SAHMs: Stop complaining to me about how busy you are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My physician friend has definitely used me for babysitting and it got really old. When I started working PT, she would still occasionally ask me to watch her kid on my days off. Never offered to pay. I ended up giving her the number of a sitter I had used. She often talked about how she was so thankful to be part of such a great "village."

I work part time as a physician. I made it known to my friends in two physician couples (particularly residents!) that I am available for emergency childcare on my days off. People have called, but I have never felt put out or like I was someone’s only back-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was surprised to read that so many SAHMs provide free sitting. I've never heard of this. I work and have many friends who stay at home. I would never think of asking them to watch my kid, unless it were a serious emergency.

I'm just curious, how do SAHMs get into this predicament? I'm not really trying to sound snarky...I'm really just curious to learn if this starts out as a favor and then turns into a problem. Rather than complaining about it, why would it be so difficult to tell the parents that you won't watch their kids anymore?

Meh, I’ve seen it happen.

Usually the first time it’s NBD and the kid’s have a friend over and that’s that.

It gets very awkward to say no when they ask again but seem to take it for granted that you’re available. Most people don’t want to harm their kids friendships so they try to maintain good relationships with the parents. It gets very awkward when someone keeps pushing after you say no and saying they’re in a huge bind... blah blah blah. Of course, you do end up saying no and shutting it down but who wants to be in this position all the time? Most people strongly dislike awkward social situations. SAHMs are no different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My physician friend has definitely used me for babysitting and it got really old. When I started working PT, she would still occasionally ask me to watch her kid on my days off. Never offered to pay. I ended up giving her the number of a sitter I had used. She often talked about how she was so thankful to be part of such a great "village."

Have you ever called or texted her for medical advice? Asked her for a quick perscription on a Saturday or Sunday?

If you needed any of the above, I bet she'd help you.

A good doctor doesn't hand out prescriptions like candy and sees a patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My physician friend has definitely used me for babysitting and it got really old. When I started working PT, she would still occasionally ask me to watch her kid on my days off. Never offered to pay. I ended up giving her the number of a sitter I had used. She often talked about how she was so thankful to be part of such a great "village."

Have you ever called or texted her for medical advice? Asked her for a quick perscription on a Saturday or Sunday?

If you needed any of the above, I bet she'd help you.

A good doctor doesn't hand out prescriptions like candy and sees a patient.

Also if you read the follow ups - they’re all doctors. The PP works part time and her friends are full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My physician friend has definitely used me for babysitting and it got really old. When I started working PT, she would still occasionally ask me to watch her kid on my days off. Never offered to pay. I ended up giving her the number of a sitter I had used. She often talked about how she was so thankful to be part of such a great "village."

Have you ever called or texted her for medical advice? Asked her for a quick perscription on a Saturday or Sunday?

If you needed any of the above, I bet she'd help you.

A good doctor doesn't hand out prescriptions like candy and sees a patient.

DH is ortho and people ask him to look at an MRI/X-ray ALL the time.

Few friends have asked for painkillers and DH declines. He will call in a zpac for you. I can only think of 2 friends (my friends) who will bug DH for a prescription. They Would rather bother DH than go to doctor and pay copay. DH an I both find this annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my day. It isn't as busy as when I was working, but I don't feel bored or listless.

4 kids. Ages 4, 7, 9&10.
Three days a week I wake up at 4:30 and meet friends to workout. The other two days I sleep in.
6:45. Get DD7 up
While she’s getting dressed I also get dressed for the day.
7:15. Eat breakfast with DD7 and DS4. Wake up DS9 and DS10.
7:30 take DD to school.
7:45-8:15 Help boys get ready, pack lunches, clean up breakfast.
8:15- DS 9&10 to school. MWF, DS4 to preschool.
9:00 M&F go down to volunteer at a free clinic. W watch TV or shop. T have friends for coffee/play date. Th take DS4 to swim.
11:30 pick up DS4 from school MWF
12:00. Lunch. Usually out somewhere like the zoo or the playground
1:30. Home. Read to/with DS. Clean/fold laundry while he plays play dough. Sometimes he takes a nap.
3pm. Pick kids up from school
3:30-5pm. Play games, talk to kids about their day. Get dinner prepped.
5:30 dinner. DH home.
6:00 kids do homework and play.
6:30 activities. T, Th swimming, W music and religious Ed. Friday gymnastics and martial arts
8:00 kids get ready for bed, brush teeth, stories (we still read even to the older boys), kids read on their own
9:00 lights out for all kids
10:00 DH and I go to bed

This sounds lovely! I am happy for you and also for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My physician friend has definitely used me for babysitting and it got really old. When I started working PT, she would still occasionally ask me to watch her kid on my days off. Never offered to pay. I ended up giving her the number of a sitter I had used. She often talked about how she was so thankful to be part of such a great "village."

Have you ever called or texted her for medical advice? Asked her for a quick perscription on a Saturday or Sunday?

If you needed any of the above, I bet she'd help you.

A good doctor doesn't hand out prescriptions like candy and sees a patient.

DH is ortho and people ask him to look at an MRI/X-ray ALL the time.

Few friends have asked for painkillers and DH declines. He will call in a zpac for you. I can only think of 2 friends (my friends) who will bug DH for a prescription. They Would rather bother DH than go to doctor and pay copay. DH an I both find this annoying.

PP with the physician friend. No, she doesn't do prescriptions for friends and when I have a medical issue I see my own physican. I don't want my friends to feel like I am using them. But the lines aren't always clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was surprised to read that so many SAHMs provide free sitting. I've never heard of this. I work and have many friends who stay at home. I would never think of asking them to watch my kid, unless it were a serious emergency.

I'm just curious, how do SAHMs get into this predicament? I'm not really trying to sound snarky...I'm really just curious to learn if this starts out as a favor and then turns into a problem. Rather than complaining about it, why would it be so difficult to tell the parents that you won't watch their kids anymore?

I've been a SAHM for 18 years and, while I have helped out other parents with last minute childcare emergencies, I have never made myself the "go to" for their childcare needs.

Smart! I work and would want SAHM and WAHM to lean on my with any emergency help. My job at a cultural institution can be stressful but I'm definitely not saving lives, so I can take time off if needed. I wouldn't expect help from friends if I weren't able to offer it in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pay for excellent childcare and have the flexibility to stay home, no problem whatsoever, if needed for snow days when the center would be closed.

So no, I don't use my SAHM neighbors/friends for favors. In fact, I as a WOHM have done more favors for them than they ever have for me. That's fine; I have a good home/work/childcare scenario, I have a few local family members. I'm lucky, and I also don't like to ask for favors generally.

I just dislike the myth that WOHMs are constantly bugging SAHMs. And by the way, I volunteer for PTA stuff/give to PTA stuff all the time. So you can't ding me on that count, either.

-np

I am also WOHM and I feel the same way. I try not to think about the fact that some have school aged kids and household help and yet I'm STILL the one shuttling their kids around, because really why they made those decisions are about their family, but I do find myself feeling like "uh you SAH and have a much more flexible schedule than me but I'm the one shuttling your kids AND my kisd back and forth for playdates?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my day. It isn't as busy as when I was working, but I don't feel bored or listless.

4 kids. Ages 4, 7, 9&10.
Three days a week I wake up at 4:30 and meet friends to workout. The other two days I sleep in.
6:45. Get DD7 up
While she’s getting dressed I also get dressed for the day.
7:15. Eat breakfast with DD7 and DS4. Wake up DS9 and DS10.
7:30 take DD to school.
7:45-8:15 Help boys get ready, pack lunches, clean up breakfast.
8:15- DS 9&10 to school. MWF, DS4 to preschool.
9:00 M&F go down to volunteer at a free clinic. W watch TV or shop. T have friends for coffee/play date. Th take DS4 to swim.
11:30 pick up DS4 from school MWF
12:00. Lunch. Usually out somewhere like the zoo or the playground
1:30. Home. Read to/with DS. Clean/fold laundry while he plays play dough. Sometimes he takes a nap.
3pm. Pick kids up from school
3:30-5pm. Play games, talk to kids about their day. Get dinner prepped.
5:30 dinner. DH home.
6:00 kids do homework and play.
6:30 activities. T, Th swimming, W music and religious Ed. Friday gymnastics and martial arts
8:00 kids get ready for bed, brush teeth, stories (we still read even to the older boys), kids read on their own
9:00 lights out for all kids
10:00 DH and I go to bed

Sounds like a pretty sweet gig. I hope you recognize how lucky you are.

Lucky? Or pp and her husband make choices (and possibly sacrifices) to have that lifestyle?

I'm not pp, but I stay home with a somewhat similar schedule. I can't tell you how many working moms will tell me they "just can't afford" to not work, as they climb into their brand new Escalade, plan their vacation to Maldives, and completely remodel their kitchen for the 3rd time in 5 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my day. It isn't as busy as when I was working, but I don't feel bored or listless.

4 kids. Ages 4, 7, 9&10.
Three days a week I wake up at 4:30 and meet friends to workout. The other two days I sleep in.
6:45. Get DD7 up
While she’s getting dressed I also get dressed for the day.
7:15. Eat breakfast with DD7 and DS4. Wake up DS9 and DS10.
7:30 take DD to school.
7:45-8:15 Help boys get ready, pack lunches, clean up breakfast.
8:15- DS 9&10 to school. MWF, DS4 to preschool.
9:00 M&F go down to volunteer at a free clinic. W watch TV or shop. T have friends for coffee/play date. Th take DS4 to swim.
11:30 pick up DS4 from school MWF
12:00. Lunch. Usually out somewhere like the zoo or the playground
1:30. Home. Read to/with DS. Clean/fold laundry while he plays play dough. Sometimes he takes a nap.
3pm. Pick kids up from school
3:30-5pm. Play games, talk to kids about their day. Get dinner prepped.
5:30 dinner. DH home.
6:00 kids do homework and play.
6:30 activities. T, Th swimming, W music and religious Ed. Friday gymnastics and martial arts
8:00 kids get ready for bed, brush teeth, stories (we still read even to the older boys), kids read on their own
9:00 lights out for all kids
10:00 DH and I go to bed

Sounds like a pretty sweet gig. I hope you recognize how lucky you are.

Lucky? Or pp and her husband make choices (and possibly sacrifices) to have that lifestyle?

I'm not pp, but I stay home with a somewhat similar schedule. I can't tell you how many working moms will tell me they "just can't afford" to not work, as they climb into their brand new Escalade, plan their vacation to Maldives, and completely remodel their kitchen for the 3rd time in 5 years.

LoL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my day. It isn't as busy as when I was working, but I don't feel bored or listless.

4 kids. Ages 4, 7, 9&10.
Three days a week I wake up at 4:30 and meet friends to workout. The other two days I sleep in.
6:45. Get DD7 up
While she’s getting dressed I also get dressed for the day.
7:15. Eat breakfast with DD7 and DS4. Wake up DS9 and DS10.
7:30 take DD to school.
7:45-8:15 Help boys get ready, pack lunches, clean up breakfast.
8:15- DS 9&10 to school. MWF, DS4 to preschool.
9:00 M&F go down to volunteer at a free clinic. W watch TV or shop. T have friends for coffee/play date. Th take DS4 to swim.
11:30 pick up DS4 from school MWF
12:00. Lunch. Usually out somewhere like the zoo or the playground
1:30. Home. Read to/with DS. Clean/fold laundry while he plays play dough. Sometimes he takes a nap.
3pm. Pick kids up from school
3:30-5pm. Play games, talk to kids about their day. Get dinner prepped.
5:30 dinner. DH home.
6:00 kids do homework and play.
6:30 activities. T, Th swimming, W music and religious Ed. Friday gymnastics and martial arts
8:00 kids get ready for bed, brush teeth, stories (we still read even to the older boys), kids read on their own
9:00 lights out for all kids
10:00 DH and I go to bed

Sounds like a pretty sweet gig. I hope you recognize how lucky you are.

Lucky? Or pp and her husband make choices (and possibly sacrifices) to have that lifestyle?

I'm not pp, but I stay home with a somewhat similar schedule. I can't tell you how many working moms will tell me they "just can't afford" to not work, as they climb into their brand new Escalade, plan their vacation to Maldives, and completely remodel their kitchen for the 3rd time in 5 years.

No. Lucky. Lucky to have the ability to make those 'lifestyle choices' that you talk about to make yourself feel as if you are somehow morally/intellectually superior to those who are not afforded those choices. Recognize that luck/random chance determines a good portion of nearly everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My physician friend has definitely used me for babysitting and it got really old. When I started working PT, she would still occasionally ask me to watch her kid on my days off. Never offered to pay. I ended up giving her the number of a sitter I had used. She often talked about how she was so thankful to be part of such a great "village."

I work part time as a physician. I made it known to my friends in two physician couples (particularly residents!) that I am available for emergency childcare on my days off. People have called, but I have never felt put out or like I was someone’s only back-up.

My friends dad was hospitalized and she put out an email asking for help with her kids for 3 days. Only working moms helped and the SAHM's who used her nanny for years... not a peep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My physician friend has definitely used me for babysitting and it got really old. When I started working PT, she would still occasionally ask me to watch her kid on my days off. Never offered to pay. I ended up giving her the number of a sitter I had used. She often talked about how she was so thankful to be part of such a great "village."

I work part time as a physician. I made it known to my friends in two physician couples (particularly residents!) that I am available for emergency childcare on my days off. People have called, but I have never felt put out or like I was someone’s only back-up.

My friends dad was hospitalized and she put out an email asking for help with her kids for 3 days. Only working moms helped and the SAHM's who used her nanny for years... not a peep.

I’m a SAHM of 3 and can barely handle my own kids. I have let my son’s friend sleep over when parents attended a funeral and am always willing to drive kids. I feel like I’m often the receiver of favors since my third child was born 2 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My physician friend has definitely used me for babysitting and it got really old. When I started working PT, she would still occasionally ask me to watch her kid on my days off. Never offered to pay. I ended up giving her the number of a sitter I had used. She often talked about how she was so thankful to be part of such a great "village."

I work part time as a physician. I made it known to my friends in two physician couples (particularly residents!) that I am available for emergency childcare on my days off. People have called, but I have never felt put out or like I was someone’s only back-up.

My friends dad was hospitalized and she put out an email asking for help with her kids for 3 days. Only working moms helped and the SAHM's who used her nanny for years... not a peep.

I’m a SAHM of 3 and can barely handle my own kids. I have let my son’s friend sleep over when parents attended a funeral and am always willing to drive kids. I feel like I’m often the receiver of favors since my third child was born 2 years ago.

We don't have to be a martyrs for our own kids, let alone other people's kids. Lean on your friends while your kids are still young and someday you'll be able to return the favors.

To the PP--your friend didn't own her nanny so whatever.