SAHMs, do you worry about your husband leaving you?

[Anonymous]

Here is what my "busy" SAHW did all day.

Got up in the morning. Got DD ready for school. Dropped DD off at the school at 8:20. Would park car nearby. Run 3 miles to gym. Work out. Run 3 miles home. Do whatever housework needed to be done. Run 3 miles back to school to pick up car and DD.

I come home from work - no time for exercise (or allowance), DW starts to complain how hard she has it all day. She needs me to help her around the house. Excuse me? BWTF were you doing all day when I was earning the paycheck that puts food on the table and a roof over our heads. Oh, that's right, training for your 1/2 marathon, cooking the occasional dinner and throwing a load of laundry in the machine. Sorry, babe! That ain't work that holds a candle to what I do all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what my "busy" SAHW did all day.

Got up in the morning. Got DD ready for school. Dropped DD off at the school at 8:20. Would park car nearby. Run 3 miles to gym. Work out. Run 3 miles home. Do whatever housework needed to be done. Run 3 miles back to school to pick up car and DD.

I come home from work - no time for exercise (or allowance), DW starts to complain how hard she has it all day. She needs me to help her around the house. Excuse me? BWTF were you doing all day when I was earning the paycheck that puts food on the table and a roof over our heads. Oh, that's right, training for your 1/2 marathon, cooking the occasional dinner and throwing a load of laundry in the machine. Sorry, babe! That ain't work that holds a candle to what I do all day.

Damn! I always let my husband know how much I appreciate him, even though his ridiculous working hours sometimes piss me off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what my "busy" SAHW did all day.

Got up in the morning. Got DD ready for school. Dropped DD off at the school at 8:20. Would park car nearby. Run 3 miles to gym. Work out. Run 3 miles home. Do whatever housework needed to be done. Run 3 miles back to school to pick up car and DD.

I come home from work - no time for exercise (or allowance), DW starts to complain how hard she has it all day. She needs me to help her around the house. Excuse me? BWTF were you doing all day when I was earning the paycheck that puts food on the table and a roof over our heads. Oh, that's right, training for your 1/2 marathon, cooking the occasional dinner and throwing a load of laundry in the machine. Sorry, babe! That ain't work that holds a candle to what I do all day.

What do you do all day?

[Anonymous]

We both decided that I would stay home with kids and we practice natural family planning which has a 1% divorce rate for practicing couples, we pray for our marriage also so I do not worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what my "busy" SAHW did all day.

Got up in the morning. Got DD ready for school. Dropped DD off at the school at 8:20. Would park car nearby. Run 3 miles to gym. Work out. Run 3 miles home. Do whatever housework needed to be done. Run 3 miles back to school to pick up car and DD.

I come home from work - no time for exercise (or allowance), DW starts to complain how hard she has it all day. She needs me to help her around the house. Excuse me? BWTF were you doing all day when I was earning the paycheck that puts food on the table and a roof over our heads. Oh, that's right, training for your 1/2 marathon, cooking the occasional dinner and throwing a load of laundry in the machine. Sorry, babe! That ain't work that holds a candle to what I do all day.

What do you do all day?

I write memos, attend meetings, do presentations. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what my "busy" SAHW did all day.

Got up in the morning. Got DD ready for school. Dropped DD off at the school at 8:20. Would park car nearby. Run 3 miles to gym. Work out. Run 3 miles home. Do whatever housework needed to be done. Run 3 miles back to school to pick up car and DD.

I come home from work - no time for exercise (or allowance), DW starts to complain how hard she has it all day. She needs me to help her around the house. Excuse me? BWTF were you doing all day when I was earning the paycheck that puts food on the table and a roof over our heads. Oh, that's right, training for your 1/2 marathon, cooking the occasional dinner and throwing a load of laundry in the machine. Sorry, babe! That ain't work that holds a candle to what I do all day.

You're wife must look hot as hell. I would kill for a schedule like that. I run... around the house like a lunatic!! Get kids ready for school, breakfast, teeth, bathroom, book bags packed, laundry, dishes, yell at youngest to nap. When nap happens either masturbate or quickly check emails, fold laundry, iron, look for things to cook for dinner. Feed child, remove something stick off counter, remove something sticky out of youngest hair, more laundry. Pick everyone up from locations where they have been all day. Cook dinner. Yell at people to do homework. While my husband puts kids into bed either go outside and run or go to the gym...

Rinse and repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what my "busy" SAHW did all day.

Got up in the morning. Got DD ready for school. Dropped DD off at the school at 8:20. Would park car nearby. Run 3 miles to gym. Work out. Run 3 miles home. Do whatever housework needed to be done. Run 3 miles back to school to pick up car and DD.

I come home from work - no time for exercise (or allowance), DW starts to complain how hard she has it all day. She needs me to help her around the house. Excuse me? BWTF were you doing all day when I was earning the paycheck that puts food on the table and a roof over our heads. Oh, that's right, training for your 1/2 marathon, cooking the occasional dinner and throwing a load of laundry in the machine. Sorry, babe! That ain't work that holds a candle to what I do all day.

What do you do all day?

Earns the money to support her freeloading ass.

[Anonymous]

I guess to be fair, stay at home DADs should worry about the bread winner wives leaving too? Not just a questions for stay home moms only don't you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess to be fair, stay at home DADs should worry about the bread winner wives leaving too? Not just a questions for stay home moms only don't you think?

of course!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what my "busy" SAHW did all day.

Got up in the morning. Got DD ready for school. Dropped DD off at the school at 8:20. Would park car nearby. Run 3 miles to gym. Work out. Run 3 miles home. Do whatever housework needed to be done. Run 3 miles back to school to pick up car and DD.

I come home from work - no time for exercise (or allowance), DW starts to complain how hard she has it all day. She needs me to help her around the house. Excuse me? BWTF were you doing all day when I was earning the paycheck that puts food on the table and a roof over our heads. Oh, that's right, training for your 1/2 marathon, cooking the occasional dinner and throwing a load of laundry in the machine. Sorry, babe! That ain't work that holds a candle to what I do all day.

You're wife must look hot as hell. I would kill for a schedule like that. I run... around the house like a lunatic!! Get kids ready for school, breakfast, teeth, bathroom, book bags packed, laundry, dishes, yell at youngest to nap. When nap happens either masturbate or quickly check emails, fold laundry, iron, look for things to cook for dinner. Feed child, remove something stick off counter, remove something sticky out of youngest hair, more laundry. Pick everyone up from locations where they have been all day. Cook dinner. Yell at people to do homework. While my husband puts kids into bed either go outside and run or go to the gym...

Rinse and repeat.

OP.. you found 1 lunatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Thank you for mansplaining!

How about "both parents still want a parent at home after school" as a reason for someone to still stay home? It amazes me that people are so wed to a paycheck that they think everyone should work even when they don't have to.

So. Does your husband only work the exact hours he needs to survive... or is he so wedded to a paycheck that he works more hours, away from his children, raised by a single mom.

Well, he does not get paid by the hour. He works hard at a job he loves, but is not a workaholic or absentee dad, if that is what you're implying.

To the PP who brought up welfare, I was talking about second, unnecessary paychecks... being wedded to the idea that worth only comes from a paying job, even when you don't need the money.

But he could take a lower paying job that is more flexible and be home more with you and the children... if he really wanted to be with you and the children. The size of his paycheck is unnecessary and you seem wedded to the amount of money he makes so you can maintain your own lifestyle. It is not a working lifestyle but a lifestyle you have become accustom to living. I am not sure why some parents want 1 parent at home when the kids get home, wouldnt there be some value to having the father there sometime and the mother there sometimes and both sometimes.

For us, it was much easier to have 1 high paying job than 2 not so high paying jobs. Ymmv and that is fine.

So the answer is you don't worry and it is just plain easier. If shit hits the fan you will deal with it then.

Correct. I will just deal with it. I don't worry. We have lots of insurance. We have significant assets. I have my own money. I have marketable skills. I have plenty of money to go back to school and retrain if I want. I have parents and siblings who would be willing to help and who are in a position to help. I worry about a lot of things. This isn't one of them. If I was that worried, I would have continued to work.

So actually... you did worry about it and got insurance, or your H worried about it and got insurance. You have your own money, marketable skills, money to retrain and family. I think this is the answer that the OP was looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess to be fair, stay at home DADs should worry about the bread winner wives leaving too? Not just a questions for stay home moms only don't you think?

of course!

And to be fair, the working parent needs a plan if they are left with the kids and no SAHP. My H and I both have a plan if something happens, we both work, but it is no different if one of us stayed at home. The kids can't care for themselves and the laundry will not do itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Guess your family wasn't familiar with the concept of life insurance? Your mom probably just wanted to return to work.

And glad I'm not your wife if you always think your way is the right way.

I know multiple families dealing with disability/death and life insurance may float you for a few years, which is it's purpose. It will not care for you for the rest of your life.

Are you joking? Only if you don't know how to purchase the right amount -- life insurance is available by the millions of dollars, and some of us carry that much.

[Anonymous]

The person who most benefits from my staying home is my DH. If I go back to work, guess who has to step in and do more? Luckily, DH appreciates my staying home, and even recognizes that it is a sacrifice for me, since I loved my former career and feel underutilized now. He considers it our money, not his, and encourages me to spend more on myself.

Do I worry now? No. We have insurance, trusts, and a nice nest egg (thanks to my careful stewardship of our finances). Would I worry if we had not planned so carefully? Yes, because you never know what the future will bring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Guess your family wasn't familiar with the concept of life insurance? Your mom probably just wanted to return to work.

And glad I'm not your wife if you always think your way is the right way.

I know multiple families dealing with disability/death and life insurance may float you for a few years, which is it's purpose. It will not care for you for the rest of your life.

Are you joking? Only if you don't know how to purchase the right amount -- life insurance is available by the millions of dollars, and some of us carry that much.

Sure you cant take out an insane amount of insurance but most people don't have that much insurance. How much do you have. So if your H is in a nursing home at $350/day, how long will it last? Most families here live off of $250/year. So 5 million will last you about 20 years, you will be 60ish if you are in your 40's. Do you have 15 million in insurance to get you to 100?