Where do private schools really get you in life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have struggled with this. My kid was waitlisted this year at several privates. Got into their first choice, but out (the parents) second. We had our hearts set on one if the more elite schools were they were waitlisted.

My question is the elite privates are supposed to give you a to the Ivies and best colleges. But does where your kid goes to school really matter?? And why? Seems to me that if you have a bright innovative kid that they will succeed in life regardless of where they go to college?

Why the stress? Why the expense? Looking for real world examples.

Connections. Networking. My husband went to one of the privates in the area and he keeps in touch with a group of guys he went to school with. He goes to some of the alumni events which feature people like Supreme Court justices, corporate leaders, etc. One of those guys gave me a job sight unseen when we moved to the area years ago and I was job-hunting. It wasn't a forever job, but I had a paycheck.

Husband is happy at his current job, but will likely leverage those connections in a few years to make a move into a different field.

Also, he has those friendships. The guys get together for a trip every year or so.

This is insane. I get together with my friends from high school for a trip every year or so too. What does this have to do with anything?

What you are describing seems to boil down to the idea that people who could afford private school growing up (and their spouses) are a superior caste and deserve preferential treatment from one another in adult life. Ick.

Other terms that come to mind are clannishness and opportunity hoarding.

If you don't see what's wrong with this, I highly, highly recommend taking a look at this book, which is great.

https://www.amazon.com/Dream-Hoarders-American-Leaving-Everyone/dp/081572912X

And you’re now describing the entire Greek system, certain college sports teams, church affiliation and/or religious views and the countless numbers of communities that hoard opportunities and resources for their own idea of the chosen few.

Greek system, yes, insofar as it excludes people who can't pay a certain amount of money--ie part of its purpose is to keep affluent people with other affluence people. (A great book about this is Paying for the Party by Jennifer Hirsch, a fascinating multi-year sociological study of women in the Greek system and their parents' motives for encouraging that choice.)

Networking based on the other categories you mention seems less problematic insofar as they are at least ostensibly motivated by mutual affinities and interests other than simply "keep the poors out." I'm not anti-networking. But I do think that the winners in our current system need to think critically about their own role in widening socio-economic inequality. The road we are headed down is not good for anyone.






t that are composed of people

Whose parents tell you which sorority to join? Maybe it's because I'm from CA, but that's not how it worked for me or my Ivy friends. Maybe it's because I didn't go to a southern school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a real misconception that people choose or should choose private schools for college acceptances. Choose the school because it’s the kind of secondary education you want your child to have. If you have a good public option, why not take it? Absolutely your child can thrive in either.

We did not have a good public option, so our choices were move or private. Private made sense for us. It sounds like it may not make sense for you

I’m a product of public school. Not ashamed or embarrassed but wanted a better education for my children. My kids are at a top DC private. They are getting a truly outstanding education - something I didn’t have. Most public schools are inferior. No judgment, and it is what it is. Yes, I’d love for them to have a leg up in college admissions but they likely won’t. However, I feel confident that when they are out in the world they will be better educated than about 90-95 percent of the population. It’s already obvious when they around peers that haven’t had the same opportunities. They operate at a different level so for me it’s worth it.

It’s statements like these that keep these discussions going. Public schools in general are not inferior to private, particularly not those in good school districts or notable ranked. Are they different? Yes, but that does not make them inferior. In fact, because of their size and makeup they often teach and require life skills and soft skills that are harder to come by in private. For instance, I find that generally by a huge margin public school kids that are doing well are better able to work with a greater variety of people, better able to advocate for themselves, and generally don’t need as much hand holding. Private school kids of a certain type better understand how to navigate some social and corporate aspects of the world. They also tend to present with a confidence of belonging in a particular place(this can be both good and bad). Overall, I don’t feel academically either is better than the other. Particularly not in ways that are relevant once College and internship are taken into consideration

There have been multiple people who went to public school who have said the opposite on this post. And maybe one who agrees with you? So I'm not sure about your "huge margin."

Actually multiple people have noted the bolded item. Look at any thread with private school kids transitioning to public HS or public college. The biggest adjustments are a)needing to manage workload and advocate on your own, and b) realizing that your no longer the big fish in a small pond, but a small fish in a big pond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t send my kids to private school to get into the best college. I want them to enjoy learning, know how to write and analyze, gain exposure and experience with a broad curriculum of subjects, and go to school in a culture where kids and families prioritize education and learning.

My husband and I grew up in two different worlds. He went to private school and I went to public school. He was an average student in high school, I did very well. We both went to a big 10 university. Despite the fact that we went to the same college, we did not have the same experience or career outcomes. His knowledge of the world and how to navigate it far exceeded mine and pretty much any person we know that went to public school. He is now the successful CEO of his own company. I went on to get another degree and still don’t have his level of connections and knowledge. I attribute much of his success to the lifelong educational experiences and culture he grew up in.

I could have written this except I'm the one with the private school education and my husband is public. He has commented before on the educational experiences I had and the culture I grew up in (not solely related to my family, as they were first-generational wealth) and that made his want to send our kids to private school as well. I'm not smarter than him - our IQs are actually about the same - but our experiences were vastly different. And having the ability to choose for our kids, we chose the path I had gone down, rather than the path he had. And for what it's worth, he went to public in MD's top public schools, so he wasn't in some poor, rural county somewhere.

Neither you nor the PP have yet to listed what “educational experiences and culture” was experienced that so greatly improved your (or her husband’s) understanding of the world, beyond the connections you noted. Your answer may actually help the OP, answer the original question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a real misconception that people choose or should choose private schools for college acceptances. Choose the school because it’s the kind of secondary education you want your child to have. If you have a good public option, why not take it? Absolutely your child can thrive in either.

We did not have a good public option, so our choices were move or private. Private made sense for us. It sounds like it may not make sense for you

I’m a product of public school. Not ashamed or embarrassed but wanted a better education for my children. My kids are at a top DC private. They are getting a truly outstanding education - something I didn’t have. Most public schools are inferior. No judgment, and it is what it is. Yes, I’d love for them to have a leg up in college admissions but they likely won’t. However, I feel confident that when they are out in the world they will be better educated than about 90-95 percent of the population. It’s already obvious when they around peers that haven’t had the same opportunities. They operate at a different level so for me it’s worth it.

It’s statements like these that keep these discussions going. Public schools in general are not inferior to private, particularly not those in good school districts or notable ranked. Are they different? Yes, but that does not make them inferior. In fact, because of their size and makeup they often teach and require life skills and soft skills that are harder to come by in private. For instance, I find that generally by a huge margin public school kids that are doing well are better able to work with a greater variety of people, better able to advocate for themselves, and generally don’t need as much hand holding. Private school kids of a certain type better understand how to navigate some social and corporate aspects of the world. They also tend to present with a confidence of belonging in a particular place(this can be both good and bad). Overall, I don’t feel academically either is better than the other. Particularly not in ways that are relevant once College and internship are taken into consideration

I’m PP. Your assessment that public and private are generally equal really only applies if you grew up in an area like DC, where lots of wealthy and educated families send their kids to public schools. It’s obvious you grew up in one of these environments. Try leaving the DMV bubble and you’d understand that for 90 percent of the country, public schools are clearly inferior.

I want to add that your other points are well-taken and I agree. In fact, I worry every day that my kids won’t have the same perseverance and grit my DH and I had coming out of public school. But we are both outliers. The reality is that the academics in most public schools vs a top private will never match up. It stinks, but it’s reality.

I'm guessing you're from the South. Correct? I'm from California and has excellent public schools. I have friends who are successful professionals in the DC area who grew up throughout the country and all of them went to public school except those who grew up in the South. Gee, I wonder what that could be about.

Wrong. I grew up in NYS. Other than California, NYS is known for having one of the best public school systems in the country. I was also at what would be considered a top public.

[Anonymous]

“Dream Hoarding” is such a crock of sh*t. It is premised on the notion that there is some finite quantity of success that must be rationed and liberal technocrat economists should be allowed to do that. It tries to castigate and shame upper middle class strivers and put them in direct class conflict with the lower middle class while protecting the true elite, the idle rich. It’s a massive attempt at misdirection to try to blame the 85-95% for the misery caused by the top 0.1% not hoarding the opportunity but hoarding the money.

[Anonymous]

Obsessing over a "top" college is such a grubby striver outlook on life. What a strong private education almost certainly guarantees is your kid will worst-case end up at a respectable University of Michigan tier college, get a bid into a top tier Greek house, surround themselves with other polished affluent peers who are going places in life, and breeze through undergrad courses (which will in many cases be easier than high school courses) and graduate on time. And they will always have that distinct prep school je ne sais quoi, which drives public schoolers crazy.

[Anonymous]

Note: The author of this tweet is fairly successful in her field and went to a top magnet school in Boston, while Mass. was and is known for the no. 1 public schools in the nation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obsessing over a "top" college is such a grubby striver outlook on life. What a strong private education almost certainly guarantees is your kid will worst-case end up at a respectable University of Michigan tier college, get a bid into a top tier Greek house, surround themselves with other polished affluent peers who are going places in life, and breeze through undergrad courses (which will in many cases be easier than high school courses) and graduate on time. And they will always have that distinct prep school je ne sais quoi, which drives public schoolers crazy.

lol. this post is in jest, right?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Note: The author of this tweet is fairly successful in her field and went to a top magnet school in Boston, while Mass. was and is known for the no. 1 public schools in the nation.

This data is meaningless without context. What percentage of students who enroll at Princeton come from private schools in the first place? I would not be surprised if it was up to 60% As an Ivy grad myself from public school, the one differing factor I can point to is that many of the private school kids had a self assurance and confidence. But the flip side of that was that also many were total emotional messes. A lot of the public school kids, like me, can tend to feel like outsiders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Dream Hoarding” is such a crock of sh*t. It is premised on the notion that there is some finite quantity of success that must be rationed and liberal technocrat economists should be allowed to do that. It tries to castigate and shame upper middle class strivers and put them in direct class conflict with the lower middle class while protecting the true elite, the idle rich. It’s a massive attempt at misdirection to try to blame the 85-95% for the misery caused by the top 0.1% not hoarding the opportunity but hoarding the money.

This comment is a crock of shi*t.

The people that rant against the book dream hoarders know deep down it's the truth and want to downplay it.

[Anonymous]

I’m an immigrant and speak English as my second language. My parents sacrificed and managed to send me to an elite all-boys Catholic school. I can only speak for myself, but it was a transformational experience for me. Not only did it provide me with an amazing high school education, it opened up a world to me that would have not otherwise been available had I gone elsewhere. Today, 35 years later, my high school friends are still my best friends. We socialize together, do business together, etc. I am fortunate to be part of such a special community. My son will enter as a freshman in the Fall. He’s so excited to experience what I did growing up. I’m so happy for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have struggled with this. My kid was waitlisted this year at several privates. Got into their first choice, but out (the parents) second. We had our hearts set on one if the more elite schools were they were waitlisted.

My question is the elite privates are supposed to give you a to the Ivies and best colleges. But does where your kid goes to school really matter?? And why? Seems to me that if you have a bright innovative kid that they will succeed in life regardless of where they go to college?

Why the stress? Why the expense? Looking for real world examples.

Connections. Networking. My husband went to one of the privates in the area and he keeps in touch with a group of guys he went to school with. He goes to some of the alumni events which feature people like Supreme Court justices, corporate leaders, etc. One of those guys gave me a job sight unseen when we moved to the area years ago and I was job-hunting. It wasn't a forever job, but I had a paycheck.

Husband is happy at his current job, but will likely leverage those connections in a few years to make a move into a different field.

Also, he has those friendships. The guys get together for a trip every year or so.

This is insane. I get together with my friends from high school for a trip every year or so too. What does this have to do with anything?

What you are describing seems to boil down to the idea that people who could afford private school growing up (and their spouses) are a superior caste and deserve preferential treatment from one another in adult life. Ick.

Other terms that come to mind are clannishness and opportunity hoarding.

If you don't see what's wrong with this, I highly, highly recommend taking a look at this book, which is great.

https://www.amazon.com/Dream-Hoarders-American-Leaving-Everyone/dp/081572912X

And you’re now describing the entire Greek system, certain college sports teams, church affiliation and/or religious views and the countless numbers of communities that hoard opportunities and resources for their own idea of the chosen few.

Greek system, yes, insofar as it excludes people who can't pay a certain amount of money--ie part of its purpose is to keep affluent people with other affluence people. (A great book about this is Paying for the Party by Jennifer Hirsch, a fascinating multi-year sociological study of women in the Greek system and their parents' motives for encouraging that choice.)

Networking based on the other categories you mention seems less problematic insofar as they are at least ostensibly motivated by mutual affinities and interests other than simply "keep the poors out." I'm not anti-networking. But I do think that the winners in our current system need to think critically about their own role in widening socio-economic inequality. The road we are headed down is not good for anyone.






t that are composed of people

Whose parents tell you which sorority to join? Maybe it's because I'm from CA, but that's not how it worked for me or my Ivy friends. Maybe it's because I didn't go to a southern school?

Uh, the parents pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obsessing over a "top" college is such a grubby striver outlook on life. What a strong private education almost certainly guarantees is your kid will worst-case end up at a respectable University of Michigan tier college, get a bid into a top tier Greek house, surround themselves with other polished affluent peers who are going places in life, and breeze through undergrad courses (which will in many cases be easier than high school courses) and graduate on time. And they will always have that distinct prep school je ne sais quoi, which drives public schoolers crazy.

🤣🤣🤣

[Anonymous]

I think much of what ultimately influences what our experience in life is depends on what social class we were born into. I'm not saying this as a good thing, just an observation. There is not that big of a difference between someone whose family has a lot of money, has traveled extensively, etc, who goes to BCC and someone whose family has a lot of money and who goes to GDS. If at the same college they will both seem more cultured than a student whose family doesn't have a lot of money regardless of whether that other student went to private or public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have struggled with this. My kid was waitlisted this year at several privates. Got into their first choice, but out (the parents) second. We had our hearts set on one if the more elite schools were they were waitlisted.

My question is the elite privates are supposed to give you a to the Ivies and best colleges. But does where your kid goes to school really matter?? And why? Seems to me that if you have a bright innovative kid that they will succeed in life regardless of where they go to college?

Why the stress? Why the expense? Looking for real world examples.

Connections. Networking. My husband went to one of the privates in the area and he keeps in touch with a group of guys he went to school with. He goes to some of the alumni events which feature people like Supreme Court justices, corporate leaders, etc. One of those guys gave me a job sight unseen when we moved to the area years ago and I was job-hunting. It wasn't a forever job, but I had a paycheck.

Husband is happy at his current job, but will likely leverage those connections in a few years to make a move into a different field.

Also, he has those friendships. The guys get together for a trip every year or so.

This is insane. I get together with my friends from high school for a trip every year or so too. What does this have to do with anything?

What you are describing seems to boil down to the idea that people who could afford private school growing up (and their spouses) are a superior caste and deserve preferential treatment from one another in adult life. Ick.

Other terms that come to mind are clannishness and opportunity hoarding.

If you don't see what's wrong with this, I highly, highly recommend taking a look at this book, which is great.

https://www.amazon.com/Dream-Hoarders-American-Leaving-Everyone/dp/081572912X

And you’re now describing the entire Greek system, certain college sports teams, church affiliation and/or religious views and the countless numbers of communities that hoard opportunities and resources for their own idea of the chosen few.

Greek system, yes, insofar as it excludes people who can't pay a certain amount of money--ie part of its purpose is to keep affluent people with other affluence people. (A great book about this is Paying for the Party by Jennifer Hirsch, a fascinating multi-year sociological study of women in the Greek system and their parents' motives for encouraging that choice.)

Networking based on the other categories you mention seems less problematic insofar as they are at least ostensibly motivated by mutual affinities and interests other than simply "keep the poors out." I'm not anti-networking. But I do think that the winners in our current system need to think critically about their own role in widening socio-economic inequality. The road we are headed down is not good for anyone.






t that are composed of people

Whose parents tell you which sorority to join? Maybe it's because I'm from CA, but that's not how it worked for me or my Ivy friends. Maybe it's because I didn't go to a southern school?

Uh, the parents pay for it.

Uh, and?