Am I wrong for having an affair with a married man?

[Anonymous]

^^^guilt, not guild.....

[Anonymous]

The fact that you even asked tells me that you KNOW it is wrong.
And, it tells me that you are an insecure person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a married man who has cheated with a married woman. Once you get past the guild of it, everything else falls into place. If your spouse doesn't have the same sex drive as you, but everything else about your lives together mesh, then it's a matter of personal opinion if it's right or not.

What kind of stupid thinking is that??? So if it's good for you and it's good for me then what determines whether it's "right or not" is "personal opinion"???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a married man who has cheated with a married woman. Once you get past the guild of it, everything else falls into place. If your spouse doesn't have the same sex drive as you, but everything else about your lives together mesh, then it's a matter of personal opinion if it's right or not.

What kind of stupid thinking is that??? So if it's good for you and it's good for me then what determines whether it's "right or not" is "personal opinion"???

The pp is simply trying to rationalize his unfaithfulness.
I am betting he, too, KNOWS it is wrong, but won’t admit it to himself.
His vows meant nothing to him.

[Anonymous]

After three years, if he hasn't left his wife yet then it is likely he never will. Or at least anytime soon.

If you like the status quo and are being completely honest here about liking it, then I see no need to change your ways.

Theoretically, I could tell you that what you are doing is wrong and unethical. But you do not owe his wife anything, he is the one who does.

Besides, even if he did divorce his wife and marry you, you will be the one cheated on in a few years.

I say have fun and enjoy the time you have. However if you desire a future relationship with this guy, it is a no-go.

Do not sell yourself short, if you want permanent companionship for life, you need to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I have to say I am really shocked by all the responses saying I'm wrong. I just don't see it that way. I haven't taken any vows or made any promises to anyone. His wife's feelings are not my concern. I don't think she knows about us, since we are secretive. I don't care if he leaves his wife or not. It's probably better for me if he doesn't leave her, because that gives me some independence and free time.

However, since I asked for opinions, I'm going to give it some thought.

Generally, if you have to say that someone's feeling are not your concern, you are doing something wrong.

This is the most insightful thing in this whole (troll-inspired) thread. It has broad application to all walks of life. PP, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Why does everyone assume the OW wants their AP to leave his wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a married man who has cheated with a married woman. Once you get past the guild of it, everything else falls into place. If your spouse doesn't have the same sex drive as you, but everything else about your lives together mesh, then it's a matter of personal opinion if it's right or not.

What kind of stupid thinking is that??? So if it's good for you and it's good for me then what determines whether it's "right or not" is "personal opinion"???

I think I'm going to murder puppies today. In my personal opinion, it's right! Yay for me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases, the husband would be cheating with someone. It's not like one woman declining his offer is going to change his mind.

Sleeping with someone else's husband isn't something I thought I'd ever do. Once the line was crossed, I realized it's not as bad as I thought. We have amazing sex and a friendship, but that's about it. We don't want to marry each other. We don't want to cause any trouble in the other one's life. We get together a few times per year and have sex.

I'm certain it would be someone else if it wasn't me. We both understand what we have, and what we don't have. The risk is very low and the sex is off the charts.

That's an astonishingly cowardly comment. You could apply this twisted logic to all sorts of things. "Gee, if I'm not to one who (insert any shitty action here) then someone else will, so what's the difference?"

The difference is you can choose not to do shitty things. If you choose the low road then at least accept who you are without the lame rationalizations.

[Anonymous]

I tell my young girls that just because someone lets you do something, doesn't mean it's right. People might let you hit them, kiss them, yell at them, touch them, hurt them, but YOU have to think: "Hmmm, is it REALLY the RIGHT thing to do?"

And I tell them that adults know this, and kids are just learning this. Which is why adults HAVE TO THINK, "HMMM, IS IT REALLY THE RIGHT THING TO DO" even if someone else says it's ok.

I'd say you're stuck somewhere around 5 years old, OP, in your ethical development. The husband says it's ok. But it's not. He's a lying liar who lies. And you're aiding and abeting him in the worst way.

As a friend, acquaintance, or colleague, I would question your compassionate and ethical worldview.

You sound very selfish and silly.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone agrees or thinks the same way. Obviously, that's why we all have so many choices to make in life. Now, just imagine how boring life would be without choices. I'm glad that we can pick whatever color car we want. I'm also glad that everyone is free to date / marry / or have sex with whatever color of person that they want! Too many people trying to dictate too many rules to too many people. What works for these two may not work for you or the majority of the people on this forum. That's the beauty of living in Merica! Why do you suppose that there are so many people trying to live here? Freedom to do as you wish is awesome. It's even better if you don't get caught!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases, the husband would be cheating with someone. It's not like one woman declining his offer is going to change his mind.

Sleeping with someone else's husband isn't something I thought I'd ever do. Once the line was crossed, I realized it's not as bad as I thought. We have amazing sex and a friendship, but that's about it. We don't want to marry each other. We don't want to cause any trouble in the other one's life. We get together a few times per year and have sex.

I'm certain it would be someone else if it wasn't me. We both understand what we have, and what we don't have. The risk is very low and the sex is off the charts.

That's an astonishingly cowardly comment. You could apply this twisted logic to all sorts of things. "Gee, if I'm not to one who (insert any shitty action here) then someone else will, so what's the difference?"

The difference is you can choose not to do shitty things. If you choose the low road then at least accept who you are without the lame rationalizations.

At this point, it's a victimless crime. We are both very careful. The odds of him getting caught are slim with me. The only way his wife would find out is if he told her. I'd feel guilty if it affected his family, but I think we've found the balance that makes that almost impossible. It works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases, the husband would be cheating with someone. It's not like one woman declining his offer is going to change his mind.

Sleeping with someone else's husband isn't something I thought I'd ever do. Once the line was crossed, I realized it's not as bad as I thought. We have amazing sex and a friendship, but that's about it. We don't want to marry each other. We don't want to cause any trouble in the other one's life. We get together a few times per year and have sex.

I'm certain it would be someone else if it wasn't me. We both understand what we have, and what we don't have. The risk is very low and the sex is off the charts.

That's an astonishingly cowardly comment. You could apply this twisted logic to all sorts of things. "Gee, if I'm not to one who (insert any shitty action here) then someone else will, so what's the difference?"

The difference is you can choose not to do shitty things. If you choose the low road then at least accept who you are without the lame rationalizations.

At this point, it's a victimless crime. We are both very careful. The odds of him getting caught are slim with me. The only way his wife would find out is if he told her. I'd feel guilty if it affected his family, but I think we've found the balance that makes that almost impossible. It works for us.

OP, why did you post this question on here? At every turn, you've defended your actions, made up your mind that you did nothing wrong. So, what was the point of this post?

Are you perhaps looking for validation? If you know in your heart you are not doing anything wrong, or questioning yourself, you would not have posted on here. But, as you have, I think you have a small part of you that knows this is wrong.

If a person steals something, and then sells it to someone else who also knows it's stolen, then that buyer is just as guilty. The man is stealing what belongs to his wife and giving it to you. As the receiver, yes, you are guilty because you know what he is giving to you is stolen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases, the husband would be cheating with someone. It's not like one woman declining his offer is going to change his mind.

Sleeping with someone else's husband isn't something I thought I'd ever do. Once the line was crossed, I realized it's not as bad as I thought. We have amazing sex and a friendship, but that's about it. We don't want to marry each other. We don't want to cause any trouble in the other one's life. We get together a few times per year and have sex.

I'm certain it would be someone else if it wasn't me. We both understand what we have, and what we don't have. The risk is very low and the sex is off the charts.

That's an astonishingly cowardly comment. You could apply this twisted logic to all sorts of things. "Gee, if I'm not to one who (insert any shitty action here) then someone else will, so what's the difference?"

The difference is you can choose not to do shitty things. If you choose the low road then at least accept who you are without the lame rationalizations.

At this point, it's a victimless crime. We are both very careful. The odds of him getting caught are slim with me. The only way his wife would find out is if he told her. I'd feel guilty if it affected his family, but I think we've found the balance that makes that almost impossible. It works for us.

OP, why did you post this question on here? At every turn, you've defended your actions, made up your mind that you did nothing wrong. So, what was the point of this post?

She's bragging (in a passive aggressive way). She wants to brag in real life but knows she can't. She wants validation that this affair is "real" and this confessional is her only outlet. It's pathetic, really.

[Anonymous]

Nah, Ho, you good.