take care of the dog. That’s not even a question. Your husband is already copping out by saying “the kids will do it” He’s going to be out of the house for work, the kids will be running late for school and you’ll be the one picking up dog poop in the rain. If you’re not okay with that, put your foot down. And don’t believe ANY promises. I guarantee your kids will get sick if helping within a week.

Oh this is a good point. Maybe it will even sway DH. The youngest, the one who would really benefit from a dog, is 9.

[Anonymous]

I just read you are a SAHP. Dogs have to be let out sometime to do their business. You will be the only one to be responsible for that. The others will feel free to make plans afterschool/work because you will be there to let out the dog. But if you need to be somewhere, it will be like pulling teeth to find someone to "cover" for you. And yes, any mess by the dog will be your fault.