SAHMs, do you worry about your husband leaving you?

[Anonymous]

SAHM's ain't got nothing to worry about - they're still women...they still got the most coveted commodity in the world...
(pu$$y)
If her husband leaves a woman can easily make ends meet the old fashioned way.

[Anonymous]

I don't worry as he won't leave me. If something happened I would be more than fine financially due to our assets but obviously devastated. My being a SAHM was a joint decision that we both felt strongly about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHM's ain't got nothing to worry about - they're still women...they still got the most coveted commodity in the world...
(pu$$y)
If her husband leaves a woman can easily make ends meet the old fashioned way.

You must be new here. This forum is filled with women over 40 who find it difficult to get a man to look at them.

As a man, I do appreciate that it is a hard for an over 40 SAHM woman to start over after a divorce. An older woman, with no skills beyond homemaking, and too old to rely on sexuality, really does have a challenging road ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Guess your family wasn't familiar with the concept of life insurance? Your mom probably just wanted to return to work.

And glad I'm not your wife if you always think your way is the right way.

I know multiple families dealing with disability/death and life insurance may float you for a few years, which is it's purpose. It will not care for you for the rest of your life.

Are you joking? Only if you don't know how to purchase the right amount -- life insurance is available by the millions of dollars, and some of us carry that much.

Sure you cant take out an insane amount of insurance but most people don't have that much insurance. How much do you have. So if your H is in a nursing home at $350/day, how long will it last? Most families here live off of $250/year. So 5 million will last you about 20 years, you will be 60ish if you are in your 40's. Do you have 15 million in insurance to get you to 100?

So you assume people will just out the $5m under the mattress? Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM's ain't got nothing to worry about - they're still women...they still got the most coveted commodity in the world...
(pu$$y)
If her husband leaves a woman can easily make ends meet the old fashioned way.

You must be new here. This forum is filled with women over 40 who find it difficult to get a man to look at them.

As a man, I do appreciate that it is a hard for an over 40 SAHM woman to start over after a divorce. An older woman, with no skills beyond homemaking, and too old to rely on sexuality, really does have a challenging road ahead.

And I say that with sympathy, not in some kind of gloating way.

[Anonymous]

Remember, a lot of SAHM's in the DC area would be more than fine financially if they were to be left or decided to leave.......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Guess your family wasn't familiar with the concept of life insurance? Your mom probably just wanted to return to work.

And glad I'm not your wife if you always think your way is the right way.

I know multiple families dealing with disability/death and life insurance may float you for a few years, which is it's purpose. It will not care for you for the rest of your life.

Are you joking? Only if you don't know how to purchase the right amount -- life insurance is available by the millions of dollars, and some of us carry that much.

Sure you cant take out an insane amount of insurance but most people don't have that much insurance. How much do you have. So if your H is in a nursing home at $350/day, how long will it last? Most families here live off of $250/year. So 5 million will last you about 20 years, you will be 60ish if you are in your 40's. Do you have 15 million in insurance to get you to 100?

You need to take a personal finance class. Most people invest life insurance proceeds, don't stock in a way in a zero interest checking account. Second, life insurance proceeds are not taxed, but the income of $250,000 you are using for your calculation is. . .

[Anonymous]

Its been 32 years, so no. I did worry when he made a big fortune in investments. I thought OK -- midlife crises time! So we will see how that plays out. But getting rid of me will be expensive at this point.

[Anonymous]

I'm about to give it all up soon and be a "trailing spouse". I do worry about the "what ifs" but I have a nice little nest egg of my own that should help me. I'd also fight pretty hard for 1/2 in light of giving up my career. Dh thinks it'll be easy to just get a new job every time we relocate but I'm not as optimistic in this economy, especially when I'll most likely have gaps of employment while we are located overseas. I did read that after so many years of marriage, I'm entitled to some amt of his pension as well. So yes I'm worried but I've taken steps to mitigate the devastation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its been 32 years, so no. I did worry when he made a big fortune in investments. I thought OK -- midlife crises time! So we will see how that plays out. But getting rid of me will be expensive at this point.

One day I turned around and discovered that I was old enough to retire even if I had been working ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to give it all up soon and be a "trailing spouse". I do worry about the "what ifs" but I have a nice little nest egg of my own that should help me. I'd also fight pretty hard for 1/2 in light of giving up my career. Dh thinks it'll be easy to just get a new job every time we relocate but I'm not as optimistic in this economy, especially when I'll most likely have gaps of employment while we are located overseas. I did read that after so many years of marriage, I'm entitled to some amt of his pension as well. So yes I'm worried but I've taken steps to mitigate the devastation.

50/50 is the law in Virginia, lady. Don't assume that what you've put away is "yours." You are only entitled to a percentage of the pension earned during the marriage. Sine the pension is determined from your DH's "high-three" earning years, you will get a portion of the pension based on his "high three" at the time of the divorce. If he earns more and gets a higher pension 20 years down the road, you are SOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The person who most benefits from my staying home is my DH. If I go back to work, guess who has to step in and do more? Luckily, DH appreciates my staying home, and even recognizes that it is a sacrifice for me, since I loved my former career and feel underutilized now. He considers it our money, not his, and encourages me to spend more on myself.

Do I worry now? No. We have insurance, trusts, and a nice nest egg (thanks to my careful stewardship of our finances). Would I worry if we had not planned so carefully? Yes, because you never know what the future will bring.

+1 I am pretty modest in spending. we are very comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Guess your family wasn't familiar with the concept of life insurance? Your mom probably just wanted to return to work.

And glad I'm not your wife if you always think your way is the right way.

I know multiple families dealing with disability/death and life insurance may float you for a few years, which is it's purpose. It will not care for you for the rest of your life.

Are you joking? Only if you don't know how to purchase the right amount -- life insurance is available by the millions of dollars, and some of us carry that much.

Sure you cant take out an insane amount of insurance but most people don't have that much insurance. How much do you have. So if your H is in a nursing home at $350/day, how long will it last? Most families here live off of $250/year. So 5 million will last you about 20 years, you will be 60ish if you are in your 40's. Do you have 15 million in insurance to get you to 100?

If my husband dies, I am selling the big house and leaving the area. I would move back to where I am from and have a lot of extended family support. We would live off of much less than than $250k post-tax. I would also invest the money and wouldn't withdraw more than the interest it generated if possible. If that wasn't enough, I would probably get something part-time to smooth things over, but with a paid-off house and educations funded, I don't see how I couldn't live off the interest except in really bear markets. I also would have other assets to fall back on. With $5m, I can't imagine most women would have an issue supporting themselves unless they were crazy spenders (which is a whole different set of problems).

[Anonymous]

I read book about this: statistically, most high income men have SAH wives. Once they reach a certain amount, the majority would prefer their wives to be home especially with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Thank you for mansplaining!

How about "both parents still want a parent at home after school" as a reason for someone to still stay home? It amazes me that people are so wed to a paycheck that they think everyone should work even when they don't have to.

So. Does your husband only work the exact hours he needs to survive... or is he so wedded to a paycheck that he works more hours, away from his children, raised by a single mom.

Well, he does not get paid by the hour. He works hard at a job he loves, but is not a workaholic or absentee dad, if that is what you're implying.

To the PP who brought up welfare, I was talking about second, unnecessary paychecks... being wedded to the idea that worth only comes from a paying job, even when you don't need the money.

But he could take a lower paying job that is more flexible and be home more with you and the children... if he really wanted to be with you and the children. The size of his paycheck is unnecessary and you seem wedded to the amount of money he makes so you can maintain your own lifestyle. It is not a working lifestyle but a lifestyle you have become accustom to living. I am not sure why some parents want 1 parent at home when the kids get home, wouldnt there be some value to having the father there sometime and the mother there sometimes and both sometimes.

For us, it was much easier to have 1 high paying job than 2 not so high paying jobs. Ymmv and that is fine.

So the answer is you don't worry and it is just plain easier. If shit hits the fan you will deal with it then.

Correct. I will just deal with it. I don't worry. We have lots of insurance. We have significant assets. I have my own money. I have marketable skills. I have plenty of money to go back to school and retrain if I want. I have parents and siblings who would be willing to help and who are in a position to help. I worry about a lot of things. This isn't one of them. If I was that worried, I would have continued to work.

So actually... you did worry about it and got insurance, or your H worried about it and got insurance. You have your own money, marketable skills, money to retrain and family. I think this is the answer that the OP was looking for.

Maybe I need to be more charitable in my interpretation of her question, but implying that I am a lunatic for doing it doesn't really make it seem like she wanted a real answer. Just to stir the pot.