What is the primary problem in your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a 36 year old child that cannot solve the simplest problems by himself or expects everything to be done for him while praising how smart and funny he is at the same time.

Did you marry a mommas boy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like the other PP, I'd say the biggest problem is no love language.

See 17:51

[Anonymous]

My husband never ever voices anything resembling an insight into his emotions. He can repeat "i love you" but there is nothing else whatsoever. He shares nothing of his inner life, if he has ine.

[Anonymous]

My husband doesn't want me (physically).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex life, there is none. My wife has pretty much stopped having sex with me and when we do it sucks because I am unattractive to her. I am starting to think that she has some real negative associations with sex with men like me to whom she is not attracted. Won't let me give oral, only likes sex in one position, has to be a regimented approach to it. I have asked her about it but she says that its "just the way she is with you". In retrospect it was always kind of like that after the first few months off good, hot sex, but I thought it was just kind of a random thing not at all associated with me degenerating into a boring beta provider......until I found this forum looking for daycare options for my kids We are good parents and roomates but at this point I don't really think of her like my wife. Any conversation around sex escalates into her crying and saying she is a bad wife because she cannot force herself to be attracted to a boring unattractive man. I am one time away from saying yep, you are. FYI we have three children under 3 so yes, I am a very involved husband in rearing and housework simply becuase there is no choice, but her behavior pre-dated the kids so that's not it. Otherwise its a great marriage.

FIFY

Your problem: she is not attracted to you
Your solution: be more attractive

OP here. Thanks for this. I don't think I have changed a lot has since our marriage, maybe my wife does? Sure life is more boring becuase we have three kids but the sex dropped off before kids. I get this advice as it is the most prevalent on here, and probably true, but I guess its tough becuase I don't feel I have really changed all that much since we were dating and had good, hot sex. Our life circumstance has for sure, but I have not. Flame away

Ignore the trolls, OP.

The reality is a lot of women have responsive sexual desire that fades away in a long term marriage. Take a look at how frequently lesbians have sex after year of marriage and you will get the point.

The worst thing you could do is take her low desire personally as these anonymous posters encourage you to. It happened to me in my marriage and it took an affair to realize the problem was DW, not me.

Who exactly is looking at this and how?
My lesbian friends speak positively about sex all the time. They say that the real sexual sparks started when they left their marriages to guys and found a female partner.

Google "lesbian bed death"
It's really a thing
It speaks to the natural sex drive of women as being quite low, and without a man around to actively pursue sex, the lesbian partners just drift into permanent friend zone.

[Anonymous]

ddintysons wrote:

As a wife who never, ever gets more than a quickie from her husband, I can tell you it's not a satisfying sex life, and yes, I am tempted to stray.

Never? No, oral or manual love first? And, by "quickie" you mean he has an orgasm and you do not?

Yes, yes and yes. Totally sucks.

[Anonymous]

My husband is very direct and has a problem pretending to be interested in things if he actually isn't. He's an engineer and is like this with everyone, not just me, but I find it really frustrating at times. But I've come to accept it because he has many other good qualities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband never ever voices anything resembling an insight into his emotions. He can repeat "i love you" but there is nothing else whatsoever. He shares nothing of his inner life, if he has ine.

I have the same husband !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is very direct and has a problem pretending to be interested in things if he actually isn't. He's an engineer and is like this with everyone, not just me, but I find it really frustrating at times. But I've come to accept it because he has many other good qualities.

Maybe try being more interesting, rather than asking him to be better at faking interest in your topics of choice?

[Anonymous]

He sucks. He'd probably say the same about me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband never ever voices anything resembling an insight into his emotions. He can repeat "i love you" but there is nothing else whatsoever. He shares nothing of his inner life, if he has ine.

I have the same husband !

I haven't ever gotten the sense that women are terribly interested in hearing about the emotional inner life of their romantic partners. By and large, they seem turned off by men who share their emotions. Emotionally distant tough guys are sexier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the default parent and it is exhausting. My DH acknowledges this, but I really think he has absolutely no idea how much I do.

this

[Anonymous]

He is not intellectually stimulating. He is a loner and I am an extrovert. Is not a conversationalist, doesnt read or follow the news. His leisure time at home is video games and TV...mostly sports. He isn't interested in dates...even watching a movie together is like pulling teeth and we never want to watch the same thing and he doesn't see the point in going out to eat. I am exhausted doing it all at home...excluding the lawn/yard work/trash. I'm tired of being the primary breadwinner and paying for 97% of everything in a household with 3 kids while he struggles to contribute an amount which barely covers utilities, his personal portions of the cell phone/car insurance/cable, his cars, credit debt which is primarily from fast food/carryout/cash advances and maybe a few hundred beyond that towards the mortgage and expenses of three kids. I am pretty much carrying us all financially on my own and resent it. With little to no ambition to grow career or income which has been stagnant or even decreased. Not a fan of the regular weed habit. We are still physically attracted to each other...but sex is at maybe 3-4 times a year now. I feel neglected in all other aspects of what I would expect in a normal relationship conversation, companionship and non-sexual affection so I am not really feeling enamored enough for sex. When we do it is good sex....I just need more. You can't ignore every other aspect of the relationship and then come to me wanting to get it on when you have barely spoken to me in weeks and can't find even one hour a week to make time together a priority. So those are the primary problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My H's work hours. He doesn't get home until bedtime most days so that means I am doing 100% of all afternoon/evening activities, including: pick up, dinner, homework, sports practices, music lessons, showers and bedtime. And yes, I also work full time. I f*cking hate it.

ditto mine gets home after they are asslep most nights

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lose my temper too easily.

My wife cannot apologize and admit wrong.

this, he cannever apologize and admit he was wrong ever, which makes it hard to overcome disagreements so they fester