Last year's 'no food in this house' solution

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom was a child in the depression. The cost of food
for a family during the depression was 25% of your
income. https://www.aei.org/carpe-diem/spending-on-food-reaches-a-new-historical-low-and-its-nothing-at-all-like-the-great-depression.

Up until 1952, the cost of food for a family averaged
22% of your income.

Food in USA is now a very low percentage of family income.
Food costs average 5.6% of family income now.

Mom always carefully parceled out foods at family meals
but she came from an era when food for the family was
a costly part of the family budget.

Children were expected to eat what was prepared for a meal. If the children did not like the meal that an adult
spent a fair amount of time preparing then the child
would get a chance to eat again in 4 hours. There
was not a lot of the extreme catering to children that
you see now. The all day snacking for children
did not exist in Mom's time. You ate breakfast, lunch,
and dinner. You did get a good dessert after dinner
Yea!

If your 60-70-80-90 year old family members are
less generous with food it may be because they grew up
in a time in which food was a major (25%) of the family budget and families had to be very very careful with
food costs in order to still pay the rent, heat etc.

I'm a pp with the brother who ordered pizza for his twin daughters.

This is not what's going on in my mom's house. My mom is in her early 70's. She doesn't "carefully parcel out food at family meals"--the meals have plenty of food (often too much!) when they finally are served.
With her it's more about the expectation that you must STARVE all day before that so you don't ruin your appetite.

But no, it's not about money with her. She buys very extravagant/luxury foods too.

[Anonymous]

My parents and ILs generally don’t eat a lot, don’t serve a lot of food at a meal, etc. They are generally pretty caring people though. It’s like the lightbulb goes on each visit. By the end, MIL is always like, “I thought you guys would be hungry this morning before your drive, so I bought 37 bagels.” If only they would remember from visit to visit so the first 3-4 days aren’t constantly running back and forth to the grocery store and takeout.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why people go through these elaborate theatrics. We have family like this. I bring our own cooler and tell people to keep out of it. It's our food when we are hungry. I have teen boys and they eat a ton And I simply say that. I'm not a child. If I want something to eat I'm going to eat it. Other family members trash talk about the said relative that has no food in the house and end up heading out also and buy their own stuff. Being direct helps everyone.

Regardless, I'm not playing games and I'm bot going to be miserable for the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why people go through these elaborate theatrics. We have family like this. I bring our own cooler and tell people to keep out of it. It's our food when we are hungry. I have teen boys and they eat a ton And I simply say that. I'm not a child. If I want something to eat I'm going to eat it. Other family members trash talk about the said relative that has no food in the house and end up heading out also and buy their own stuff. Being direct helps everyone.

Regardless, I'm not playing games and I'm bot going to be miserable for the trip.

Isn't that great that you found a solution that works for you? I found a solution that works for me. The bonus part is that my ILs came around to the treats and had some. They enjoyed themselves. We talked about their favorites, wondered aloud about how to make similar caramel corn, etc. We were fed, we had autonomy, and everyone had some treats.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why people go through these elaborate theatrics. We have family like this. I bring our own cooler and tell people to keep out of it. It's our food when we are hungry. I have teen boys and they eat a ton And I simply say that. I'm not a child. If I want something to eat I'm going to eat it. Other family members trash talk about the said relative that has no food in the house and end up heading out also and buy their own stuff. Being direct helps everyone.

Regardless, I'm not playing games and I'm bot going to be miserable for the trip.

How that would go in my parents house:

I am come in the house carrying the cooler

Mom: Taylor, what is that?
Me: Oh just some food I brought in case we get hungry
Mom: Oh I have plenty of food you won't be hungry. But go ahead and unpcack it, there's room in the fridge.
Me: Well we were just going to keep in the bedroom with us.
Mom: No! No food in the bedroom! I don't want to get ants!
Me: But mom...
Mom: My house! My rules! Food in the bedroom will attract rodents!

So then we are required to keep the food in the kitchen. And then during the long compulsory fasting period between 7 am and 7 pm the kitchen is guarded by mom who will flip out if you try to get a snack--from her stash or yours.
And then there is a fight.
And you leave and spend the next few days in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why people go through these elaborate theatrics. We have family like this. I bring our own cooler and tell people to keep out of it. It's our food when we are hungry. I have teen boys and they eat a ton And I simply say that. I'm not a child. If I want something to eat I'm going to eat it. Other family members trash talk about the said relative that has no food in the house and end up heading out also and buy their own stuff. Being direct helps everyone.

Regardless, I'm not playing games and I'm bot going to be miserable for the trip.

A.M.E.N.!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why people go through these elaborate theatrics. We have family like this. I bring our own cooler and tell people to keep out of it. It's our food when we are hungry. I have teen boys and they eat a ton And I simply say that. I'm not a child. If I want something to eat I'm going to eat it. Other family members trash talk about the said relative that has no food in the house and end up heading out also and buy their own stuff. Being direct helps everyone.

Regardless, I'm not playing games and I'm bot going to be miserable for the trip.

A.M.E.N.!!!

I agree with this, but some MILs have terrible attitudes about food, which includes control issues, so it really can be exhausting to contend with, in OPs defense. Dealing with this crap is no "vacation", I can tell you that. People should do what works for them, to get through these times with difficult relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why people go through these elaborate theatrics. We have family like this. I bring our own cooler and tell people to keep out of it. It's our food when we are hungry. I have teen boys and they eat a ton And I simply say that. I'm not a child. If I want something to eat I'm going to eat it. Other family members trash talk about the said relative that has no food in the house and end up heading out also and buy their own stuff. Being direct helps everyone.

Regardless, I'm not playing games and I'm bot going to be miserable for the trip.

How that would go in my parents house:

I am come in the house carrying the cooler

Mom: Taylor, what is that?
Me: Oh just some food I brought in case we get hungry
Mom: Oh I have plenty of food you won't be hungry. But go ahead and unpcack it, there's room in the fridge.
Me: Well we were just going to keep in the bedroom with us.
Mom: No! No food in the bedroom! I don't want to get ants!
Me: But mom...
Mom: My house! My rules! Food in the bedroom will attract rodents!

So then we are required to keep the food in the kitchen. And then during the long compulsory fasting period between 7 am and 7 pm the kitchen is guarded by mom who will flip out if you try to get a snack--from her stash or yours.
And then there is a fight.
And you leave and spend the next few days in a hotel.

Honestly, I would go so far as to bring a mini fridge. You can use it in the garage later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or just stop stuffing your face constantly.

Those of us without eating disorders eat 3 meals a day.

A FREAKING MEN

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can always tell which side is unhinged on DCUM because they default to hyperbole. Instead of rational reasons, call someone fat, and equate three standard meals to "stuffing your face constantly."

I don't think it's intentional. I think people with bizarre beliefs are often frozen into very black and white thinking, and anything that disagrees with their beliefs must be some caricature of the Worst Interpretation Ever, Hyperbole 1001.

Okay, THAT is hyperbole. Just saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear old people just do NOT remember what it is like to be breastfeeding or have five year olds or yadda yadda yadda....

If you are that hungry them open your mouth and say something or go out and buy groceries for yourself!

PP with the brother from Texas here

In my mom's house, if you say you're hungry she'll just tell you to wait because "dinners going to be early." She'll claim that dinner will be "around 4" but it never is, it just "needs to cook a little longer" and next thing you know, it's 7 pm and you've been starving since noon.

And the "go out and buy groceries for yourself"--well, really that's kind of what my brother was trying to do (get food himself) with the pizza, and my mom flipped out. I don't think my brother had a rental car that visit, and my parents don't live in a walkable area, so there wasn't a way to just "sneak out" for food by pretending to go to a park or anything.

Oh yeah, I know this move. My dad is all, "You don't need a car while you're here." The hell I don't, dude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom was a child in the depression. The cost of food
for a family during the depression was 25% of your
income. https://www.aei.org/carpe-diem/spending-on-food-reaches-a-new-historical-low-and-its-nothing-at-all-like-the-great-depression.

Up until 1952, the cost of food for a family averaged
22% of your income.

Food in USA is now a very low percentage of family income.
Food costs average 5.6% of family income now.

Mom always carefully parceled out foods at family meals
but she came from an era when food for the family was
a costly part of the family budget.

Children were expected to eat what was prepared for a meal. If the children did not like the meal that an adult
spent a fair amount of time preparing then the child
would get a chance to eat again in 4 hours. There
was not a lot of the extreme catering to children that
you see now. The all day snacking for children
did not exist in Mom's time. You ate breakfast, lunch,
and dinner. You did get a good dessert after dinner
Yea!

If your 60-70-80-90 year old family members are
less generous with food it may be because they grew up
in a time in which food was a major (25%) of the family budget and families had to be very very careful with
food costs in order to still pay the rent, heat etc.

Hi sweet pea, my family has always ALWAYS been respectful and careful with food.

My kids are not picky, they eat what they are served at meal times. We respect food. We are good at planning. WE GET IT.

That said, my children and I are not going to subsist on toast and tea at 7 a.m. and be fine without food until 7 p.m. dinner. They are children. We are healthy and active. We eat three meals a day. Sometimes even a snack on freaking CHRISTMAS.

Perspective is fine. Lectures are not. My grandmother grew up on a farm in Indiana during the Depression. I worked on a farm as a teenager. I guarantee I know a lot more about foood and crops and livestock than you do. That said, we eat.

I'm also going to go out on a limb here and add that there are PLENTY of now-elderly folks who have ragingly disordered relationships with food and body image.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:29, so it was your stupidity. Chinese restaurants are open on Thanksgiving and do. are other chain restaurants. IHOP is open 24 hours and they are everywhere.

Oh my god. Why are you such an asshole? I really don't understand people who get off on being contrarian on the internet. Y'all would argue the sky is purple just for the fun of it. What do you get out of that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12:29, so it was your stupidity. Chinese restaurants are open on Thanksgiving and do. are other chain restaurants. IHOP is open 24 hours and they are everywhere.

Oh my god. Why are you such an asshole? I really don't understand people who get off on being contrarian on the internet. Y'all would argue the sky is purple just for the fun of it. What do you get out of that?

+1

Thank you. Exhausting and so angry!

[Anonymous]

I use it as a good excuse to “try a new restaurant.” Usually my IL’s eat like birds for breakfast and lunch and don’t rise before 9 or so anyways. DH and I take the kids who are up at 7 to breakfast or the store to get the things we like and are already covered one meal by the time they get up.