Has anyone on here found their spouse on the Ashley Madison list?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes and a new fake email address I didn't know about. I confronted him and got the password for AM (he had wiped his account) and then I used the same password to get into his email. I found the mother load there. At least 8 different accounts at various hookup sites, starting from about a year ago. Also an email referring to a pay as you go cell account for a phone I didn't know about.
We have a 2.5 yr old and I'm 3 months pregnant. He's going to have to find a place to stay after he comes by to visit his daughter tonight. I don't want to be near him.

I am sure you are going to take him back. Then why all this drama with kicking him out?

PP don't listen to all the horrible "advice" others are giving you - they are most likely cheaters themselves who want to calm the frenzy down out of fear for their own situations.

You have every right to kick him out, and you should know that whatever lying and cheating he did, he is unlikely to truly curb it. Do what you feel you must (stay or go), but don't believe he's "changed" or "will change". If you let him back in, assume you're basically accepting that he's going to cheat again. Because he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ridiculous to divorce a man who is a good husband and father, over cheating. You'll likely just end up with another cheater anyway because most men just aren't built for monogamy. Better to keep your family intact for the sake of your children. Monogamy is not natural or easy for most men.

I'd love to see everyone who says this in the future when any daughters are dating a guy who is cheating on them. Will that be your advice for your daughter, "Stay with him cuz if you leave the next guy will probably be a cheater too?" I seriously doubt that.

There are definitely men out there who do not cheat. And a lot fewer men who do cheat would if they were clear that women wouldn't put up with that shit and would kick them to the curb (or move out) immediately.

People like PP here are just trying to make excuses and rationalize something that is still toxic and unacceptable. I feel sorry for your daughters PP if that's what your advice to them will be when they grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ridiculous to divorce a man who is a good husband and father, over cheating. You'll likely just end up with another cheater anyway because most men just aren't built for monogamy. Better to keep your family intact for the sake of your children. Monogamy is not natural or easy for most men.

So just accept the cheating, then. Why get married if that's the case? Why "pretend" to be in a committed relationship, or think you're in a monogamous relationship?

FWIW I haven't even looked at the list.

[Anonymous]

To the pregnant mom: Take your time, don't let on your plans, consider whether you want him around for the birth , etc but in the end I think it would be impossible for you to continue to raise kuds in a healthy respectful relationship with someone who is do fundamentally messed up. I dated someone like this. It was a true illness. Like you, I forgave the first time but it happened again, and when I got the email
Passwords it was discovering the tip of a vast and very ugly iceberg. Multiple accounts, women, messages, etc. He didn't necessarily seem to be meeting with many (but he was not extremely attractive ) but the lies, my god, and all the time and energy spent on all of it . I believe for him it was a form of emotional illness, a deep lack in his sense of self and others that would never go away or get better. He talked a good talk, even finding lots of self aware language to account for his behavior, but he couldn't change.i did not have kids with him, so I can't speak in your shoes but wanted to empathize and share my experience, which was someone that messed up (setting up new accounts an hour after being busted!!!!!!!) will never ever change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can see all of the information on your spouse at Trustify - they will give you all of the information you need on conversations your spouse had, how much they spent, their profile etc. www.trustify.info/check

DO NOT USE TRUSTIFY TO CHECK FOR PEOPLE WHO MAY HAVE BEEN ON AM. The company is using that site as a tool to coerce people to sign up for their service, which is basically an online marketplace for hiring private investigators:

http://www.troyhunt.com/2015/08/ashley-madison-search-sites-like.html

At the best, if you search for an e-mail, Trustify will send a message to that e-mail account saying that someone was searching for them on the AM database. So at best, you'll be alerting your DH or DW that you suspect him/her of infidelity. (Or your co-worker, or friend's spouse, etc.)

There are other sites out there where you can find info.

This is true. Trustify will send an email to the address that gets a positive hit for AM. DH got the email but knew I was checking. It was more for fun. Boy was I shocked.

Only if you get a hit, right? I checked my husband and myself...not because I suspected either of us has cheated (I know I haven't and I was 100% sure he hadn't either) but because I wanted to see if anyone was using our email addresses. Neither of us had a hit or got an email- I told him I'd done it so no surprise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes and a new fake email address I didn't know about. I confronted him and got the password for AM (he had wiped his account) and then I used the same password to get into his email. I found the mother load there. At least 8 different accounts at various hookup sites, starting from about a year ago. Also an email referring to a pay as you go cell account for a phone I didn't know about.
We have a 2.5 yr old and I'm 3 months pregnant. He's going to have to find a place to stay after he comes by to visit his daughter tonight. I don't want to be near him.

I'm so so sorry. Hugs. My first husband was a filthy dog. Married to a wonderful man now. Transfer all $$ into your name only. Hoard cash & try to live off of joint credit cards. Discreetly liquidate anything of his that's valuable. Get a lawyer but keep meetings & phone calls short and focused.

Thank you. Luckily I'm ok financially and actually have way more cash than he does. The only joint acct we have is for paying the mortgage and household expenses. I have my own savings. I'm only worried about how this may affect my daughter and future child. It sounds funny to say but other than this he is a great father and husband (of course this overshadows any of the good he's done as a father). The lies don't stop.

Did you have children when you left?

It doesn't sound funny to say. Most of the men and women who cheat are good parents. The reason we use Hitler and Mother Theresa as examples is because they are true extremes of evil and good. Most of us are human and fall in the middle, we succeed and fail at times. Your husband failed at monogamy. He is human and he sounds like a genuinely good man. You can decide if this is a deal breaker or not, and no one would blame you if this was. But don't let the torch bearers egg you on. You may be able to get past this and resume your life with this man who is a known great father and husband.

Good luck, you have tough decisions, along with 37 million other married couples.

FYI, mother Teresa was pretty awful. Described the suffering of the poor as beautiful, refused to cure curable diseases, etc. The fact she's considered the epitome of good is surprising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ridiculous to divorce a man who is a good husband and father, over cheating. You'll likely just end up with another cheater anyway because most men just aren't built for monogamy. Better to keep your family intact for the sake of your children. Monogamy is not natural or easy for most men.

Absolutely agree. No relationship is perfect and people make mistakes. There is a huge difference between LOVE and SEX and if the "good" in your relationship outweighs the "bad", you need to reevaluate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ridiculous to divorce a man who is a good husband and father, over cheating. You'll likely just end up with another cheater anyway because most men just aren't built for monogamy. Better to keep your family intact for the sake of your children. Monogamy is not natural or easy for most men.

Easy for you to say when you are not in this poster's shoes.

Of course it's easy for the poster to say. We can sit back and look at the situation without emotion. But what he said is true. If every marriage were to end where a man screwed up on a monogamous committment - be it a ONS, a massage parlor, an indiscretion at a bachelor party, a flirty night with a co-worker gone too far, full blown affair - the vast majority of marriages would end. Including most of the posters on the board who are encouraging divorce. Your husbands have likely screwed up too.

I am not justifying it (and I was not on Ashley Madison, thank the lord) but I did screw up in the early years of my marriage. That was 14 years ago, my DW never found out, I would never do it again, and we have built a fantastic life together. She would tell you our marriage is perfect and I feel similarly (and for all I know she has had an indiscretion too).

Pp, count on it bud, your DW cheated on you and hopefully it was delish. Women can sense when DH goes astray.

PP here, I actually kind of hope she had that experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ridiculous to divorce a man who is a good husband and father, over cheating. You'll likely just end up with another cheater anyway because most men just aren't built for monogamy. Better to keep your family intact for the sake of your children. Monogamy is not natural or easy for most men.

Pp whom you're addressing. I get what you're saying. But how can I let him touch me again and still keep any shred of dignity? I already forgave him a slip up 3 yrs ago. In this most recent incident I went through his secret email account and he was on many many websites (AM, POF, Cougarlife messaging 52 yr old women and he's 36 etc etc.) and it goes back over a year. I also got into all of those accounts and he was messaging local women exchanging pictures and trying to set up meetings. He's got a problem. He's a very very good looking man who would have no problems picking up women IRL. Who knows what he's up to on top of all the online stuff? A little real life flirtation now and then can be exciting and add some spice to a marriage. But to see the messages to countless women (most of whom frankly can't hold a candle to me) is just gross.
If I decide to keep my family intact you can bet I'll be out there as well lucky for him im pregnant right now or maybe I'd be out there.

By the way within an hour of knowing he was busted he was setting up new secret email and fb accounts. He doesn't know I have the password for those too. Sucker. It'll be fun watching the action from the sidelines and seeing what he's up to. The whole time he'll be swearing up and down that he's learnt his lesson.

I am of the mindset that a fling, if remorseful, can be forgiven in the context of an otherwise good marriage. But your situation is really unfortunate. Sounds like you married a compulsive cheater. My honest advice to you if you decide to stay is to just accept he is going to continue cheating, so open the marriage and have it all on the table. Or accept he will cheat behind your back. I don't think it's realistic to expect this tiger to change his spots.

[Anonymous]

Of course, you should let fiances/wives/girlfriends know if you found their partner on the site. Why wouldn't you?Wouldn't you want to know? Or would you rather the whole world knew and you were the last to know. I would want to know.
Even if the trying-to-cheat spouse never got anywhere with their account, I know from personal experience, husbands who want to cheat, will keep trying till they find someone willing. Early counseling and testing for STDs can save a marriage/relationship than brushing it under the rug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course, you should let fiances/wives/girlfriends know if you found their partner on the site. Why wouldn't you?Wouldn't you want to know? Or would you rather the whole world knew and you were the last to know. I would want to know.
Even if the trying-to-cheat spouse never got anywhere with their account, I know from personal experience, husbands who want to cheat, will keep trying till they find someone willing. Early counseling and testing for STDs can save a marriage/relationship than brushing it under the rug.

My DW and I have an explicit understanding that if one of us cheats, the other doesn't want to know. We have a great marriage, happy home, a great team. I wouldn't divorce her if she screwed up and she feels the same, but I would be very hurt if I found out she cheated. So I would be irate if some busy-body "friend" decided it was their holier-than-thou mission to rub my nose in some fling my wife had. I imagine others feel similarly, even if we are in the minority.

[Anonymous]

My spouse is on there, but I knew about it. he has my permission to get some strange every once in a while, as long as he tells me about it, and as long as it is not a romantic relationship.

However, now we are BOTH pretty embarrassed...no, horrified actually, knowing that many of our friends have probably seen his name on there. God, I'm just hoping no one says anything to me about it, I'll just die!

[Anonymous]

When my now husband was my boyfriend, he told me he'd created an AM account before we started dating. NBD.

[Anonymous]

I have read this subject line before and I am not sure why the following just occurred to me but it did.

No, I didn't find her on Ashley Madison but I did come home and find her on another man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have read this subject line before and I am not sure why the following just occurred to me but it did.

No, I didn't find her on Ashley Madison but I did come home and find her on another man.

lol! sorry dude!