Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....

[Anonymous]

Maybe they should to the wedding vows: "for fatter or thinner", or in OP's case, "for within the weight gain or loss of 5 to 10lbs only barring medical issues".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the guy is throwing away food so his wife won't eat it, then they have some serious problems that have nothing to do with who weighs how much. That sounds like abusive and controlling behavior to me. What an unpleasant place to have to live -- with people like that. What a horrible environment in which to raise a child.

Don't forget - he's weighing her, too! She was on track and losing but then started gaining again and is almost back up to pregnancy weight.

When did he throw her food away? Or weigh her? You're being weird.

I am not the PP you are responding to, but the OP had a very clear idea of his wife's weight pre- and postpartum. Which seems a bit odd to me.

That doesn't mean he weighed her. It doesn't mean he told her to weigh herself. It doesn't even mean he asked her how much she weighs. She could have shared the numbers. I know I did with DH. He knew how much I weighed prepregnancy. So if I weighed myself and said I was still 30 lbs up from before the baby, he could use thinking and figure it out.

He also knows his wife's soft serve habit. Doesn't mean he follows her or hired a private investigator to track her food consumption.

Because of the amount of work op does with the baby and around the house (notice I didn't say help-it's his responsibility too), the fact that he's not complaining about his wife's food choices or that she's still gaining weight to her, and the fact that she was 150 lbs at 5'1, I'm not reading this guy as a control freak who wants her to be skinny. I think he has valid concerns, he vented a little here, and he heard from other women about how hard it can be to lose weight while breastfeeding. He agreed that's probably the issue and backed off. He took helpful suggestions to heart. What more can he do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the guy is throwing away food so his wife won't eat it, then they have some serious problems that have nothing to do with who weighs how much. That sounds like abusive and controlling behavior to me. What an unpleasant place to have to live -- with people like that. What a horrible environment in which to raise a child.

Don't forget - he's weighing her, too! She was on track and losing but then started gaining again and is almost back up to pregnancy weight.

When did he throw her food away? Or weigh her? You're being weird.

I am not the PP you are responding to, but the OP had a very clear idea of his wife's weight pre- and postpartum. Which seems a bit odd to me.

That doesn't mean he weighed her. It doesn't mean he told her to weigh herself. It doesn't even mean he asked her how much she weighs. She could have shared the numbers. I know I did with DH. He knew how much I weighed prepregnancy. So if I weighed myself and said I was still 30 lbs up from before the baby, he could use thinking and figure it out.

He also knows his wife's soft serve habit. Doesn't mean he follows her or hired a private investigator to track her food consumption.

Because of the amount of work op does with the baby and around the house (notice I didn't say help-it's his responsibility too), the fact that he's not complaining about his wife's food choices or that she's still gaining weight to her, and the fact that she was 150 lbs at 5'1, I'm not reading this guy as a control freak who wants her to be skinny. I think he has valid concerns, he vented a little here, and he heard from other women about how hard it can be to lose weight while breastfeeding. He agreed that's probably the issue and backed off. He took helpful suggestions to heart. What more can he do?

He must refrain from noticing weight ever, at all, because it makes the women who read about his noticing project their issues all over this thread.

[Anonymous]

This is not a guarantee but statistically speaking she'll wind up overweight. If she wasn't thin before having a child, the combination of having children, the increased stress, the reduced time, and advancing age will likely win out. Your job is to love her in spite of this.

[Anonymous]

Woman here.

Diabetes isn't fun. I know this because in spite of being a 5'7" 138-lb 30 mile/ week runner I have type two thanks to being dealt a shitty genetic hand.

I couldn't avoid it. Middle age, a lot of stress, and the damn genes = 126 three-month average. So now I'm even more fresking virtuous than before and I have to take meds. Forever.

Your wife is eating her way into diabetes and heart disease. She's doing this herself. Kid is sleeping through the night. Breastfeeding requires 300 calories per day. Being hungry isn't a death sentence. Morbid obesity is a death sentence, and she is within spitting distance of morbid obesity (10 pounds away).

This isn't judgy or shallow. This is physiology.

Ladies who are giving her time, you are not doing her or her kids any favors. I'm sure they would rather have mommy around for many decades.

OP, you said that this was about attraction and I hear you. Like you I'm very fitness oriented and the lack of interest in health would be unattractive to me too. However right now she's a ticking time bomb. The upside is that you can talk to her about health and not seem shallow. Which you're not.

[Anonymous]

On average breastfeeding requires 300-500 calories a day. I ate way more than that (I'm guessing an extra 1k) and was a beanpole, just couldn't keep weight on. My clothes were falling off me.

Dropping the word "physiology" ever 5 seconds as if we're all the same is seriously annoying to me. Why does one woman get a gut when she overheats while I gain it all in my butt? Why do some women get bigger boobs post pregnancy while I'm down a cup size? "Physiology" doesn't mean we all work the same way. We are all super complex.

[Anonymous]

I have not read all the comments, so its possible that this has already been mentioned....it is a MYTH that breast feeding helps ALL women to loose pregnancy weight!! I am one of these women and I have a couple of friends that are also the same way. Breast feeding for someone can actually make you gain weight and hold it. If this is the case for her, she of course is still going to be overweight 5 months PP. Please give her some more time, especially if she is still BF YOUR child. Also, keep in mind that HUGE hormone fluctuations that happen especially in the first year after giving birth. Hormones effect everyone differently, but one of the side effects can be weight gain. It can also change how your body processes fats and holds them. It may turn out that she will have a harder time loosing weight now, verses before she had a baby.

[Anonymous]

Why do women think that eating is good for depression? it's not a good idea. Sounds like people need to teach women that eating is a bad idea and to do something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous



This is not a guarantee but statistically speaking she'll wind up overweight. If she wasn't thin before having a child, the combination of having children, the increased stress, the reduced time, and advancing age will likely win out. Your job is to love her in spite of this.

Yes it just so hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her height and weight? before and after?

5'1" - 150
" " - 185

And what is your expectation? To get to 150?

Well, that is overweight so OP has valid concerns. But I would give her time to lose weight since its only been 5 months. I had twins and it took me a while to get back to pre pregnancy weight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On average breastfeeding requires 300-500 calories a day. I ate way more than that (I'm guessing an extra 1k) and was a beanpole, just couldn't keep weight on. My clothes were falling off me.

Dropping the word "physiology" ever 5 seconds as if we're all the same is seriously annoying to me. Why does one woman get a gut when she overheats while I gain it all in my butt? Why do some women get bigger boobs post pregnancy while I'm down a cup size? "Physiology" doesn't mean we all work the same way. We are all super complex.

My guess is that the other woman is 'overeating' healthy food and you're binging on junk food, processed foods, and carbs.

Yes our bodies are all different, but none of us can escape the consequences of a bad diet.

[Anonymous]

It's remarkable that so many PPs seem to believe there is a correlation between pregnancy and obesity.

Now what about all the people who aren't pregnant (including men) who are obese?

[Anonymous]

As we can all agree, women are responsible for what they do with their own bodies. All this alibing for a grossly obese woman who isn't mature enough to take care of herself properly is ridiculous.

She is completely in the wrong and no one should have any sympathy for her.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not a guarantee but statistically speaking she'll wind up overweight. If she wasn't thin before having a child, the combination of having children, the increased stress, the reduced time, and advancing age will likely win out. Your job is to love her in spite of this.

You left out the most important factors: "Her lack of personal responsibility and immaturity."