Do you consider redshirting cheating?

[Anonymous]

No, I don't care, though I side eye the moms who are all "my brilliant child is booored." Yeah, because he should be a grade ahead, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS turns 5 on September 27th and in our state, any kid who turns 5 by September 30th is eligible to go to Kindergarten. His preschool teachers have me advising us to redshirt him though. However, I feel like this would be morally wrong. I feel like redshirting him would would be cheating and giving an unfair advantage over his classmates. In our family, playing by the rules is heavily valued. Even though I know he will probably do better if we wait a year, I'd much rather he learn the value of hard work and fair play. In general, I would a lot better if he did okay in school, playing by the rules, than if he excelled in school by cheating. I also don't want criticism from other parents for gaming the system.

You know he will do better in a year.... so wait.

I understand the problem. I have a young for grade boy, very small.... like not even on the weight charts. We were told to send him on time. We stressed about it, but sent him. Academically, he is in the advanced program. But, maturity-wise and somewhat socially, he would have been better off waiting a year. For his confidence in things like sports and team-work/sportsmanship, he would have been better waiting a year. It was a no-win situation b/c holding him back would have made the academic part even more painful for him. Now, I also have a freind with a kid who is a week younger than my kid BUT, he is quite mature and physically is WAY above the charts. I think he weighs at least 50 lbs more than my stringbean... probably more than that. He is also in adv. classes (in a different school system) and he is doing very well. He actually plays with older kids in sports teams. So, the physical aspect is NOT about trying to game the system (sorry for the pun)... it's not about trying to be a sports star with an unfair advantage. For my shrimpy kid, it's about trying to fit in at recess and socially -- b/c boys are alot about sports.

This is not about learning the value of "hard work and fair play" -- you need to get that crap out of your head. This is about doing what is right for your child where he/she is right now. Your kids are at the very very youngest of the entire grade. Unless you and your husband are sizable people and consider yourselves more mature than other people of the same age, I would seriously advise you to wait. If your preschool teachers (who have the benefit of seeing lots of kids interacting) say that your kid would benefit from waiting, you should take that advice seriously. Now, if they are just saying that old trope about "give the gift of time..." to everybody who has a summer/early fall bday, then dismiss their advice. But, if they are looking specifically at your kid's skills and emotional development, and suggesting waiting, I would really encourage you to set aside your "in theory" beliefs and parent the child you actually have --- the child who is developing at a perfectly normal rate for someone born in Sept.

It is a tough decision. But, there are advantages to holding back (as there are also cons to holding back). My kid is doing fine, but if I had to do it again... I would struggle with the decision... but I might just hold him back. When the academic, physical and emotional development are not all at the same level, it is really tough. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I'm a shrimpy adult. 110 lbs dripping wet. When I visit my 2nd grade kid I'm way bigger than his classmates (well, all but one) but I top out at 5th grade. That seems to be the year when they are the same size as me.

Should I still be in 5th grade? A year would have made me older, but still the shortest kid in my class in elementary. I do not in any way understand redshirting because of height or weight. It seems so crazy to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a shrimpy adult. 110 lbs dripping wet. When I visit my 2nd grade kid I'm way bigger than his classmates (well, all but one) but I top out at 5th grade. That seems to be the year when they are the same size as me.

Should I still be in 5th grade? A year would have made me older, but still the shortest kid in my class in elementary. I do not in any way understand redshirting because of height or weight. It seems so crazy to me.

I don't understand it either. And when people ask, "My child is small, should I delay kindergarten for a year?", I say no. That still doesn't mean that delaying kindergarten for a year -- WHICH THE RULES SPECIFICALLY PROVIDE FOR -- is cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first grader has asked me why some kids in his class turn 7 at the same time as the kids in the older grade. What am I supposed to tell him? His mom thinks he’s shy?

The other kids are noticing.

"They started kindergarten a year later."

And if your kid asks why, you say, "Because that's what their parents decided."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If redshirting is cheating, what about tutors? Afterall, not all families can afford them for their kid. Also, how about therapy. Not everyone gets that or can afford it. Seriously, when you are giving your child what they need to succeed in this world and it doesn't violate the rules, which red shirting does not in many places, then it's not cheating. What a crazy idea that you would withhold something that benefits your child just because everyone else doesn't do it.

What about private school?! Talk about cheating...

Trust funder here , we do public and they go on time. Frankly if they, with two educated parents and world travel and hugely varied experiences aren't "mature" enough for K, I've failed. Ironically its just such kids who are routinely redshirted.

Why isn't having a trust fund to pass on cheating? That seems far more impactful than whatever kindergarten start year your kid has.

The idea of a parent with a trust fund who is passing that trust fund on criticizing other parents for "cheating" because they redshirted is beyond laughable. My god, the privilege, it blinds.

I can't pass on mine as I'm not dead yet. They have their own, so I can't not pass it on, its not mine.

But you're right, I cheated to get into my moms womb instead of your moms. Yep.

I had no more choice in who I was born to than your kids had choice in their birthdate. Neither one of us cheated by being born. It would only be cheating in my mind if I pretended I made millions. I didn't, it was a gift, just like all of you parents giving your child the "gift" of another year. If you don't like my circumstances, make sure you don't save a lot so that you die with nothing to pass on. Otherwise your kids would be cheaters, too.

LOL. You are so tone deaf and clueless. Maybe work on that? Poor kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My first grader has asked me why some kids in his class turn 7 at the same time as the kids in the older grade. What am I supposed to tell him? His mom thinks he’s shy?

The other kids are noticing.

I've actually noticed the opposite. My kids (4th and 5th grade) and their friends look up to the older (redshirted) kids. They wish they were the oldest kids.

My younger kid asks if they are dumb (not using those words). He thinks they aren't as smart and doesn't look up to them.

You need to teach your child some manners. Work on that.

My child has great manners but reality is something is off if kids are held back a year, especially when they are summer birthday kids.

Not necessarily PP. My son is among the oldest in his class and it gives him an advantage over being the youngest. Call redshirting cheating or whatever you want. I could care less. As all parents do in some shape and form, I do what is best for my children so that they can have as pleasant and successful experiences as possible. It is called parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a shrimpy adult. 110 lbs dripping wet. When I visit my 2nd grade kid I'm way bigger than his classmates (well, all but one) but I top out at 5th grade. That seems to be the year when they are the same size as me.

Should I still be in 5th grade? A year would have made me older, but still the shortest kid in my class in elementary. I do not in any way understand redshirting because of height or weight. It seems so crazy to me.

I don't understand it either. And when people ask, "My child is small, should I delay kindergarten for a year?", I say no. That still doesn't mean that delaying kindergarten for a year -- WHICH THE RULES SPECIFICALLY PROVIDE FOR -- is cheating.

Okay, sure. The word Cheating seems to be where we disagree. We could call it dumb? Shortsighted (no pun intended)? Illogical? But not cheating. Thats fine. Why a parent ties a Childs intellectual capacity to their height is dumb. We've seen parents do it throughout this thread and every other one on the subject. This is where my belief that parents should not be in charge of this decision. If children have a medical or social issue they should be getting treatment, not having their playing field tilted downhill for them.

Make a date. Let parents on either side of the date by a month do whatever they want. If your kid has issues so severe that they ought to delay 20% of their life to start school, get them treatment, not more preschool. Thats all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If redshirting is cheating, what about tutors? Afterall, not all families can afford them for their kid. Also, how about therapy. Not everyone gets that or can afford it. Seriously, when you are giving your child what they need to succeed in this world and it doesn't violate the rules, which red shirting does not in many places, then it's not cheating. What a crazy idea that you would withhold something that benefits your child just because everyone else doesn't do it.

What about private school?! Talk about cheating...

Trust funder here , we do public and they go on time. Frankly if they, with two educated parents and world travel and hugely varied experiences aren't "mature" enough for K, I've failed. Ironically its just such kids who are routinely redshirted.

Why isn't having a trust fund to pass on cheating? That seems far more impactful than whatever kindergarten start year your kid has.

The idea of a parent with a trust fund who is passing that trust fund on criticizing other parents for "cheating" because they redshirted is beyond laughable. My god, the privilege, it blinds.

I can't pass on mine as I'm not dead yet. They have their own, so I can't not pass it on, its not mine.

But you're right, I cheated to get into my moms womb instead of your moms. Yep.

I had no more choice in who I was born to than your kids had choice in their birthdate. Neither one of us cheated by being born. It would only be cheating in my mind if I pretended I made millions. I didn't, it was a gift, just like all of you parents giving your child the "gift" of another year. If you don't like my circumstances, make sure you don't save a lot so that you die with nothing to pass on. Otherwise your kids would be cheaters, too.

LOL. You are so tone deaf and clueless. Maybe work on that? Poor kids!

Do you have anything of value to add? Literally a single thing?

And thank you for your pity. More rich kids need it!

[Anonymous]

You’re criticizing someone who admitted that their kids were born on third base and who is trying to mitigate that by not then further increasing the wealth divide by proving extra time to “mature” or elite private schools.

That’s weird?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My first grader has asked me why some kids in his class turn 7 at the same time as the kids in the older grade. What am I supposed to tell him? His mom thinks he’s shy?

The other kids are noticing.

I've actually noticed the opposite. My kids (4th and 5th grade) and their friends look up to the older (redshirted) kids. They wish they were the oldest kids.

My younger kid asks if they are dumb (not using those words). He thinks they aren't as smart and doesn't look up to them.

You need to teach your child some manners. Work on that.

My child has great manners but reality is something is off if kids are held back a year, especially when they are summer birthday kids.

I see where your children get their appalling manners from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If redshirting is cheating, what about tutors? Afterall, not all families can afford them for their kid. Also, how about therapy. Not everyone gets that or can afford it. Seriously, when you are giving your child what they need to succeed in this world and it doesn't violate the rules, which red shirting does not in many places, then it's not cheating. What a crazy idea that you would withhold something that benefits your child just because everyone else doesn't do it.

What about private school?! Talk about cheating...

Trust funder here , we do public and they go on time. Frankly if they, with two educated parents and world travel and hugely varied experiences aren't "mature" enough for K, I've failed. Ironically its just such kids who are routinely redshirted.

Why isn't having a trust fund to pass on cheating? That seems far more impactful than whatever kindergarten start year your kid has.

The idea of a parent with a trust fund who is passing that trust fund on criticizing other parents for "cheating" because they redshirted is beyond laughable. My god, the privilege, it blinds.

NP - what are you talking about? You make zero sense. It's not PP's choice to have a trust fund. It's pure luck.

The jealousy, it blinds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My first grader has asked me why some kids in his class turn 7 at the same time as the kids in the older grade. What am I supposed to tell him? His mom thinks he’s shy?

The other kids are noticing.

I've actually noticed the opposite. My kids (4th and 5th grade) and their friends look up to the older (redshirted) kids. They wish they were the oldest kids.

My younger kid asks if they are dumb (not using those words). He thinks they aren't as smart and doesn't look up to them.

You need to teach your child some manners. Work on that.

My child has great manners but reality is something is off if kids are held back a year, especially when they are summer birthday kids.

Not necessarily PP. My son is among the oldest in his class and it gives him an advantage over being the youngest. Call redshirting cheating or whatever you want. I could care less. As all parents do in some shape and form, I do what is best for my children so that they can have as pleasant and successful experiences as possible. It is called parenting.

What advantage is that? My son is the youngest (not among, the absolute youngest) and I don't see the advantage. We held him back in K and it was bad. He wasn't challenged at school and he was acting younger playing with younger kids. You are making a false "maturity" as your kid isn't any more mature but just appears that way among younger kids. We found our kid acted older and was more independent wanting to keep up with the older kids vs. being the oldest/example. If your child is smart, they will be fine no matter what you do. If your kid isn't the brightest, holding back isn't going to help and they will struggle without the right supports in place. You just want things to come easy. That is fine but life isn't easy and most people have a lifetime of struggles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re criticizing someone who admitted that their kids were born on third base and who is trying to mitigate that by not then further increasing the wealth divide by proving extra time to “mature” or elite private schools.

That’s weird?

Sending some kids to the elite privates does benefit them but reality is that most of those kids don't fair any better or worse than public school kids. Our neighbors went to Sidwell and they ended up at the same colleges we did with similar majors. Everyone is doing "well" but in less you come from a power family or can make it on your own, then those schools are mainly for bragging rights for the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If redshirting is cheating, what about tutors? Afterall, not all families can afford them for their kid. Also, how about therapy. Not everyone gets that or can afford it. Seriously, when you are giving your child what they need to succeed in this world and it doesn't violate the rules, which red shirting does not in many places, then it's not cheating. What a crazy idea that you would withhold something that benefits your child just because everyone else doesn't do it.

What about private school?! Talk about cheating...

Trust funder here , we do public and they go on time. Frankly if they, with two educated parents and world travel and hugely varied experiences aren't "mature" enough for K, I've failed. Ironically its just such kids who are routinely redshirted.

Why isn't having a trust fund to pass on cheating? That seems far more impactful than whatever kindergarten start year your kid has.

The idea of a parent with a trust fund who is passing that trust fund on criticizing other parents for "cheating" because they redshirted is beyond laughable. My god, the privilege, it blinds.

I can't pass on mine as I'm not dead yet. They have their own, so I can't not pass it on, its not mine.

But you're right, I cheated to get into my moms womb instead of your moms. Yep.

I had no more choice in who I was born to than your kids had choice in their birthdate. Neither one of us cheated by being born. It would only be cheating in my mind if I pretended I made millions. I didn't, it was a gift, just like all of you parents giving your child the "gift" of another year. If you don't like my circumstances, make sure you don't save a lot so that you die with nothing to pass on. Otherwise your kids would be cheaters, too.

LOL. You are so tone deaf and clueless. Maybe work on that? Poor kids!

DP. I know. This lady is insufferable and just keeps digging herself in further. "Born with it," as if that means she can't control her trust fund and it's just this wealth that she has to live with. Ridiculous. She really should be donating her entire trust fund to even the playing field, if she were anything other than an enormous hypocrite. I suspect her trust fund could pay for the college educations of multiple disadvantaged children.

That having been said, she's pretty much fits right in with the cohort of the anti-redshirt contingent on DCUM. Hypocrites, all of them.