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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DS turns 5 on September 27th and in our state, any kid who turns 5 by September 30th is eligible to go to Kindergarten. His preschool teachers have me advising us to redshirt him though. However, I feel like this would be morally wrong. I feel like redshirting him would would be cheating and giving an unfair advantage over his classmates. In our family, playing by the rules is heavily valued.[b] Even though I know he will probably do better if we wait a year[/b], I'd much rather he learn the value of hard work and fair play. In general, I would a lot better if he did okay in school, playing by the rules, than if he excelled in school by cheating. I also don't want criticism from other parents for gaming the system.[/quote]

You know he will do better in a year.... so wait.

I understand the problem.  I have a young for grade boy, very small.... like not even on the weight charts.  We were told to send him on time.  We stressed about it, but sent him.  Academically, he is in the advanced program.  But, maturity-wise and somewhat socially, he would have been better off waiting a year.  For his confidence in things like sports and team-work/sportsmanship, he would have been better waiting a year.  It was a no-win situation b/c holding him back would have made the academic part even more painful for him.  Now, I also have a freind with a kid who is a week younger than my kid BUT, he is quite mature and physically is WAY above the charts.  I think he weighs at least 50 lbs more than my stringbean... probably more than that.  He is also in adv. classes (in a different school system) and he is doing very well.  He actually plays with older kids in sports teams.  So, the physical aspect is NOT about trying to game the system (sorry for the pun)... it's not about trying to be a sports star with an unfair advantage.  For my shrimpy kid, it's about trying to fit in at recess and socially -- b/c boys are alot about sports.

This is not about learning the value of "hard work and fair play" -- you need to get that crap out of your head.  This is about doing what is right for your child where he/she is right now.  Your kids are at the very very youngest of the entire grade.  Unless you and your husband are sizable people and consider yourselves more mature than other people of the same age, I would seriously advise you to wait.  If your preschool teachers (who have the benefit of seeing lots of kids interacting) say that your kid would benefit from waiting, you should take that advice seriously.  Now, if they are just saying that old trope about "give the gift of time..." to everybody who has a summer/early fall bday, then dismiss their advice.  But, if they are looking specifically at your kid's skills and emotional development, and suggesting waiting, I would really encourage you to set aside your "in theory" beliefs and parent the child you actually have --- the child who is developing at a perfectly normal rate for someone born in Sept.

It is a tough decision.  But, there are advantages to holding back (as there are also cons to holding back).  My kid is doing fine, but if I had to do it again... I would struggle with the decision... but I might just hold him back.  When the academic, physical and emotional development are not all at the same level, it is really tough.  Good luck.[/quote]

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