Au Pair just asked for more money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, poor her, 2BD apt in Milan. Compared to a basement room in a big house in an anonymous DMV suburb. Such a dumb American thing to say; that’s why we are the but of jokes everywhere. Everyone lives in apartments in Milan Rome Paris. You should be so lucky to have a chance at a 2BD in one of these places, middle aged suburban housewife.

You are aware of what happened in Italy in the spring, right? She had a terrible time being essentially locked inside for months on end. They weren't even allowed outside to exercise.. Her grandparents died of COVID and she couldn't see them. So yes, she'd rather not be sharing a room with her younger sister 24/7 and not allowed fresh air as they lock down again.

I can’t even. Do you have access to anything other than the Fox News? Or are you saying you are taking advantage of her situation and her grief?
She could do better than your household. USA is having one of the worst outbreaks ever.

My information comes from her. We've spoken daily since the pandemic hit in March, having matched earlier in the year. Why do you think you know better than her what she'd prefer? She's very excited for moving her life forward after being stuck in stasis for so many months. She'd worked in the tourist industry at home, but there are no jobs. At this point we've agreed she wont come until summer at the earliest. But she was weeks away from arriving and very, very disappointed when Trump put the ban in place.

Two things. Separate. 2BD apt in a top European city is worth more than your house, so your lame attitude made me laugh. Two, now you know that the market is demanding you offer a better price and conditions to your au pair so you better do it or you’re no better than hostage taking exploiter.

Two things. Separate. You know nothing about her apartment or living circumstances. Stop talking out of your ass. Two, we've had a great experience with the program and make sure our au pairs have an amazing experience. No need to worry your little head.

Not the PP. but Wow. What a cultural experience this young lady is in for, marvelous?!

Not the Kennedy Center cultural experience for sure. Instead, judging the the host mother’s language skills, The Real Housewives Crash Course in Poor and Crass No Class English Language Cultural Experience?

What's with the pointless insults? Do you think you're being funny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No. That you think she should while bereaved figure out by herself that you are offering her a deal below any market value for au pairs in the US today. And that you are ambivalent about what au pairs are are are not expected to do. If I trick a teenager into working duties they are no meant to for a wage well below ever other teenager in that position, is that not exploitative of me? You seem to be suggesting no, since she wants to and could google and find out that she probably shouldn’t. Read DC consumer protection act or Karl Racine tweets; may not apply here but will be very instructive as a compass since I can’t imagine you are more ethical in your other business dealings

What are you talking about? I'm not the OP. We never ask our au pairs to do anything outside the approved duties, we pay above market and we work hard to make sure our au pairs have a fabulous experience. They each have called their au pair year the best year of their life and have generally opted to stay for a second year with our family.

A million posts ago I responded to a point that its abusive to have au pairs during the pandemic at all. I merely disagreed. The pandemic is terrible everywhere. Let the au pairs decide whether they still want to be an au pair. Many, many went home at the beginning of the pandemic. Some stayed. And some still want to come anyways.

Great. I hope you speak up when you see host mothers behave like the OP and the chorus were suggesting then. I think this could be a wonderful
program during the pandemic where many of these young people can provide DL assistance and enrich home life. But sadly, there have been so many stories of abuse and just general ambivalence and garden variety exploitation. These are in fact wrong and even illegal actions, and we should all help stop them by calling out our fellow host moms and educating au pairs how to only end up with great families that are willing to abide by the program and the market.

[Anonymous]

Au pairs are terrible. The agencies market them as these responsibly supportive “extra hands,” but all four we had with Cultural Care were lazy overgrown toddlers themselves. They lost every cell phone we bought. They crashed our cars. Two kept alcohol in the bedrooms. Such a nightmare!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, poor her, 2BD apt in Milan. Compared to a basement room in a big house in an anonymous DMV suburb. Such a dumb American thing to say; that’s why we are the but of jokes everywhere. Everyone lives in apartments in Milan Rome Paris. You should be so lucky to have a chance at a 2BD in one of these places, middle aged suburban housewife.

You are aware of what happened in Italy in the spring, right? She had a terrible time being essentially locked inside for months on end. They weren't even allowed outside to exercise.. Her grandparents died of COVID and she couldn't see them. So yes, she'd rather not be sharing a room with her younger sister 24/7 and not allowed fresh air as they lock down again.

I can’t even. Do you have access to anything other than the Fox News? Or are you saying you are taking advantage of her situation and her grief?
She could do better than your household. USA is having one of the worst outbreaks ever.

My information comes from her. We've spoken daily since the pandemic hit in March, having matched earlier in the year. Why do you think you know better than her what she'd prefer? She's very excited for moving her life forward after being stuck in stasis for so many months. She'd worked in the tourist industry at home, but there are no jobs. At this point we've agreed she wont come until summer at the earliest. But she was weeks away from arriving and very, very disappointed when Trump put the ban in place.

Two things. Separate. 2BD apt in a top European city is worth more than your house, so your lame attitude made me laugh. Two, now you know that the market is demanding you offer a better price and conditions to your au pair so you better do it or you’re no better than hostage taking exploiter.

Two things. Separate. You know nothing about her apartment or living circumstances. Stop talking out of your ass. Two, we've had a great experience with the program and make sure our au pairs have an amazing experience. No need to worry your little head.

Not the PP. but Wow. What a cultural experience this young lady is in for, marvelous?!

Not the Kennedy Center cultural experience for sure. Instead, judging the the host mother’s language skills, The Real Housewives Crash Course in Poor and Crass No Class English Language Cultural Experience?

What's with the pointless insults? Do you think you're being funny?

Really? Look up the language used by the “host mom”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Au pairs are terrible. The agencies market them as these responsibly supportive “extra hands,” but all four we had with Cultural Care were lazy overgrown toddlers themselves. They lost every cell phone we bought. They crashed our cars. Two kept alcohol in the bedrooms. Such a nightmare!

Why keep going? You obviously did it for the ridiculously cheap labor and not the cultural exchange. And that my friend should technically not be allowed.

[Anonymous]

Host families are apparently worse:
www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/03/au-pair-program-abuse-state-department-214956

Many of the roughly 17,500 au pairs who live and work in the United States every year have positive experiences. But according to a dozen current and former au pairs as well as former au pair company employees, ordeals aren’t unusual, either. They relay horror stories of au pairs who are overworked, humiliated, refused meals, threatened with arrest and deportation—even victims of theft. Worst of all, they say, complaining about exploitative, unsafe working conditions rarely makes any difference. Sometimes, reporting abuse makes the situation worse.

[Anonymous]

This! And let’s remind ourselves what the OP said: “Au Pair asked for more money”! And then proceeded to list illegal activities to be done for a salary that wouldn’t be acceptable in the poorest countries. No mention of cultural exchange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No. That you think she should while bereaved figure out by herself that you are offering her a deal below any market value for au pairs in the US today. And that you are ambivalent about what au pairs are are are not expected to do. If I trick a teenager into working duties they are no meant to for a wage well below ever other teenager in that position, is that not exploitative of me? You seem to be suggesting no, since she wants to and could google and find out that she probably shouldn’t. Read DC consumer protection act or Karl Racine tweets; may not apply here but will be very instructive as a compass since I can’t imagine you are more ethical in your other business dealings

What are you talking about? I'm not the OP. We never ask our au pairs to do anything outside the approved duties, we pay above market and we work hard to make sure our au pairs have a fabulous experience. They each have called their au pair year the best year of their life and have generally opted to stay for a second year with our family.

A million posts ago I responded to a point that its abusive to have au pairs during the pandemic at all. I merely disagreed. The pandemic is terrible everywhere. Let the au pairs decide whether they still want to be an au pair. Many, many went home at the beginning of the pandemic. Some stayed. And some still want to come anyways.

Great. I hope you speak up when you see host mothers behave like the OP and the chorus were suggesting then. I think this could be a wonderful
program during the pandemic where many of these young people can provide DL assistance and enrich home life. But sadly, there have been so many stories of abuse and just general ambivalence and garden variety exploitation. These are in fact wrong and even illegal actions, and we should all help stop them by calling out our fellow host moms and educating au pairs how to only end up with great families that are willing to abide by the program and the market.

The fact that the au pair is asking for a raise means that the system is working. When OP says no, the au pair will go into rematch and find a better family. As has been stated on this thread many times, the rematch market is insane right now. She'll have options.

Even prior to the pandemic, in the DMV, all of the au pairs I've met had a strong understanding of the market. I have never personally met or even heard through any of my au pairs about someone in an abusive situation. These stories come up in the news, but I've known dozens of mostly happy au pairs. Some are occasionally home sick. Some eventually decide they dont really like childcare. Etc. But nothing abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This! And let’s remind ourselves what the OP said: “Au Pair asked for more money”! And then proceeded to list illegal activities to be done for a salary that wouldn’t be acceptable in the poorest countries. No mention of cultural exchange.

You clearly dont understand au pair compensation.

[Anonymous]

NP. Well it sure sounds like Karl Racine would be interested. They stopped another foreign worker exploitation ring recently, this time for foreign teachers.

Just about every agency in sight failed 45 exploited foreign school teachers in the J-1 exchange visitor program run by the State Department — except for a government agency little known outside the District of Columbia, the D.C. Office of the Attorney General.

The Heroes in this Story. Six lawyers signed the complaint, and they did so in the hierarchical order traditional in such documents: Karl A. Racine, the D.C. Attorney General; Robyn Bender, the deputy AG in charge of the Public Advocacy Division; and lawyers Jimmy R. Rock, Benjamin M. Wiseman, Richard Rodriguez, and Rhonda Phoenix Tildon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Host families are apparently worse:
www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/03/au-pair-program-abuse-state-department-214956

Many of the roughly 17,500 au pairs who live and work in the United States every year have positive experiences. But according to a dozen current and former au pairs as well as former au pair company employees, ordeals aren’t unusual, either. They relay horror stories of au pairs who are overworked, humiliated, refused meals, threatened with arrest and deportation—even victims of theft. Worst of all, they say, complaining about exploitative, unsafe working conditions rarely makes any difference. Sometimes, reporting abuse makes the situation worse.

You're concluding that host families are worse because of a sample of 12 out of 17,500? I strongly support forcing agencies to step up and do a better job, but there are problems on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This! And let’s remind ourselves what the OP said: “Au Pair asked for more money”! And then proceeded to list illegal activities to be done for a salary that wouldn’t be acceptable in the poorest countries. No mention of cultural exchange.

You clearly dont understand au pair compensation.

I do. You don’t understand that the time for this kind of murky dealing is over. One, because the market is empowering au pairs. Two, because the authorities, like the ones in DC, are becoming interested. It will take one scandal told on a board like this or in an anonymous call to the Attorney General to bring the whole house of cards down. If I were you, I’d reread the rules of the program, stick to them, and meet the market expectations for an au pair in today’s scarce market.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Host families are apparently worse:
www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/03/au-pair-program-abuse-state-department-214956

Many of the roughly 17,500 au pairs who live and work in the United States every year have positive experiences. But according to a dozen current and former au pairs as well as former au pair company employees, ordeals aren’t unusual, either. They relay horror stories of au pairs who are overworked, humiliated, refused meals, threatened with arrest and deportation—even victims of theft. Worst of all, they say, complaining about exploitative, unsafe working conditions rarely makes any difference. Sometimes, reporting abuse makes the situation worse.

You're concluding that host families are worse because of a sample of 12 out of 17,500? I strongly support forcing agencies to step up and do a better job, but there are problems on both sides.

If you really were a host mother and knew other host mothers, you know that many do not respect the program rules. So you know better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This! And let’s remind ourselves what the OP said: “Au Pair asked for more money”! And then proceeded to list illegal activities to be done for a salary that wouldn’t be acceptable in the poorest countries. No mention of cultural exchange.

You clearly dont understand au pair compensation.

I do. You don’t understand that the time for this kind of murky dealing is over. One, because the market is empowering au pairs. Two, because the authorities, like the ones in DC, are becoming interested. It will take one scandal told on a board like this or in an anonymous call to the Attorney General to bring the whole house of cards down. If I were you, I’d reread the rules of the program, stick to them, and meet the market expectations for an au pair in today’s scarce market.

Wait, what did OP.suggest that was out of the rules? Kid laundry is okay. By tidying up I assumed she meant cleaning up after kid mess while taking care of the kids. Our au pair is expected to help the kids tidy up at the end of their games and to put lunch dishes in the dishwasher. Not abusive. Normal childcare stuff.

[Anonymous]

In this alien teacher scandal Racine addresses that State Dpt ignored, you could just substitute au pair and it’s like it was argued by the villains from this board:

“are we hiring people to teach our young who are so unknowing about America, and so obtuse about their working environment, that they fail to protect themselves? That they have not used the internet to find out the rules of the game? The victims are not illiterate farmworkers, they are all college graduates.“

“attraction... — is that they are semi-indentured workers. Unlike a citizen employee who might not sign up again for the job after one year at a difficult school, the aliens are stuck with the assignments they get. If they want to work somewhere else, the only obvious legal option is to return”

Same for au pairs who must stay with the first family for a period, unless there’s abuse that is easy to prove, then have the guts to stick it out while looking to rematch

Wouldn’t it be easier if we all just did the right thing?