Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
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Anonymous
You really, really, really wanted to honeymoon in Paris, but your husband vetoed that idea in favor of Napa Valley since it would be less expensive. You regret that decision and have been nagging to go to Paris for your upcoming anniversary. You would love it if your husband surprised you with the trip, but you know that won't happen and you will end up spending countless hours studying hotels and restaurants on Trip Advisor. His idea of a romantic surprise is a pair of clean boxers, but that's ok because he still makes you laugh and you love his sexy legs (thanks to his daily bike commute to work). Elliott and Madeline are both names that you have loved for a long time. In fact, you can remember when you were seven and named one of your baby dolls Elliott. Luckily, your husband was fairly laid back about the whole naming thing. Some husbands would have fought you on Elliott because it sounds to "girly". You mistakenly think your husband's quick acceptance of the name is a sign of his openness and even a slight sign of hipness, but it was actually just motivated by a desire to make you happy. Madeline was named after the character in your favorite children's book and yes, she has all of the books and the doll but sadly she never plays with them. She preferred Dora the Explorer when she was younger and is currently obsessed with horses and horseback riding. She and Elliott are four years apart and although they occasionally tease each other, they generally get along well and that makes you happy. Elliott started playing the guitar this year, got braces, started stuffing socks under his bed and suddenly doesn't want you to do his laundry any more. You are a daily NPR listener, but can't stand Diane Rehm's voice (and yes, you know you should be more empathetic since has had some serious health issues). You do a yearly camping trip with your brother's family, you drive an old Volvo station wagon, and you sneak cigarettes during afternoon breaks at work. |
Anonymous
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Me, too! Me, too!
Zoe Owen Lucy |
Anonymous
Your children are 11, 8 and 5, and you are quite proud of the spacing if you do say so yourself. Owen hates his name, and there are a lot of fights in the house because he will refuse to do what you say if you preface with "Owen..." It drives you nuts. Owen is a GREAT name! But he hates it, has since he was old enough to have an opinion, and has even gone so far as to tell people at school to call him Andrew, his middle name. When Lucy picked up on all the name angst with her older brother she decided to insist everyone call her Lola. You live in the type of neighborhood where all the kids play outside but you have to keep an eye on Lucy/Lola because she and the girl down the street have got into it a few times. All you know is the other girl thinks Lucy/Lola had a messy ponytail one time, but other than that can't get to the bottom of it. Zoe does ballet despite being a tomboy and can't wait to go on pointe. You are worried about all those things you hear about ballerinas being anorexic and it warms your heart to see her eat well at meals. DH is a fed - the type who doesn't tell people what he does - and whenever he's with any of the three kids you are convinced that particular kid is his favorite. You feel so lucky to have married a man that is a good father, after the alcoholic mess your mother married. You wish DH would spice things up in bed, but all your hints have fallen on deaf ears. DH's idea of spicing it up is to have sex in the shower instead of on the bed or to let you be on top. He confessed to you once that he thinks doggy-style is only for rapists, and you were freaked out that his brain even thought in such a direction. You get along well with everyone, and love your neighbors, although you heard a rumor that one may be suing another and are mildly concerned it will mess with the good vibes everyone has towards each other. This fall is going to be very exciting - Lucy/Lola is beginning full-day kindergarten and you will be starting back at work. You have spent the last year preparing - going to seminars to brush up on your field, working out so you'll have lost the "mommy-flab", and getting in the habit of doing your roots every six weeks, promptly. Somehow with all this preparing you also began doing kegels at every red light too, and a few months ago you overheard DH telling his brother the sex is better than ever though he can't figure out why. You strutted around for a full month after that! |
Anonymous
Isaac wins everyone over with his big, brown eyes and dimpled smile. He proudly wears his red cowboy boots with every outfit and refuses to give up his pacifier even though he is four years old. He loves having two mommies and can matter of factly relate the details of his conception and birth. His room is decorated with Todd Parr illustrations, bats (the flying kind), and glowing stars. You stay home with him and fill the days with trips to museums, playgrounds, and nature centers. Your wife just made partner and that was a huge relief. You are currently in discussion about the possibility of having another child, perhaps adopting from the foster care system this time around. You know that Isaac would make an excellent big brother. You love the pickles from Eastern Market, you marched in the Million Puppet March last November, and you secretly like to watch Mad Men. |
Anonymous
| Ian, Maggie, Rowan, Pierce |
Anonymous
| Noah and Camille |
Anonymous
Your bi-racial family has Cuban,Peurto Rican, Southern Black, and WASPY roots. Lena is the lone girl and she's a sweet one with her jumpy Spaniel charms. Your boys keep you busy with their sports, acting, and musical interests. Jarrett has always loved helping you in the kitchen and is seriously considering culinary school instead of college. You aren't thrilled about that, but have to admit he is good in the kitchen. Calvin acts, sings, and is always searching for the latest trend. He spends more time in the bathroom than all of the other boys. Desi is your star athlete and seems to excel at anything with a ball. Louis was a surprise. Still can't believe that IUD failed you, but you love him dearly and his brothers eat up his toddler antics. Your husband is intense, loves to read science fiction, and wishes you cooked like his mother. You are still in great shape, love Salsa dancing, live Jazz music, and pineapples. You cut off contact with your maternal grandparents when they refused to attend your wedding and you work hard to encourage strong bonds between your kids and their other family members which means you spend most of your precious vacation days doing family trips to Miami, Boston, and New Orleans. |
Anonymous
You are Irish Catholic. You send all 4 children to public school. Why? Because you have bad memories of the nuns of your private school experience days! You are a master chef, and have been considering to culinary school, catering, etc. In the meantime, you enjoy sending the most creative and delicious cupcakes to school for your children's birthdays, Valentine's Day, and Halloween. You are tickled that nobody has figured out your secret ingredient for chocolate cake yet...BEETS!!! Your husband is having an affair at the office. He does not know that you are on to him. You dream about adding a "special ingredient" (hmmm...rat poison?) to his favorite Sunday morning blueberry pancakes & REAL maple syrup. If you could get away with it, you would invest in the poison ASAP! However, you do not have the nerve, and comfort yourself with mild flirtations with the hot, young guy at the weekly farmer's market. You have already made some crude comments about the size and flavor of his naturally-produced, delectable, succulent "sausages." Farm to table is sooo "yesterday!" How about "farm to bed....?!" |
Anonymous
| This is hilarious!!!!! |
Anonymous
Emma is short and sweet, just like her name. You want her to grow up to a take charge woman with practical ambitions like making partner at a big law firm, having two kids, and having an unattractive au pair from Germany. You have a hunch that she will actually take awhile to finish college because she'll get distracted by a desire to travel and hook up with any and all Australians that she encounters. She is already begging to do tie-dying this summer and that makes you cringe. Your husband wants more kids, you don't. You were an only child and don't feel compelled to enter the wily world of siblings. You host the annual Thanksgiving meal and organize the yearly family beach trip with your husband's chaotic family. You are hooked on Sudoku and Words with Friends. You post almost daily on Facebook and you are a frequent contributor to DCUM, especially posts related to private schools (Emma attends Stone Ridge), real estate (you love to trash Takoma Park), Trader Joe's (you are a faithful shopper and will valiantly defend their products, especially their Chai tea and quinoa mix) and celebrity gossip. You love finding good deals, but would never admit that you visit TJ Maxx on a weekly basis. You and your husband once did a spiritual marriage retreat, but you spent most of the time gossiping about the other couples and left before the weekend was done. You attend church every week with Emma, but your husband rarely goes. You can't parallel park, you refuse to use the Metro, and you hate women with boob jobs, but you would consider having a face lift down the road. Your husband doesn't know this, but you slept with Anthony Bourdain and you liked it. A lot. |
Anonymous
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Gabriel
Noah |
Anonymous
| Thomas |
Anonymous
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Zahra
Malcolm |
Anonymous
You are a Black Muslim family who re-located to the DC area from San Francisco for your husband's teaching position at American. Both kids have had a difficult transition to the area and actually so have you. People aren't as friendly, aren't as crunchy, and aren't as hip as your old pals back in California. Zahra is a little mother hen, constantly monitoring Malcolm, gently teasing and cajoling him to do what ever she desires. Luckily, Malcolm is laid back and adores his big sis. They have become closer as a result of the move and you hope that they will always have a strong connection unlike your strained relationship with your older sister. You and your husband are still very much in love and you cherish any snippets of time that you get alone. |
Anonymous
You are a train nut and are already planning to name your next child, Percy (regardless of gender). |