Where do private schools really get you in life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMHO, the private is worth it if it provides the atmosphere where your child is most likely to be their best self. A private will not magically get your kid into a top college. It may encourage them to participate more, speak up, get involved in
school, study harder, be more accountable, etc which are skills that will benefit them for the the college applications process and beyond. If your child is the type to do this at a public then private is probability not worth it.

This is exactly the case. Our firstborn has flourished in public school, and would have felt constrained in the majority-wealthy, largely homogenous private school that we had considered. Our second child, on the other hand, has been languishing in public school. The child gets good grades, but only because we push DC. We will be sending DC to private school in September because of higher expectations from teachers, greater accountability at school, encouragement from teachers to participate so DC can't simply hide in the back and get away with it. It is a heavy lift for us financially, but the cost of having a child lost in the public school system is even greater. In a nutshell: public schools are great for the top 1% go-getting, ambitious students. I am betting my DC will beat out any privately educated, cosseted kid. But for the other child, we need more eyes and encouragement that the public system can't give to the remaining 99% of students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMHO, the private is worth it if it provides the atmosphere where your child is most likely to be their best self. A private will not magically get your kid into a top college. It may encourage them to participate more, speak up, get involved in
school, study harder, be more accountable, etc which are skills that will benefit them for the the college applications process and beyond. If your child is the type to do this at a public then private is probability not worth it.

This is exactly the case. Our firstborn has flourished in public school, and would have felt constrained in the majority-wealthy, largely homogenous private school that we had considered. Our second child, on the other hand, has been languishing in public school. The child gets good grades, but only because we push DC. We will be sending DC to private school in September because of higher expectations from teachers, greater accountability at school, encouragement from teachers to participate so DC can't simply hide in the back and get away with it. It is a heavy lift for us financially, but the cost of having a child lost in the public school system is even greater. In a nutshell: public schools are great for the top 1% go-getting, ambitious students. I am betting my DC will beat out any privately educated, cosseted kid. But for the other child, we need more eyes and encouragement that the public system can't give to the remaining 99% of students.

So you’re essentially saying that the other 99% of public school students are condemned to be lesser than you private school child? Not reach their fullest potential? What are you expecting to happen with you now “non languishing” child once in private school and what do you expect to happen to the peers remaining in public?

[Anonymous]

As many on this thread have said, it is really about fit. My daughter loves her private and my son would hate her private and is at another. You want to find the best place where they can grow and bloom. Wherever that is.

Money is a factor. $50k to many (not all) of the parents at privates is not significant. That makes the decision easier. The choice for a biglaw partner making 1.5 million a year is not that significant so it is a much easier call. This person likely has millions in retirement and fully funded college funds. You should never spend retirement or college money to pay for private.

I went to a bad (academics, violence) high school. I did fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMHO, the private is worth it if it provides the atmosphere where your child is most likely to be their best self. A private will not magically get your kid into a top college. It may encourage them to participate more, speak up, get involved in
school, study harder, be more accountable, etc which are skills that will benefit them for the the college applications process and beyond. If your child is the type to do this at a public then private is probability not worth it.

This is exactly the case. Our firstborn has flourished in public school, and would have felt constrained in the majority-wealthy, largely homogenous private school that we had considered. Our second child, on the other hand, has been languishing in public school. The child gets good grades, but only because we push DC. We will be sending DC to private school in September because of higher expectations from teachers, greater accountability at school, encouragement from teachers to participate so DC can't simply hide in the back and get away with it. It is a heavy lift for us financially, but the cost of having a child lost in the public school system is even greater. In a nutshell: public schools are great for the top 1% go-getting, ambitious students. I am betting my DC will beat out any privately educated, cosseted kid. But for the other child, we need more eyes and encouragement that the public system can't give to the remaining 99% of students.

So you’re essentially saying that the other 99% of public school students are condemned to be lesser than you private school child? Not reach their fullest potential? What are you expecting to happen with you now “non languishing” child once in private school and what do you expect to happen to the peers remaining in public?

Wow, you took PP’s account rather personally. PP said nothing about your precious child. PP said they thought THEIR child would do better in a private school.

Seriously. Calm down. The educational choices someone else makes for their child are not going to prevent your little darling from shining. And if PP’s child wasn’t doing well in public they’re under no obligation to leave their child there in order to make your child look better by comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you look at Sidwell alums, they have a real problem with leadership. Few end up in leadership positions regardless of career choice.

I don't understand this comment. "Problem with leadership"???? Says who and based off of what?

The use of "based off" suggests low social caste. Perhaps relatedly, private schools produce better writers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have struggled with this. My kid was waitlisted this year at several privates. Got into their first choice, but out (the parents) second. We had our hearts set on one if the more elite schools were they were waitlisted.

My question is the elite privates are supposed to give you a to the Ivies and best colleges. But does where your kid goes to school really matter?? And why? Seems to me that if you have a bright innovative kid that they will succeed in life regardless of where they go to college?

Why the stress? Why the expense? Looking for real world examples.

This topic has been beaten to death, OP.

If you think a private school is only a means to an end, then you think very differently than most parents who send their kids to private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

Hmm, I had this same experience coming from a public to an elite school. My public was super crappy though and I don't know that the ones around here are as bad.

However, I was able to catch up Freshman year. I went to the writing center for help, I retook calc, and had a tutor this time to actually learn it. I went to office hours, which professors tend to love. It was extra work and I had to be self motivated but it was also very doable as long as you are willing to put the work in.

I ended up graduating with a 3.92 GPA so in the end it wasn't that bad.

I don't think it's worth 50k a year + just to spare your kid this extra work freshman year if you don't have that kind of money.

Well shoot, then I guess most of us have just been wasting money to spare our kids some extra work freshman year of college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's about fit and your child's needs, not about outcomes. If you're interested in Sidwell because of college admissions, you're not choosing a school for the right reasons.

Why is this such a bad thing? Don't we all want our kids to go to the best colleges?

We all know the name on your degree matters to getting into the most elite professions.

It is what it is, why can't we just acknowledge that?

I want my kids to go to the best college FOR THEM. Which won't necessarily be the top-ranked school they get into.

[Anonymous]

I went to competitive private schools. I got a great education, but the teachers graded hard. I could not compete with public school kids who had higher than 4.0 GPAs. That simply wasn’t possible at my school, where not even the valedictorian had above a 4.0.

[Anonymous]

^^

Elite colleges/Ivy leagues are a reach for everyone, unless you can pay to play (see Rick Singer scandal). Going to an elite private school does not guarantee Ivy League admission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

Hmm, I had this same experience coming from a public to an elite school. My public was super crappy though and I don't know that the ones around here are as bad.

However, I was able to catch up Freshman year. I went to the writing center for help, I retook calc, and had a tutor this time to actually learn it. I went to office hours, which professors tend to love. It was extra work and I had to be self motivated but it was also very doable as long as you are willing to put the work in.

I ended up graduating with a 3.92 GPA so in the end it wasn't that bad.

I don't think it's worth 50k a year + just to spare your kid this extra work freshman year if you don't have that kind of money.

I worked very hard but it was almost impossible to make up for that (it comes down to the fact you are probably smarter than me), and these are my kids so I suspect they are about as dumb as me!

One key thing was I was too embarrassed to go to office hours and waste my professors time because I felt so profoundly behind. I felt it was fine if you had a specific question, but if they had to re-teach the lesson they would figure out I didn’t belong. This may have been imposter syndrome or true incompetence, leave it as exercise for the reader.

I did a technical major and had some successes, but in the end my grades were lackluster.

PP here. I did it for both. Especially after I realized how much these people love it and will favor you for special programs or awards. I asked my econ professor one question that he said he had never considered before and it ended up with him recommending me for a full scholarship for an MBA (which I very stupidly didn't take). I once wrote a whole paper on the wrong topic but the professor knew me from office hours and said he was so impressed by it that he gave me full marks anyway, lol. I had another professor who said she'd edit papers for you if you submitted them early, probably something she'd offer because no one ever did. Well I did and she was a tough grader so I kept submitting. I think she eventually gave me an A just to get rid of me, lol. I ended up getting an award from the department and I don't think it's because I was the best student. But I was probably one of the harder working ones.

My point is, what I learned from all that, is that people really like it when you show a genuine interest in their work, when they can see that you are trying hard, and they are more likely to reward people they know then people they don't. Perseverance and effort pay off.

So you went to an "elite" college and you say "lol" as an adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

Hmm, I had this same experience coming from a public to an elite school. My public was super crappy though and I don't know that the ones around here are as bad.

However, I was able to catch up Freshman year. I went to the writing center for help, I retook calc, and had a tutor this time to actually learn it. I went to office hours, which professors tend to love. It was extra work and I had to be self motivated but it was also very doable as long as you are willing to put the work in.

I ended up graduating with a 3.92 GPA so in the end it wasn't that bad.

I don't think it's worth 50k a year + just to spare your kid this extra work freshman year if you don't have that kind of money.

I worked very hard but it was almost impossible to make up for that (it comes down to the fact you are probably smarter than me), and these are my kids so I suspect they are about as dumb as me!

One key thing was I was too embarrassed to go to office hours and waste my professors time because I felt so profoundly behind. I felt it was fine if you had a specific question, but if they had to re-teach the lesson they would figure out I didn’t belong. This may have been imposter syndrome or true incompetence, leave it as exercise for the reader.

I did a technical major and had some successes, but in the end my grades were lackluster.

PP here. I did it for both. Especially after I realized how much these people love it and will favor you for special programs or awards. I asked my econ professor one question that he said he had never considered before and it ended up with him recommending me for a full scholarship for an MBA (which I very stupidly didn't take). I once wrote a whole paper on the wrong topic but the professor knew me from office hours and said he was so impressed by it that he gave me full marks anyway, lol. I had another professor who said she'd edit papers for you if you submitted them early, probably something she'd offer because no one ever did. Well I did and she was a tough grader so I kept submitting. I think she eventually gave me an A just to get rid of me, lol. I ended up getting an award from the department and I don't think it's because I was the best student. But I was probably one of the harder working ones.

My point is, what I learned from all that, is that people really like it when you show a genuine interest in their work, when they can see that you are trying hard, and they are more likely to reward people they know then people they don't. Perseverance and effort pay off.

I love this story. It’s much more about the effort they can see you are putting in than one might realize.

Not to mention it isn’t just the best college anymore. Most people need even more nowadays, whether that’s grad school, business school, law school. How much money are you continually going to shell out for the “best” of everything? Until you’re in the poor house? Especially now when people are much older before starting a family. There is absolutely no way those 50K tuition elite schools are worth it TO ME unless you are guaranteed a ticket to the Ivy of your choice. And you are absolutely not.

Fixed it for you

[Anonymous]

The private my mom and dad sent to me to was a complete waste of their middle class money.

I was motivated and would have done well in public school as well as private; I just would have had a lot more friends in public and met more middle class students like me. The students with rich parents or the sporty students received the attention, not the rest of us.

Now realize my parents tried hard, but they never went to college and had no idea of what they were doing. Fortunately, I learned about therapy from my UMC fellow students, so that's been a plus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t send my kids to private school to get into the best college. I want them to enjoy learning, know how to write and analyze, gain exposure and experience with a broad curriculum of subjects, and go to school in a culture where kids and families prioritize education and learning.

My husband and I grew up in two different worlds. He went to private school and I went to public school. He was an average student in high school, I did very well. We both went to a big 10 university. Despite the fact that we went to the same college, we did not have the same experience or career outcomes. His knowledge of the world and how to navigate it far exceeded mine and pretty much any person we know that went to public school. He is now the successful CEO of his own company. I went on to get another degree and still don’t have his level of connections and knowledge. I attribute much of his success to the lifelong educational experiences and culture he grew up in.

I could have written this except I'm the one with the private school education and my husband is public. He has commented before on the educational experiences I had and the culture I grew up in (not solely related to my family, as they were first-generational wealth) and that made his want to send our kids to private school as well. I'm not smarter than him - our IQs are actually about the same - but our experiences were vastly different. And having the ability to choose for our kids, we chose the path I had gone down, rather than the path he had. And for what it's worth, he went to public in MD's top public schools, so he wasn't in some poor, rural county somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a real misconception that people choose or should choose private schools for college acceptances. Choose the school because it’s the kind of secondary education you want your child to have. If you have a good public option, why not take it? Absolutely your child can thrive in either.

We did not have a good public option, so our choices were move or private. Private made sense for us. It sounds like it may not make sense for you

I’m a product of public school. Not ashamed or embarrassed but wanted a better education for my children. My kids are at a top DC private. They are getting a truly outstanding education - something I didn’t have. Most public schools are inferior. No judgment, and it is what it is. Yes, I’d love for them to have a leg up in college admissions but they likely won’t. However, I feel confident that when they are out in the world they will be better educated than about 90-95 percent of the population. It’s already obvious when they around peers that haven’t had the same opportunities. They operate at a different level so for me it’s worth it.

It’s statements like these that keep these discussions going. Public schools in general are not inferior to private, particularly not those in good school districts or notable ranked. Are they different? Yes, but that does not make them inferior. In fact, because of their size and makeup they often teach and require life skills and soft skills that are harder to come by in private. For instance, I find that generally by a huge margin public school kids that are doing well are better able to work with a greater variety of people, better able to advocate for themselves, and generally don’t need as much hand holding. Private school kids of a certain type better understand how to navigate some social and corporate aspects of the world. They also tend to present with a confidence of belonging in a particular place(this can be both good and bad). Overall, I don’t feel academically either is better than the other. Particularly not in ways that are relevant once College and internship are taken into consideration

There have been multiple people who went to public school who have said the opposite on this post. And maybe one who agrees with you? So I'm not sure about your "huge margin."