do you ask about guns at a family's house before letting your kid go to a playdate there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are the gun owners so afraid to tell people they have guns?

I’m a gun owner and when I become friends with another mom (let’s say we’ve gotten together a handful of times), I usually mention it casually. Not because I want to be in your face about guns, but as some Pps have shown, there are people who just are not going to like you or think you are an evil, stupid person for having guns. So if you feel that way about gun owners, you may as well know upfront. I’m also upfront about my politics (moderate conservative, not a Republican), because again, there are people who think you are the devil if you aren’t an Obama supporting liberal Democrat.

but would you mention it before hosting a playdate?

I haven’t. Usually it’s after we’ve met a few times. My kid is young so we’ve only had completely supervised play dates. The guns are in a safe 2 levels away in a locked hallway. I’m not telling people as a safety thing, it’s more like a heads up to be courteous and also to alert you to whatever assumptions you want to make about my ideology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I always ask. And no, I would not let my child go to a home that has firearms.

I would rather be uncomfortable and impolite than have a dead child. Simple as that.

So you wouldn't even care how they store their guns? Just if they have one then you won't let them go there?

Some people are like that and it's OK. Maybe they are pacifists, maybe they have trust issues. Maybe it's a cultural values thing - if you have guns (even though they are secured), then they don't want to have social interactions with you and it applies to kids.
It's a free country, people can decide what's best for them (and hey, if you have the right to own a gun, then I (and by extension my child) certainly have the right to avoid vising your house). Different strokes for different folks, that's all. Let's all breathe out. Your kid can play with other kids whose parents also own guns, or whose parents don't ask about this.

By refusing to acknowledge that some people may have their guns stored in a completely safe manner, you are no longer about protecting your kids. You're saying you refuse to be friends with someone who owns a gun. The irony is the people who say stuff like this seem to be the ones who pride themselves on being open-minded, yet that's the exactly opposite of what they're doing in this case. I get the safety issue, I do, and you have every right (and obligation) to protect your children. But when they are in no danger of coming into contact with a gun at someone's house, that's no longer what you're doing.

If there's a gun in your house, then there is ALWAYS a CHANCE of my child coming into contact with it. Because it's there. Please let parents know so they can make an informed decision before they drop their kids off at your house. You don't get to assume that risk for other people.

You're not making an informed decision. You're making a judgmental one. Because you want to stand on your platform and act like you care about your kids more than someone who has guns safely stored in their house. Please tell me how your child is going to come into contact with a gun that is locked in a safe? Because parents who own guns aren't extra careful about locking them up when they get back from the range? Your child is more likely to be burned by scalding liquid because you ran to the bathroom while you had something on the stove or run over by your car because you were too busy talking to someone to see that they were behind you than they are to be shot by a gun that is kept locked up in a safe. I am not advocating for not asking, and I am definitely not advocating for completely safe gun ownership, but you are saying there's no such thing as a safe way to store a gun and it makes you ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people that think it's none of anyone's business. There are thousands of accidental gun deaths per year because parents don't keep their guns locked up. It's a legit concern and completely valid question to ask if you are sending your child over to a friend's house, especially if you don't know the parents that well.

We keep our weapons locked up. There will be no accidental deaths. If, God forbid, one of our guns ever causes a death, it will be intentional, that I can assure you.

Therefore, it's none of your business what we have LOCKED UP.

Why are you so sure that you and your spouse are perfect?

We're certainly not perfect. But our weapons are locked in a safe.

How often do you take them out? You don't take them to a range?

I’m not the PP, but another gun owner. We take them to the range. To do so, we unlock the door, unlock the safe, unlock trigger locks, and load ammo. The guns get put in a designated carrier to the range. After they are fired, back in the bag, back home, trigger locks, safe, locked door. It’s not like you lose track of guns, wtf?

What if there's an emergency in your house or in the neighborhood during unlocking, transport, or locking and you get distracted?
People lose track of guns all the time. Follow TSA on instagram.

Are you trying to say there are never accidents with guns in this country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I always ask. And no, I would not let my child go to a home that has firearms.

I would rather be uncomfortable and impolite than have a dead child. Simple as that.

So you wouldn't even care how they store their guns? Just if they have one then you won't let them go there?

Some people are like that and it's OK. Maybe they are pacifists, maybe they have trust issues. Maybe it's a cultural values thing - if you have guns (even though they are secured), then they don't want to have social interactions with you and it applies to kids.
It's a free country, people can decide what's best for them (and hey, if you have the right to own a gun, then I (and by extension my child) certainly have the right to avoid vising your house). Different strokes for different folks, that's all. Let's all breathe out. Your kid can play with other kids whose parents also own guns, or whose parents don't ask about this.

By refusing to acknowledge that some people may have their guns stored in a completely safe manner, you are no longer about protecting your kids. You're saying you refuse to be friends with someone who owns a gun. The irony is the people who say stuff like this seem to be the ones who pride themselves on being open-minded, yet that's the exactly opposite of what they're doing in this case. I get the safety issue, I do, and you have every right (and obligation) to protect your children. But when they are in no danger of coming into contact with a gun at someone's house, that's no longer what you're doing.

If there's a gun in your house, then there is ALWAYS a CHANCE of my child coming into contact with it. Because it's there. Please let parents know so they can make an informed decision before they drop their kids off at your house. You don't get to assume that risk for other people.

You're not making an informed decision. You're making a judgmental one. Because you want to stand on your platform and act like you care about your kids more than someone who has guns safely stored in their house. Please tell me how your child is going to come into contact with a gun that is locked in a safe? Because parents who own guns aren't extra careful about locking them up when they get back from the range? Your child is more likely to be burned by scalding liquid because you ran to the bathroom while you had something on the stove or run over by your car because you were too busy talking to someone to see that they were behind you than they are to be shot by a gun that is kept locked up in a safe. I am not advocating for not asking, and I am definitely not advocating for completely safe gun ownership, but you are saying there's no such thing as a safe way to store a gun and it makes you ridiculous.

Freudian slip?

Yes, there are best practices for storing guns, but a house with a gun is still less safe than a house without. Training and intelligence and safes make the numbers better, but the fact remains.

-np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people that think it's none of anyone's business. There are thousands of accidental gun deaths per year because parents don't keep their guns locked up. It's a legit concern and completely valid question to ask if you are sending your child over to a friend's house, especially if you don't know the parents that well.

We keep our weapons locked up. There will be no accidental deaths. If, God forbid, one of our guns ever causes a death, it will be intentional, that I can assure you.

Therefore, it's none of your business what we have LOCKED UP.

Why are you so sure that you and your spouse are perfect?

We're certainly not perfect. But our weapons are locked in a safe.

How often do you take them out? You don't take them to a range?

I’m not the PP, but another gun owner. We take them to the range. To do so, we unlock the door, unlock the safe, unlock trigger locks, and load ammo. The guns get put in a designated carrier to the range. After they are fired, back in the bag, back home, trigger locks, safe, locked door. It’s not like you lose track of guns, wtf?

What if there's an emergency in your house or in the neighborhood during unlocking, transport, or locking and you get distracted?
People lose track of guns all the time. Follow TSA on instagram.

Are you trying to say there are never accidents with guns in this country?

Then I’d stuff them back in the safe or simply run out because the room’s door locks automatically. What kind of emergency is going to happen during transport to the gun range that would put my friends’ kids at risk?? In any case, during transport, they are still locked and not fireable.

[Anonymous]

You bet I ask about guns. I also ask about kitchen knives, staircases, swimming pools, tall trees nearby that could fall on the house, flagpoles (they can attract lightning), and whether they have working carbon monoxide and fire alarms. I get their driving records too. It’s my business to protect my child! Although strangely DD doesn’t have very many playdates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You bet I ask about guns. I also ask about kitchen knives, staircases, swimming pools, tall trees nearby that could fall on the house, flagpoles (they can attract lightning), and whether they have working carbon monoxide and fire alarms. I get their driving records too. It’s my business to protect my child! Although strangely DD doesn’t have very many playdates.

I do think more mundane things like not having furniture or the TV anchored are the biggest risks. Your average gun owner in NOVA is careful and educated, not the stereotypically “gun noting redneck” people seem to think all gun owners must be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I always ask. And no, I would not let my child go to a home that has firearms.

I would rather be uncomfortable and impolite than have a dead child. Simple as that.

So you wouldn't even care how they store their guns? Just if they have one then you won't let them go there?

Some people are like that and it's OK. Maybe they are pacifists, maybe they have trust issues. Maybe it's a cultural values thing - if you have guns (even though they are secured), then they don't want to have social interactions with you and it applies to kids.
It's a free country, people can decide what's best for them (and hey, if you have the right to own a gun, then I (and by extension my child) certainly have the right to avoid vising your house). Different strokes for different folks, that's all. Let's all breathe out. Your kid can play with other kids whose parents also own guns, or whose parents don't ask about this.

That's certainly true. And it's equally true that gun owners are not required to disclose their possession.

Do you are exercising your right but denying me the right to make my choice? How Trumpy of you.

You can make your choice. But you're not entitled to everyone's private information as a basis to make that choice.

Then say to my face when I ask: "This is a private matter that we don't discuss outside family". Bam!
You don't have to lie in my face, freaking hypocrite who is all about choice as long as others get none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I always ask. And no, I would not let my child go to a home that has firearms.

I would rather be uncomfortable and impolite than have a dead child. Simple as that.

So you wouldn't even care how they store their guns? Just if they have one then you won't let them go there?

Some people are like that and it's OK. Maybe they are pacifists, maybe they have trust issues. Maybe it's a cultural values thing - if you have guns (even though they are secured), then they don't want to have social interactions with you and it applies to kids.
It's a free country, people can decide what's best for them (and hey, if you have the right to own a gun, then I (and by extension my child) certainly have the right to avoid vising your house). Different strokes for different folks, that's all. Let's all breathe out. Your kid can play with other kids whose parents also own guns, or whose parents don't ask about this.

By refusing to acknowledge that some people may have their guns stored in a completely safe manner, you are no longer about protecting your kids. You're saying you refuse to be friends with someone who owns a gun. The irony is the people who say stuff like this seem to be the ones who pride themselves on being open-minded, yet that's the exactly opposite of what they're doing in this case. I get the safety issue, I do, and you have every right (and obligation) to protect your children. But when they are in no danger of coming into contact with a gun at someone's house, that's no longer what you're doing.

If there's a gun in your house, then there is ALWAYS a CHANCE of my child coming into contact with it. Because it's there. Please let parents know so they can make an informed decision before they drop their kids off at your house. You don't get to assume that risk for other people.

You're not making an informed decision. You're making a judgmental one. Because you want to stand on your platform and act like you care about your kids more than someone who has guns safely stored in their house. Please tell me how your child is going to come into contact with a gun that is locked in a safe? Because parents who own guns aren't extra careful about locking them up when they get back from the range? Your child is more likely to be burned by scalding liquid because you ran to the bathroom while you had something on the stove or run over by your car because you were too busy talking to someone to see that they were behind you than they are to be shot by a gun that is kept locked up in a safe. I am not advocating for not asking, and I am definitely not advocating for completely safe gun ownership, but you are saying there's no such thing as a safe way to store a gun and it makes you ridiculous.

So it's ok for you to stand on your platform, but not ok for someone else to stand on theirs? Maybe it's judgmental, but you exactly as judgmental by telling lies about it because you're afraid what I might think about the platform that I stand on. It's your insecurities, which seem in no way to have been compensated by owning a firearm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You bet I ask about guns. I also ask about kitchen knives, staircases, swimming pools, tall trees nearby that could fall on the house, flagpoles (they can attract lightning), and whether they have working carbon monoxide and fire alarms. I get their driving records too. It’s my business to protect my child! Although strangely DD doesn’t have very many playdates.

I do think more mundane things like not having furniture or the TV anchored are the biggest risks. Your average gun owner in NOVA is careful and educated, not the stereotypically “gun noting redneck” people seem to think all gun owners must be.

Well you’re not exactly a member of the inteligensia. Look at the data - oh wait I know - you are all exceptions to the rule. http://www.bradycampaign.org/risks-of-having-a-gun-in-the-home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I always ask. And no, I would not let my child go to a home that has firearms.

I would rather be uncomfortable and impolite than have a dead child. Simple as that.

So you wouldn't even care how they store their guns? Just if they have one then you won't let them go there?

Some people are like that and it's OK. Maybe they are pacifists, maybe they have trust issues. Maybe it's a cultural values thing - if you have guns (even though they are secured), then they don't want to have social interactions with you and it applies to kids.
It's a free country, people can decide what's best for them (and hey, if you have the right to own a gun, then I (and by extension my child) certainly have the right to avoid vising your house). Different strokes for different folks, that's all. Let's all breathe out. Your kid can play with other kids whose parents also own guns, or whose parents don't ask about this.

That's certainly true. And it's equally true that gun owners are not required to disclose their possession.

Do you are exercising your right but denying me the right to make my choice? How Trumpy of you.

You can make your choice. But you're not entitled to everyone's private information as a basis to make that choice.

Then say to my face when I ask: "This is a private matter that we don't discuss outside family". Bam!
You don't have to lie in my face, freaking hypocrite who is all about choice as long as others get none.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the gun owners, if I expressed concern over guns, might you also be worried that it's because my kid is curious/shows interest in guns? (my actual kids are 1 and 3, so not an issue now). My nephew is 8 and a curious kid, and I think that if I owned guns I would want to know that the kid might be vaguely interested, and I would want to be aware to ensure the kid doesn't go hunting for them...

My boyfriend has a gun. Our bedroom and bathroom are the only things on the very top floor of the house. The gun is in his closet. The kids know they are never to bring friends up to that level of the house. They know they are to tell us if they can not control their friends and need adult intervention.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I wouldn't expect someone who had guns in the house to be responsible about locking them up. Almost all of those people assume that nothing will happen - that's the reason they allow guns in the house. They ASSUME they're safely locked up and that their kids don't have the combo or can't access the key, they ASSUME the kids know never to go into the room that has the guns and ASSUME their kids are good kids who don't disobey the parents, they ASSUME their kids aren't the type of kids to try to impress other kids, assume their husband could never ever get distracted by something important and forget or not be able to secure the weapon after using it or maintaining it and therefore leaving it accessible to the kids JUST THIS ONCE, etc. And then they're a statistic and say on the news "but I never ever thought it could actually happen to US!"

So I feel like it's a bit of a pointless exercise asking them anything. It would be pretty rare for any parent of a younger child to say "yeah, we have a gun and the kids can easily access it but they know not to, so don't worry".

They will always lie and/or assure you that there's NO WAY the kids could POSSIBLY access them.

Personally, I just don't let my kids go somewhere unless I know the parents pretty well. I'm the type of person who talks about important stuff and doesn't just make small talk fluff all day, and I can usually trust the reading I get from people. Accidents can always happen of course, but I do what I can to minimize risks of not just gun casualties but other things that I'm concerned about too.

Every single person I know who has guns does have them stored in a completely safe manner. And many PPs who have posted on here state the same. None of those people are relying on assumptions to keep their own children safe. They're relying on the precautions they have taken to store their guns so that children cannot access them. Your sweeping generalizations make you look like more of an idiot than the people posting about how people knowing they have guns is a safety issue.

Even this very thread (on a forum that is heavily skewed towards highly educated, high SES people) has examples of people who are indeed relying on assumptions to keep their own children and those of others safe.

Your sweeping generalizations make you look like an idiot. Maybe you could learn to read and think before you post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I always ask. And no, I would not let my child go to a home that has firearms.

I would rather be uncomfortable and impolite than have a dead child. Simple as that.

So you wouldn't even care how they store their guns? Just if they have one then you won't let them go there?

Some people are like that and it's OK. Maybe they are pacifists, maybe they have trust issues. Maybe it's a cultural values thing - if you have guns (even though they are secured), then they don't want to have social interactions with you and it applies to kids.
It's a free country, people can decide what's best for them (and hey, if you have the right to own a gun, then I (and by extension my child) certainly have the right to avoid vising your house). Different strokes for different folks, that's all. Let's all breathe out. Your kid can play with other kids whose parents also own guns, or whose parents don't ask about this.

By refusing to acknowledge that some people may have their guns stored in a completely safe manner, you are no longer about protecting your kids. You're saying you refuse to be friends with someone who owns a gun. The irony is the people who say stuff like this seem to be the ones who pride themselves on being open-minded, yet that's the exactly opposite of what they're doing in this case. I get the safety issue, I do, and you have every right (and obligation) to protect your children. But when they are in no danger of coming into contact with a gun at someone's house, that's no longer what you're doing.

If there's a gun in your house, then there is ALWAYS a CHANCE of my child coming into contact with it. Because it's there. Please let parents know so they can make an informed decision before they drop their kids off at your house. You don't get to assume that risk for other people.

You're not making an informed decision. You're making a judgmental one. Because you want to stand on your platform and act like you care about your kids more than someone who has guns safely stored in their house. Please tell me how your child is going to come into contact with a gun that is locked in a safe? Because parents who own guns aren't extra careful about locking them up when they get back from the range? Your child is more likely to be burned by scalding liquid because you ran to the bathroom while you had something on the stove or run over by your car because you were too busy talking to someone to see that they were behind you than they are to be shot by a gun that is kept locked up in a safe. I am not advocating for not asking, and I am definitely not advocating for completely safe gun ownership, but you are saying there's no such thing as a safe way to store a gun and it makes you ridiculous.

So it's ok for you to stand on your platform, but not ok for someone else to stand on theirs? Maybe it's judgmental, but you exactly as judgmental by telling lies about it because you're afraid what I might think about the platform that I stand on. It's your insecurities, which seem in no way to have been compensated by owning a firearm.

No, I never said I would lie about owning a gun. That is unreasonable and unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the gun owners, if I expressed concern over guns, might you also be worried that it's because my kid is curious/shows interest in guns? (my actual kids are 1 and 3, so not an issue now). My nephew is 8 and a curious kid, and I think that if I owned guns I would want to know that the kid might be vaguely interested, and I would want to be aware to ensure the kid doesn't go hunting for them...

My boyfriend has a gun. Our bedroom and bathroom are the only things on the very top floor of the house. The gun is in his closet. The kids know they are never to bring friends up to that level of the house. They know they are to tell us if they can not control their friends and need adult intervention.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I wouldn't expect someone who had guns in the house to be responsible about locking them up. Almost all of those people assume that nothing will happen - that's the reason they allow guns in the house. They ASSUME they're safely locked up and that their kids don't have the combo or can't access the key, they ASSUME the kids know never to go into the room that has the guns and ASSUME their kids are good kids who don't disobey the parents, they ASSUME their kids aren't the type of kids to try to impress other kids, assume their husband could never ever get distracted by something important and forget or not be able to secure the weapon after using it or maintaining it and therefore leaving it accessible to the kids JUST THIS ONCE, etc. And then they're a statistic and say on the news "but I never ever thought it could actually happen to US!"

So I feel like it's a bit of a pointless exercise asking them anything. It would be pretty rare for any parent of a younger child to say "yeah, we have a gun and the kids can easily access it but they know not to, so don't worry".

They will always lie and/or assure you that there's NO WAY the kids could POSSIBLY access them.

Personally, I just don't let my kids go somewhere unless I know the parents pretty well. I'm the type of person who talks about important stuff and doesn't just make small talk fluff all day, and I can usually trust the reading I get from people. Accidents can always happen of course, but I do what I can to minimize risks of not just gun casualties but other things that I'm concerned about too.

Every single person I know who has guns does have them stored in a completely safe manner. And many PPs who have posted on here state the same. None of those people are relying on assumptions to keep their own children safe. They're relying on the precautions they have taken to store their guns so that children cannot access them. Your sweeping generalizations make you look like more of an idiot than the people posting about how people knowing they have guns is a safety issue.

Even this very thread (on a forum that is heavily skewed towards highly educated, high SES people) has examples of people who are indeed relying on assumptions to keep their own children and those of others safe.

Your sweeping generalizations make you look like an idiot. Maybe you could learn to read and think before you post.

Why don't you work on your reading comprehension? I didn't make a sweeping generalization. I spoke about the people I know and a few of the PPs who had posted on here what their situation. You're the one who said "almost all of the people who own guns." Better luck next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is clearly not a NW DC discussion.

Eh, you’d be surprised. We’re in NW DC, are both lawyers at progressive nonprofit organizations, drive old foreign cars, listen to NPR, are vegetarian, and we have guns. I don’t think most people would suspect that about us.