SAHMs: Stop complaining to me about how busy you are
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Anonymous
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You never know who all is volunteering to go on field trips or help out. There are only so many volunteers needed and if 10 people offer to volunteer but there are only 3 spots to fill, then 7 of those people are not going to be selected to volunteer. It doesn't mean that they never offer to help out.
I'm not talking about the fun desirable events that happen once a year. If the activity requires parental participation to make it run then you should require that ALL parents help out. If volunteering is optional, then you step back and see who offers to help out. Our swim team required a certain number of volunteer shifts from the parents of each kid. No parent was sitting on the sidelines watching all of the other parents do the work. Most of the school activities could run w/o significant parental volunteering but the parent volunteers make the events much more successful and fun. Yes, some parents are spectators only while other parents put in the time and attention necessary to make the activity a great experience for all of the kids. Our cub scout den requires that all parents do ONE thing each year (it's flexible: organize an activity, be in charge of awards, administrative needs, anything/something that works with their schedule). Yet each year there are a hand full of parents who do not do one single thing, yet their kids benefit from scouts. Scouts would not happen without volunteers and everyone has the ability to do one thing that suits their schedule/capabilities. We obviously don't have the heart to kick out the kids with freeloading parents. |
Anonymous
| /\ sorry I meant to quote the paragraphs above my comment about scouts. The paragraphs above mine are from a different PP |
Anonymous
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^If they don't willingly volunteer, then grab them at the next meeting and ask them to please sit down and help out with...whatever. Sometimes they don't volunteer because they're unsure of how to do something. Like who knows how to "be in charge of awards"? Or how to "track merit badges".
Just grab them and show them. |
Anonymous
We have instructions for everything, and if they can't follow instructions, then they can sign up for other easier things to do, such as clean up after an event. There really is no excuse. We will not grab anyone to force them to volunteer. |
Anonymous
Either grab them and say "Hey, Stan, we need help cleaning up tonight" or let it go. I understand your aggravation but I also think that some people have to be point blank asked to help out. It's like they are so used to others doing for them that they don't "get" that they should help out, too. |
Anonymous
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I have just one child (due to secondary infertility--we cannot have more) and I work from home very part-time (10 hours per week). My daughter is in full-day Kindergarten, so this is the first year that I have a lot of time to myself (previously she was in morning preschool 9:30-1 pm).
My husband has a job with crazy hours, and we have no local family/no childcare help. I do all drop offs, pick ups, sick days and snow days because my husband is in the type of field where he can't do any of this. I also do everything in the mornings (husband leaves for work at 5 am). I also do the dinner/bedtime routine myself at least twice a week, and do all childcare 2 weekends per month when my husband travels for work. During the school day, when not doing my 10hours/week of work I: -get all grocery shopping/errands during the week when it's not crowded -clean the house daily, do all deep cleaning -cook all meals from scratch (we eat out once per week) -deal with all appointments, car stuff -shop leisurely at the mall -take care of personal grooming (hair cut/color every 6 weeks) -take care of all Dr. appts in a timely fashion -work out during the day -meet friends for lunch/coffee during the day -work on job certifications for my career On weekends, since all the boring stuff is out of the day, we often do day trips or weekend trips. We also spend most of the weekends on our child's sports/activities, going out for lunch, meeting up with friends, and just relaxing |
Anonymous
| As a SAHM, I am no more your personal assistant, back up child care, sick care provider, etc. than anyone who works. If you ask me, I'd help on a one time, but I'm so tired of the expectation that someone is SAH so they should help. I am home for my family needs, not yours and I will help out once but if you do not return the favor I will not do it again. If you want help with something else or me to volunteer, make me feel welcomed and appreciated and not just your servant. I do not do PTA or school as I got tired of being treated poorly by the queen and king bees who want to complain no one wants to help but when you try to help its not wanted or needed. |
Anonymous
| I volunteer for the things that I like and find meaningful. A lot of the stuff is just dumb and I am not wasting my time doing it. So, you can kick my kid out or just deal. |
Anonymous
You sound unhappy. |
Anonymous
Actually, she sounds pretty accurate. There are queen and king bee martyr volunteers who ice out new volunteers and then complain that they don't get any help. I've seen it. I have also seen really great PTA members who are welcoming and inclusive. But you can not assume that all PTA members are welcoming and inclusive because some are absolutely NOT. They SAY they want help but they really want to run the show with just their chosen friends and to gossip/complain about the other parents not helping out - and it's usually for selfish reasons, too, not for "the school". |
Anonymous
This sounds really boring. And put your DD to bed by yourself twice per week. You do realize how easy this sounds. I tell my Elementary boys to wash up and get ready for bed. They read in bed. I give them a kiss good night. |
Anonymous
Not that pp but my husband worked long hours and took college classes a couple of nights a week when the kids were little. He was out the door by 5am and he didn't get home until after the kids were already in bed on the nights he attended classes. He also took occasional business trips. As a SAHM, my own schedule hasn't been much different than what the pp posted. You get good at managing your time and keeping yourself busy. I don't get bored, there's always something that needs to get done. |
Anonymous
This is such an interesting dynamic. Working moms denigrate SAHMs all the time, yet feel entitled to these women's unpaid labor. I wonder how these women keep a job with such terrible social skills. |
Anonymous
In what sense? I’ve never used a SAHM for anything. All the class volunteers in my kids classrooms work. What exactly is this labor? And are they forced to do it? *tiny violin |
Anonymous
Not really, she sounds very realistic. It's actually sad that this needs to be explained to (some) working women. |