I don’t want a dog but DH wants it for the kids

[Anonymous]

I adore dogs but I never consent to get a dog if I'm not willing to take care of it. Don't believe spouses and children who say they'll be involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those trying to guilt OP need to shut up. Dogs need to be with people who want them.

It seems like it's only OP in her family that doesn't want a dog. So basically, just because OP doesn't want something the rest of the family has to go without. I just hope that when OP wants something and the rest of the family don't want it there will be no complaints from OP.

[Anonymous]

well, you are wrong, OP. Dogs are the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please, please, please do not get a dog OP.

My mom was in your exact shoes.

First, my dad got us a dog as a surprise without telling her and she had a meltdown and made him return it to the pet store. I had named the dog. I was 5.

Then, a few years later, we actually had a family discussion and got a dog after extensive planning but she still did it under duress. She neglected that sweet dog (yes, we kids should have done better taking care of her ourselves, but also, we were kids) and she died too young of an unidentified heart issue.

I don't hold grudges in life, but I still haven't really, really forgiven her for those moments. And she's not a mean person at heart. She's a sweet but passive, anxious, overwhelmed mom who never spoke up for her needs.

PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR KIDS OR A DOG.

Wow. Your lack of compassion for your mom is shocking.

Honestly, your dad sounds like a jerk for forcing the dog issue. Your mom died young from a heart issue. She was probably dealing with feeling like crap long before the diagnosis. She was already tired. Eventually, she didn’t have the energy to keep fighting your dad on the pet. That you still hold any resentment towards your mom for anything relating to the dog borderline psychopathic.

[Anonymous]

PP-I think the DOG had a heart issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please, please, please do not get a dog OP.

My mom was in your exact shoes.

First, my dad got us a dog as a surprise without telling her and she had a meltdown and made him return it to the pet store. I had named the dog. I was 5.

Then, a few years later, we actually had a family discussion and got a dog after extensive planning but she still did it under duress. She neglected that sweet dog (yes, we kids should have done better taking care of her ourselves, but also, we were kids) and she died too young of an unidentified heart issue.

I don't hold grudges in life, but I still haven't really, really forgiven her for those moments. And she's not a mean person at heart. She's a sweet but passive, anxious, overwhelmed mom who never spoke up for her needs.

PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR KIDS OR A DOG.

Wow. Your lack of compassion for your mom is shocking.

Honestly, your dad sounds like a jerk for forcing the dog issue. Your mom died young from a heart issue. She was probably dealing with feeling like crap long before the diagnosis. She was already tired. Eventually, she didn’t have the energy to keep fighting your dad on the pet. That you still hold any resentment towards your mom for anything relating to the dog borderline psychopathic.

Nonono, this is my bad for pronoun confusion! Sorry! The DOG died young from heart stuff. Otherwise: yes, my dad was a clueless jerk about it but instead of communicating with him, my mom did her usual passive thing and just silently stewed until she was a teakettle steaming over.

[Anonymous]

I have a severe dog allergy so my family did not have a dog growing up. Trust me I enjoyed my childhood plenty without a dog.

[Anonymous]

How about DH gets a dog when he retires? That way he still gets the dog he wants and then he has all the time in the world to care for it and do all the extra cleaning for it, too.

[Anonymous]

Don’t get the dog. I was in the opposite situation, I wanted the dog and my kid wanted it too. Got the dog and the spouse is now very resentful. All the care of the dog is on me and if there is a potty or biting accident, spouse gets really mad at me and at the dog

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those trying to guilt OP need to shut up. Dogs need to be with people who want them.

It seems like it's only OP in her family that doesn't want a dog. So basically, just because OP doesn't want something the rest of the family has to go without. I just hope that when OP wants something and the rest of the family don't want it there will be no complaints from OP.

Ahahaha OP here and this is so funny. A few things about our family that we do because I’m outnumbered:

- no trips to museums when we travel
- Ethiopian food
- camping
- going to restaurants where the only thing I can eat is bread because of my dietary restrictions
- skiing/snowboarding (I get extremely cold and I fall a lot)
- no Disney land
- no decor in our house with a feminine vibe
- and now, a cat

None of this is a big deal, because I am a pretty laid back person and I value family unity. But caring for a dog when the idea of a dog makes me sick? Like I said, I want to want it, but I don’t. I don’t think I can handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t get the dog. I was in the opposite situation, I wanted the dog and my kid wanted it too. Got the dog and the spouse is now very resentful. All the care of the dog is on me and if there is a potty or biting accident, spouse gets really mad at me and at the dog

OP here and thanks for sharing this. Good perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Really, there are some things that those of us who have jobs to do that we don’t like to do. I don’t like the administrative part of my job. I don’t like needing to review my team. I don’t like some of the unexpected late nights. I do it not because I’m a martyr but simply because I am an adult. Everyone else in your family wants a dog, and if you do research there are many proven benefits of children and family having dogs specifically. You don’t want that and you are financially taken care of by your spouse, and you need to guard youroh so special hours during the day when you simply can’t be bothered. All good, but, really, you’re not a sahp fir your family’s benefit. It’s for you, and turns our solely out really.

OP, another reason NOT to get a dog is that you could become a dog-loving a$$hole like the previous poster.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet!

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Coming from a very different perspective, we got a dog when her kids were younger, first dog for me and my husband. Our dog really help to cement our family, and helps to relieve so much anxiety and stress for kids and parents alike. It was unexpected to me, but our dog, and now our second dog, have really helped to improve our family dynamic, and they have been extraordinarily calming influence on us. we had cats growing up, and it was completely different. A dog is simply a different kind of loving creature. To me, I have found such a value in having our dogs, that I would recommend that families get a dog if it all possible. And if there is a stay at home parent, of course that person would need to do most of the work. Transfer it to kids as soon as possible, but isn’t providing things for your family’s health and well-being the reason that you are not going to work? Or if you have the funds, hire a dog walker if you don’t want to do it. I may take this you because I realized that taken care of a dog really isn’t much effort at all after the first few months. He simply get into a routine with the kids walking and feeding. Do you identify the one place store to places that the dog stays if you go on vacation and you make advance plans. It is simply not that hard. And in my experience in our family and hearing from friends and colleagues, it is really a great benefit for kids and parents alike.

Ha, well, the problem is that to me, I don’t find dogs “loving.” I know that the bond between a dog and its person/people is so sweet and people love dogs because they’re just there for you no matter what. But that isn’t how I feel about dogs. When I see a dog I never want to get near it. I don’t loathe them or anything, I just don’t like them (and yeah this does mind if make me think my heart is a little bit made of stone, good thing I know I have a soul because I adore kids and I’m affectionate with them. Maybe my feelings about dogs are just a result of being bitten).

Yes I do want to do things for my family’s health and well-being, but how far should I be expected to take that? Moms can and do self-sacrifice a lot, and when they do it too much and then implode, people say “she shouldn’t have been such a martyr.”

And wouldn’t it be selfish of my husband to insist that we get a dog that I’m going to have to take care of and that I’ll be around more than anybody else, when I really don’t like dogs?

My tone here has kind of changed because I did talk with DH and I said no to the dog but I will compromise with getting a cat. I don’t want to deal with all the cat stuff either, but I do like cats and it’s a lot less work, so I’m willing to deal with all that for my family. Thinking about it, even if I got stuck with all the work for the cat, that’s not ideal, but I’d be okay with it.

Really, there are some things that those of us who have jobs to do that we don’t like to do. I don’t like the administrative part of my job. I don’t like needing to review my team. I don’t like some of the unexpected late nights. I do it not because I’m a martyr but simply because I am an adult. Everyone else in your family wants a dog, and if you do research there are many proven benefits of children and family having dogs specifically. You don’t want that and you are financially taken care of by your spouse, and you need to guard youroh so special hours during the day when you simply can’t be bothered. All good, but, really, you’re not a sahp fir your family’s benefit. It’s for you, and turns our solely out really.

You're a pill PP. I personally am not a fan of women staying home but I'm team OP. Why should OP increase her workload at home when she doesn't even enjoy dog ownership? Just because her husband bankrolls their family doesn't obligate her to be their dog walker, dog sitter, dog feeder, dog vet-visiter, ok? A dog can be a burden if you don't think it's worth it. Yes, you have to work for your job. Saying that OP has to get a dog for the sake of her family even when she doesn't like it and making parallels with your job is RIDICULOUS. Them being dog-less doesn't make her any less of a SAHM.

The family in reality can simply get a dog walker and even send the dog to doggy daycare a few days a week if they wish. Lots of people in either single-parent household or where both parents work have dogs. She just doesn’t want one because she has the luxury of being a stay at home parent so it would be incredibly awkward if they also paid someone to be a dog walker or for intermittent dog daycare or boarding if needed. It’s simply the fact that she’s home all day that makes it somehow more her decision than the rest of the family’s? I don’t think that one parent has any more of a say than the other, but when one parent and the children both very much want some thing, and it really isn’t that much of a burden, and much of it can be outsourced during the workday, the fact that a stay at home parent doesn’t want to outsource or cover it simply seems lame to me

I think what others are saying is that i can veto say no to lots of extra work when it’s something that I don’t want. Also walkers and boarding are expensive, that’s not going to happen on an consistent basis, and if a dog pees on the rug when I’m the only one around, what am I going to do, refuse to touch it until somebody else gets home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those trying to guilt OP need to shut up. Dogs need to be with people who want them.

It seems like it's only OP in her family that doesn't want a dog. So basically, just because OP doesn't want something the rest of the family has to go without. I just hope that when OP wants something and the rest of the family don't want it there will be no complaints from OP.

She gets veto power because she'd be the primary caretaker. I'd say either parent gets a veto over any pets, though.