Do you sometimes wish you were widowed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty twisted, but I can understand why some people would want this - you're the center of attention, everyone bends over backwards for you and pities you, etc. It's the ultimate martyr. And it allows OP's relationship to end without having the messiness of a divorce or shame/guilt that OP's marriage is a "failure."

Still, it's egregious.

You need to look up the word martyr. People who are widowed aren't martyrs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it matters whether it's disrespectful or not, but I really don't think it's normal to daydream about this. If even a small part of you wants your husband dead you should not be married anymore.

I'd really like to know how long you've been married. More than 15 years?

NP here. 30+ years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, fleeting thoughts and daydreams are not "disgusting" or "shameful." OP has not hired a hitman. She is not fantasizing about what it actually means to be a widow, the sorrow, the heartache, the despair, the piles of paperwork.

OP is asking, in essence, have you ever fantasized in bad times about suddenly being free, no questions asked, without any effort on your part, and no trauma. And I think everyone has. So stop condemning her.

No trauma? WTF. Come back when you're a widow and post if you think this is fine.

+1 There's some very twisted thinking that's been exposed on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty twisted, but I can understand why some people would want this - you're the center of attention, everyone bends over backwards for you and pities you, etc. It's the ultimate martyr. And it allows OP's relationship to end without having the messiness of a divorce or shame/guilt that OP's marriage is a "failure."

Still, it's egregious.

ULTIMATE martyr?? Hardly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it matters whether it's disrespectful or not, but I really don't think it's normal to daydream about this. If even a small part of you wants your husband dead you should not be married anymore.

Clearly, it is normal. Doesn't mean you have a good marriage, but based on the nmber of people here who said they have had a little daydream abou it, it is normal

I would never extrapolate from the DCUM population about what is normal. Some sick f*cks on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it matters whether it's disrespectful or not, but I really don't think it's normal to daydream about this. If even a small part of you wants your husband dead you should not be married anymore.

I concur. Talk about a red flag!

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me sad. Lost DH when our child was a newborn. It's the most painful thing I've ever experienced. It's also VERY hard explaining to a small child where daddy is when everyone else has a dad. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Imagine a child who never knew their dad, crying real tears over him...it's heartbreaking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad. Lost DH when our child was a newborn. It's the most painful thing I've ever experienced. It's also VERY hard explaining to a small child where daddy is when everyone else has a dad. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Imagine a child who never knew their dad, crying real tears over him...it's heartbreaking!

Hugs, PP.

[Anonymous]

I had thoughts when my husband was out of the country for work for three months (not military). I sometimes would think how it would be easier to say I was a widow than divorced and how I would go about my life without him in it. That's when I realized I really wanted out of my marriage.

[Anonymous]

I also think in this thread of thinking, we are not talking about women who really love and treasure their spouses and would miss them and truly grieve them if they died. It's more the women who want to not be married and think it's easier to be a widow than a divorcee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also think in this thread of thinking, we are not talking about women who really love and treasure their spouses and would miss them and truly grieve them if they died. It's more the women who want to not be married and think it's easier to be a widow than a divorcee.

Yes. My H and I don't want the same things out of life any more. I don't wish him harm in any way, but unlike the women here who can't imagine being without their spouses, I get very little help day to day from him. I'm the main breadwinner, yet still do the bulk of the kid and domestic stuff, and my life just wouldn't change that much. He and I are not emotionally close at this point.

[Anonymous]

This is really sad... I would never wish this on anyone. I sometimes wish I could discover my DH is having another affair (he's had multiple years ago) then I'd have an easy out. Instead he's trying to make things work, but my heart is not 100% committed anymore. However, I would never want to see him harmed.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, yes. When my husband snapped at me that I was stupid in the middle of a parent teacher conference for our 6 year old son, after yelling at a school crossing guard who asked him not to cross against the light on our way in, I wished he were dead.

[Anonymous]

I don't see how being divorced is worse than being widowed. Is it about splitting the money v. having all of it? LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how being divorced is worse than being widowed. Is it about splitting the money v. having all of it? LOL

For me, it's about having all of the kid.