I'm a SAHM and my husband won't let me send money to my teen son. Who's right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son needs to get a job. Most people I know had part time jobs in college and still did well. I worked about 15-20 hours per week as an office assistant for a small CPA firm for my entire college career. I still took a full course load each semester, graduated on time and got a great job.

However, the fact that hour husband is so controlling that he won’t allow you to spend $100 at your own discretion is a separate problem.

OMFG. People need to understand it’s a different world now.

[Anonymous]

I would be so pissed in your situation.

What you should do is open a new bank account. Then every time you go to the ATM, take a negligible amount of money out to transfer to your account: something sizable enough to help your son but small enough so that it won't be noticed by DH - like $200. Put that into your new account that DH doesn't know about and send that money to DS.

He has no right to tell you what to do with your money. If you share accounts with your DH, then it is "your" money too and you should be allowed to send some to your son.

[Anonymous]

First, you and your DH have issues based on "let" and "his money." You both need to work on deciding what a marriage is.

On the college kid issue, I promise you it is not too much to go to college and work a part time job.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Is DH the biodad?

No.

Then he has no say over this.

Actually he does, since it is the husband’s wages supporting OP.

And presumably OP contributes her labor to support the household.

That is how a partnership works.

And how's that partnership working out for OP right now?

It’s not.

This is why I will never stop working.

Or, better don't marry a man like that.

Mid-life crisis, job loss, mental health problem, physical health problem, family situations...any man can turn into "a man like that."

[Anonymous]

If you set, why don't you have an allowance? No way, I would agree to stay at home without some money specifically for me and my retirement. I told my husband it would cost him $1500/month plus a 10% contribution to my 401k for him to retire. That's cheap! I would use that to support my kid. Where is your sons father?

[Anonymous]

Set = sah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am aware this doesn’t contribute to the discussion, but you can’t play sports and work 20 hours a week. It’s prohibited by the NCAA. You can only work off season and over the summer, and even then the amount you can make is capped.

Maybe not, but it's encouraging to hear. Those kids DH knows who play sports, work, and go to school successfully are anomalies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son needs to get a job. Most people I know had part time jobs in college and still did well. I worked about 15-20 hours per week as an office assistant for a small CPA firm for my entire college career. I still took a full course load each semester, graduated on time and got a great job.

However, the fact that hour husband is so controlling that he won’t allow you to spend $100 at your own discretion is a separate problem.

OMFG. People need to understand it’s a different world now.

I work at the University of Maryland, and interact with students, admissions staff, advising staff, and senior leadership every day.

Tell me exactly how it is such a "different world" that getting a part-time job isn't feasible or beneficial to students. I'll wait!

Some of the most successful students and young alumni I know worked at the student paper, as interns or graduate assistants in the college/school dean's offices, front desk at the health center, etc. Many students chose Maryland over another school because they knew that hopping on the Metro and being able to intern or get a job in D.C. was invaluable.

[Anonymous]

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And wow, so many posters who assume the money will be used for nefarious purposes.

Well, my kid WOULD use it for nefarious purposes so I confess that does always color my advice. College kids are known to buy booze and drugs. Many parents don’t want to fund that.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I would want to know why he didnt work all last summer and make plenty for spending money? Even at minimum wage, working 30 hours a week left plenty of time for summer fun AND several thousands in spending money. So? What was he doing?

He did work part-time last summer but he also was an unpaid volunteer for a campaign, which cut into his job hours. The money he saved is mostly gone from just normal spending and first year of college expenses. He also already secured a summer internship for 2019.

Ok then you have my official blessing to send him money. I do think if a kid is working/occupied productively during the summer then they deserve a bit of spending money.

Did you miss the part where he had money, and blew through it in 3 months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know why he didnt work all last summer and make plenty for spending money? Even at minimum wage, working 30 hours a week left plenty of time for summer fun AND several thousands in spending money. So? What was he doing?

He did work part-time last summer but he also was an unpaid volunteer for a campaign, which cut into his job hours. The money he saved is mostly gone from just normal spending and first year of college expenses. He also already secured a summer internship for 2019.

Ok then you have my official blessing to send him money. I do think if a kid is working/occupied productively during the summer then they deserve a bit of spending money.

Did you miss the part where he had money, and blew through it in 3 months?

Who knows what he's paying for? In a lot of divorce situations, a lot of college expenses, like books and sheets to fit your bed aren't covered by the support agreement. And, anyway, why shouldn't he be able to call home for money like every other kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This exact scenario is exactly why I will always work.

+2

I left a marriage like this, with two little kids, needed a credit card to get out, no regrets at all. IF I get married again I will ALWAYS work. Never going back to having to ask/explain spending money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know why he didnt work all last summer and make plenty for spending money? Even at minimum wage, working 30 hours a week left plenty of time for summer fun AND several thousands in spending money. So? What was he doing?

He did work part-time last summer but he also was an unpaid volunteer for a campaign, which cut into his job hours. The money he saved is mostly gone from just normal spending and first year of college expenses. He also already secured a summer internship for 2019.

Ok then you have my official blessing to send him money. I do think if a kid is working/occupied productively during the summer then they deserve a bit of spending money.

Did you miss the part where he had money, and blew through it in 3 months?

No, I caught it and for me, if my kid had volunteered for free during the summer on something he cared about, I woulld be cool with supplementing his spending money. However! He would be coming home on winter break and working! Every retailer around here is screaming for holiday help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, you and your DH have issues based on "let" and "his money." You both need to work on deciding what a marriage is.

On the college kid issue, I promise you it is not too much to go to college and work a part time job.

+2

I am enrolled in a rigorous graduate program, have two kids under five, and work 20 hours a week.

[Anonymous]

^single parent