Please let me shamelessly brag here: I am so happy I only have 1 child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been thinking about this thread. I think, OP, that you are actually articulating that you are happy that you have enough money to support your kid(s) (not that you only have one kid).

Meaning, we all have different amounts of money, and it's nice to have enough money to support however many kids we have. For OP, that number is 1.

Op here: I think it’s not just about money, but also effort, health and such.
Every new child is a risk to your modus vivendi I guess.

[Anonymous]

I think it's wonderful when people are blessed with the family size they desire. That's certainly not the case for many people.

[Anonymous]

I battle with this, we are trying for #2 but we definitely enjoyed the ease and extra money with just 1

Its in my heart for another though

[Anonymous]

I have three and am pregnant with #4. Congrats to you OP and I'm glad you're happy with your choice. I'm happy with mine also.

The only envious thing I have when it comes to people with one or no kids is the fact that their bodies are undamaged. I say this as someone who willingly planned and wanted all of my kids but they are the most damaging thing I have ever done to my body. If I had just one or didn't have any, my body would be banging

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Op here: I think it’s not just about money, but also effort, health and such.
Every new child is a risk to your modus vivendi I guess.

Yes, my only child gets lots of attention and love.

Research shows first children have higher IQ and more successful than consecutive ones. It's because parents spend a lot more time and effort on the first one.

[Anonymous]

Worst post ever (okay that may be hyperbole, but...)

What is the point of a post like this?? It brings out the worst in everyone. Its puts everyone in their corners and creates divisiveness. What do you expect people with more than one kid to say?? "oh, you're right, I shouldn't have had my 2nd, 3rd, etc" Nobody wants to be told their choices as "less than", especially when they are not.

I only have one kid and love it, but I would NEVER think to proselytize this to people with more than me. Just as I don't want to hear from them how I should have another because - my kid needs a sibling, they will grow up lonely, its so wonderful to see the bond more than one has, big families have more fun. WHATEVER. None of that is universally true, and frankly I don't care.

People should have the number of kids that is right for them and their families. OP - you are either a troll or one of the most obtuse posters I've seen in a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with OP. I LOVE having just one child. Life is sane! Everyone around me with multiple kids seems miserable.

You need a better crowd of friends. We have five. Life is busy, but wonderful!

In your mind it's wonderful. Everyone else around you is thinking you look miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I keep forgetting how expensive it is with 2+.
Told my friend about a cheap camp for spring break - she reminded me she had to pay a lot for 2 kids.
Now I see a topic where parents won’t shell out money for assigned seats on airplane because the family is so large.
It is so, so easy to have only one, especially when they are 9+ yo.
I might of course get my karma when he is a teen but for now I just enjoy it so much.
Thank you for listening! I can’t say that in real life as my friends all have 2.

I'm glad you're happy, but it seems weird to focus on the money. I doubt on your deathbed you will care at all about how much money you saved on camps and airline seats.

And the only child will have to deal with aging parents and death and probate on their own.

That's what I always think when I meet families with one child. Sucks for that kid to have to shoulder aging parent issues alone.

Hopefully, we'll be a lot better off financially and can afford elder care provided by specialists so we don't have to burden our kid.

It’s not just elder care. It’s the stress and grief. My siblings and I debriefed daily when our mom was battling cancer and passed away. And now we’re struggling with comforting our dad. He doesn’t need elder care, he just needs company. Plus, emptying and selling a house, planning a funeral, etc. Siblings help you get through these things. And they help by simply having a shared history and memories. Family is typically a good thing.

What do people not understand about the fact that you can get the same type of support from a partner, a close friend, another family member? My best friend and my spouse are my sources of this kind of support, not my brother who lives in another state and calls a few times a year (and we were good friends who used to vacation together, from a close-knit and well-adjusted family).

Having multiple kids does not guarantee siblings will be close friends throughout their lives or a source of support. There's not even a high chance of it from what I've seen out of all the people I know that well.

And YES to getting a will that spells everything out, and purchase life insurance. My kid will be on the hook for nothing - sign the papers and done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t relate to this at all. We have an only not by choice. Yes, I can buy him anything blah blah, but he’s missing out on that one on one play with siblings. He doesn’t go out and play in the yard like other kids with siblings. Also, he doesn’t have any cousins close in age. I’m terrified of how alone he could be when we pass. Something just feels inherently missing with only one.

PP, we have so many friends with two kids who don't play together. Additionally, I had a brother but he died a few years ago so now I'm alone as well. There is nothing wrong with or missing from your family. I truly hope you get to a place where you can see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I keep forgetting how expensive it is with 2+.
Told my friend about a cheap camp for spring break - she reminded me she had to pay a lot for 2 kids.
Now I see a topic where parents won’t shell out money for assigned seats on airplane because the family is so large.
It is so, so easy to have only one, especially when they are 9+ yo.
I might of course get my karma when he is a teen but for now I just enjoy it so much.
Thank you for listening! I can’t say that in real life as my friends all have 2.

Are you married or a single parent?

Separated, and happy about it

Sorry for your kid. It is not fun to be from a broken home.

And I am sorry for yours, it’s not fun to have an unkind parent

+1. That is so mean! And I am sure it’s terrible to grow up without ever learning how to be kind and compassionate

Sorry, have to call a spade a spade. Cannot worry about hurting feelings of the OP, because she had basically given a broken home to her only child. Save your compassion for the child.

[Anonymous]

We spent years and did many rounds of IVF trying to have a second. Never happened and that was heartbreaking. But now that we're on the other side of the grief, life is so good. It's not just the money, though that is part of it, it's how enjoyable parenting is. I never feel overwhelmed and day to day life is fun, easy, and joyful. In hindsight, I don't know any 2+ child families that can say the same. I think life would have been richer if we had a second, but I don't know that it would have been better. Life with one feels like having our cake and eating it too.

The one thing that stuck with me was something I read about family memories. When there's only one child, all of those memories and history is on them. If they forget something, there's nobody else to remember. I think you can plan for elder care, cultivate relationships to give your child a full life, teach them to share (??), but for some reason that shared history thing really stuck with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2. Both are easy kids. Their fathers take care of them most of the time. Glad I had them.

So why did you have kids?

Maybe she just got knocked up by the two men?

She’s like the female version of the crappy deadbeat dad who lets his multiple girlfriends/wives take care of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP, DITTO.

Grew up in a family with 4 kids. Never felt like I had much 1:1 time with either of my parents. As adults, my siblings aren't even close.

LOVE that my kid won't miss out on a close relationship with me & my husband.

Also, more kids = more stress. We are living the good life in our house. Everything is so easy!

Sounds like you had a generally shitty upbringing with generally shitty and unfeeling people including yourself, all having little to do with the size of your family. That your siblings aren't close as adults speaks volumes.

I don't really understand how this makes me a shitty person. Sorry if I struck a nerve though!

You didn't strike a nerve at all. I'm fine. I just think you need to reflect on why you felt like you had little time with your parents and that as adults you're not close to your siblings. That is simply not typical among families your size, and might say more about the people in the family than the size of it. That's all.

Np. From what I have seen it is very typical. Lots of dysfunctional large families with siblings that are estranged. Perhaps it’s the stress of not enough resources to provide for the kids properly. Something went wrong.

Sure there are many large families with estranged siblings. But families like this one where they all are? I don't know of a single one and I grew up Catholic in a large family and know many, many other large families.

Something is uniquely wrong with this poster and it's not merely the size of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2. Both are easy kids. Their fathers take care of them most of the time. Glad I had them.

So why did you have kids?

Maybe she just got knocked up by the two men?

She’s like the female version of the crappy deadbeat dad who lets his multiple girlfriends/wives take care of the kids.

Yup, no mom-of-the-year award for her. Hope the dads are responsible and loving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Op here: I think it’s not just about money, but also effort, health and such.
Every new child is a risk to your modus vivendi I guess.

Yes, my only child gets lots of attention and love.

Research shows first children have higher IQ and more successful than consecutive ones. It's because parents spend a lot more time and effort on the first one.

But research shows that second children are happier.