I don’t want a dog but DH wants it for the kids

[Anonymous]

Don’t do it unlesss you want it and are willing to do everything. Otherwise you’ll be miserable.

[Anonymous]

Stuck in this situation and I do the majority of the caring for the dog. Now I can’t imagine life without her but I hate her too. Put her in doggie daycare 3 days a week for some peace during the day. Please think long and hard about it and dogs are expensive. Ours is allergic to chicken and most treats, snacks and foods have chicken in them so her food costs a ton. Think before you leap. Maybe put it off a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Coming from a very different perspective, we got a dog when her kids were younger, first dog for me and my husband. Our dog really help to cement our family, and helps to relieve so much anxiety and stress for kids and parents alike. It was unexpected to me, but our dog, and now our second dog, have really helped to improve our family dynamic, and they have been extraordinarily calming influence on us. we had cats growing up, and it was completely different. A dog is simply a different kind of loving creature. To me, I have found such a value in having our dogs, that I would recommend that families get a dog if it all possible. And if there is a stay at home parent, of course that person would need to do most of the work. Transfer it to kids as soon as possible, but isn’t providing things for your family’s health and well-being the reason that you are not going to work? Or if you have the funds, hire a dog walker if you don’t want to do it. I may take this you because I realized that taken care of a dog really isn’t much effort at all after the first few months. He simply get into a routine with the kids walking and feeding. Do you identify the one place store to places that the dog stays if you go on vacation and you make advance plans. It is simply not that hard. And in my experience in our family and hearing from friends and colleagues, it is really a great benefit for kids and parents alike.

Ha, well, the problem is that to me, I don’t find dogs “loving.” I know that the bond between a dog and its person/people is so sweet and people love dogs because they’re just there for you no matter what. But that isn’t how I feel about dogs. When I see a dog I never want to get near it. I don’t loathe them or anything, I just don’t like them (and yeah this does mind if make me think my heart is a little bit made of stone, good thing I know I have a soul because I adore kids and I’m affectionate with them. Maybe my feelings about dogs are just a result of being bitten).

Yes I do want to do things for my family’s health and well-being, but how far should I be expected to take that? Moms can and do self-sacrifice a lot, and when they do it too much and then implode, people say “she shouldn’t have been such a martyr.”

And wouldn’t it be selfish of my husband to insist that we get a dog that I’m going to have to take care of and that I’ll be around more than anybody else, when I really don’t like dogs?

My tone here has kind of changed because I did talk with DH and I said no to the dog but I will compromise with getting a cat. I don’t want to deal with all the cat stuff either, but I do like cats and it’s a lot less work, so I’m willing to deal with all that for my family. Thinking about it, even if I got stuck with all the work for the cat, that’s not ideal, but I’d be okay with it.

Really, there are some things that those of us who have jobs to do that we don’t like to do. I don’t like the administrative part of my job. I don’t like needing to review my team. I don’t like some of the unexpected late nights. I do it not because I’m a martyr but simply because I am an adult. Everyone else in your family wants a dog, and if you do research there are many proven benefits of children and family having dogs specifically. You don’t want that and you are financially taken care of by your spouse, and you need to guard youroh so special hours during the day when you simply can’t be bothered. All good, but, really, you’re not a sahp fir your family’s benefit. It’s for you, and turns our solely out really.

You're a pill PP. I personally am not a fan of women staying home but I'm team OP. Why should OP increase her workload at home when she doesn't even enjoy dog ownership? Just because her husband bankrolls their family doesn't obligate her to be their dog walker, dog sitter, dog feeder, dog vet-visiter, ok? A dog can be a burden if you don't think it's worth it. Yes, you have to work for your job. Saying that OP has to get a dog for the sake of her family even when she doesn't like it and making parallels with your job is RIDICULOUS. Them being dog-less doesn't make her any less of a SAHM.

The family in reality can simply get a dog walker and even send the dog to doggy daycare a few days a week if they wish. Lots of people in either single-parent household or where both parents work have dogs. She just doesn’t want one because she has the luxury of being a stay at home parent so it would be incredibly awkward if they also paid someone to be a dog walker or for intermittent dog daycare or boarding if needed. It’s simply the fact that she’s home all day that makes it somehow more her decision than the rest of the family’s? I don’t think that one parent has any more of a say than the other, but when one parent and the children both very much want some thing, and it really isn’t that much of a burden, and much of it can be outsourced during the workday, the fact that a stay at home parent doesn’t want to outsource or cover it simply seems lame to me

[Anonymous]

I did not want a dog at all, but my DH wanted one so badly I said OK...and it was a great decision. I love that dog almost like another child. I've had plenty of other non-canine pets before but none gave back the love like this. My kids love the dog to pieces and she is great company for them, especially if they are feeling sad about friend trouble etc. It's interesting because we all feel the same towards the dog, it's almost like she is a baby that we all parent.

I probably would feel a lot differently if I was doing all of the work, and I give DH a lot of credit for what he does. DH does all the vet stuff, plus buying dog food and supplies. The kids or I will walk the dog in the neighborhood or let her out in the yard, and DH takes her hiking a couple of times a week. DH feeds her when he is home, and if not the kids or I will do this. She has short hair and is not smelly, so we don't bathe her frequently, but DH will in the back yard or I'll take her to the pet store for a bath every few months. Also, we got our dog when she was a puppy, and DH got up with her at night and trained her.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the responses but I was in the same boat as OP. DH wanted, and got, a dog. In our case he really did live up to his commitment and does 90 percent of the work. But that still leaves 10 percent to me. And I'm still woken up when every morning when the dog wants breakfast at 5:45 am. And when she wants to go out in the middle of the night. And when she jumps on the bed. And I'm still affected when we have to end an outing short to come home and relieve the dog. Or when he brings the dog to a baseball game and walks it along the grass while I have to sit by myself.

So it's not just a matter of who takes care of the dog. It's an entire lifestyle change.

[Anonymous]

Please, please, please do not get a dog OP.

My mom was in your exact shoes.

First, my dad got us a dog as a surprise without telling her and she had a meltdown and made him return it to the pet store. I had named the dog. I was 5.

Then, a few years later, we actually had a family discussion and got a dog after extensive planning but she still did it under duress. She neglected that sweet dog (yes, we kids should have done better taking care of her ourselves, but also, we were kids) and she died too young of an unidentified heart issue.

I don't hold grudges in life, but I still haven't really, really forgiven her for those moments. And she's not a mean person at heart. She's a sweet but passive, anxious, overwhelmed mom who never spoke up for her needs.

PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR KIDS OR A DOG.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I caved to the 5 kids and DH all wanting a dog. We got a trained puppy eventually. She is super sweet, but I would give her away tomorrow if I could. The kids walked her a few times but now don't have much to do with her at all. So all of the responsibility of the dog falls on DH and myself. Dogs are expensive. The vet bills and walks/playdates, pet sitters, food, etc. We cannot go out of town without making expensive arrangements for a pet sitter or boarding. The house is much dirtier with her tracking stuff in and when she gets sick and vomits or poops in the house, it is awful because she is a large dog. She turns 4 next week and I miss the days when we didn't have her. So, say No and if the family really wants a pet, get a cat instead. They are much easier!

Is your dog ok? I have had several large breed dogs and getting sick, vomiting, and pooping in the house should be extremely rare events.

[Anonymous]

I recommend a small dog like a pug. They are cute and don't require much grooming. Their poops are small too.

I have to say as a dog owner you totally get used to your own dog's poops, like you do with your own kids when they're babies.

[Anonymous]

As usual, the dog psychos are out in force. A family can be plenty complement without a dog. It is ok not to like dogs. It’s ok not to want a dog. Op does not like dogs and it sounds like she has some past trauma from being bitten. Don’t get a dog op!

[Anonymous]

Those trying to guilt OP need to shut up. Dogs need to be with people who want them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did bit expect the votes to be so in favor of not getting a dog and I am so glad that the answer is pretty cut and dry.

I think we will go for a cat. I think I can reasonably say “no I’m not doing a lot of extra work.” Knowing DH, I think he will clean the hair and get the kids to do most of the rest of the work. Plus I actually like cats. I still don’t love the idea of the extra responsibility but I feel okay with it.

I did *not* expect the votes to be unanimously one way, is what I mean.

So thank you for making the decision easy.

I will say my ancient cat does make some pretty big messes. Cats do also shed and poop on the floor. Buy a good pet cleaner.

[Anonymous]

I'm a work from home parent and I also know that if we get a dog, it'll be mine to deal with. So we have a cat. I'll admit cats have their downsides too, litter boxes are pretty awful. But we got him as an adult and he will either sleep all day or sit on his cat tree next to my chair and just hang.

[Anonymous]

You know who is going to take care of the dog if the kids want a dog right?! It will be you if not the spouse.
A dog is just another being you have to clean and take care of. More feeding. And it doesn't totally understand what you are saying. 100% of the time I have spoken to parents, they said their kids walk the dog less than once a week. The main responsibility goes to the adults in the house.

[Anonymous]

Omg do not get a dog. My son begged for one for ten years. I’m not a dog person and didn’t want it running my life. We finally gave in - he’s a super good kid and it’s all he wanted for so long. And absolutely he’s great with the dog. Walks it when he can and plays with it a lot. It’s been a year and he is still as into our pup as he was in the beginning.

And the dog is a great dog, really. She’s super sweet and friendly. But it basically has completely changed our life. My son is a middle schooler, so he’s gone early and in activities in the afternoon and of course, the day to day care and training falls to me. SHe wakes us up every single day at 7, which I understand is actually pretty late for a dog. And she has to take a walk first thing. So the first hour of my day is now dog care. Every day.

We have to find someone to take her whenever we go away, having house repairs done is a giant pain in the ass, she’s got a ton of energy and really needs several walks a day plus playtime. It sucks up all my free time and I hate it so much. I had massive anxiety attacks the first six months we had her just from the massive change and her needs.

My son is thrilled, and I guess it’s worth it for him. I actually do really love our dog - like I said she’s super sweet and cute and I do get some daily joy from her. She’s completely obsessed with me which is really cute. I put on my best face for my son - he’s a super good kid. But I hate everything the dog has done to my life and would never have done it if I could go back in time.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar situation myself, but I actually love dogs and work full time (although I work from home). My 10 year old begs us for a dog constantly, and although I love dogs, we had a 17 year old dog that we loved die a couple years ago, and I am enjoying the break from those responsibilities. I'm curious about the "research" PPs have mentioned on the benefits to kids of having a dog - what are they? I've heard having a dog or cat in the house could be good for babies in terms of exposure to allergens, but what about for older kids? If most people say their kids are pretty much forced to do the walking, feeding, etc., then doesn't the experience become just another chore? I grew up without dogs as pets and still grew to love them and had them as an adult.